Dealing with the paperwork, the care of other siblings and spouse, working a full time job;  not to mention hands on care between treatments, paying bills, chauffeuring back and forth between doctor and hospital visits; it can become overwhelming.  However, the most important thing is meeting the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of your childhood cancer patient.  You can’t be all things to all of the people in your life at the same time and there are moments when you have to be away from your child in the hospital.  Finding a way to still provide comfort and security for your child, even when you aren’t there, is of the utmost importance to you.    This is extremely important for the positive outcome of the battle against cancer.  There is someone who has been there and is trying to make a difference for other families in the same battle.

        There is a non-profit organization called, Friends Like Us.  Friends like us was started by the parents of a childhood cancer patient named Brandon.  Mark and Delores Bailey are those parents and they created something called the chemo bear.  This bear provided comfort to their son when he fought his battle.  The chemo bear is customized in a way with interactionable parts which simulates the treatments that the cancer patient goes through.  This helps to open the door for positive communication between the child-patient and the medical staff who are providing care.

       Children with cancer have to deal with so many life changes and it can be frightening and lonely.  Treatments are often unpleasant or uncomfortable.   These bears can provide great physical and emotional comfort to a child who is suffering during this time in unfamiliar locations sometimes seperated from friends or family. 

       The Bailey’s have started a program which provides chemo bears free of charge to child cancer patients through social workers in cancer hospitals.  The bears cost about 24 dollars to make and ship…and so the Getting Better Together program thrives on fundraising.  This week, June 28-July 5th, they are having a fundraising event called, Adopt A Bear.  For each $25 dollar donation, a bear will be given to a child with cancer.  Want to learn more about this wonderful program?  Are you associated with a hospital or cancer clinic that has not heard of this great program?  Check out their website for more information here:  http://www.friendslikeus.org/  or follow them on Twitter here:  http://www.twitter.com/friendslikeus . 

        If you can find it in your heart to help spread the word or to donate much needed dollars to provide comfort to a little one please do so.  If you want donate in the memory of someone who’s life has been affected by cancer; please do.   I think that is a great way to honor someone.  Thank you!

          Those things are very important;  however, there are even more precautions to take to keep your kids safe in this environment.   Many people aren’t even aware of this particular danger that we are going to discuss today.   The danger I am talking about is the vacuum or suction that allows for the water in the pool, or hot tub to circulate.

         A child or even some adults are in danger because of the design of those drains, in some pools.   The power of these drains  can drastically alter or cause the loss of life.  Pools that aren’t up to date, or equipped, with various layers of protection, regarding the force of the suction in these drains, can kill or permanently harm human lives.  

         It is important to note that people on vacation may not be aware of the quality or level of protection that a hotel/campground/waterpark may or may not have.  It’s even possible for people to take for granted that the neighbor’s or grandma/grandpa’s pool is “safe” for their children’s use this summer. 

        Using large drain covers  that are considered to be blockage free; and, that are firmly attached with screws are the first step towards protecting lives.   Equally important to the issue of safety and well-being is to have back up systems that help to restrict, or reduce the amount of suction through these drains. 

        There are safety shut off valves, that can save lives too; those safety shut off valves can sense when a drain becomes blocked and the force increases on the surface of the drain cover.    This powerful suction can occur when the skin of a person covers the drain and pulls with a large force trapping a person underwater; so a shut off valve is critical for saving lives.  

        Precious time is often lost because people believe that they can just pull a small person off of the drain cover…but, it just isn’t so.   Even with adult men pulling on the victims, that have lost their lives, they could not be freed from the force of that suction and they drowned or had their intestines pulled from their bodies because of that force.   No one should die such a senseless death when it is possible to avoid such a tragedy.   It is a horrible situation that can be prevented if only all pools and hot tubs were equipped with these safety measures.

        Imagine the helplessness of those survivors of such incidents…watching an innocent swimmer suffer and needlessly die because they could not be freed from a pool or hot tub drain.  It is a vision that would be hard to live with.  There are safety advocates that are trying to enforce legislation to protect us all; if you would write to your representatives in Congress and express your desire for layers of safety measures to be implemented and enforced, all around the nation, it would help.

          Swimming is a great summer activity and there is no reason to avoid taking part in it as long as you are aware of  the risks and take appropriate precautions.  Check out those pools that you “visit”…make sure that they are equipped with large safe drain covers.   Don’t be afraid to ask question and don’t be willing to be pacified with answers that don’t address the issues of safety for your family.   See for yourself  if there is a shut off valve available that is quick to reach (we’ve been in hotels where those are behind a locked door). 

          If a public pool does not appear to be safe; report it to authorities outside of the organization or facility where the pool/hot tub is housed; you could be saving lives.   Don’t take chances.  Teach children and teens to avoid the drain areas of pools and hot tubs or better yet; teach them not to get into an unknown pool without checking it’s safety features.  

           It doesn’t take a genius to realize that by the time a hotel employee could be located with a key…someone could drown before help could arrive.  Protect your loved ones by being safe…being aware, and sharing this information with those who may not know of this danger!

Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

I met Louise through an online contest, believe it or not.  It was run on Twitter.  I happen to have won a poetry contest; and the prize, that I chose, was a DVD that was made by Louise Sattler.   Louise has a site called:  http://www.signingfamilies.com/ .  There you will find all kinds of information about Louise and what she does; but, I didn’t know all of that, when I won the DVD.

I chose that DVD because of the title and what I could potentially use it for.  The title is, “Baby, Toddler, and Preschool Sign Language”.   I work with children in several capacities and I liked the idea of learning some sign language just in case I needed to know it in the future.  I was so excited when i got the DVD because, just watching it I could see the passion and the commitment that Louise had for teaching sign language to children and their families.

Bravery came over me and I approached Louise about doing an interview with me so that I could blog about what she does through her workshops, her speaking engagements and through her DVD’s.   Louise agreed to do that and I thought that I would share the news of what she does because it helps so many people.  By teaching sign language as a way of communicating it allows families to be more effective in advocating for their special needs loved ones.

http://www.signingfamilies.com/  caters to those who live and work with individuals with special education needs.  Signing isn’t just for the deaf communities…people who struggle with many issues of disability can benefit from communicating through sign language.   So if you work in education, in health- care, daycare, foster care, adoption, or you have a business or a family member who is impacted…this is a great way to brush up your communication skills so that you can strengthen your ability to communicate effectively in your relationships.

If you would like to contact Louise Sattler about her programs & her work she can be reached at Louise@SigningFamilies.com; or, you can contact her to do a workshop, give an interview or a presentation by calling her business line at: 410-715-9647.    Louise is also on Twitter: http://twitter.com/Louiseasl . She is very down to earth and she also teaches in Spanish-she is bi-lingual.  Ask her about her programs….tell her that Writewhereyouare sent you and you will get a discount.    You can purchase her DVD’s at her site:  http://www.SigningFamilies.com/  or here on Amazon. com: http://bit.ly/913i5 .

         Memories are important…and while this child does not and will not remember his birthday…he will associate his life with his mother’s death at some point in the future.  It is important for those around him to tell him how much his mother wanted him, loved him and looked forward to being his parent.  But just as important for his well being, is to teach him to love life, to honor the gift of his life and to live his life in a way that celebrates the life that his mother was able to give him; living in joy and purpose.  It will be harder on those who knew his mother, who lost her and who grieve the loss of her life  at the hands of someone who either cared less about it, or was ill enough to take the life of another, simply to meet her own wants and desires.  They will definately be grieving ,while at the same time trying to raise this child in love.

         So, it will be very important that the child’s grandparents, friends and other family members are careful in how they present the facts to him as he grows up.  The memories that they share will him about his mother must be handled carefully so that he doesn’t grow up feeling like he needs to apologize for living and breathing, and feeling guilty for living when his mother has lost her life.  It was not his fault that another human being killed his mother to get him.   He has to know, when he is capable of understanding, that evil exists in the world, sickness exists in the world…but it doesn’t have to destroy him  or scar who he becomes  because evil touched his life at the very beginning.  The best revenge is to live a life that is full of purpose, passion and praise for all things good and beautiful.

          Sorting through the memories and giving the good to this child is going to be one of the most powerful things that they can do for him and his mother.  They will be the conduit through which he comes to know his mother and her love for him.    Sorting through the memories and discarding those which will cause him harm or excessive pain will be important too.  There are some details that he should not grow up knowing.  He should not be exposed to the horrible way in which his mother died.   She would want him to grow and experience all the best that life has to offer. 

          We all grow up with what we know to be true; which helps us to form our basic personality and approach to life.  If he can grow up to be an emotionally healthy person who lives surrounded with love he can have something close to the life that I am sure his mother wanted for him to have.    I know that as he celebrated his first birthday…his loved ones also mourned the loss of his mother.  I feel strongly for them.  On the other hand, it is a gift that she left them; her son lives…and through him…they still have a part of her.   Happy Birthday little man…I hope you have lots of happy birthdays.   May they have a loving, healthy life together!

         My daughter had 3 children in a fairly short period of time.  The youngest is about 5 months old (and teething at present time).  So when she said, the other day, how would you like to take the two older children for a day or two?  I said oh yeah.  She could use some much needed rest…and, I could have some fun.

          So tonight, I added a 2 year old and a 4 year to my already busy household of a 10 year old, a 17 year old, an 18 year old and a 19 year old.  Ahhhhh busy-ness.  So in preparation, I made a double- batch of home-made play dough.  I cooked,  baked and I planned us a time of over- night bliss.  We’re having a campout in the living room with a video marathon.  LOL  I told them, at bedtime, we could all make nests in the living room with our sleeping bags and watch their favorite movies.   His is CARS and hers, is Hannah Montanna.    Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into?  That is a long time to watch movies… I do love CARS though. 

        In the meantime, we have played on the swing set, rode bikes on the driveway…looked in on the baby chicks and the watched the fish in the pond.  A few minutes ago….they were dragging out their sleeping bags, their stuffed toys, and asking when it would be bed time.  Hahahahahah…their mother would be very un-impressed that they are in a hurry to go to bed at grandma’s house.  Not because I have the magic touch; oh no, it is because they can’t wait to watch the movies; now that their bellies are full…and they are anticipating the joy of sleeping on the floor and having fun.  I hate to tell their mother that it is only 7:15 pm.   They never want to go to bed early, just like most kids.  I should suggest a campout to their mom; for the days when they are giving her a hard time.   You know the kind of really loooooooooooong days that every family experiences, at one time or another as the children are growing up. 

        All of this day’s events have been celebrated amongst laughter and giggling.  I love this.  I’ve been a grandma a long time…and, it never gets old.   The only thing better, would be if all of the grandkids were here together!  Woohoo…then we would have a grand time for sure.    So, that had me thinking about a really sad (and angering) news story that I read about yesterday. 

          The story revolved around a 21 year old woman (old enough to know better-old enough to be ashamed of herself) who was caught prank calling her, own 69 year old, grandmother and allegedly threatening to kill her.  The young woman and a “friend” allegedly called the grandmother 45 times in the same day… allegedly saying things like, they were watching her and that she was going to die. 

          When the police got involved…they too, heard the female caller.  The young womans alleged explanation to the investigators was that she was “bored and she wanted to scare the grandmother…not kill her”.    I don’t know if there is any kind of mental illness involved, or any other kind of explanation for such behavior; but, I can never imagine having a relationship, with the children of my children, that would leave room for that kind of treatment.  It is an awful thing to even consider.

          I don’t imagine that grandmother ever considered such a thing happening in her family either.  Imagine standing in a hospital room, looking down at your newborn grandchild and envisioning a future where your grandchild could do such of a thing to you.  It is heartbreaking…where is the natural connection between one generation to another?  Our society is  breaking down in ways that a compassionate heart can not imagine.  We are becoming a nation of selfish and cruel people; when this kind of thing, and worse, happens between people who are supposed to love and support one another.    It begs the question, is time with the grandkids  found to be filled with an attitude of  love, indifference, insensitivity, or is it hate?   What is happening, or not happening, that is allowing some of the younger generation to be insensitive to the needs and feelings of the elders in our society?  Is anyone else shocked by some of the things that are happening in our country, even within our own families?  Elder abuse is becoming more common and it is wrong!

          Finding ways to help people be successful in life is a wonderful thing.  Children (or adults) who are affected by Autism are at a disadvantage, in life, if they can’t read the expressions and body language of those with whom they work and spend time with. 

         The face on the engine of Thomas and his pals will show different emotions.  This game is being designed to help children, who often struggle with social cues and body language issues, to understand and relate better to the people in their lives in a more appropriate way.  Human interaction is a complex thing; and, if you can’t see differences in how others are interpeting circumstances, then your own responses may not be appropriate. 

          Autism is not just a specific disease with a certain, rigid set of symptoms.  Understanding Autism and it’s effects is complex.  The medical profession, and educators, are always looking for ways to help.  If this game can open doors for those affected; then, i see no downside to using it.  To learn more about Autism check out these websites: http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/# or http://www.emedicinehealth.com/autism/article_em.htm or http://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/brain/autism.html

First and foremost, summer means heat.  After a long winter…nothing sounds better than warmth…but, remember; heat can be deadly.  That means do NOT leave children in cars…for any length of time.  Children can suffer and die in a vehicle that is left in the summer sun in no time at all.  How many terrible stories do we have to learn about before people take this seriously?  No one wants to lose their child to a senseless tragedy.  There are those cases where children “accidently” get left in a car because the parents are transporting their children in a trip that is not routinely scheduled…a different day of day care or some such change of routine.  It happens and it could happen to you if you are not aware of the dangers and the solutions.

Do your family a favor and leave your purse, briefcase or, maybe set a cooking timer next to the young child with the timer set to go off a couple of minutes before you expect to end the trip as a reminder, that your child is in the back seat.

Water is big in the summer time whether it is a pool, lake, stream, creek or river.  Extra care must be given to ensure that your child is safe.  Swimming lessons are a good, traditional way of teaching your children about water safety; but, there are other ways as well.  Talk to your child about how to protect themselves.  Teach them the buddy system.  Teach them how to float.  Teach them to never, ever go near the water without an adult present. 

If you own a pool or live next to a lake or river…install an alarm on your inner door that will chime every time the door opens; or, if you have an adventerous toddler (like I used to) install a chain lock on your door that is positioned high up on the door that will not allow them to open the door far enough to escape the home without notice.   As an added protection, add an alarm that will send out a sound that will alert you when anything enters the water of the pool that changes the water level in the pool such as the amount of water that is displaced when a child enters the water!  It is highly recommended.  Another safety feature is to add one of the new filter covers that help to keep children and adults safe from creating a vacuum that would entrap a person underwater, causing their death.  This is also highly recommended. 

Bugs…bugs are not only annoying…they are also a potential health problem.    You have tics-which can lead to lyme’s disease, fleas-which can irritate the skin and cause secondary infections from scratching, bees-which, if a person is allergic can cause serious breathing difficulties and even death in serious cases of allergy, mosquitos bites-can cause  diseases such as malaria, dengue fever, and even the West Nile illness.  There are plenty of skin applications that you can purchase to help repel bugs and insects which will cut down on your chances of being affected by illnesses or diseases.  There are even some natural plants that you can landscape with which will also help to repel certain bugs and flying pests.

Playing outdoors is as natural as breathing.  Running, jumping and playing ball are all part of growing up.  Remind children often to play in safe areas.  Remind them not to chase balls or ride outdoor toys and bikes into traffic areas including driveways that are near sidewalks close to the edge of the roads.  Roller skates/blades, skateboards and small motorized child sized vehicles are dangerous when they are used in areas prone to traffic dangers.

There are just so many hours that seem freer when kids are out of school.  Schedules are looser and sometimes so are boundaries, rules and regulations.  Kids may wander down the street farther than they would normally when they have limited free time.   That puts them at an increased risk for stranger danger.  People gather in larger outdoor groups for things like parades, festivals, outdoor concerts, and street carnivals.  It is easy to be lured into feeling safe when you are on your own turf…close to home.  Dont let that fool you.  Strangers who have criminal intent are free to roam too.  It is a scarier world than it used to be.  Even when kids are at home, inside where parents often think they are safe…they could be at risk.

You must absolutely go over tried and true safety rules with your children when they are home alone.  Moms and Dads need to teach their children to take care when answering the phone, opening the windows and doors…as well as using care when accessing the internet when no trusted adult is at home and in charge.  Safety has to be a priority; don’t just assume that your children know what to do.  Practice emergency procedures…not just fire and storm safety…but safety awareness.  The old saying still stands true…Be safe, not sorry!  For some good tips on protecting your children…here is a website that promotes safety awareness and techniques.

http://www.keepingkidssafetoday.com

       Someone out there knows what happened to me…but, they are not talking.  Please, it may have been an accident…or, I could have been stolen from my loved ones and murdered.  I deserve to have my name known.  Someone, somewhere knows who I am.  Won’t you please ask questions, look for others who are my age and might look like me; make sure that they are well &  with their family?  My family might be looking for me…or, maybe my family is hiding the fact that I am missing.  I just don’t know; but, someone knows.  http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHomeServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US     

          A person passed by me at the park where I was buried and saw my shoe sticking out.   I am sorry that you had to see me like that.  Thank you though for telling the police about me; maybe now, I can find my way home.    The investigators are trying to help me by finding out answers.  This is what we know, my shoes were black & grey with lime green on them.  Have you seen them…did you buy them for me?  Grandma, Grandpa, Mommy, Daddy,  Neighbor, Friend, Teacher, Aunt or Uncle…didn’t you see my shoes, when I got them?  

       My clothes were black pants with a red stripe, the shirt had a monster truck on it; my clothes were a size 3T.  Do you think that you might recognize me by my clothes?  I have short dark hair and brown eyes; and, I may be of Latino or American Indian heritage.   I belong to someone…do you know anyone who is missing their child?   Someone out there needs to know where I am… do I sound like someone you may know?   http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHomeServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US       

          It is ok to ask questions if it helps me find out where I belong.  I am a missing child, I had a life somewhere.    My life is over now before it even really began.   I don’t have a voice to demand answers…but, it’s not fair to be left like this.   I am a child of God and deserve some respect.   Someone disrepected me and put me in the sand…they didn’t even tell anyone that I existed or that I passed away.   They left me here like I didn’t matter to someone.   No one deserves to be treated like this.    

         The nice people from here are raising money to properly bury me and they are going to put up a placque here at the park.  They are calling me Baby Angel or Baby Justice.   It is nice that they are adopting me…because, I don’t have a way to let them know who I am.  Please help!   Surely someone knows who I am?  http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHomeServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US

Possible update:  http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/05/21/nm.buried.boy/index.html  and another more recent update:  http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,520985,00.html?test=latestnews

On the other hand, some women have children that they do not wish to have; or, do not deserve to have because they lack the ability or desire to properly care for them.  For them,  Mother’s Day is basically just another day; they fail to understand the importance of their role, as a mother.  Some women are abusive to their children or neglect them…those are  mothers who are incapable of meeting the needs of their children; of providing a loving and safe environment to grow up in.  Those kind of mothers do great harm; affecting not only their children, but future generations by making their children feel poorly about themselves and mothering in general.  It is hard to honor mothers, on Mother’s Day, who abuse; if the relationship is toxic or dangerous then of course, distance must be maintained.  Mother’s Day can be a mixed bag of emotions for many people…try to be sensitive to the emotional temperature of those in your life when you say something innocent like “Happy Mother’s day”.  It may not be a happy day for them at all. 

The special day of recognition for mothers is sometimes a painful one for those who have suffered loss.  Perhaps they have lost a mother, daughter, grandmother or granddaughter.  Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of all that has been taken away.    Throw into the mix those who have lost a child before it was born…they were mothers, but often people dont mention that, because they wish to avoid bringing up a painful subject.  The avoidance of the subject of that lost pregnancy/child is hard because some people feel that because the child was not born that the woman is not a mother…not true.  If a child was conceived, she was a mother and she should be recognized as one.

A woman who has aborted a child; and regrets it, lives with a special kind of pain.  A pain that comes from a loss of their own choosing; sometimes the pain is one of guilt, other times, one of regret.  There is no going back after an abortion; no undo moment.  The emotional cost is high and must be addressed; often with professional help to cope with this holiday that is a reminder of a child that never actually lived outside of the womb.  Even women who say that they are ok with the decision of having had an abortion, have the knowledge that a child existed, inside their body for a time.

For the infertile woman, mother’s day is a constant reminder of the emptiness of their womb…their grieving of the lost opportunity of motherhood is a pain that I can relate to…it is a relentless pain.  The hope every month that it will be different this month or that one is measured by each passing mother’s day that does not get celebrated with a child of their own in their arms.  If that infertile mother should choose to adopt…her arms may be filled; but, her heart  and mind shares mother’s day with a woman who experienced the first 9 months of life with her child.  Her mother’s day is one that began as the result of a gift of motherhood…a bittersweet gift of giving and receiving!

Think about women who have given a child up for adoption; even if they go on to have more children…there is sadness and a sense of loss, even if they still feel it was the right decision to place that child for adoption at the time.  It is a grieving of sorts.  There is sadness for the lost moments, the worry about the well being of the child that they brought into the world…and wonder about what could have been; and, if the will ever have the opportunity to know each other.

Lastly, think of the child who has lost their mother; that child can be a minor or it can be an adult child.  When it comes to loss of a parent…we often still feel like a child when it comes to grieving.  Children who lose a parent suffer a lifetime of lost moments.  It affects all of their future relationships.  Adult children who lose a parent also suffer…hopefully they will have experienced many years with their parent; to have a lifetime of memories to draw from when they need to.

No matter who you are, Mother’s Day will stir up memories and emotions based on past experiences.  Mothers are our first go- to- person when it comes to forging a relationship.  Mothers shape who we become.  It is a priviledge and an honor to become a mother; one with many responsibilities and rewards.  If a birth/adopted/foster mother is missing in your life, for any reason…all is not lost.  You can find someone special to fill that mother role in your life.   Dont compare one person to another…accept their role in your life as a person of value to you.   Reach out to a nurturer…share your hearts hurts, desires, wishes and expectations…never hold back love and affection from someone who can return it in a healthy, sharing way.

I wish you joy, love, acceptance, peace, hope and respect on this Mother’s Day…may you be blessed with a giving/receiving relationship with a loving mother figure!  If mother’s day has been a source of pain for you in the past; I hope that you can find a way to heal and to create something good to celebrate about Mother’s day.