This past week I’ve been made aware of a few instances of what I consider typical situations of alienating parental rights or authority. I began thinking of all of the different ways in which American society subtly and not so subtly allows this to happen and I realized that it is not isolated instances but rather it is becoming the norm.
This is not ok. The reason that it is not ok is because our country is increasingly finding out that our kids are in trouble. They often have relationship issues, drug/alcohol abuse issues, eating disorders, trust issues and more. Many of their role models have not been good ones; and finding good leadership for them to learn from is difficult. Teen years are challenging at best when it is natural for them to try to discover who they are and what freedoms they can enjoy.
They are in trouble in school, at home, out with their friends, in trouble with the law, they are isolated, angry, hurt, sad, frustrated, fearful and many are finding it hard to trust anyone or anything to be there for them. Yet at the same time, there is resistence or open rebellion when it comes to accepting advice or rules meant to help them, keep them safe and meant to guide or direct them. This not only creates difficulty in having a healthy, loving and respectful relationship between parent and child it also puts the child/teen at risk of being influenced by others who have no real vested interest in making sure that the child/teen is happy, healthy, productive and well-balanced in their life.
One of the situations that came to my attention was a situation in which a school in the US runs a health clinic. At the beginning of the year, a parent signed a consent form allowing the child/teen to go to the clinic if the need arose for treatment. This would have allowed that student to receive care for a headache, a physical, birth control, and a multi-tude of other services. One of those other services appears to be pregnancy counseling and get this…the facilatation of setting up and transporting the student off school grounds to receive an abortion-without informing or getting the consent of the legal parent of said student. This did in fact happen, a student was put in a taxi from my understanding of the news report and sent off to receive an abortion. Evidently by signing that generic consent form this “allowed” the high school student to receive such services. This is outrageous; it is not like that student had a hangnail removed…this student made a life altering decision; one that will impact her physically, spiritually and emotionally…without parental involvement.
That is or should be unacceptable to most families. It is as if the school assumed a superior level of authority over the parents in an area of life that should have been left up to the student, her parents, the student’s boyfriend and his parents and if they could not handle the situation then, and only then, maybe the court system.
Parental rights and parental authority are under attack in this country. We see it at every level of society from commercials on television and radio, to the internet, to entertainment such as music videos, movies, and television shows…the parents are made out to be interferring, control freaks, laughable buffoons to be made fun of, and if at all necessary someone to distance themselves from. Yet when kids get out of control behaviorally, emotionally or physically…many other venues from the schools, to law enforcement to businesses want the parents to “handle or correct” the situation with their children/teens. You can’t expect parents to be an authority figure to their kids if you are putting down, reducing the effects of parental authority/control, or are in some way ridiculing parental involvement in their kids lives.
It is hard when parents are often told how they can and cannot discipline or correct their children. The respect for parental authority is challenged in court and in the classroom. It doesn’t help when many families are broken or in fact have never formed legally in the first place. Kids get conflicting sets of rules and expectations and often in those situations are told by whatever person in authority over them at the time tears down or directly tells the child/teen that they do not have to listen to or respect the other parent’s rules or expectations if they differ from their own.
In the news also is the case of a father who took his child to church against the wishes of the mother. When the mother and father were together they agreed to raise the child in the Jewish faith. When the parents were no longer together…the father decided to go back to his Christian faith and take his child to court. Now the court says he can not expose the child to his faith. Who has more authority with the child; the mother, the father, or the court. Evidently the court does.
This is why in previous generations there were warnings about “mixed marriages” when it came to beliefs or what the old timers called being unequally yolked or joined together. It is hard to have a respectful blending of beliefs and raise children in those kind of relationships. Can it be done? It seems only if the couple agrees to expose them to differing viewpoints…because in this particular case, the court says no, the father may not take his child to his church to educate the child about his beliefs. Is this right or wrong?
I have a friend who has a special needs child who is in his 30′s who lives in an assisted living type of home. That individual developed some complications with his health years ago and almost died. The parent in that situation had to fight tooth and nail to keep authority over the medical treatment of her son. Again this past week, her parental authority was challenged.
The doctor in charge wanted to medicate her child to battle some health issues that a lifestyle change would also help to fascilitate his return to health. It looked as if the powers that be would escalate the struggle to the next level and would have even gone beyond harsh words and a pushy agenda in gaining the upper hand in who was in control over the medical decisions regarding the young man. The parent had to push to “temporarily” removed him from the environment and stressed that the same goal of reducing the health risk to her son could be achieved by changes to his diet and exercise plan on a daily basis. This is going to come down to what they can achieve and the documentation of her approach. If it doesn’t work the way that the parent knows to be true; then the facility will try to enforce their plan of medication which in his case can have an extremely dire affect upon his health because of the side effects.
All of these situations and more every day are jeparodizing the importance of the role that parents play in shaping the lives of their children. We who have children have to step up to the plate and demand that we be given the opportunity to raise our children to the best of our ability with full legal, moral, physical and spiritual authority; unless we prove that we are not capable of handling that authority. Parental authority/parental rights should only be challenged or threatened in cases of abuse/neglect/or endangerment.
What are your thoughts on this subject? Do you have an experience that you would like to share?
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You always send me to read the articles that are so fully loaded…where do I even begin? LOL.
#1: The abortion issue. This entire topic fills my heart with so much disgust from top to bottom. To think that a school would assume “medial assistance” means the ending of a beating heart. The arrogance! But really – we have a government now that praises the ending of in-womb lives…all the way to infanticide. So is it really any wonder some folks are taking airs with this? We have a TV show on MTV that wants to be sure we know – having a baby at 16 is hard work (of course it is, yes)! Perhaps some high schools are figuring that taking their kids for abortions will save them from having those teen pregnancy stat numbers. The teen was TOLD by the clinic that if she kept it a secret from her parents…the abortion would be FREE. So who paid? The school? To keep their teen preggo rate #’s down?
Hmm…
#2: The church issue. I never fully understood the “unequally yoked” statement until I married my first husband. Boy, were we ever NOT yoked. It caused so much damage. His family was always angry with me for not converting. Now – he and I actually agree on were to take our son but if we hadn’t come to that agreement…who knows. It’s a nutty world when two grown people cannot agree and a court has to choose for them. Yikes!
#3: The special needs issue. I think this is a matter of arrogance again (like the abortion issue). “We know better than you, how to raise your kid. So back off.” I think they have a word for that: socialism. Even in a mild form, that’s what socialism is all about. Telling you how to raise your kids and how the community ought to run. Why? Sheer arrogance.
Funny thing there – our family moved to a small town two years ago. We don’t have any government here. and you know what? We have almost no crime (other than someone taking my egg hunt flier at the post office, darn them! I will HUNT them down, though, don’t you worry). When there is someone in need, at least one person steps up to help – if not many. We are a small business community and most folks donate, engage in charity of some kind, help each other out, etc. Not always but usually (as long as we HEAR about the needs). When I lived in the big city we had so much government there. That took away the need for anyone to be helpful, on a personal level, you know? Why help? That’s what your tax money is for, right? Therefore, people felt safe stepping back and saying nothing.
Here – you just can’t do that. We MUST step up and speak. Without a big government telling everyone how it *should* be done…we can actually do it ourselves…and it’s ends up being more effective. I love it here.
Oh – I wrote to our school Principal and asked if by signing a medical form that meant giving the school EVERY possible right to govern over my child’s health. Including the killing of any potential grandkids I might have. Thank God he wrote back and said, “No. Not at all. We won’t even give your child a headache tablet without your written permission.” Good to know because one thing is for sure, my friend – if some school took my child to an abortion clinic and “offed” my grandchild behind my back – HEADS WOULD ROLL.
It’s a crazy, crazy world, Lorraine. Your post has just made that all the more clear. Some days, I just really want to go Home. You know what I mean? When that trumpet sounds…I’m OUTTA here
No questions asked…
Shara,
You always bring clarity, on subjects that are confusing or controversial, in your comments on social issues that impact families and the lives that they lead. I appreciate a small town life just like you and your family. Where I live, we too take care of one another when there is a need.
It is a joy to be able to look out for one another…because by doing so we stay connected in a world that tells us to look out for number one and forget about everyone else.
The world is changing and I think that standing up for our rights and lending a helping hand to our neighbors is a way of life that is becoming endangered. Parents have a right and a RESPONSIBILITY given to them by God himself to meet the needs of their children to the best of their ability and to do that with the knowledge of what is in the best interest of their child according to their own belief system; abortion is a sin to most Christians. Allowing their child to have an abortion goes against their religious beliefs…and endangers the physical, spiritual and emotional well-being of their child. I believe that no school, institution, organization, medical establishment or government should have the right to usurp a parent’s authority on these issues.
Thank you for sharing your perspective…as always, I think that by speaking out about such issues; lives can be impacted in a positive way.
I think the world would be a better place if the two of YOU would co-author a book. You could really go into detail there and you would make things happen for good! TALK ABOUT IMPACT…
Certainly Amazon will soon be sending me recommendations for my Wish List…with your title at the top, of course…
You both speak with the voice of reason! Thanks so much!
Hugs
Mother Connie
Thanks for the vote of confidence Connie…well Shara, what do you think? Should we notify Amazon that they have a best seller on their hands? After all, we have at least one confirmed buyer! LOL
You are good for our self-esteem Connie!
Sure. Why not? Most of my life I’ve either been loved…or hated. Why not just go into politics? LOL!! (No thanks) I did write a book, in fact – 14 chapters. I haven’t tried to get that published yet, though