Dealing with the paperwork, the care of other siblings and spouse, working a full time job;  not to mention hands on care between treatments, paying bills, chauffeuring back and forth between doctor and hospital visits; it can become overwhelming.  However, the most important thing is meeting the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of your childhood cancer patient.  You can’t be all things to all of the people in your life at the same time and there are moments when you have to be away from your child in the hospital.  Finding a way to still provide comfort and security for your child, even when you aren’t there, is of the utmost importance to you.    This is extremely important for the positive outcome of the battle against cancer.  There is someone who has been there and is trying to make a difference for other families in the same battle.

        There is a non-profit organization called, Friends Like Us.  Friends like us was started by the parents of a childhood cancer patient named Brandon.  Mark and Delores Bailey are those parents and they created something called the chemo bear.  This bear provided comfort to their son when he fought his battle.  The chemo bear is customized in a way with interactionable parts which simulates the treatments that the cancer patient goes through.  This helps to open the door for positive communication between the child-patient and the medical staff who are providing care.

       Children with cancer have to deal with so many life changes and it can be frightening and lonely.  Treatments are often unpleasant or uncomfortable.   These bears can provide great physical and emotional comfort to a child who is suffering during this time in unfamiliar locations sometimes seperated from friends or family. 

       The Bailey’s have started a program which provides chemo bears free of charge to child cancer patients through social workers in cancer hospitals.  The bears cost about 24 dollars to make and ship…and so the Getting Better Together program thrives on fundraising.  This week, June 28-July 5th, they are having a fundraising event called, Adopt A Bear.  For each $25 dollar donation, a bear will be given to a child with cancer.  Want to learn more about this wonderful program?  Are you associated with a hospital or cancer clinic that has not heard of this great program?  Check out their website for more information here:  http://www.friendslikeus.org/  or follow them on Twitter here:  http://www.twitter.com/friendslikeus . 

        If you can find it in your heart to help spread the word or to donate much needed dollars to provide comfort to a little one please do so.  If you want donate in the memory of someone who’s life has been affected by cancer; please do.   I think that is a great way to honor someone.  Thank you!

       It was said that Michael left a note saying that he planned to kill himself because of his depression.  He said it made him feel like he had no friends and didn’t fit in.   This is so tragic; he was only 18.  Michael is one of Marie and her ex-husband Brian Blonsil’s eight children.  He was adopted as well as several of the other children.  It has not been revealed to the public what sort of issues that Michael had been dealing with over the years…and maybe it should never be information for the public to know.  Those issues were private…and even though some of the Osmonds are very public people…they have a right to privacy as they grieve.

       I do know that when you are an adoptive family, you often live under a microscope.  People feel free to judge or to freely give advice on raising those children to the parents who have chosen to add them to their family.   It adds a level of interferrence in the raising of adopted children who are being grafted or blended into an existing family.  This is sometimes no easy feat; especially if the children happen to be a bit older when the adoption takes place.  I can only imagine how much more difficult the situation is when there is fame involved with the adoptive family.

        Depression is a big challenge and unless you have some personal relationship with the issue…it can be hard to understand.   However, Marie herself struggled with post partum depression after giving birth to one of her children.  It can severely affect not only the individual who struggles with it…but anyone who loves them.   It is important to get help if you are dealing with depression.  Many people don’t realize how serious it can be.  Sometimes depression is a chemical imbalance and medication can help; other times, other therapies can be helpful.  Talk to a health professional right away if you or someone you care about is struggling with depression.

        I can only hope that the media will respect this family as they try to deal with the loss of Michael.  Suicide leaves a lot of damage for the survivors left behind.   There will need to be some major healing time for this family.   May God help them all.

       Please, if you are someone who struggles with depression or suicidal thoughts; or, you know someone who is…please seek immediate help by checking out this site:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  or by contacting a health care professional.

Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

I think when people are being honest with themselves…through word, thought or action…they know when they are operating with integrity, either in their personal or business relationships.  There is no regret, no shame or guilt, no need to stretch the truth or exaggerate a situation, no need for lies…no need to over-hype how something is presented when someone is operating with a responsible personal integrity.    People who choose to operate without integrity know it in their hearts.  They don’t feel good about their thoughts, their words, or their actions when they make choices that violate their own standards of integrity.  It may manifest itself in feelings of shame or regret, or with a general sense of feeling unworthy of accolades/rewards or, even financial success; it is possible that they will have unexplained health problems.

Inner conflict happens when we are at odds with our understanding of what is right and what is wrong.  Most of us have a keen sense of what is right and what is wrong in how others treat us, correct?  I know I do.  Even young children have a strong sense of justice/injustice; they are quick to point out when something is not fair or right.

So, my question is…do we present integrity in our relationships in the same way that we expect others to show us integrity of high value?

I have been reading a book discussing people and their internal conflict about what they should do with their time on earth; as far as, a job or a purpose in life.  One particular story troubled me.  It was about a man who lived in a financially depressed area of the world.  He had difficulty finding and maintaining a job.  He took a job with a casino.  At first, he was just a little uncomfortable with the idea of it…gambling.  As he worked and collected his pay check…he became desensitized to the environment that encouraged people to bet/gamble money that they didn’t really have to waste.  He comforted himself with the idea that there were no other jobs where he lived so he continued working there.

As time went on, he faced his inner conflict about the integrity of working for a place that disregarded the fact that gambling went against what he believed to be ok; until he heard his co-workers making fun of an elderly man who was weeping at one of the gaming tables, having lost thousands of dollars that he did not have to lose.  He was disqusted with them and told them to stop making fun of this man and his tears of desperation.  They then chose to make fun of him.  Rather than stand up for what he believed, he ran away…doing nothing, changing nothing.  He went to a spiritual counselor, (a poor one in my opinion), who told him not to make any rash decisons, basically, to just hang in there until something different came along.  Now this man was telling his spiritual advisor that he didn’t feel like he deserved God’s love or anyone else’s love either; he was wounding himself by not acting on his personal sense of integrity.  Was the spiritual advisor acting with personal/spiritual integrity?  I don’t think so personally.

Some time passed and the man became ill and went to his doctor…the doctor correctly told him he was depressed and prescribed a pill.  Instead of sending the man to a counselor/therapist…he gave him a pill.  Was the doctor acting with integrity…maybe/maybe not.  Maybe we don’t have all of the facts here…maybe he prescribed him the pill and requested he seek counseling; I dont know.  If not…should he have done so to fulfill his personal/professional integrity?  In my opinion, yes, he should have sought the source of the man’s depression…not just treat the symptoms with a pill.

What would options look like, to someone in this working man’s position?  Stay in the job and hate what you do…and possibly yourself, for what you are doing to earn a living when it goes against your personal beliefs?  Quit the job and hope another one comes along?  Stay in the job; but, actively look for new employment?  Leave the area and find a job in another environment that is more in line with his sense of personal integrity; one that honors what he believes to be true and right? Commute back and forth for an hour or more a day to an area where jobs were more plentiful? Maybe work online to provide financial income for himself?  What would be the choice that would fulfill his need for income as well as allow him to honor his beliefs about what is right and wrong?

It could very well be the choice that causes him to sacrifice his personal comfort zone…leading him to leave his home area and move to an area where his choices for jobs were not limited to something that violated his sense of  right and wrong.  Or, put extra burdeon on his time by requiring him to commute, back and forth, each day to get employment that he could live happily with.   He could have chosen to work at home on the computer…or gone to school to increase his ability to get hired by learning new skills.  Only this man knows what would have worked best for him and his physical and spiritual well-being.

What did this man do?  He stayed working where he felt it was wrong to work and took his pill to make it acceptable to himself.  Was that employing the best level of integrity that he possessed?  Or did it just allow him to numb himself to the inner voice that was encouraging him to make changes that would allow him to take pride in what he did for a living?

There is nothing sadder than a person who knows to do right and chooses to do wrong because you know that it is not only harming himself/herself; but, possibly others as well.  Every choice we make or avoid affects other people.  Scripture gives us all kinds of instruction on this area of life.  Isaiah 1:17 says, Stop doing wrong, learn to do right, seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.   Exodus 23: 2 says, Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong.  When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd.  Making decisions in our lives is important because those decisions affect how we see ourselves and our place in the world; if we want to live with peace in our hearts and minds we must make those decisions that uphold who we are based on our own personal integrity; no matter how difficult those decisions may seem at the time.