I thought that he appeared to have his emotions under control…but, he became evasive in his eye contact and his body language definitely became more rigid.  He was angry, you could see that…but; he tried to redirect the line of questioning back towards his music.  It was uncomfortable to watch; I thought both he and Robin were uncomfortable.  In fact, Robin appears to hold herself away from him through her body language.  I felt the barely concealed hostility directed towards her from my computer screen.   Robin is always so natural on the television screen and yet I sensed that she was very uncomfortable.

Robin has interviewed him in the past, regarding the abuse issue; in fact, I thought that the previous interview was much more at ease than this one.  They seemed to have established a fragile balance in their roles of interviewer and interviewee.  That is what is so puzzling about the new allegation that arose after the interview today.  With his new music being released, this interview could have been a, turning the corner kind of interview.  One where he never again would have had to address the past…it is unfortunate that it did not turn out to be that kind of moment.

It is alleged that he went to his dressing room and busted out a window that crashed down on the road and sidewalk, in Times Square, below the building in a rage over the interview.  As far as I know, there were no injuries…however, there could have been.  Unless members of his entourage saw him do it…there were no witnesses to what actually took place behind his dressing room door; even though GMA staff allegedly became concerned over some loud noises and called security.  Chris Brown was photographed leaving the studio shirtless.

If it IS true that Chris did in fact bust out that window in some sort of uncontrolled rage over this interview…I would say that this young man has done himself a lot of damage.  He was on probation after the domestic violence situation with Rhianna.  I wonder if he is off of probation or if this alleged incident at Good Morning America will come back to haunt him legally.

Some are saying that Chris Brown agreed to the questions that Robin Roberts was going to ask him regarding the past BEFORE the interview.  Even if he had not though; he certainly had to be aware that interviewers would address the whole subject because the restraining order forbidding contact with Rhianna that was just recently lifted.

Sherry Shepard, from The View, seemed to communicate that she thought that IF he did in fact lose control and bust the window that the public would be pretty unforgiving regarding his behavior.  I tend to agree.  I think he appeared to have worked hard on himself after the original loss of control with Rihanna and he came across in the media as someone who was trying to relearn how to conduct himself more appropriately when angry.  In fact, in the interview with Robin he said that he didn’t think it would be a problem (bumping into Rihanna in public now that the restraining order was lifted); that all of that was in the past and he was beyond all of that and moving forward with his music.

The truth of the matter is…IF he did in fact lose control today…he comes across as a person with very little improvement over managing his anger.  Some witnesses said that he appeared livid after the interview.  He probably was doing a slow burn inside of his head.    Those who exhibit patterns of domestic violence towards others really have very little control over themselves and therefore their behavior is really an attempt at controlling their immediate environment and those in it.

Another truth here is that, Robin Roberts is a sensitive woman.   I would be willing to say that she has to feel awful that this talented young man possibly fell back into old patterns of behavior because of his interview on her morning news show.  Robin is a Christian…and, I do not believe that she would deliberately take joy in seeing Chris Brown fail and fall due to their interview.  I think of Rihanna too…she must be cringing inside thinking of all of the attention that this moment in time will re-ignite over a part of the past that she and Chris shared.   She cared for him at one time and maybe she still does.

It is all very sad and concerning.   What will happen in this young man’s life to bring him to a place where he can handle conflict and anger and to a place where others in his life feel confident that he will not repeat old patterns of violent behavior.  Update:

Since I wrote this post…I read news accounts saying that Chris Brown is still on probation…but that ABC will not prosecute Chris.  They have offered to let him come back on GMA and let him tell his side of the story.  Just a short time ago, I saw Gayle King had done an interview with Robin Roberts telling her side of the issue.   I found the interview very informative.  I am posting a link to it here:  Gayle King

Fashion Eyeglasses Charms Even The Most Self Conscious

Let’s be honest, most children who are told that they must wear glasses will often not be thrilled with the idea of having to wear eyeglasses.  For many children, it is the idea that others will make fun of them or, cause them to be viewed as being different from other children their own age.  Being bullied because you are visually impaired and have to wear glasses can cause a child to refuse to wear them, out of fear of being made fun of.

No one want to be made to feel self conscious about themselves, especially at certain ages when it is most important to fit in with their peers.  We’ve come along way since the days of having  a choice between wearing heavy black plastic frames or  wire frames that were basically your only choices.

Still, everyone likes to look their best and there are many fashion frames from which someone can choose to fit the shape of their face and their sense of style.   On the other hand, if you are looking to change things up so that you don’t get bored with a certain look once you’ve purchased your eyeglass frames; there wasn’t much you could do except buy multiple sets of glasses…until now.

Ros Guerrero is the owner of a company that has solved this problem.  She invented eyeglass charms that add a bit of decorator style to your eye wear frames.  Some of these charms are classic styles that are a great way to dress up your lenses for a night out…others are kind of funky colorful and fun charms.  There are charms for adults, for girls and for boys too.  I like the fact that there are charms that a child can choose from in their area of interest of art or sports.

There are also seasonal charms, pets/animals, colorful flowers, or charms that create awareness of issues such as breast cancer.  Ros has created a variety of charms for you to choose from.   These make great gifts too for just about any occasion!  They are easy to attach and the fun is in the conversations that take place when others notice the charms attached to the glasses.  It is a wonderful way to break the ice for children who may have trouble initiating conversations with others.

The really neat thing about Ros’ company is that her daughter Gem was her inspiration.   One day, Ros designed and attached her first set of charms to Gem’s glasses and sent her to school.  Gem received so many compliments, in her special needs class, that the idea of Ficklets was born.  Getting noticed wearing glasses, for a child, is not always a positive experience.   Ficklets charms can positively influence how a child perceives wearing their eye wear.  After all, if a child won’t wear their glasses how can they possibly help their eyesight?  Much of a person’s education is learned visually.   If a persons vision is impaired in any way, it is only logical that getting them to commit to wearing their glasses is important, right?

Ros & Gem ~*~The designer & The inspiration

As you know, children aren’t the only ones who wear glasses.  What’s really great about eye wear today is the fact that there are so many choices.  Still, it is the same for adults…who wants to wear the same old- same old look, day after day.  There are classic charms for female adults as well.  The added touch of these charms can dress up your look at work or, for a night out making you feel stylish and attractive.  Everyone is at their best when they feel confident and assured about their appearance.  Changing your look can be costly.   It’s a lot more affordable to change up the look of your present glasses by purchasing Ficklets than it is to go out and purchase an extra set of frames.

Do you know someone who refuses to wear their glasses because they are self conscious about the way they look?  Have you ever known someone whose life was changed because their vision was improved by wearing glasses?  If so, then you understand the importance that Ficklets can play when it comes to self esteem and wearing prescription glasses.  Are you thinking of someone in your life who would appreciate a pair of Ficklets?  If so…what are you waiting for?  Thanks Ros & Gem for helping us to see things more beautifully!

Check out this young girls reaction to her Ficklets: http://www.youtube.com/user/Ficklets?feature=mhum

Many of the comments that I overheard were negative and directed at my daughter.  All three girls have dominant personalities but what I was getting a glimpse of was what you would call verbal bullying.  Early the next day we had activities to go to so I wasn’t hearing much but I didn’t like some of what I did hear.   Even more importantly, when negative comments were made regarding my daughter she did not speak up or against what was being said.

When I would hear the tone of voice or the partial conversations that made me go…ummm what was that you said; all I got for clarification was , “oh nothing, never mind”.  That only made me listen closer.

So it was on the drive delivering the girls to their home that I was in a better position to hear clearly a couple of comments that I felt were so outrageous and disrespect or demeaning that I had to address it.  Now, understand…these girls weren’t purposely trying to be cruel.

I feel that they were more unaware of what they were doing…and yet, it had to be talked about.  I expressed to them that friends did not speak that way to one another.  Friendship I said can last a lifetime if the people involved take the time to care for one another, support and encourage one another.   I said that there are enough people in this world ready, willing and able to tear you down, make fun of you, disrespect you and try to make you feel small.  I said that it was unacceptable for them to speak to one another that way.  It had to stop.  That it was unhealthy.

My concern was two fold…one that my daughter’s self-esteem not be damaged by “friends” whose opinions mean a great deal to my daughter and two that her friends understand that this kind of behavior was not only not healthy but would not be tolerated.  Those girls as well as my daughter needed to understand that self esteem and relationships go hand in hand and that they form at a young age how we allow ourselves to be treated in future relationships.

A damaged self esteem sets up individuals for entering into abusive relationships.  An individual who abuses others in a relationship often end up in very unhealthy relationships later in life as well.   I don’t want any of either of those types of relationships for these three young ladies.

People who are involved in dysfunctional relationships are often caught up in depression, drugs/alcohol abuse, violence, pre-marital sex at a young age and even teen pregnancies.  The prison systems are full of abandoned individuals who’ve gotten involved in the wrong things; because they didn’t develop healthy foundations, in their own minds, about who they are and what they deserve in life.  Too often people are told they are no good and they don’t deserve anything but emotional crumbs in their day to day lives; and it isn’t true.  Life is too short to be broken, angry, hurt and miserable.  Everyone has the right to grow up believing that they deserve the best life has to offer.

Today it seems that people just don’t know how to support one another or relate to each other in a positive way.  The world has become very negative and toxic.  Many people only concern themselves with getting their own needs met and often times they do that at the expense of others.  We need to find ways to build people up, support them, encourage them and help them to grow in positive ways.

Parents, teachers, siblings, friends and clergy need to keep tuned into the people involved in relationships with the people that they love.  Listen closely to how they speak to one another, how they treat one another and how they allow others to treat them as well.  Building healthy interactions between those we are in charge over is important.  Do you have any tips to help someone in this type of situation?

The Good News meaning that Jesus was born the son of God, come into the world to offer hope to a lost and dying world that they might accept him, repent of their sins and grow in their relationship with God the Father and have eternal life with him in Heaven, instead of living a sinful life of destruction and pain.

I have admiration for those who can and have witnessed in that way door to door or on the streets.  It is not for everyone however, and it is not the only way to win souls.  Society has changed and in some ways not for the better.  Personal safety issues are part of the equation.  It simply is not safe to send teens or young people into settings where they are encouraged to step foot into the homes of strangers where they may, or may not, be wanted.  Today’s secular world has little respect for life, or for Christian values.

Today, that type of witnessing still happens on some level…but, times have changed in the way that we deliver the good news.  We still need to honor and perform the great commission (the task of evangelizing) around the world; however, our approach must be different to be considered highly effective.  People’s hearts are hard and their sins are proudly displayed and openly encouraged by the misguided members of our society.

We have to bring the message to where they are; and, many people are online.

The reasons for changing how we deliver the message of Salvation to the lost are varied.  To get the word out to the masses you must take the message to where the people gather together.  The biggest arena today for ministry is the internet; not a superdome or sports arena. This could include websites, blogs, webinars, tele-seminars, social media, tele-casts,news-letters or even, advertising spots.

The opportunities are endless as people are spending untold hours online.  Getting their attention and helping them to live their lives for Jesus in a way that “sticks” is important because they are constantly being bombarded with messages in the media that conflict with a life’s goal of living in Heaven.

Just think about how the enemy, Satan, is reaching out to people online; both the Sinners and the Saints.  The temptations and the opportunities to lead them into a continual life of sin is right there at their fingertips.

There are sinful things online that become addictive and their “drug of choice” is always there waiting for them to connect.  Shouldn’t the messengers of God be there as well?  Why can’t a word, a thought/idea, a scripture or an encouragement to do what’s right in the sight of the Lord be just as available as the sinful content at the click of a mouse online?  It can be if Christian people would join this writing project to encourage people to come to know God and apply his life principles to their lives.

So it is, that the message of God’s love and his plan of Salvation is still desperately needed to be broadcast around the globe so that every ear may hear, and every eye may see, so that every tongue has the opportunity to confess Jesus is the son of God and their own personal Lord and Savior; BEFORE the rapture takes place.

Believe it or not, some have not had the opportunity to know of God’s love.  Missionaries around the world can tell you that from experience.  We must employ every means possible to reach out to a lost and hurting world so that everyone can know the love of God, experience his protective power, and the fullness of living in his service.

Whatever your circle of influence is, if you are a Christian you are called to proclaim the message that Jesus died on the cross and rose again so that each and every person who confesses their sins and sincerely repents choosing to live by God’s commandments will be allowed into Heaven when the trumpet sounds.

Not every person has the personality, the skills, or the Biblical knowledge to knock on doors or able to stand on the street corners and win souls for the Kingdom.  However, by choosing to #LiveSticky in a public way online, you have even more opportunities to have an outreach that you may not have access to otherwise.  Souls can be saved, seeds can be planted, and lives can be impacted in a very real way.

Be a witness, be an encourager, be a good listener and look for opportunities to be a lighthouse.   Lead by shining God’s light and guiding people to him through your online relationships and interactions.  Offer hope to people who have been hurt and lost or broken in life; only God can heal their lives.  Let the local churches and ministries help develop those people to a life of discipleship…but, be a vital part of opening their hearts to the call of God for their salvation.

That is what #LiveSticky is all about.  Won’t you be bold and commit to living your faith out loud online?  I’m going to try to be more bold online.  You can follow me on

Twitter  at      http://twitter.com/WritewhereUr

The impact of that was the beginning of the fitness niche that you see today.  Exercise was not just a gimmick for Jack, like you see so many businesses pushing today; just to make money.  It wasn’t a fad for him, it was a way of life, each and every day.  Jack LaLanne I remember you and your wife Elaine’s career; and, I remember how you inspired a nation to get fit by setting an example with your words, your actions and your life.

Today, I myself will get up and get moving; I’ll start on my exercise bike.  My son is going to begin an intensive interval training program called Fearless 45 today. I will do my best to encourage him to follow through…not just for a short term goal but to promote life long health and well-being.  That is what Jack tried to teach all who would listen was to make well-being.

I myself have gotten away from living a life of healthy exercise and eating right.  I love that you lived a whole life of fitness from the moment you understood it’s power to enhance you day to day existence.  Your television show was on the air for something like 34 years.  You made guest appearances on other shows, on network news and on videos and the like.  I can still hear the excitement and the dedication in your voice.

How wonderful it would be to have that same joy and commitment.  So, today Jack LaLanne I will dedicate my first day of being recommitted to exercise as a permanent lifestyle change.  Thank you, God bless you and your family.  As a side note: that link to Fearless 45 is an affiliate link and if you were to purchase it…I would be financially compensated. That doesn’t take away from the fact that it is a good program for those who are approved by their doctors to be healthy enough to pursue that level of fitness.

It has become a way of life to do what feels good at the moment and not worry about having a high standard of conduct.  Live and let live…don’t make waves…be politically correct at all times; even at the cost of what you believe to be the appropriate conduct, right?  Wrong…lowering the standards of acceptable behavior can lead to all sorts of personal problems.

You see these things not only in the adult population, but also in small children; they are the next generation in training.  Parents, teachers, clergy, employers, and those in any kind of leadership position will tell you there has been a big change in the conduct of the people of today, as compared to 10-15 years ago.  There’s a noticeable decline in respectful behavior shown towards anyone in authority. A big portion of a teachers day is spent dealing with attitudes and discipline and this affects the quality of our school aged children.  It would be unnecessary if everyone worked together to raise the standards of acceptable behavior and personal conduct.

Many people’s work ethic has gone downhill…there is a sense of entitlement that many people have that excludes them, in their own minds, from having responsibility or expectations put on them.  They appear to think it is easier to just be passive and non-responsive…or fail to perform to their fullest capabilities.  This is really not acceptable if they are to have a fullness in life.  It tends to leave a person dissatisfied about where they are and feeling badly about themselves and others who are in authority over them.  Creating interpersonal problems in the work force and at home should they lose their jobs.

If you as a customer, of a business, feel that you have been treated unfairly…don’t merely tuck your tail and walk out unhappy and allow such treatment.  Stand up for what you believe to be correct.  You don’t have to be rude, violent, or disrespectful…but very simply say what you think is out of line and ask what they can do to correct the situation. Hold someone accountable for their attitude towards others.

You will be surprised at the response.  Some will be shocked that you said anything at all.  Others will be quick to try to make excuses…and try to get you to go away quickly, without trying to correct the situation.  However, if you respectfully try to resolve this problem and get no response…ask to speak to someone with more authority.  Explain that you feel that their standard of conduct was not appropriate.

If you happen to be a business owner…remember to conduct yourself in a way which speaks of your own high standard of behavior.  This is in public and in private.  It is hard to make a living; and people often look for ways to cut corners, eliminating extra financial demands.  Don’t lower your standards in the quality of people who you hire, the products you sell, the way that you go about marketing or advertising them, or even in the place where you conduct your business.  If you raise the standards, your customers will notice.  They will respond in a positive manner; they will come to recognize you as someone over and above the rest.  You will set yourself above the crowd, and raise the bar so that your competitors will respond to that; when they see that your customers are respecting how you conduct yourself and that it translates to better business practices.

Teachers, parents, employers, spiritual leaders, and law enforcement personnel must raise the standard of expected and acceptable behaviors.  Consequences are a big part of this equation.  When someone fails to meet acceptable levels of behavior then there must be consequences either as a natural consequence or as a teaching tool.

Let failure be a learning experience and a natural part of life.  Don’t rush to fix things or make it better and don’t make excuses of why that person isn’t performing up to par.  That is not to say that you can’t have compassion or sympathy and adjust to a situation…but, don’t do it automatically…giving that person an out or a pass.  Use good judgment in how you deal with people.  Not only holding others accountable but being accountable yourself in all areas of your life.

I find it ironic, when you hear someone holding another person or business to a higher standard than that with which they conduct themselves.  How do they justify that?  It is as the old saying goes…we judge others by their behavior; but, we judge ourselves by our intentions.  Meaning that we know what we were thinking when we behaved the way that we did; and, give ourselves permission to lower the bar on our own personal conduct.  That is not fair, nor is it acceptable.  I challenge you to raise the standards … and ask you to challenge others in your life to do the same.  Is it possible to change our culture by doing these things?  How do you envision your circle of influence reacting to this kind of expectation?

Allegedly there are even more sound bites from these audio recordings that have equally disturbing comments from Mel Gibson. In the past, he has been accused by some as having made disturbing comments about Jews when he was arrested.  It was said in reference to those statements, that he was under the influence.  Others would argue that what is in the heart bubbles to the surface when that person’s inhibitions are loosened up from drugs/alcohol.

This past year has seen Mr. Gibson separate from his wife of 30 years, Robyn only to publically engage in his relationship with Ms. Oksana Grigorieva.   They had a female child, Lucia, together and it is alleged by Oksana that Mel Gibson physically assaulted her by hitting her in the face, while she was holding their daughter, causing physical harm to Oksana; as well as threatening to burn down her residence. 

 Mel is now being investigated for domestic violence by law enforcement.  A tallent agency has stopped representing him in the last week as well after Mel supposedly made disparaging remarks about hispanics whom he allegedly called “wetbacks”.  His personal reputation is going through some rapid changes.   He has been a successful actor in the box office for years earning kudos from the entertainment world and from fans alike. 

These audio tapes, if proven to be his voice, are not going to help Mel Gibson dispell the impression that he is guilty of domestic violence when the tone of voice, that is alleged to be him, states the Oksana looks like a whore, has fake breasts and that she dresses in a provocative way; the male voice goes on to say that if she is attacked and raped by a pack of (N-word insulting name for African Americans) then she DESERVES that. 

No-one deserves to be raped EVER by ANYONE; and I think, if he did make those statesment that it will be hard to regain any semblance of respect from people who believe as I do that it is wrong to say such things as well as to believe it.   Also, the voice on the tape seems to dismiss Oksana by saying things such as I do not trust you, I don’t love you and I don’t want you; these are meant to tear down and diminish the context of their relationship.  It was a relationship that would not be condoned by the church because it was outside of a marriage situation; still, he chose to indulge in a relationship with her so to talk in such a way about her is insulting on many levels.   Whoa, talk about offensive!

I mean, obviously she was a good enough woman to have sex with; as evidenced by the birth of their child.  He was attracted to her enough for that.   He stepped outside of his marriage to have the relationship with Oksana.   Yet, in the same vein, she is a whore; beneath contempt evidenced by his alleged words.   These are the mixed up thoughts of a man who has not come to the understanding of the wholeness of an intimate relationship.  I mean, you can’t have sex with a person outside of marriage and condem them without also condeming yourself.  If she is a whore…then what makes him any different than her?  Is this self hate that he is directing at her because he can’t sort it out in his own head?  You have to wonder if his relationship with Oksana is the only illicit relationship that he has indulged in; maybe guilt is eating him alive.

How do you go from being in a marriage of over 30 years; to starting a new relationship with a woman who is not your wife, while still married and with whom you create a child; and then espouse your intense dislike and disrespect for that same person in such a way as to try to demean them as a person and as a woman.   Inflicting alleged verbal, emotional and physical abuse upon them for the very acts that you willingly engaged in; when you yourself are a willing participant in the relationship, is a difficult concept for people to understand.  If one is at fault, then both is at fault in the eyes of God, unless it is a forced sexual contact.

Emotions are very convoluted…mixed up with lust, anger, resentment, sadness and loathing not to mention guilt and embarassment.   The conscious is a complicated thing; when people go against their own moral or religious values to give in to sin or temptation…the spirit rebels.  Words and actions start to conflict with one another and it causes breakdowns in interpersonal relationships.   The conscious is inside each of us to keep us from wrongdoing…it is a tool.  When we disregard the very core of our beings and choose to step outside of what we believe is right/wrong we end up punishing ourselves and others in ways that we don’t understand.

This is one loaded audio recording: if indeed Mr. Gibson said, let alone thought any of these things.   Then, it is indicative of a man eaten alive by a corrosive hate for not only those who are different from him by race or by being born female, as well.  Let’s remember, Oksana is the MOTHER of his child as much as Robyn is; although Robyn had every moral and legal right as his wife to have the fullness of marriage by having intimate relations with him and giving birth to his children.   Eventually Mel and Oksana’s young daughter Lucia will grow up and read of his rantings and judgements.   On the other side of things, Mel already has children, from his marriage, old enough to read and understand his words and deeds.   These kinds of words and actions are destructive to family relationships.   What must Robyn or his adult children think of his behavior…his thoughts, his words and his mindset?   Mel is still their father but they too must be trying to sort out this confusing circumstances.

Mel appears to be a man of conflicting images.  He is on one hand professionally praised by other actors and actresses and co-workers.  But, don’t you have to wonder how they feel, hearing of his feelings about women, race relations and appearances?  He was known for years as a family man to the public.   He was known for his Catholic beliefs.   He was a benefactor for children and agencies that helped them.  Yet, in the last few years he has had issues that have festered to the surface in public and in private.  Who is the real Mel Gibson?

It is just my observation but, Mel comes across to me as a man who is embroiled in inner conflicts that he does not know how to resolve.  A husband, father, family man/a man who was allegedly involved in a romantic relationship outside of his marriage vows, a good Catholic/yet a man who openly hates Jews (Jesus was a Jew), An actor and director who works with women in the entertainment industry who often dress provocatively for movie roles and for publicity; and, people of all skin colors and various religious beliefs, both behind the scenes and in film roles on the screen. 

People who are tormented with hatred of others, simply because of their own intolerence for people who are different from them, are the most miserable people.  Their intense dislike of others is caustic and hard to rally support for except from like-minded people who are also filled with judgement and hatred.  Usually there is also a large supply of self- hatred underneath it all which is masked by self-medicating behavior with drugs, alcohol, cutting or self maiming physical behavior, suicidal thoughts or actions, or promiscuity; all of which are self destructive.  

What is needed is a healing of the physical, emotional and spiritual person.  Someone who fills up on hate or self destructive behaviors is someone who is trying to fill up empty spots or voids in their lives.  They don’t know how to heal and often will need professional help; such as legal intervention, sometimes medical help such as medication, psychological evaluations and treatment, and spiritual guidance which focuses on positive guidelines for building up an attitude of love, encouragement and peace.  Someone who has been indoctrinated since childhood with hate may require long term intervention before they are able to accept not only themselves but others on an equal footing or at least in an unconfrontational way of life.

A person’s legacy is a very important thing.  It doesn’t matter if you are a celebrity or not;  we alone determine the kind of legacy that we leave this earth with; by our thoughts, our actions, and by the way we make others feel.    We live such a short time on this earth so why spend it in turmoil, unhappiness, anger and violence.  Life is so much more rewarding when people find ways to live in peace, harmony, and love.  If you or someone you know is imploding from hatred in their heart and mind…please find help before you destroy yourself or others.

       After all, men and women have fought and died for the privelege that we all enjoy of living free from the will of others being forced upon us regardless of their own values and beliefs.   We don’t thank our military men and women enough for that and we should.  

        Our own country’s Declaration of Independence was based on the idea and principals of freedom.  Without that document as the basis of our country, we would still be forced to accept another country’s authority of what we could and could not do as individuals, in America.  Human beings still value freedom today, as much as during the formation of the United States of America; we just don’t always talk about what that means in our everyday lives. 

        Relationships are often broken or strengthened on the basis of the people’s concept of the boundaries and limitations of freedom in their relationship.  It does not matter whether that relationship is romantic in nature or whether the relationship is based on friendship, or is a family relationship such as parent to child or, even a working relationship with a co-worker  or a boss. 

         Freedom and it’s limitations are important.  If you think I am wrong consider this… if a couple has differing views on what kind of freedoms are going to be allowed in the relationships regarding physical relations, financial spending or saving, discipline issues with regard to raising children…or even freedom to pursue a chosen career…how does one compromise the limits of such freedoms without compromising or destroying one person or the other’s sense of what is acceptable?   They must consider the other person’s feelings regarding freedom as being equally important as their own and be willing to find an acceptable solution to both parties.  This is not easy…because everyone wants what they want and they want it their own way, if given a choice.

        A child who wants freedom, to do what they want at age two, will try to determine the outcome of how much freedom he or she has by acting out behaviorally.  It is the same with a teenager who is experiencing conflict between what they consider acceptable limits to their freedom as far as the use of the phone/computer/video games/ romantic relationships or even curfew.  When they don’t feel “heard” or at least met half way by a parental authority figure…often teens will rebel; sometimes even risk leaving home and damaging their relationship with parents or their siblings, over their own idea of how much freedom they should be allowed.

        Another population of people who understand the value of freedom is someone who is incarcerated or imprisoned.  The basic freedom of coming or going from place to place is something that most people enjoy and take for granted.  However, a person who is being punished criminally or in a war situation may experience a severe form of limitation of their freedoms.  They are not allowed to come and go freely.  They eats, sleep, work and interact only when they are allowed to do so.  This is meant to be a deterrent to commiting crime against societies.  It works for some, but truthfully, most people do not know how much they value these basic freedoms until it is taken away from them.  It is frightening to lack control over every aspect of your daily life.  Most people will be persuaded to live a life free of crime to avoid loosing their freedom.

        In general, the trick to having freedom that works is balancing freedom with responsibility and having a mutual respect for those with which the conflict is occuring.  Freedom to make one’s own choices is never free…it comes with a cost.  People who offer freedom to another person (from those in whom they are in disagreement with) WILL have strings attached or ulterior motives; even if they aren’t evident at the beginning. 

          We each must earn our own way in the freedom department…but, ultimately, the rights we enjoy as individuals are fought and won in battle through our military men and women who’ve paid a high costs; our court systems  and through legal challenges; and, in our own personal relationships through our communication with others of our needs and expectations; and our willingness to consider the rights and freedoms of those around us as being important as well. 

         The thing about freedom is also that the person who is expecting it, demanding it  needs to consider whether the freedom that they are wanting and seeking is worth the cost.  It must be weighed in each circumstance and if meeting in the middle or compromising can’t be done without one or both people feeling like they have given up too much…then relationships can be damaged.  It doesn’t matter how those relationships come into being…everyone wants to be valued and considered worthy of having equal say in how they conduct their lives.  It is human nature.

The push, the pull…the unseen force that threatens to destroy the will of the person
who has done everything in their power
to avoid that choice which they can not, or will not, give into

The mental strain continues until the system overloads
and weakness takes control, for the barest sliver of a moment;
long enough for that decision which has successfully been avoided; until that moment, becomes accomplished!

So what was achieved in the end?
Acceptance of the fact that; what had previously been avoided,
could have been accomplished sooner;  averting the stress of it all…but, would that be in their best interest?

What was the struggle all about; why was it so important to resist, if you eventually gave in anyway?
that is the lesson…hidden in between the push and the pull
A rough gem of knowledge, polished bright by the friction

knowledge which will allow you to understand what will
be revealed to you in another life lesson moment… at a future date;                                                                                                        it will become an opportunity for in-depth growth once you understand the layers of the lesson

Was the avoided topic destructive to you or another? Why was the pull so strong? Was the experience beneficial in the end? Why did you resist it and push against the experience from the beginning? Could the choice be unhealthy or unsafe for you, or another person? Are you capable of making good choices without guidance or professional help?

Use that knowledge to grow and positively affect others…
that is the real reason you suffered in the process;
so that you would remember; and, not waste all that was gained in the struggle.

So, what are you avoiding and why; have you begun to figure it out?

           There are even people who want or need to sell products or services online…but, they cringe at the very thought of being called a salesperson.  They want to make money…but, they don’t want to sell.   Why is that; it is because over the years, sales people have gotten a reputation as being pushy, dishonest, or smarmy!    The reality is, to make money online-you DO need to be a sales person.  Can you successfully sell and still be perceived as  a “good person”?  

          Sure, I think you can sell products or service and still hang on to who you are, with your ethics in place.   I believe that the way you sell is a reflection of who you are as a person…or at least, it should be.  Don’t be persuaded to take one tack or another in how you market if it goes against who you are as a person; just because it worked for someone else and they made lots of money.  For those people LEARNING internet marketing, online sales techniques, or affiliate marketing….I want you to think carefully about what kind of salesperson you are!  How you conduct your business definately matters.

          In case some of you don’t know it…customers are a pretty savy bunch of people.  Oh there are coaches/marketers out there who tell you that your customer doesn’t even really know what it is they want or need; and, while there may be a handful of those kind of customers…for the most part-they Do know what they want.  Respect them and act accordingly.  

         If the customer thinks that they want something that isn’t going to benefit them; you could choose to  not correct them and just sell them what they want anyway; but is that right?  If you want to keep them happy and see them successful; you will point out the difference between wanting/needing.  Show them how they could benefit from other products, if that is the right thing for them, if  that will increase their success.    You will have gained a customer for life .  But what if your product isnt right for them; but, they want it anyway?  Truth…give them truth about what they really need…even if it is your competitor’s product or service.    Say what?

            Isn’t your goal to have a happy customer in the end?  Then you must represent yourself and your business in a way that reflects that you respect your customer by not manipulating them into purchases that they either dont want or dont need.   But you say, I am in business to make money!  True enough…but, repeat business is better than a dishonest sale that will leave a bad taste in your customer’s mouth when they think of you or your business.  They will remember how you conducted yourself as a business person; whether you handled the situation in a good way, or in a  bad/indifferent way.

          In my mind, if you have to “shock” your potential customer by how you “sell” them…then you are merely playing mind games and manipulating the customer with ”black hat” tactics.  Instead, try operating in a genuine way which connects what you provide them, along with exactly what they need.  Now that may take some honest, straightforward speaking because some of your customers may believe they need something else.  You have to convince them with facts, figures, and testimonies that don’t promise them the moon…when you know that you can’t deliver them any such thing.  Be realistic with your promises…make sure you can deliver what you say you can; and then, go one step further and give them a bit more.  They will recognize your commitment to them, as your customer, and it will begin to build a loyalty between you, as the salesperson; and them, as the buyer.

          Ok, some more honesty here; your honesty as a marketer or salesperson… can cost you some customers.  What?  Why would being honest cost you customers?   It is because your customers have been being taught by others to expect to be manipulated.  They may think that you are not for real…they may believe that there is a “catch” to what you are promising them.  It is possible that your potential customer may buy into another marketer’s big promises or overly hyped product-if it doesn’t deliver them what they expected…that will come back to bite both the customer and the marketer who did not represent themselves or their product/services honestly.    It is up to you to present yourself in a way that delivers exactly what you say you will, in the way you promise, in a timely manner; and, back up your promises by following through.  Eventually, word gets around about how solid you are as a marketer and you will get respect, as well as trust, from those who do business with you.   And what’s more, they WILL come back and DO business with you because they will realize that it is better to deal with business people that are honest in how they conduct their business.

         In the old days when people conducted business in small towns…they quickly made a name for themselves as honest or dishonest.  Word got around.  The internet may be a bigger business field…but, if you create an image online with your customers one way or the other…be prepared for that to impact your business!

       So, what kind of salesperson are you; or what kind of salesperson do you want to become?