I think everyone has those kinds of days once in a while.  Wake up and stub your toe right off the bat, or go to make breakfast and everything you reach for to make is either lacking an ingredient or doesn’t turn out.  Gotta go somewhere….well, you probably should have gotten gas last night; because, now that your vehicle is running on empty, they have raised the price of gas by 23 cents a gallon…and guess what?  You need a lot of gallons to get where you are going.  What in the world?  Did they declare it pick on you day and no one gave ya a heads up?

         Have you maybe tried to do something nice for someone and had it misunderstood?  Been accused of misdeed, or wrong doing, and you have just been minding your own business, doing what is supposed to be done?  Had your motives questioned?  Annoyed someone simply by breathing the same air as them; or, have a separate opinion on a particular subject?   Really, I mean come on people…have you thought that you, and another person such as a co-worker, were on the same page about something, only to find out that you couldn’t be more wrong?  Ayi Yi Yi!

         Did you let someone down accidently, or shown up late to something really important?  Have you not been able to give enough to another person and their expectation of you was so high, that you felt bad not meeting their expectation? 

       Don’t even get me started with communication because you might just as well know right now,  that nothing you say to anyone, on this kind of day, will be understood the way that you meant it to be understood.  People will get mad at you, they will have hurt feelings, they will look at you like you are out of your mind and not making a lick of sense, when you try to communicate with them. 

        In fact, you may even have the misfortune of carrying on a conversation with a person or two and be talking about completely different subjects without realizing it until the conversation is nearly over!  That is, if you even connect with them on the phone in the first place; because, no matter how many times you try to contact that certain person…you continue to play phone tag and keep missing one another.   Grrrrr.

          Add up the miscommunications,  irresponsible moments, un-intended power struggles, the time delays, accidents, losses,  bad luck, negative emotions and upset people and you have to wonder; how can you move past a day like this?

       Wow…been there, done that, RECENTLY.  You want to know the really cool thing about one of those, can’t do anything right days?  Here it comes…are you ready for it?  Those days eventually have to end; because the truth of the matter is…there are only 24 hours in a day and you get a do -over tomorrow.   Ahhhh…that is the best news I have had heard all day.  How about you?  Tomorrow is a new day…make it a good one, eh?

       Everyone at one time or another has felt the need for more energy.  People everywhere will indulge in a cup of coffee, tea, soda pop, or candy bar to give their energy level an occasional boost.  There are better ways to gain energy such as proper diet, rest, and exercise; but, we are all guilty of taking short cuts, at one time or another.  

          Kids need energy just like adults; but, between poor role models and a sedentary lifestyle that many young people have grown accustomed to; they are even more easily persuaded to get their energy out of a can.  Many marketing images are over the top and come across as radical, or illegal with the names of the products; which can be enticing to a teen who is open to the idea of coming across as rebellious.   Some who are easily influenced are vulnerable to the idea of an easy fix for low energy reserves.   A whole new thriving industry has emerged centered around these energy drinks, and their counter parts; anti-energy drinks, for those times when too much energy is a problem>insert sarcasm here! 

         There are several problems that I see when it comes to marketing these products to teens and children.  Adults should take care to monitor their own use of such products; because your kids will pattern their behavior after the adults in their lives.  The problem is, that kids don’t always have the maturity, or the knowledge, that they need to make wise choices in this area of life.  Creative advertising for these energy drink products has made these products sound not only benign; but, good for you.

          However, not all of these products have the same ingredients as one of their competitors products; nor do they have the same effects, on every person’s body.   There are some good products out there and some not so good products.   The idea behind energy drinks is to increase the energy level of the consumer.  This is done through a variety of ingredients; the main ones being caffeine and some form of sugar.  The levels of those two main ingredients varies from brand to brand…and, it is important to read the labels and compare the results.   You can’t assume that just because they are on the market for purchase that they are all safe to use for every person; because that may not be the case.

        The much sought after goal of gaining more energy is underscored by many consumers who believe that higher levels of caffeine is good.  In fact, it can be rather harmful.  Adding too much caffeine to a person’s body can raise blood pressure levels, put stress on the heart and it’s ability to regulate it’s rhythm; as well as other organs.  They can cause headaches and nausea.  The long term effects of this roller coaster ride can be very harmful to the body. 

        There is a huge dependence on these energy drinks in the daily diet, by many teens and preteens.  Parents may or may not be aware of their child’s use of these drinks.  It is critical that parents are made aware of the physical, social, and even the mood- altering impact, on their children, of the energy drinks; and, even the so called anti-energy drinks.  Side effects from some of the ingredients can be made worse if there are extra strains on the body such as extreme physical exertion from participating in a sport or an underlying health complication.

          Many young people are taking prescription medications for various conditions such as ADHD, ADD, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders, Autism, Depression and many other chronic medical conditions.  Mixing these drinks and the ingredients they contain with legal, and or illegal substances can harm, or even cause death for some individuals with underlying health conditions. 

          Only a doctor or pharmacist can determine whether any specific individual can safely consume these products along with the medications they are taking.  However, I don’t think that message gets communicated properly to the consumer.  Talk to your family doctor; discuss the issue with your kid’s school nurse and make sure that they are aware of  the effects of energy drinks on the health of minor’s bodies which are growing and changing at a rapid rate.

          Advertising for many of these drinks can appear to promote health because one or two of their ingredients may have positive health benefits like vitamins, minerals, or herbs.  Again, some of those ingredients can be harmful…some herbs can have stimulant or depressant properties.    Wisdom demands that you be aware of mixing any kind of substance that has the power to affect how the body operates or functions.  Care must be taken because you could be, in effect…mixing medications by drinking these drinks along with taking legal, prescription medications.   The average person or teen may not be aware that drinking  these drinks can cause a harmful interaction.

           The availability of these drinks is as easy as the nearest vending machine, convience store/gas station or grocery store.  They can be a bit pricey, generally around $3.00 a piece.   The products often appear as a can of soda in an aluminum container…sometimes they are bottled in glass.  Do you know if your child has had access to these drinks today? 

            Adults use these products as well.  However, if you are going to purchase these drinks for your teen or preteen; or, allow them to be used by your children; at least teach them to read the labels.  Teach them to understand that the numbers are often doctored by dividing the calories, sugar levels, caffiene numbers according to servings; not by listing the total amounts in the can.  The consumer has to understand that there may be MORE than one serving per can.  This makes all the difference in how the person’s body handles the drink; consuming a serving or the whole container in one sitting can be the difference between a positive or a negative after effect.

         Whether the consumer is an adult, or teen, or pre-teen; it is a good idea to communicate that too much caffeine (whether it be in coffee, tea, soda, hot chocolate energy drinks) can dehydrate the body and damage the kidneys, heart, or other organs.   Encourage them to drink plain old water to re-hydrate the body when they drink these kinds of energy or anti-energy drinks.

           As a side note, please be aware that some of the anti- energy drinks can have just as damaging effects on the body.  They are just like they sound….the opposite of energy drinks.  They have substances such as herbs and hormones in them that produce a slowing down of energy levels.  Some of them even add melatonin, a hormone that is naturally produced in the brain to promote sleep.   However, when this hormone is added into these anti-energy drinks it is not being naturally produced.  How much is too much for your or your loved one?

          Some users of these anti-energy drinks are using them to self -medicate either physical or emotional conditions.  If a person struggles with mental illness, depression or any other type of mood disorder…could these drinks cause them to experience mood swings of a harmful nature?  It would makes sense to me that it could.    There are also conflicting reports on the internet about these drinks ability to produce a positive result on drug tests.   For those individuals who are on probation or under a courts jurisdiction, this could impact them legally as well, if it is true that the drinks can affect a drug tests results. 

          I have even read that there are people who combine these drinks with alcohol.  Whenever people start using substances to alter their physical or emotional state of being you have to be careful.  These can become not only physically; but, psychologically addicting.  Teens who are wanting to “escape” painful emotional or physical situations can find themselves on a roller coaster of dependence…affecting not only their health; but, their relationships with their parents and their peers.  If they already struggle with addictive behaviors or choices…using these drinks to self-medicate can cause additional problems.

       Parents, many of you will not even be aware of this culture with your teens or their circle of influence…but, teens using these drinks is common.  If you purchase these energy drinks, or anti-energy drinks for your home…at least control how often these products are used.  But also be aware, they may be consuming them when you are not around to monitor their actions. 

        In my opinion, it is better to prohibit the use of these drinks altogether.  I don’t see the potential benefits outweighing the risks, to the health and well-being of the person drinking them.   However, if you are going to allow it…at least educate yourself about your child’s views on these drinks and how they and their friends see these products in their daily lives.  You may be shocked at what you hear.  Many young people see them as non-harmful; and use them as commonly as they drink soda pop.  Do some research for yourself.  What are your thoughts on this subject?

When a young person, no matter how troubled, crosses your path and you have the chance to positively impact their life…take it from me..you need to be bold, by doing or saying what needs to be said or done.  What you think may annoy them or offend is not as important as avoiding a potential event if that person has time to think through the things that they are doing with their life.

Not so long ago, such an opportunity came and went.  Several of us tried to touch the lives of the young men who momentarily passed through our youth group.  They had varying degrees of response to the spiritual teachings and to the adults trying to make a connection with them.  One young man was a rubber ball; oh he came back a few times…but he wasn’t there for spiritual guidance.  He appeared to be there for social reasons. 

That isn’t terribly unusual.  What is unusual is that there seemed to be little to no positive impact on his life; his heart was not about to let anyone in deep enough to touch him spiritually or emotionally.  Everything was funny to him or made him angry.  He did not respect authority nor did he appear to have a good relationship with any of the other teens in attendance, even though he went to school with them.

In fact, he seemed to flaunt his defiance and rebellion.   He instilled fear in some of the kids because of his actions and his attitude.  He threatened some, he disobeyed requests to respect bare minimum requests for appropriate behavior.  Mostly, he just put in a couple of  appearances and left the place “untouched or unchanged”.

One of the other two that came was a bit older.   This young man knew scripture and could quote it.  I had no knowledge of this person before he came to visit, the one and only time that he came to the youth group.  However, others knew of him.  He freely admitted that he was not living right (even though his family had taught him about God and living according to his guidelines).  This made me sad; yet, I was hopeful because he seemed to have a foot on both sides of the fence.  He was young, intelligent and had the capability of making the right choice.

Do not be fooled…people can’t live that way indefinitely; eventually, you must get off of the fence and make a choice on how you conduct yourself in life.   It comes down to a choice of living in a Godly way or choosing to do whatever you want regardless of the consequences.   Of course the news story has not yet been tried in court; so we do not know if what is being charged to these young people, is in fact what happened beyond a shadow of a doubt.   However, these young men that visited our youth group are now being charged with a murder.

Initially, as I said the younger man was totally defiant and the first one seemed to be trying to choose which way he was going to go.  I had hoped that he would choose the correct path.  His family I am sure was praying for the same outcome.  They both had been in trouble with the law before and were on probation, they said.  Drugs & alcohol appeared to be a part of the problem.  The older one seemed to be trying to come to terms with how he was going to go forward while on probation; while the other was mocking the system and made light of all of the wrongs they had done previously.  That never bodes well for anyone…to have an experience that is meant to teach us a lesson and to laugh in the face of it. 

While I know that everyone make mistakes; some people turn their lives around and others do not.  What makes the difference???  I don’t know, I wish that I did.   Many lives could be kept from making tragic mistakes that have huge and horrific consequences, if only someone had the answer to that question.

We always tell our teens that God is there; and he is.  He knocks and waits for a person to answer the door.  He patiently and lovingly keeps an eye on you and keeps trying to call your name so that your life is one of purpose and value.  One that is full of promise and hope.  He forgives mistakes and he wants for you to turn to him before life gets out of control; as long as the person truly is sorry for their mistakes and makes an effort to learn from it, when they ask God to forgive he does.  

Even when we make mistakes God never leaves us; he will be there when we need to pick up the tattered remains of our lives.  It is not too late for these young men (or anyone) to ask God to be the ruler of their lives.  It won’t undo the loss of  life, if they were indeed responsible for this person’s death.  However, God can make good come from any evil act or darkness in a person’s life.

Still, let’s not forget that justice will be served.  Forgiveness does not entitle anyone to be exempt from punishment.  There are c0nsequences to our actions…both good and bad.  It is hard to hear but it is a fact of life.

A life was lost and it cannot be returned.   That person’s family and friends will want justice…some will even want revenge.  Things do not have to be this way, a person’s future if you are convicted, is not one of freedom of choice.  It seems such a waste to have a whole life before you, only to throw it away; and for what reason?  A party, a moment of rebellion, a reckless decision, a fleeting moment of pleasure?  A choice that sometimes has a high price for the decision maker; care must be taken not to make choices that will waste the time we have here with our friends and family. 

 The victim had friends and family too, and they will be grieving.   Young men did you take this person’s life?  I don’t know.  But still i wonder, why didn’t you hear him when God called your name?  Or if you heard him, why didn’t you respond in a way that allowed God to be present in your daily life?  If you did, then the murder victim would still be alive, your family would not be facing a life without you in it on a daily basis, you would not be sitting in prison, when instead, you could be having a life full of all of the good things that God intended for you.

Why was your rebellion (of choosing drugs and violence) so much more important than choosing a life of right?  Why is it that the things God meant for you to hear fell away from you like water off of a ducks back?  Having rules and guidelines in life helps keep us accountable and out of situations that can destroy us.  Having parents, teachers, law enforcement, bus drivers etc who give you boundaries to follow aren’t doing it to make your life miserable; in fact, it is just the opposite, they care enough to tell you when you have crossed a line of inappropriate behavior, to help you do what is right.  It really is for your own good and the good of others.

Even though you were not a part of our youth group, on a permanent basis, I grieve that you have been accused of this murder.  I am sad that it is even a possibility that it could be true.  I am heartbroken for the victim’s friends and family.  I am horrified that the victim died a needless death full of pain, only to be discarded like something left behind that had no value.

Our world is becoming too full of these kinds of stories.   Stories filled with a lack of respect for others, violence, lack of accountability, a sense of entitlement, drugs/alcohol, low self-esteem, death, rape, anger, loneliness, sadness, abuse, lack of education, jail/prison, isolation, and so many other negative things that are harmful to our society.  There are too many lives that are destroyed by those who can’t or won’t respect authority and the rules of society; at home, in school, at church, on the streets or in any other environment.  There are too many innocent people who have to suffer from the negative choices that others make.   If we all tried to follow the rules that God set before us then there would be so much less suffering in the world.

My heart wonders if you have had time yet to wish that you had heard God when he called your name.  How many others will find themselves in situations of their own making because they have chosen to rebel and ignore the concerns of their loved ones?  How can we keep those we care about from making choices that harm themselves or others when they are living outside of God’s protection?  What can we learn from these horrible stories?

       It was said that Michael left a note saying that he planned to kill himself because of his depression.  He said it made him feel like he had no friends and didn’t fit in.   This is so tragic; he was only 18.  Michael is one of Marie and her ex-husband Brian Blonsil’s eight children.  He was adopted as well as several of the other children.  It has not been revealed to the public what sort of issues that Michael had been dealing with over the years…and maybe it should never be information for the public to know.  Those issues were private…and even though some of the Osmonds are very public people…they have a right to privacy as they grieve.

       I do know that when you are an adoptive family, you often live under a microscope.  People feel free to judge or to freely give advice on raising those children to the parents who have chosen to add them to their family.   It adds a level of interferrence in the raising of adopted children who are being grafted or blended into an existing family.  This is sometimes no easy feat; especially if the children happen to be a bit older when the adoption takes place.  I can only imagine how much more difficult the situation is when there is fame involved with the adoptive family.

        Depression is a big challenge and unless you have some personal relationship with the issue…it can be hard to understand.   However, Marie herself struggled with post partum depression after giving birth to one of her children.  It can severely affect not only the individual who struggles with it…but anyone who loves them.   It is important to get help if you are dealing with depression.  Many people don’t realize how serious it can be.  Sometimes depression is a chemical imbalance and medication can help; other times, other therapies can be helpful.  Talk to a health professional right away if you or someone you care about is struggling with depression.

        I can only hope that the media will respect this family as they try to deal with the loss of Michael.  Suicide leaves a lot of damage for the survivors left behind.   There will need to be some major healing time for this family.   May God help them all.

       Please, if you are someone who struggles with depression or suicidal thoughts; or, you know someone who is…please seek immediate help by checking out this site:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  or by contacting a health care professional.

Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

        These things can be overcome.  Set your mind to helping to heal, correct, comfort, console and bring peace to those around you who are hurting.   Taking that action doesn’t have to cost alot of money, it can be a simple thing like a wordless hug…a small gift… a card sent with personal words of love and support…or clearing your schedule to listen to them vent…offering to share their load if you can. 

         If you know them well enough, you probably know what brings them comfort and peace.   Whatever action you chose to take, do it with love, kindness, and patience…it will be greatly appreciated and eventually rewarded by seeing them overcome whatever obstacle or challenge has come before them.    After all, you never know when your actions might cause a pay it forward kind of moment that blesses others.

        Giving another person hope and encouragement is a wonderful thing.   It can be contagious and become a light in the dark world that sometimes surrounds us.

I think when people are being honest with themselves…through word, thought or action…they know when they are operating with integrity, either in their personal or business relationships.  There is no regret, no shame or guilt, no need to stretch the truth or exaggerate a situation, no need for lies…no need to over-hype how something is presented when someone is operating with a responsible personal integrity.    People who choose to operate without integrity know it in their hearts.  They don’t feel good about their thoughts, their words, or their actions when they make choices that violate their own standards of integrity.  It may manifest itself in feelings of shame or regret, or with a general sense of feeling unworthy of accolades/rewards or, even financial success; it is possible that they will have unexplained health problems.

Inner conflict happens when we are at odds with our understanding of what is right and what is wrong.  Most of us have a keen sense of what is right and what is wrong in how others treat us, correct?  I know I do.  Even young children have a strong sense of justice/injustice; they are quick to point out when something is not fair or right.

So, my question is…do we present integrity in our relationships in the same way that we expect others to show us integrity of high value?

I have been reading a book discussing people and their internal conflict about what they should do with their time on earth; as far as, a job or a purpose in life.  One particular story troubled me.  It was about a man who lived in a financially depressed area of the world.  He had difficulty finding and maintaining a job.  He took a job with a casino.  At first, he was just a little uncomfortable with the idea of it…gambling.  As he worked and collected his pay check…he became desensitized to the environment that encouraged people to bet/gamble money that they didn’t really have to waste.  He comforted himself with the idea that there were no other jobs where he lived so he continued working there.

As time went on, he faced his inner conflict about the integrity of working for a place that disregarded the fact that gambling went against what he believed to be ok; until he heard his co-workers making fun of an elderly man who was weeping at one of the gaming tables, having lost thousands of dollars that he did not have to lose.  He was disqusted with them and told them to stop making fun of this man and his tears of desperation.  They then chose to make fun of him.  Rather than stand up for what he believed, he ran away…doing nothing, changing nothing.  He went to a spiritual counselor, (a poor one in my opinion), who told him not to make any rash decisons, basically, to just hang in there until something different came along.  Now this man was telling his spiritual advisor that he didn’t feel like he deserved God’s love or anyone else’s love either; he was wounding himself by not acting on his personal sense of integrity.  Was the spiritual advisor acting with personal/spiritual integrity?  I don’t think so personally.

Some time passed and the man became ill and went to his doctor…the doctor correctly told him he was depressed and prescribed a pill.  Instead of sending the man to a counselor/therapist…he gave him a pill.  Was the doctor acting with integrity…maybe/maybe not.  Maybe we don’t have all of the facts here…maybe he prescribed him the pill and requested he seek counseling; I dont know.  If not…should he have done so to fulfill his personal/professional integrity?  In my opinion, yes, he should have sought the source of the man’s depression…not just treat the symptoms with a pill.

What would options look like, to someone in this working man’s position?  Stay in the job and hate what you do…and possibly yourself, for what you are doing to earn a living when it goes against your personal beliefs?  Quit the job and hope another one comes along?  Stay in the job; but, actively look for new employment?  Leave the area and find a job in another environment that is more in line with his sense of personal integrity; one that honors what he believes to be true and right? Commute back and forth for an hour or more a day to an area where jobs were more plentiful? Maybe work online to provide financial income for himself?  What would be the choice that would fulfill his need for income as well as allow him to honor his beliefs about what is right and wrong?

It could very well be the choice that causes him to sacrifice his personal comfort zone…leading him to leave his home area and move to an area where his choices for jobs were not limited to something that violated his sense of  right and wrong.  Or, put extra burdeon on his time by requiring him to commute, back and forth, each day to get employment that he could live happily with.   He could have chosen to work at home on the computer…or gone to school to increase his ability to get hired by learning new skills.  Only this man knows what would have worked best for him and his physical and spiritual well-being.

What did this man do?  He stayed working where he felt it was wrong to work and took his pill to make it acceptable to himself.  Was that employing the best level of integrity that he possessed?  Or did it just allow him to numb himself to the inner voice that was encouraging him to make changes that would allow him to take pride in what he did for a living?

There is nothing sadder than a person who knows to do right and chooses to do wrong because you know that it is not only harming himself/herself; but, possibly others as well.  Every choice we make or avoid affects other people.  Scripture gives us all kinds of instruction on this area of life.  Isaiah 1:17 says, Stop doing wrong, learn to do right, seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.   Exodus 23: 2 says, Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong.  When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd.  Making decisions in our lives is important because those decisions affect how we see ourselves and our place in the world; if we want to live with peace in our hearts and minds we must make those decisions that uphold who we are based on our own personal integrity; no matter how difficult those decisions may seem at the time.

           Alzheimer’s disease is one of the most common forms of dementia-there are over 50 types some of which are rare.  Words and thoughts become jumbled and communication is hindered.  It is a progressive disease and as time goes on…the effects become more devastating to those who are afflicted with the illness; and, to those who love and support them.  Some people who are healthy joke when forgetting something simple saying, that they have Old Timer’s disease.  It really is no laughing matter.  And truly, there is no age limit on this disease…there is something called early onset of Alzheimer’s disease…it can happen even at a relatively young age.  

          If you wish to learn more about Alzheimer’s disease check this out: http://www.alz.org/index.asp .   Seeking early medical intervention can make a big difference in how the disease progresses; talk to a doctor if you suspect a loved one has a form of dementia.  Testing can be done to diagnose the condition of dementia or Alzheimers fairly quickly.  There are some medications available that seem to help some patients have a more positive quality of life longer.  Talk with a health care professional about options that will benefit your loved one.

         Caregiving for someone who is living with Alzheimer’s is a labor of love-an intense, labor of love; and it is draining.      The disease steals a person’s memories of people, places and events.  A caregiver who provides support discovers that the care required soon can become overwhelming; as more functions and abilities become impared.   If it is at all possible, having more than one regular caregiver helps to avoid burnout and overload.  Try to balance the main cargiving duties between 2 or 3 familiar faces.  Encourage the caregivers to seek “me” time as a way of recharging their batteries.    There is no shame in seeking out adult day care or respite care to help give the caregiver some much needed “down time”.  It is exhausting to be on watch all day and all night.  See this link for help with understanding the demands of caregiving: http://www.nia.nih.gov/Alzheimers/Publications/caregiverguide.htm or http://www.caregiving.org/.   Families need to come together soon after diagnosis to discuss how to handle and approach day-to-care, as well as medical care; while the patient is still able to voice his or her concerns and wishes regarding both long term and short term decisions. 

         It is also important to remember that conditions are constantly changing.  The losses mount up…so each day and each moment is precious.  This is a great time to encourage the person with Alzheimers to document their personal memories either by journaling, or by, recording on tape some of their important or precious memories that they want to share with others.  Maybe spend time together working on a scrapbook or memory book with pictures and short written words underneath the chosen pictures.  This is a good bonding time.  Pictures of people that are important in their life is a good way of keeping faces and names in front of the patient.   They may be asking often who the people in their life are.  As time goes on, they may not understand words used to describe relationships.  This is hard; but predictable, words and their meaning can become confusing and mixed up.   It is hard to know what is helpful and what will trigger agitation for each person…it is all very individualistic.   No one knows your loved one like you do…you will have to use your judgement often to make decisions about what is beneficial and what causes distress.

          As the person starts experiencing significant cognitive impairment or memory losses; a feeling of being lost or helpless can set in.  Fear and embarassment are part of the daily experience.  The abilities and skills that the person is  still able to use are helpful to giving them purpose and meaning.   Do not take that away from them as long as they are safe in performing those chores or activities.    People need to build upon the positives as much as possible.  Allow the affected person to be as independent and as safe as possible…remember to be mindful of their personal dignity.  It is helpful to try to treat the person in a way, that you yourself would wish to be treated if you were in their position.  Don’t talk down to them; or worse, use baby talk.  Repetition and an unending supply of patience is the key.  A calm voice and demeanor helps keep things on an even keel.   

         Use anything that is important to that person to keep reliving memories or moments with this person.  Talk about experiences, use old photos, home movies, audio tapes to keep the person connected to those important to them.   Maybe video tape or record some new conversations or activities together; these may be helpful to both the patient as well as family members later when things get more difficult.  Music is an important part of the equasion for many individuals.  Music has a special ability in the brain to trigger emotional responses of past experiences.  It also can have a calming effect on some people who are affected by Alzheimer’s disease. 

          One of the hardest parts of loving someone with Alzheimers is getting to a place to where that person can’t remember who their loved ones are.  This is devastating…so anything you can do to prolong the time that you have during the “remembering years” is critical.  Remember, the forgetting is not something that they can control.  Don’t take it personal.  As the forgetting starts to happen more often…cling to those special little windows of time when they are able to surface through the fog and say or do something that let’s you know they are aware of who you are and how important you are to them.   I like this site as it is supportive to the caregivers of the world:  http://www.thoughtful-caregiver.com .   Do you do anything special to preserve memories?

            I read a wonderful book with a personal window into the world of caregiving by a woman who shared caregiving  responsibilities with her mother, for her father, who is afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease.   The insight that she gives into the behind the scenes dynamics are important for people to know who are going through something similar.   The book was uplifting and heartbreaking at the same time.  I like the fact that they worked together as a team to try to make every day and every moment count together as they provide care for him.  There were many helpful tips in the book regarding ways of practical care.  If  you care to read the book it is called, Measure of the Heart-A Father’s Alzheimer’s A Daughter’s Return.  The book was written by Mary Ellen Geist about her family’s very personal experiences.  The book examines they journey and the grief they experience, as well as, the positive aspects of making the commitment to take on the challenge of providing familial caregiving. 

         I think the best part of the book is that the mother (wife) and daughter are constantly examining or acessing their experiences and it’s effects on both of them as caregivers as well as the patient.  It is the day to day examination of what is in the best interest of all concerned.  What works for them may not work for another…but, there are some commonalities that apply to many in their situation.  The book was published by Springboard Press; their website:  http://www.SpringboardPress.net .  The author’s website is here:  http://maryellengeist.com/content/index.asp .

       Do you have experience with someone you care about living with Alzheimer’s?  I think the thoughts  or fears of being forgotten is frightening, for the patient as well as their loved ones, is strong.    Do you have any tips or encouragement for others going through the same type of situation?  Please share!

       If you grew up during the 70′s like I did…you remember him from his television days.  He  was on Gunsmoke.     Most noteworthy to a kid growing up during that time; he was a wise man on the show.  He was seeking wisdom to grow and learn.   Kids all around the nation wanted to be like “young grasshopper” with an adult who took the time to mentor him in life lessons.

         Kung Fu made a huge impression on a whole generation of young Americans.  It opened the door to learning martial arts for many.  David, and his show, made it cool to study the various forms of martial arts.   The show put David in a bit of a leadership position with his fans.   Today, we  sadly, learned that David Carradine was found dead of a suspected suicide in Bankok, Thailand.   His body was discovered nude, hanging with a hotel curtain cord around his neck. 

          Some people who know him say, he would not have taken his life, at this time; even though, he struggled with suicidal thoughts in his past years.  Those who do not believe he committed suicide say that his career was in an upswing and so was his personal life.   A few years ago, his career took on a new life with the movie, Kill Bill.  He had pretty much been out of the entertainment industry, until then.   David had made statements to others about his suspicion that, not many industry leaders were willing to give him roles as he aged .  After appearing in Kill Bill, he began working again; in fact, he was in Bankok, Thailand to film a new movie.  He had only been at the hotel for a few days when he was found dead.   

        At this point, suicide is only suspected; but, David’s death appears suspicious, at least to his personal co-manager, Tiffany Smith.  David was found in a sitting position in the closet with the cord wrapped around his neck, penis, and the closet rod.   The authorities have said there doesn’t appear to be any assault, no forced entrance to his room, no obvious crime; so, I guess that means the authorities don’t suspect that he was murdered.   No news has been released about whether there was a suicide note or not.  In fact, some say it had to be an accident, those who know him say he would never commit suicide. 

        If it’s true that he didn’t commit suicide and he wasn’t murdered…then what, an accident?  That seems a bit difficult to understand.  I mean, how does a curtain cord  accidently get taken down and wrapped around the throat of a nude person; unless it is something called the ”choking game”.   Sometimes there is a sexual component to the choking game; there are those who use the lack of oxygen to “enhance” their sexual pleasure.   The choking game is an accident waiting to happen.   It is a serious and dangerous activity; one that has become a threat around the world.    http://www.stop-the-choking-game.com/en/choking.html    It is  dangerous because, there is always the danger that the person could lose consciousness and die without meaning to.  

      In that kind of situation, I guess it could be considered an accident when someone waits too long to loosen the cord or binding around their neck.   That is not to say that, this is what happened to David Carradine…but, there are definately alot of questions surrounding David’s death.    His family is asking for privacy at this time, they respected him, loved him and were apparently close to him.  They are shocked and grieving the loss of a loved one.  It is hard enough to lose a loved one, let alone to have to do it in the eye of the public and in mysterious circumstances to boot.

           There is an autopsy being performed; hopefully, it will help to put some of the questions surrounding his death to rest.  Whether it was suicide or something else…there is still pain and grief for his family, friends, co-stars, and fans.   It is a sad end for a talented man who appeared to try to live his life with dignity.  We wish to extend sympathy to all who knew him; or, to those who felt like they did because of the roles he performed and, the impact on their lives from watching him over the years.  Rest in peace David Carradine.

        If you know someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts…please…please call:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ .  

          Finding ways to help people be successful in life is a wonderful thing.  Children (or adults) who are affected by Autism are at a disadvantage, in life, if they can’t read the expressions and body language of those with whom they work and spend time with. 

         The face on the engine of Thomas and his pals will show different emotions.  This game is being designed to help children, who often struggle with social cues and body language issues, to understand and relate better to the people in their lives in a more appropriate way.  Human interaction is a complex thing; and, if you can’t see differences in how others are interpeting circumstances, then your own responses may not be appropriate. 

          Autism is not just a specific disease with a certain, rigid set of symptoms.  Understanding Autism and it’s effects is complex.  The medical profession, and educators, are always looking for ways to help.  If this game can open doors for those affected; then, i see no downside to using it.  To learn more about Autism check out these websites: http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/# or http://www.emedicinehealth.com/autism/article_em.htm or http://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/brain/autism.html