After all, men and women have fought and died for the privelege that we all enjoy of living free from the will of others being forced upon us regardless of their own values and beliefs.   We don’t thank our military men and women enough for that and we should.  

        Our own country’s Declaration of Independence was based on the idea and principals of freedom.  Without that document as the basis of our country, we would still be forced to accept another country’s authority of what we could and could not do as individuals, in America.  Human beings still value freedom today, as much as during the formation of the United States of America; we just don’t always talk about what that means in our everyday lives. 

        Relationships are often broken or strengthened on the basis of the people’s concept of the boundaries and limitations of freedom in their relationship.  It does not matter whether that relationship is romantic in nature or whether the relationship is based on friendship, or is a family relationship such as parent to child or, even a working relationship with a co-worker  or a boss. 

         Freedom and it’s limitations are important.  If you think I am wrong consider this… if a couple has differing views on what kind of freedoms are going to be allowed in the relationships regarding physical relations, financial spending or saving, discipline issues with regard to raising children…or even freedom to pursue a chosen career…how does one compromise the limits of such freedoms without compromising or destroying one person or the other’s sense of what is acceptable?   They must consider the other person’s feelings regarding freedom as being equally important as their own and be willing to find an acceptable solution to both parties.  This is not easy…because everyone wants what they want and they want it their own way, if given a choice.

        A child who wants freedom, to do what they want at age two, will try to determine the outcome of how much freedom he or she has by acting out behaviorally.  It is the same with a teenager who is experiencing conflict between what they consider acceptable limits to their freedom as far as the use of the phone/computer/video games/ romantic relationships or even curfew.  When they don’t feel “heard” or at least met half way by a parental authority figure…often teens will rebel; sometimes even risk leaving home and damaging their relationship with parents or their siblings, over their own idea of how much freedom they should be allowed.

        Another population of people who understand the value of freedom is someone who is incarcerated or imprisoned.  The basic freedom of coming or going from place to place is something that most people enjoy and take for granted.  However, a person who is being punished criminally or in a war situation may experience a severe form of limitation of their freedoms.  They are not allowed to come and go freely.  They eats, sleep, work and interact only when they are allowed to do so.  This is meant to be a deterrent to commiting crime against societies.  It works for some, but truthfully, most people do not know how much they value these basic freedoms until it is taken away from them.  It is frightening to lack control over every aspect of your daily life.  Most people will be persuaded to live a life free of crime to avoid loosing their freedom.

        In general, the trick to having freedom that works is balancing freedom with responsibility and having a mutual respect for those with which the conflict is occuring.  Freedom to make one’s own choices is never free…it comes with a cost.  People who offer freedom to another person (from those in whom they are in disagreement with) WILL have strings attached or ulterior motives; even if they aren’t evident at the beginning. 

          We each must earn our own way in the freedom department…but, ultimately, the rights we enjoy as individuals are fought and won in battle through our military men and women who’ve paid a high costs; our court systems  and through legal challenges; and, in our own personal relationships through our communication with others of our needs and expectations; and our willingness to consider the rights and freedoms of those around us as being important as well. 

         The thing about freedom is also that the person who is expecting it, demanding it  needs to consider whether the freedom that they are wanting and seeking is worth the cost.  It must be weighed in each circumstance and if meeting in the middle or compromising can’t be done without one or both people feeling like they have given up too much…then relationships can be damaged.  It doesn’t matter how those relationships come into being…everyone wants to be valued and considered worthy of having equal say in how they conduct their lives.  It is human nature.

        Dealing with the paperwork, the care of other siblings and spouse, working a full time job;  not to mention hands on care between treatments, paying bills, chauffeuring back and forth between doctor and hospital visits; it can become overwhelming.  However, the most important thing is meeting the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of your childhood cancer patient.  You can’t be all things to all of the people in your life at the same time and there are moments when you have to be away from your child in the hospital.  Finding a way to still provide comfort and security for your child, even when you aren’t there, is of the utmost importance to you.    This is extremely important for the positive outcome of the battle against cancer.  There is someone who has been there and is trying to make a difference for other families in the same battle.

        There is a non-profit organization called, Friends Like Us.  Friends like us was started by the parents of a childhood cancer patient named Brandon.  Mark and Delores Bailey are those parents and they created something called the chemo bear.  This bear provided comfort to their son when he fought his battle.  The chemo bear is customized in a way with interactionable parts which simulates the treatments that the cancer patient goes through.  This helps to open the door for positive communication between the child-patient and the medical staff who are providing care.

       Children with cancer have to deal with so many life changes and it can be frightening and lonely.  Treatments are often unpleasant or uncomfortable.   These bears can provide great physical and emotional comfort to a child who is suffering during this time in unfamiliar locations sometimes seperated from friends or family. 

       The Bailey’s have started a program which provides chemo bears free of charge to child cancer patients through social workers in cancer hospitals.  The bears cost about 24 dollars to make and ship…and so the Getting Better Together program thrives on fundraising.  This week, June 28-July 5th, they are having a fundraising event called, Adopt A Bear.  For each $25 dollar donation, a bear will be given to a child with cancer.  Want to learn more about this wonderful program?  Are you associated with a hospital or cancer clinic that has not heard of this great program?  Check out their website for more information here:  http://www.friendslikeus.org/  or follow them on Twitter here:  http://www.twitter.com/friendslikeus . 

        If you can find it in your heart to help spread the word or to donate much needed dollars to provide comfort to a little one please do so.  If you want donate in the memory of someone who’s life has been affected by cancer; please do.   I think that is a great way to honor someone.  Thank you!

        The solution was the wonderful hospitality house that is connected to Spectrum Hospital downtown Grand Rapids, Michigan called the Renucci Hospitality House.   I can’t tell you what a wonderful service this Renucci House offers.  It was built in 1999 and helps to house family members of the hospital’s patients that are in need of having a place close by to sleep and rest.  It was designed to provide comfort and rest for the weary soul.  There is a small healing garden that is darling.  There is a playroom for young siblings or children of the hospital patient.  The staff is wonderful and caring, from the hosts to the cleaning crew.   There is a computer for the patient’s family members to use, a laundry facility, an exercise room…and quiet rooms for relaxing.  The dinning room is open 24-7 and the kitchen is stocked with non-perishable food items for those moments when food or drink is needed.

        The Renucci House was founded by Peter P. Renucci and his wife Patricia Renucci.  Back in 1968 one of their children was born through a premature situation and had to stay in the hospital’s neonatal unit.  This was the basis of their awareness of the need to be close to your loved one who is in crisis.   They helped to fund the Renucci House with a gift of $1.6 million because they wanted to thank the community for what had been done for their family.  This is a gift that keeps on giving with a pay it forward theme that I love.

       The atmosphere is one of love, support and healing.  You feel very comforted if you find yourself in need of the Renucci House.  It goes beyond the staff or the comfortable rooms.  There is a very wonderful program of volunteerism that happens here.  Organizations, churches, families and individuals are encouraged to give of their time, talents, and blessings.  You can volunteer to donate and prepare meals for the families who are staying there.   This is normally a great expense for families who must stay nearby their family members during a hospital stay; it may be an expense the family cannot afford.   Truly, this is a huge blessing and one that shows an important part of caretaking and nurturing of families in crisis. 

         Our family benefitted from several meals that had been prepared and served by some of these volunteers.  It was a service that was provided with joy by the volunteers; and that was a wonderful blessing.  The meals were wonderful from the main dish to the salads, drinks and desserts.  One evening, a church had their youth providing community service help to serve the families of the Renucci House.  It was a group of fifth graders and their mentors.  These people went out of their way to be of service to those who stayed there that evening.  They mingled and interacted with the families and showed great care.   I think it is great that young people are being taught the importance of giving back to a community through volunteering their time, skills and willingness to be of service.  Kudos to those involved.

         Volunteers are encouraged to come and bake in the kitchen homemade baked goods or some other treat.  Put together snacks or care bags for the families.  This also opens the door to have conversations with family members who may need someone to talk to.  Comfort and peace are evident throughout the Renucci House because of the volunteer programs.

        The Renucci House actually operates quite a bit through their volunteer programs…from donated non-perishable food items which stock the kitchen for family members to use when they need it; to volunteers to help pay for the family members stay who can not afford to pay, to help cover the cost of staying in the Renucci House.   This is a big deal if a hospital stay goes on for very long.  Family members may have a hard time paying for their rooms, or much needed items to be able to stay close to their loved ones.   Some volunteers give gift cards to be used at local stores or restaurants in the area.    Perhaps donating a telephone calling card would benefit families who are staying at the Renucci House but have long distance calls to make.   Talk to the manager of the house to see if current magazines can be donated or perhaps you have a nurturing spirit and have time to greet guests or maybe volunteer to help in the library.  Empty nesters  or retirees who find themselves with time on their hands may wish to do something meaningful with all of their spare time.   The Renucci House volunteers provide breakfast and dinners daily…they need a large number of volunteers who are willing to provide this needed service.

       You know, the Renucci House is near to the Lemmen -Holton Cancer Pavilion, the Devos Children’s Hospital, and the Lena Meijer Heart Center; all of these facilities have patients and families.   There is a huge need to support those patients and their families at a time when they are facing some of the biggest battles of their lives.   Often there are so many emotions to deal with such as fear, anxiety, depression, sadness and hope.  The Renucci House provides the basics to allow people to cope with their emotions.   Please, spread the word, volunteer and give help when and where you can.  Having compassion and opening your hearts to opportunities to help is an important part of life…please get involved.   You never know when you or someone you care about may need some of those same things.

        If someone has time or talent to give or just feels moved to donate monitarily to the Renucci House you can contact their house manager at (616) 391-1790.  

 You can view their website here: http://www.spectrum-health.org/renucci .  My family is going to volunteer soon…we may even take our youth group down and prepare a meal for the family members in the near future.  As a family who has benefitted from a stay at the Renucci House recently, I want to say thank you to all of the volunteers, to the staff of the Renucci House and to the Renucci Family themselves for impacting the Grand Rapids community and it’s surrounding area with love, compassion and support.  You are appreciated greatly!

       For once in recent months, she is not at the mercy of someone else out to make news headlines from standing on top of her tragic connection to the negative headlines concerning her husband’s alleged infidelities.   I am sure this is not how she originally planned to announce her son’s birth; however,  it is good to have a bright light in this situation…Sandra’s celebration of her new life with her son.

        Sandra who is known for her clean and loving image and reputation has been dealt a raw deal by those alleged mistresses and their stories that they’ve shared in the media.  Their public claims of “sorry for the mess” carries little weight, I am sure.  Their requests for one- on- one time with her to discuss their “relationships” with Sandra’s husband…should not be given the time of day.  Sandra owes them no such gesture.  

       All along, Sandra has kept her peace and her dignity.  Not easy to do with some of the muck that was published.  However, Sandra is now voicing the fact that she is divorcing her husband, and also sharing the joy of her leap into single motherhood.  She has the finances and the support systems to be able to parent quite well as a single mother.  She will not face many of the challenges that many other single mothers face and that is a blessing.   The dissolution of her marriage is a tragedy…leave her alone to heal on that.   Allow her to celebrate and enjoy the things that bring happiness to her and her loved ones; for once, don’t pick at what should be a private family event.

        The People article speaks of the fact that Sandra and Jesse were adopting her son Louis together in January.  Then came the Oscars…they were waiting until that event was over to announce the adoption of their son.  We all know that a week after the Oscars the headlines gleefully announced the assault on Sandra’s marriage.  Women came out of the wood-work to share the gory details of their encounters with Jesse James.  Sandra moved out of the home she shared with her husband and his children from former relationships.   The tabloids took joy in following up one lurid headline after another…and it is unfortunate that there is a huge market for selling such newspapers on the backs of other people’s pain and misery.  It doesn’t speak well of our culture to have such an environment for our children to grow up in, in my opinion.

          She kept quiet in the media, except to declare the fact that an alleged sex tape did not exist.  That had to be painful enough to have to address something related to the horror of those stories; still, now it is easy to understand why she made the statement.  It was to distance herself from being tainted with the poor choices of those who brought down her marriage.  She was not reponsibile for making such personally devastating choices with her own behavior; even though allegedly her husband and those who had physical relationships with him are.  Sandra should not be held accountable for their actions nor should she suffer the loss of her son because of them.  By stating that there was no sex tape with her in it…she was standing tall and distancing herself from the immoral activity that was affecting her because of her association with it just by being married to Jesse. 

        I can imagine the fear and despair she felt as a new adoptive parent.   She had to have been fearful that the agencies that approved her adoption process would rightfully question whether that adoption should be finalized.  It is every adoptive parents concern that “something” will happen to derail an adoption and tear apart a parent-child relationship that has formed.  

        The headlines screamed all kinds of concern about the stability of Sandra and Jesse’s relationship at this point.  It would only be right of those concerned about the welfare of a child to want to know how that would impact Sandra’s son.  Remember, courts have to insure the best interests of the child; that is a big responsibility.   But, for most adoptive parents, any concerns an agency or court would have would normally be addressed privately…not in the media.   No adoptive parent wants something to come into play that would jepardize their blossoming relationship with their child or perhaps end their quest to come together as parent and child.

          For those who have no relationship with adoption, you should know that adoptive parents often live with others putting their parenting under the microscope.   People in general feel that it is ok to voice their input about an adoptive parent should or should not do in regards to parenting their child.  In Sandra’s case, she was a victim of circumstance and timing.  Jesse made those choices and Jesse has to address those issues within himself.  

        Jesse went off to rehab…and allegedly left rehab…only to return.  In the meantime, I am sure the behind the scenes details continued to be worked out in regards to the adoption.   Strength and courage in the face of challenges comes from a person’s internal character.  It doesn’t make the devastation any less with the dissolution of a marriage…however, I am sure that Sandra’s relationship with her friends and family will help her to heal. 

          I would caution readers to remember that there are many “innocent” people in these situations from in-laws to friends and neighbors.  They all suffer when these things happen; that is both the beauty and the pain of having deep personal relationships with others.   With the announcement that Sandra is now adopting her son as a single parent and stating that the adoption is no longer including Jesse, the concerns about stability and appropriateness should now be eliminated.   Louis will be loved, protected, and cared for and that is the goal of adoption.  It is all life changing news that Sandra “chose” to share with People magazine. 

        Congratulations Sandra Bullock on the adoption of your son.  May you have a long, healthy & happy life together as mother and son.  No matter what happens with your marriage, I hope that you are able to continue having a loving and supportive relationship with Jesse’s children.   They will need that and so will you. 

         Life gets so complicated sometimes and the innocent are often caught up in the ripples of negativity from the actions of others.  Sandra has been a constant in Jesse’s children’s life for quite a few years now…hopefully that can continue.  I am sure that the older children have begun to bond with Louis as well…may peace and love be yours once again.  Oh and by the way, let me be the first to say, Happy Mother’s Day in a couple weeks!

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        This was illustrated very clearly to many this past month when a young 13 old girl was given in marriage to a 23 year old Yemeni man.  He and his in-laws allegedly arranged a sort of deal for him to be given the 13 yr old bride and for his brother in law to be given HIS sister in marriage to avoid the high cost of a bride price.  According to the new pieces i have seen, it appears that the 13 year old bride was not only a reluctant bride when it came to sexual relations…the groom supposedly took her to a clinic to allegedly get medicated to render her helpless to resist his advances. 

        When the clinic denied him…he supposedly took her home and somehow was able to get himself a type of male enhancement drug to help him perform the sexual act because he was having trouble having intercourse.  The young girls mother says that her daughter told her in the hospital shortly before she died that her husband tied her up and raped and sodomized her.  This after he had already allegedly forced her to have sex and caused her internal injuries that required a trip back to that clinic.

       The news pieces said that they adviced the husband to avoid having relations with his wife for approximately 10 days.  He had carried her into the clinic because she could not walk.  The injuries evidently became more life threatening after he allegedly returned home and continued having sex.   The young girl was admitted to the hospital days after the wedding, where she died from ruptured reproductive organs.  Her mother says she appeared as if she had been butchered.  How do you look your child in the eye and know that what had been done to them will result in their death and you were powerless to change the outcome? 

         It is hard to think of a human being abusing someone so callously, as to think of their sexual needs exclusively to the well-being of the other person, outside of a predator or rapist who attacks another person purely for this purpose.    I am sure that the young brides family had no idea that her husband could be capable of such treatment of their daughter or they may not have agreed to the marriage arrangement…yet, this is what happened.  It is a tragedy.

        Not only was her body and spirit abused…but she was not protected in any way from a further sexual assault on her body once she was brought into the clinic the first time.   She was a 13 year old girl and she had to have been fearful.   She suffered greatly and lost her life simply because she was female and vulnerable to her situation because of where she was born and  into a culture which allows such things to happen to those unfortunate enough to be in her position. 

         Just today, there was another news piece about another girl; an 11 year old child.  She was also allegedly hospitalized with damage to her genitals.  She too was a child bride; this is unacceptable. 

          It is a human rights issue.  Poverty and ignorance are no excuse for these situations to continue.  Families have to protect their children from the potential of this kind of treatment by not giving children in marriage.  It is wrong to subject them to the sexual torture of their bodies and possible pregnancies… to protect them even from a potential death from young bodies that strain to give birth when they are yet barely matured to the point of conceiving a child in the first place; and truly, some of them are not even that physically mature.

         There are some people and cultures that believe marrying children off before they are considered adults will help to avoid premature sexual activity.  While it might prevent them from having sex before they are married…it in no way guarantees that they will not have sex until they are an adult; willingly or by force.   Because, there is no way to insure that once a child is legally, morally, or spiritually entered into a marriage that the adult partner won’t try to enforce a sexual relationship with that child. 

         Empoverished nations must be given alternatives to joining children in marriage to adults as a means of relieving financial burdens upon their families.  Educating people to the use of birth control to help reduce the number of children born to impoverished parents would be helpful.  Creating an awareness program about the dangers of forced sexual activity upon the bodies of children.  Holding offenders legally responsible for death or for damage caused to the children that this happens to; making it a crime to harm a child in this way.  

          Creating a means of earning a higher wage for families in those areas where these kind of arrangements take place;  so that they don’t see the need to marry off their children while they are still yet children.  How horrible to have such a situation within your own family or circle of acquaintance.   No caring parent would want to have to live with such an outcome on their conscience.  I hope that those who have a voice and have power will find the courage to change the way things are so that no family has to live with the knowledge that they have failed to protect their child from such a tragedy.  

            It makes me angry, and it makes me sad that people who are in the position of stopping this abuse of children do not; we must demand accountability and responsibility of our leaders, our religious counselors, law makers and our own family members!

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Nations around the world are moved towards a sensitivity to the suffering of the Haitian people.  Money and donations of life saving supplies are poring in however, getting the supplies to the most devastated areas are difficult.  There is so much destruction and people are desparate.   Medical care is critical and people have been being treated in the street and in tents.  There is, and has been, a thin line between life and death.  

 Compassion is the fuel that moves people from merely hearing the news of the suffering and becoming involved and committed to doing what each person can to help.  Many people are giving money, some are donating their skills and talents or their time-volunteering to help the people of Haiti.  I read an article that made me question peoples awareness of their sensitivity towards others in need and their own need for a moment when life goes on in spite of what is happening around the world. 

So, it came as a bit of a surprise to read an article about a cruise ship line that stops at a port in Haiti that has made the decision to continue stopping at their destination in Haiti.  After reading about this, I couldn’t help reading the comments at the end of the article.  There were people who were for the cruise ship line continuing to stop in Haiti.  Those people were of the opinion that continuing to bring in tourists with their money would help to keep the Haitian people who were employed at the port working, providing them income during this time. 

The problem is, from what I understand of the situation is that this particular port is on the far end of the island; somewhat removed from the devastated area.  Still, those people who are employed do need jobs.  They do need income.  It was said that supplies were also carried in on the cruise ships.  I don’t know if that is true or not…but, if it is…God bless them for delivering supplies to the island.  The need is strong for medical supplies, food, water, blankets, shelter (many are homeless including the elderly and small children)…and there is a need for caregivers and adoptive families for those who are now orphans. 

Those who criticized the cruise line were of the opinion that tourists had no business partying, drinking, and living it up on the island paradise when they knew full well that human beings were starving and dying of thirst for lack of clean and healthy water just across the island in the area of Port au Prince.  The dead and the dying do not have instant access to the plenty that the cruise line passengers and those enjoying the comfort of the port.  There were comments in this section that wondered how someone could possibly eat, drink and take advantage of the activities knowing of the intense struggle for survivial just miles away.   Is it justification by saying that continuing to vacation there is bringing in money?  Or is it true and therefore ok in the opinion of the reader here?

It just got me wondering…how the human spirit who is sensitive towards those in need decides at what point, life goes on?  I mean, do you do all that you know to do to help, in your spirit and contribute what you can giving yourself permission to go about your business?  Do you just ignore the suffering?  Do you allow the situation to paralyze you and keep you from moving forward in your own life; attending to the daily issues at hand?  Is it possible to find a balance of helping through charity, volunteerism, and prayer; and, living in gratitude for the gifts or blessings in your life?   When is it ok for those who are sensitive to the needs of others in peril translate to a life goes on moment without guilt?  It is going to take a long time for recovery; hopefully, people do not forget too soon and stop acting on the behalf of those suffering who have been traumatized by this natural disaster.

 What are your thoughts as you read this blog post?

See possibly related post: http://www.writewhereyouareblog.com/heros-what-are-they-made-of/

           Every tweet I read, serves up a slice of who that person is and how they conduct both their business and their personal life…some people believe that those two things don’t necessarily have to align themselves up with one another; I disagree.   There are those, who if you read between the lines ( and some that you can plainly see, without having to look too hard), who will do, say, or act anyway that they want to, without necessarily showing a shred of integrity.  Making money is their business motto…and no amount of prodding will induce them to conduct themselves with sensitivity, with respect or, with an authentic genuine human interaction.  “It’s just business” is their claim to fame; don’t be that person.

        Success is about more than just making money…it is building something in which you can take pride in.  A business that is successful is built upon positive relationships between the business owner, their clients and their associates.  Successful relationships are build on honesty and strength of character of the individuals in the relationships.  Standing behind your business products and services shows your commitment to the customer’s satisfaction.  Let’s do our best to establish solid business practices that are long lasting and when this way of business becomes common…then and only then…let’s declare, “It’s Just Business”.