Allegedly there are even more sound bites from these audio recordings that have equally disturbing comments from Mel Gibson. In the past, he has been accused by some as having made disturbing comments about Jews when he was arrested.  It was said in reference to those statements, that he was under the influence.  Others would argue that what is in the heart bubbles to the surface when that person’s inhibitions are loosened up from drugs/alcohol.

This past year has seen Mr. Gibson separate from his wife of 30 years, Robyn only to publically engage in his relationship with Ms. Oksana Grigorieva.   They had a female child, Lucia, together and it is alleged by Oksana that Mel Gibson physically assaulted her by hitting her in the face, while she was holding their daughter, causing physical harm to Oksana; as well as threatening to burn down her residence. 

 Mel is now being investigated for domestic violence by law enforcement.  A tallent agency has stopped representing him in the last week as well after Mel supposedly made disparaging remarks about hispanics whom he allegedly called “wetbacks”.  His personal reputation is going through some rapid changes.   He has been a successful actor in the box office for years earning kudos from the entertainment world and from fans alike. 

These audio tapes, if proven to be his voice, are not going to help Mel Gibson dispell the impression that he is guilty of domestic violence when the tone of voice, that is alleged to be him, states the Oksana looks like a whore, has fake breasts and that she dresses in a provocative way; the male voice goes on to say that if she is attacked and raped by a pack of (N-word insulting name for African Americans) then she DESERVES that. 

No-one deserves to be raped EVER by ANYONE; and I think, if he did make those statesment that it will be hard to regain any semblance of respect from people who believe as I do that it is wrong to say such things as well as to believe it.   Also, the voice on the tape seems to dismiss Oksana by saying things such as I do not trust you, I don’t love you and I don’t want you; these are meant to tear down and diminish the context of their relationship.  It was a relationship that would not be condoned by the church because it was outside of a marriage situation; still, he chose to indulge in a relationship with her so to talk in such a way about her is insulting on many levels.   Whoa, talk about offensive!

I mean, obviously she was a good enough woman to have sex with; as evidenced by the birth of their child.  He was attracted to her enough for that.   He stepped outside of his marriage to have the relationship with Oksana.   Yet, in the same vein, she is a whore; beneath contempt evidenced by his alleged words.   These are the mixed up thoughts of a man who has not come to the understanding of the wholeness of an intimate relationship.  I mean, you can’t have sex with a person outside of marriage and condem them without also condeming yourself.  If she is a whore…then what makes him any different than her?  Is this self hate that he is directing at her because he can’t sort it out in his own head?  You have to wonder if his relationship with Oksana is the only illicit relationship that he has indulged in; maybe guilt is eating him alive.

How do you go from being in a marriage of over 30 years; to starting a new relationship with a woman who is not your wife, while still married and with whom you create a child; and then espouse your intense dislike and disrespect for that same person in such a way as to try to demean them as a person and as a woman.   Inflicting alleged verbal, emotional and physical abuse upon them for the very acts that you willingly engaged in; when you yourself are a willing participant in the relationship, is a difficult concept for people to understand.  If one is at fault, then both is at fault in the eyes of God, unless it is a forced sexual contact.

Emotions are very convoluted…mixed up with lust, anger, resentment, sadness and loathing not to mention guilt and embarassment.   The conscious is a complicated thing; when people go against their own moral or religious values to give in to sin or temptation…the spirit rebels.  Words and actions start to conflict with one another and it causes breakdowns in interpersonal relationships.   The conscious is inside each of us to keep us from wrongdoing…it is a tool.  When we disregard the very core of our beings and choose to step outside of what we believe is right/wrong we end up punishing ourselves and others in ways that we don’t understand.

This is one loaded audio recording: if indeed Mr. Gibson said, let alone thought any of these things.   Then, it is indicative of a man eaten alive by a corrosive hate for not only those who are different from him by race or by being born female, as well.  Let’s remember, Oksana is the MOTHER of his child as much as Robyn is; although Robyn had every moral and legal right as his wife to have the fullness of marriage by having intimate relations with him and giving birth to his children.   Eventually Mel and Oksana’s young daughter Lucia will grow up and read of his rantings and judgements.   On the other side of things, Mel already has children, from his marriage, old enough to read and understand his words and deeds.   These kinds of words and actions are destructive to family relationships.   What must Robyn or his adult children think of his behavior…his thoughts, his words and his mindset?   Mel is still their father but they too must be trying to sort out this confusing circumstances.

Mel appears to be a man of conflicting images.  He is on one hand professionally praised by other actors and actresses and co-workers.  But, don’t you have to wonder how they feel, hearing of his feelings about women, race relations and appearances?  He was known for years as a family man to the public.   He was known for his Catholic beliefs.   He was a benefactor for children and agencies that helped them.  Yet, in the last few years he has had issues that have festered to the surface in public and in private.  Who is the real Mel Gibson?

It is just my observation but, Mel comes across to me as a man who is embroiled in inner conflicts that he does not know how to resolve.  A husband, father, family man/a man who was allegedly involved in a romantic relationship outside of his marriage vows, a good Catholic/yet a man who openly hates Jews (Jesus was a Jew), An actor and director who works with women in the entertainment industry who often dress provocatively for movie roles and for publicity; and, people of all skin colors and various religious beliefs, both behind the scenes and in film roles on the screen. 

People who are tormented with hatred of others, simply because of their own intolerence for people who are different from them, are the most miserable people.  Their intense dislike of others is caustic and hard to rally support for except from like-minded people who are also filled with judgement and hatred.  Usually there is also a large supply of self- hatred underneath it all which is masked by self-medicating behavior with drugs, alcohol, cutting or self maiming physical behavior, suicidal thoughts or actions, or promiscuity; all of which are self destructive.  

What is needed is a healing of the physical, emotional and spiritual person.  Someone who fills up on hate or self destructive behaviors is someone who is trying to fill up empty spots or voids in their lives.  They don’t know how to heal and often will need professional help; such as legal intervention, sometimes medical help such as medication, psychological evaluations and treatment, and spiritual guidance which focuses on positive guidelines for building up an attitude of love, encouragement and peace.  Someone who has been indoctrinated since childhood with hate may require long term intervention before they are able to accept not only themselves but others on an equal footing or at least in an unconfrontational way of life.

A person’s legacy is a very important thing.  It doesn’t matter if you are a celebrity or not;  we alone determine the kind of legacy that we leave this earth with; by our thoughts, our actions, and by the way we make others feel.    We live such a short time on this earth so why spend it in turmoil, unhappiness, anger and violence.  Life is so much more rewarding when people find ways to live in peace, harmony, and love.  If you or someone you know is imploding from hatred in their heart and mind…please find help before you destroy yourself or others.

         There is great debate about whether this policy should or should not be in place.  The Provincetown school district superintendent, Beth Singer appears to be puzzled by the controversy; even though the policy has no age limitation.    This goes above and beyond regular sex ed where parents can opt out of certain aspects of a sex ed program because of their beliefs or their own choice in how they want to explain the facts of life to their children; but, this policy removes that option by eliminating a parent’s consent or awareness.

        The author of the policy believes that all students should be educated about the use of condoms regarding disease and pregnancy prevention along with other issues relating to sexual education.  News reports say that she believes the controversy is surprising, but good as it gets people discussing the issue.  She has said that the policy was not created with the intention of giving condoms to children in elementary school.   It will probably now be geared for middle school and up, if I understand this correctly.  However, I think that is wrong because even though it does happen, kids should NOT be having sex.  If they are having sex then it is up to the parents and that child/teen to discuss how things should be handled; it should be a private family matter.

      It seems that, the school committee that approved the policy will re-examine the way that the policy is written because opposition to the policy has arisen over the availability of condoms to grade school children without having to notify the  parents, of said students.   Golly, I wonder why the parents are so upset…I mean…it is not like the school is trying to take over the role of the parents or anything, right?  >by the way, that is SARCASM if you are not getting that without hearing the “tone” of my voice.

       My feeling is that anytime a school or agency tries to usurp the authority of a parent over their children… it is wrong.  By creating a situation where kids can skip going to their parents for something as important as birth control or a device meant to protect them while having sexual relations with another person (whether it be another minor or not) is a serious problem. 

         First of all, minors having sex is not ok.  It happens yes; yes it does.  However, our society is sending kids mixed messages about whether that is appropriate.  Everything they hear and see in the media is sexually charged.  Yet, legally (and morally) sexually activity with another minor is wrong.  It can get them brought up on charges.  A minor having sexual relations with an adult is illegal, and damaging emotionally, physically and spiritually.  

        Any sexual activity can expose them to sexually transmitted diseases.  It can damage them emotionally and socially at a time when they are just discovering who they are as an individual.  It can put them in a situation where they have to choose how to handle the consequences of a pregnancy; ie: raising the child, adoption, abortion and the after-effects of any of those choices.  A minor is not typically in a position to handle the life long implications of such choices; often their choices are made while in crisis.  They often do not have the finances, the education, the housing or the emotional maturity to handle the consequences of sexual behavior.   Sometimes decisions such as having an abortion, or making an adoption plan, can actually harm them permanently forcing them to seek professional help in the future.  

         No one knows your child like you the parent does.  You understand their emotional make up.  You know what they have gone through personally.  You the parent know their friends and their boyfriends/girlfriends.  It is you the parent who is/was their first teacher in life…they have learned a great deal from you from birth on.  This area of teaching is the parent’s responsibility.  It can be uncomfortable yes…but understand this…no agency or school is going to have your particular set of values on this subject.  They might get taught the mechanics of how sex happens and how to prevent pregnancy…but, they won’t get the personal/moral/religious viewpoint that you the parent has from some other authority in the exact same way as you, yourself would have your kids understand it.

         I understand that not all parents are created equally…some parents will shirk their responsibility or worse, they may care less what their kids are doing; let alone deal with any consequences.  There are abusive family situations as well…that IS when an agency is appropriate to step in and take over the parenting duties…when an adult parent is unfit.  In that situation, a school counselor, a trusted adult or even a member of clergy can be confided in to meet the needs of a kid who is in need of counseling regarding sexual behavior.  But, it is not fair to the parents who do take their leadership position as heads of their households away by superceding their parental authority.

          The fallout of damage to personal relationships due to the alienation of parental authority is real and can hurt your relationship with your child forever. 

          The mere fact of keeping the parents out of the decision making loop, in an area of life that has the potential of affecting their child for the rest of their life which allows them to keep those kind of secrets is unhealthy and just plain wrong. 

          I would hope that this policy helps people realize and respect how important these decisions are and allows them to be decided between parents, their children, and their own family’s medical/spiritual consultants.

      Many people don’t realize the extent of the problem of homeless youth.  They are at risk for drugs & alcohol addictions, prostitution, violence, human trafficking, HIV, suicide, teen pregnancy, abuse, abortion, early death, mental & physical health problems, and crime & imprisionment.  It doesn’t have to be this way.

       Tellman started out with this challenge in Battery Park in New York in September of 2009; he plans to end the journey within 99 days in California at the Santa Monica Pier.   He has been documenting his journey as he goes.  He started in September as I said, and the route has changed some; which is good considering that winter has fallen in many parts of the northern & eastern states.  He is meeting great people along the way.

         Tellman Knudson believes that the homeless youth are great problem solvers and are good at surviving.  He wants to harness those skills and teach them to reduce their risk- related behaviors; and, to get themselves out of whatever kind of dangerous situations that they are living in.  After he has accomplished that, he hopes to be able to teach them business and life skills using their unique problem solving abilities.  That $100 million dollars will be put to good use.  Tellman knows that this is a group of individuals worth saving…he was once a troubled youth himself who faced many challenges including a debilitating leg condition which hindered his ability to even walk well.   http://runtellmanrun.com/press-and-sponsors/who-is-tellman/

        He has suffered a severely brused, painful heel condition which required him to recently reduce his running schedule.  He has been advised by a doctor to only run 3 miles a day and to only run 5 days a week instead of the 7 that he was running.  This will of course add time to his original plan of running this journey in 99 days time.  No matter, he is following doctors orders and doing as he is told so that he can still achieve his goal.  In the meantime….

       Tellman Knudson is in Atlanta, today, trying to raise funds in the internet community at the Sheraton Hotel where a seminar is being held with many of his friends and supporters.  He asks that we wish him luck; but, I say…even more than that…send him money!  If you go to his page you can donate online, what do you say…are the youth of today worth investing in?  http://runtellmanrun.com/   This isn’t just a holiday charity drive…this is Tellman’s purpose and passion…won’t you help?

          However, if they become disillusioned/free of that belief or stand; they have in other words switched sides and are convinced that they were wrong in their original position of belief.  For every argument or discussion, they have a response to their opposition’s point of view because they have defended or stood up for each point of discussion on the other side.   It is sort of like arguing with yourself, inside your head when you are weighing a decision.    When you finally decide what is the correct point of view, it becomes the one that you most effectively communicate to others because you have DECIDED the issue in your own mind first! 

          So, for those who have been a strong, vocal voice say in the realm of spiritual discussions such as atheism over a belief in God and have switched sides; they are much more persuasive in their discussions with other atheists.   Or, say for example a political representative for one party over another suddenly switches sides…they become a powerful tool to their former political opponents because they have inside information on how the other party approached certain issues or subjects and even how they operated as an organization.   Even the media sits up and takes notice if a politician switches sides on an issue or political affiliation.

         Now this morning I read, with interest, a news item about a woman who worked for eight years as a director for a Planned Parenthood clinic.  She for years defended the right of women to seek services at her clinic and to even have abortions if it was the decision that they made that was considered to be in their best interest.  She was a very strong voice for pro-choice issues.    She hinted that while Planned Parenthood is a multi-service organization which helps families to handle their reproductive health and educates them, there is not much money in the education portion of the business.

         The lucrative side of the business comes from performing abortions, according to Abby Johnson’s statements.  She said she was getting internal, personal pressure to increase the clinics profitability.   What seemed to change her opinion on pro-choice beliefs to one of  a vocal stance of  pro-life  is when she witnessed, for the first time the actual death of a fetus on an ultra sound monitor as the baby was vacuumed out of it’s mother’s body. 

        It doesn’t get any more real than watching a baby’s body dissolve into pieces when it was moments before a connected living creature inside of it’s mother’s womb.  Abortion is destructive to the life of the child as well as potentially destructive to the emotional, physical and spiritual well-being of the mother.  Often the opinion of fathers of babies who lives hang in the balance while a woman considers her “option” of abortion, are not considered because the child is encased inside of the woman’s body.  It is somehow “her decision”.   The decision to abort a fetus/child is one that will impact the individuals involved for the rest of their lives.  Relationships can be forever destroyed by the decision to abort a baby.  Trust, respect and responsibility are all tightly woven into people’s opinions on the subject.

         Abby Johnson now stands outside of the very clinic and protests with an anti-abortion group.  To me, this kind of critic is way more powerful than a person who has always believed that it was wrong.  It is not to say that those people aren’t as convicted about their beliefs because obviously they are if they live their lives supporting that belief; however, a person who now stands toe- to -toe against their formally declared opinion or stance is what I call an effective critic. 

          When they declare that they have decided that their previous belief was wrong and take action to correct their actions from before…I find that persuasive and potentially, life changing for their circle of influence. 

           I would like to add a link, with permission granted, to an interesting article written by @mommyperks from my Twitter stream.  I think she has written a wonderful article with an interesting personal interview with a young woman, regarding her regret over having an abortion.  Please read:  http://www.mommyperks.com/vip/?p=3427 .  Thank you!

          There is a war going on in the United States, a Fight For Preemies.  Premature births are reaching a level called a health crisis.   Almost 13 million premature infants are born a year; 1/13 of them, or 1 million of them do not survive.   Out of the 12 million that do survive…many have serious health issues to deal with or overcome.   This situation is tragic; and the March of Dimes is doing something about it.   They are asking bloggers to get involved and create an awareness of the issue on November 17th, 2009.    Since November is Prematurity Awareness Month…I plan to do my part.   Can you please help to support the March of Dimes:  http://www.marchofdimes.com/.  Bloggers let your voice be heard on November 17th; readers please give to the March of Dimes.  To hear a great video click here: http://bit.ly/2MAQnl .  Thanks for listening!

    Are you on a “trip to Holland”?

         The poem written by Emily Perl Kingsley was cut out and pasted on refrigerator from February of 1992 until we moved to a new home in 1995.  It was titled, “ Welcome to Holland”.  In essence, it was a snapshot of what it is like to being unprepared when you give birth to a child who has challenges, such as medical or cognitive disabilities.

         There is one section of the poem that I read over and over again, “After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”     “Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”   But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.”

My husband and I wanted to go to Italy and ended up in Holland on February 7, 1992.  I should have known that our trip to second time parenthood would be bumpy as we were told that our second born was to be a girl.   “Two girls, so nice”, my OB-GYN told me.  Guess what, we had the first boy born in 28 years in my family when he arrived via emergency c-section.  Not breathing right.  Sugar too low, heartbeat too high.  I could already feel the “plane veer” off course.

       Days later we were allowed to go home only to notice that our little “fella” was turning the color of a Sunkist orange.  Not good.  Not good at all.  Rushed back to the hospital to be told it was simple “jaundice”.  Nope, nothing in the child’s life would be simple, I found out. Days go on and before the first actual tulip bloomed that year we were in intensive care with our young guy.  Jaundice ended up to be a “liver problem” – not yet determined, but possibly very serious and could lead to severe retardation.  Respiratory syncytial virus/ RSV nearly claimed his life.  Reflux choked him every third breath.  Our nightmare continued.  You know you have a very sick baby when you can’t find room in the isolated PICU suite because of the number of doctors, nurses and respiratory therapists working with your child to keep him alive.  You also know your baby is very ill when the nurses come and ask you questions such as, ‘Is there anyone we can call for you?”  Does God have a hotline, I wonder? 

      For any new parent who has a baby you know this is the worst part of the scenario- waiting.   You wait to see if the tests are positive for illnesses that are unimaginable.  You wait to see if the insurance will cover the rare and complicated blood work, machines that are helping your child stay alive or special therapy sessions ordered.  You wait to see if you will ever have a “normal” life again for yourself, your family, your work, etc.  Will your child walk, talk, eat normally, have friends, etc.? You begin truly begin to hate Holland. 

      Then, little by little, the wait can end.  Test results come back.   Therapies begin.  Hospitalizations end and you go home.  But, for many of us, this is when you start a new journey in to the realm of Special Education.  Here is the most ironic part of this story and the reason I am writing it for this blog.  I am a special educator.  I am a full fledge, certified School Psychologist that is trained with helping parents and children with special needs.  All my training flies out the window as my mind is trying to process the months of evaluations, reports and recommendations from specialists.   Ironic indeed.  I have now changed teams!  Instead of being the intervention specialist I now am the one calling our local school district asking for help from the Early Intervention Team!   And I am so grateful when they appear at my door. But, I still have problems with paperwork and understanding all the information.  How can this be?  I do this job everyday and I am still wading through it because my head is so full of grief and confusion.  The team helps me. Everyday gets a little better. Clarity arrives with every meeting or visit from a team member. Family members come on board to help.  We get it grieve through it. 

     Now fast- forward, our son improves with therapy as he starts to talk, walk (actually run) and become quite sociable.  He has more hospital visits but he is deemed fairly healthy.  His liver has a benign disorder and we are told that he shouldn’t go without food or enter in to the military.  We can live with those two stipulations to have a benign liver disorder vs. the alternatives.

 I also become a much better psychologist.  Often I go to our refrigerator and I read Welcome to Holland.  As I do, I imagine my own fears, but also the see the faces and hear the sad, confused and sometimes hopeful voices of countless parents and children I have worked with in the past. I am a better person because I stopped in Holland than Italy.

    As for the little “fella”, he is applying to colleges now. He has had his challenges, but nothing we couldn’t handle without the help of school and healthcare professionals.

     And guess where he suggested we go on summer vacation this year?  Holland.  Well, I’ll be!

Hello Readers:  I would like to take this opportunity to thank Louise Sattler.  Louise is an expert in working with children…as she said…she is a certified School Psychologist.  She also heads up a great business known as Signing Families.  She has a website that you can access here:  http://www.signingfamilies.com.  Louise is available to do workshops and she does speaking engagements as well.  Teaching sign language helps build relationships and opens doors of communication for those with special needs.  Louise and Signing Families has a wonderful DVD which teaches beginning sign language for babies, toddlers and pre-school age children; it has over 100 signs to use. 

      I can say that she is a very engaging woman who is open and willing to share her expertise and her experiences when it comes to educating and helping families succeed in opening doors of communication for their special loved ones.  Thank you Louise for sharing your personal perspective of living successfully with challenges in parenting children with special needs!

        Women need to be aware of the danger of taking any over the counter medication during pregnancy; without the advice of their doctor.  Often there are label warnings on packages…but sometimes, they are writting in small print.   They must avoid high stress (pregnant or not…that is good advice).  Pregnancy can put stress on relationships as well.  If the woman is involved in a relationship that is unstable or prone to emotional or physical abuse…she needs to be aware of her vulnerability in that situation. 

       Consulting with those in her community who are trained professionals is important in those situations for their safety and well-being.   Seeking the advice of those who work with abused women is also good.  You can do this on a local level, or you can do it online here: http://www.ndvh.org/ but beware, a woman who is being intimidated or abused at home may have her computer monitored.  If it is discovered that she is reaching out to others…she could be at risk for more violence…so use a computer that is safe to use. 

          It is unfortunate that we live in a world where violence directed towards women happens every day.  We hear, on the news, scary reports of women being killed, by strangers, for their unborn children.  Not only do women have to be aware that such dangers exist;  they must also take precautions when they go out in their communities during their daily routines.  It is sad but true…there are people who live and breathe, who care only about their own wants and desires…some of them are mentally unstable and dangerous.  A pregnant woman has to be very aware of her surroundings at all times.

          If that isn’t enough, women often worry about things like miscarriage, or birth defects.  It is normal to have those thoughts and concerns…but, outside of avoiding drugs/alcohol/smoking and taking care to eat a healthy, well balanced diet rich in folic acid and maintaining a healthy weight; there isn’t much that a woman can do to control things like a miscarriage or birth defect risks.  Well, that is not exactly true…in my opinion, because I believe in the power of prayer in all situations.  God is good and is the giver of life.

        Everyday there is some kind of new discovery about what is, and what is not, safe for a pregnant woman.  Alot of it is common sense when it comes to making choices and decisions. 

         When it comes to exercising during pregnancy…most of the time, medical professionals will tell a woman that whatever she was doing before becoming pregnant is probably safe.  However each woman, with every pregnancy, must see her doctor and decide what is right for her and her baby, at that moment in time; because, situations can change from day to day.  Getting regular checkups while pregnant is always the best advice.  Your doctor or nurse can answer any questions about what you should or should not be doing.

         Which brings me to my next topic, which is a news article on the upcoming flu season; and, women getting flu shots.  It is being recommended by many doctors, according to a news report that I read on the ABC news website, that women who are pregnant, or expecting to be pregnant, get the flu shot when it is released; to help protect them from the swine flu.  The media keeps talking about a possible pandemic regarding the flu.  They say that pregnant women are more vulnerable to the swine flu because their immune systems are lower during pregnancy and it could complicate their health, as well as the health of the baby that they carry. 

           While some advocate getting the flu vaccination…others would caution a woman to be very careful in making that decision.  Again, the best source of information is going to be your health care provider. 

          Now, I know that a woman can’t help but worry about all the things that could go wrong with a pregnancy; but, it seems to me that if you spend all of your time worrying…you won’t have any time to enjoy the pregnancy.  This is the time that she, as a mother, spends bonding with her child as it grows in her womb.   Are there worries; sure there are.  However, those worries do not have to dominate the pregnancy.  Taking some simple precautions during the time that others in her circle of influence are ill, should help to keep a pregnant woman healthy.

           Keeping her opportunities of exposure down to a bare minimum is important; cutting down on some social activities during peak flu season is advisable.  Washing her hands often and well is one of the best ways to avoid becoming sick.  Keeping hand sanitizer in her purse , office, or her vehicle and using it often is a good thing.  Using antibacterial sprays on surfaces that are used in community type environments is good; such as in bathrooms and kitchens.    Avoid large gatherings where exposure to sickness of any kind is greatly increased due to the numbers of people.  

           Of course, the best things that you can do for your baby; you should also, already, be doing for yourself.  Those things are to be involved in a loving & healthy relationship with the co-parent of your child.  Eat balanced meals and get plenty of rest.  Make sure that meats  and eggs are cooked long enough to kill any contaminants.  Wash fresh fruits and vegetables well to get rid of pesticides.   Drink lots of water and milk (preferrably milk that is pasteurized, and without any additives).  Avoid alcohol, smoking, stress and dangerous activities.  If your doctor advises it; take prenatal vitamins.  Exercise under the advice of your physician.   Pregnancy doesn’t last forever and this time is precious.  Worrying about everything under the sun doesn’t change a thing; but, taking steps to ensure a healthy and happy pregnancy does.

        Both males and females can have FXS and experience developmental delays such as anxiety, hand flapping, cognitive delays and even mental retardation, flexible joints, long face, prominent ears, poor eye contact, sensory disorders-such as to light, touch, sound, taste, or textures.  Females usually have milder symptoms.

          Please be a part of the National Fragile X Awareness Day by spreading the word and reaching out to help understand and support those who are affected by Fragile X.    If you would like to know more about Fragile X you could visit the website for the National Fragile X Foundation.    Find out about the foundations efforts to inform, get research, and raise funds to help those who are affected by the disorder.   Their website can be found here:  http://www.FragileX.org .

         Memories are important…and while this child does not and will not remember his birthday…he will associate his life with his mother’s death at some point in the future.  It is important for those around him to tell him how much his mother wanted him, loved him and looked forward to being his parent.  But just as important for his well being, is to teach him to love life, to honor the gift of his life and to live his life in a way that celebrates the life that his mother was able to give him; living in joy and purpose.  It will be harder on those who knew his mother, who lost her and who grieve the loss of her life  at the hands of someone who either cared less about it, or was ill enough to take the life of another, simply to meet her own wants and desires.  They will definately be grieving ,while at the same time trying to raise this child in love.

         So, it will be very important that the child’s grandparents, friends and other family members are careful in how they present the facts to him as he grows up.  The memories that they share will him about his mother must be handled carefully so that he doesn’t grow up feeling like he needs to apologize for living and breathing, and feeling guilty for living when his mother has lost her life.  It was not his fault that another human being killed his mother to get him.   He has to know, when he is capable of understanding, that evil exists in the world, sickness exists in the world…but it doesn’t have to destroy him  or scar who he becomes  because evil touched his life at the very beginning.  The best revenge is to live a life that is full of purpose, passion and praise for all things good and beautiful.

          Sorting through the memories and giving the good to this child is going to be one of the most powerful things that they can do for him and his mother.  They will be the conduit through which he comes to know his mother and her love for him.    Sorting through the memories and discarding those which will cause him harm or excessive pain will be important too.  There are some details that he should not grow up knowing.  He should not be exposed to the horrible way in which his mother died.   She would want him to grow and experience all the best that life has to offer. 

          We all grow up with what we know to be true; which helps us to form our basic personality and approach to life.  If he can grow up to be an emotionally healthy person who lives surrounded with love he can have something close to the life that I am sure his mother wanted for him to have.    I know that as he celebrated his first birthday…his loved ones also mourned the loss of his mother.  I feel strongly for them.  On the other hand, it is a gift that she left them; her son lives…and through him…they still have a part of her.   Happy Birthday little man…I hope you have lots of happy birthdays.   May they have a loving, healthy life together!

         Right now, many people reading this are saying, yeah baby…more sex!  Seriously though, it is no laughing matter for those struggling to conceive a child and carry a healthy baby to term.  Many tests and techniques for conceiving a child, can take the joy out of lovemaking for a couple.  Often the advice given, takes away the spontaneity for many couples; and, the monthly cycles can truly become an emotional roller coaster.   

         The physical expression of love can become more like a task on the to do chore list, when the pregnancy doesn’t happen as quickly as the couple desires it to.  The  couple’s expectations can include extreme hope and optimisim; and,  it can include the reality for some of  serious doubt and depression.  What seems to happen so easily and naturally for some folks can seem like the impossible for others.  The stress and strain on those struggling with infertility can destroy relationships, with partners secretly and not so secretly, blaming themselves or their partner for the difficulty in becoming pregnant.  Emotions can play a big part in how a couple deals with the stress of fertility issues.

        Hopefully, this new research from Austrailia can help couples not to stress so much under the old restrictions partaining to limiting their physical relationship to every second or third day of the week.  Loving one another when it feels natural to do so, can only help things to feel more fulfilling and spontaneous.  If nothing else, increasing the opportunities for conception to take place may just increase your chances of becoming pregnant.  Whatever techniques and practices that remove second and third parties from the intimate aspect of conceiving must be a welcome idea to those who wish for a birth child.