A lot has been said about Jack Kevorkian in the media over the years.  For many years he used the media to get his message across to people around the world; he felt that people should be allowed to take their own lives.  He allegedly thought physicians should be allowed to assist them by providing the means (medicine) to accomplish that goal.  Many individuals (allegedly over 100 people) with chronic illness or disease, who were suffering, sought him out to help them end their lives.   He was eventually convicted of murder by prosecutors and served approximately 8 years in prison; but, he was released early because of his own medical conditions.

His battle with public perceptions and the public’s moral and legal viewpoint, on his stance towards assisted suicide, opened up many conversations around the world.  If nothing else, I do believe that the media attention helped people to examine their own beliefs about the idea of assisted suicide and the concept of whether people should have end of life choices when faced with chronic illnesses or diseases.

My own personal feelings aside, I can’t help but wonder as Jack was stripped of his medical license after being in prison for assisting suicides in the past; if he could have, would he have taken his own life at the end?

I mean, Jack’s life and career appeared to revolve around death and dying.  He didn’t have access to his machine, that he invented to assist those who wanted to commit suicide, while he struggle with his illness in the hospital.  Still, he has had health problems for years…which was part of the reason he was released early from prison.

One wonders, why didn’t he commit suicide himself during that time.  Could it be that he realized the value in living even while chronically ill?  Did he ever regret helping others to commit suicide?  Publicly he remained defiant…but, when released from prison he agreed to no longer assist people with their suicides.  Still, if he would have taken his own life…there is nothing that the legal system could have done to him after his death.   He chose not to do that…and I am glad.

It is said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.  There are reports of people who have attempted suicide and somehow survived who report being glad that their attempt failed. Suicide leaves many victims…the survivors or loved ones of people who are successful at taking their own lives struggle with many issues.

Suicide prevention is important because people are in distress when they consider taking such an extreme action.  Those stresses are intense…but often they are fleeting situations and if a person has an intervention that helps preserve their life than can go on and live a rewarding life (even if it is hindered by disease or illness).  For those of us who have moral convictions about the idea of suicide, it is with sadness to hear of someone losing their life to suicide whether it is assisted or not. The subject is emotionally charged for most people…those who believe in the right to take their own life and those who believe it is wrong to do so.

Having lost a loved one myself, this week, after a long battle against a chronic disease; I can only imagine how much more complex the loss would have been, had that person chosen to take his own life.  He suffered greatly, and yet he struggled to live; was he ever tempted to take his own life?  I am sure there were moments when the pain became too much to bear…and yet, he fought for every moment he was allowed to have with his friends and family.

What are your thoughts on death and dying…Jack Kevorkian or assisted suicides?  Our condolences to his friends and family at their loss.

The thing is, death is permanent.  Suicide is a false solution to their problem.   Problems, even problems that seem overwhelming and beyond a person’s ability to see past it…problems come and go.  Life is full of them…big, small, and in-between problems.   There is hope…but they may need help in seeing it and believing in getting beyond what is troubling them.   However, if a person’s coping skills are influenced by depression, abuse, post traumatic stress, neglect or drug/alcohol abuse then, they may mistakenly think that suicide is a way out.

There is no way around it…destruction is close at hand when a person is to the point of thinking about suicide IF they do not seek professional help to deal with whatever is driving them to this point.  Sometimes, an individual is beyond seeking help on their own power; and a family member, friend or acquaintance is forced to intervene by contacting either a health care professional, a member of clergy or spiritual adviser, or the police in some cases to force a person to seek help.  This is not easy and the laws regarding forcing someone to seek help are different in each state.

It is a hard decision to even consider stepping in.  Most of us don’t want to be put in the position of interfering in another person’s personal life.   In fact, most people will err on the side of caution and allow desperate situations to go on too long.  Out of respect for that person’s privacy we might tip toe around the subject hoping not to offend.  I say it is better to possibly offend a person than to lose them to suicide; if you are wrong and they are not suicidal, you can always let them know that you cared enough about them to risk their upset, rather than risk losing them to suicide.

Still, I bring all of this up because recently it seems that there have been a rash of suicides.  Some of them made the news, some of them were in local communities and some of them affected people that I know.  It makes me sad because there is always a high cost when a person takes their own life; it isn’t only the person who dies who suffers either.

Suicide can affect anyone.  Shock is the most obvious reaction when someone takes their life.  The people who knew them will often say…I had no idea that they were thinking about it.  Suicide can be in the mind of your parent, child, spouse, clergy/spiritual leader, teacher, friend, an isolated elder, neighbor, a member of our military personnel…or, just about anyone who is living or breathing.  Just so you know, it doesn’t matter how much money they have, where they live or who they know…suicide can be lurking in the mind of a person who is having a difficult time in their life.

You see, friends, acquaintances, and loved ones of people who commit suicide suffer terribly in their grief.  They chase their thoughts round in round about what they missed, how they could have helped, what could have been done differently, why they still live when the person who died is gone.  Some even need counseling to deal with their emotions for a very long time.  Many even get to the point where they, too, struggle with finding joy in life because they feel guilty for having moments of joy, laughter, successes or celebrations.

The person who has died does not know this.  They no longer are capable of seeing how their death affects people who are left behind.   Even people in their community who barely knew them.  You see, we all have an impact in this life whether you realize how many lives you touch or not…every life has value.

People struggle in life…we can help those at risk of suicide by trying to be aware of what they are going through.  Most of us are not qualified to help someone through severe depression or feelings of ending it all by committing suicide…but, we can all be more aware of the signs of when someone is in trouble.  We can urge someone to seek medical/emotional/spiritual professional help.  We can be encouragers, listeners and friends.  Get the phone numbers and addresses of counselors, organizations and mental health care providers in your area.  In an emergency, call 911 if you feel someone is in danger.  You might not only save their life…but you might save an innocent bystander as well.

There was a tragic story yesterday of a woman who was involved in an alleged domestic situation where there was great emotional turmoil.  Her Aunt called the authorities after the woman called a family member and said they would all have to forgive her because she was about to do something crazy.  Her children’s father was allegedly cheating on her.  This distraught New York woman, allegedly put her four children into her vehicle and drove two minutes from her home off of a ramp into some water…killing herself and three of her children.  Her fourth child, a ten year old, managed to roll down a window and by a miracle got out of the vehicle alive.  Her very young children never had a chance.  It sounds like law enforcement was there within 17 minutes…but, it only took her two to drive into the water.   What horrible consequences to a temporary situation.

In her apparent desperation, this was her solution to the problem of a cheating spouse.  It made sense to her at the time.  To those of us outside of her situation; we can see how desperate and out of control she had to be to endanger not only herself, but her children’s life.  Whether he really was cheating or not, it doesn’t matter (well it does…but, that is between him and God); but, her belief that he was cheating triggered her suicidal and homicidal response.  This is a tragedy all the way around.

There are survivors…not only the ten year old child who will struggle to have a normal life since he survived and his siblings did not…but there are other relatives, the spouse, the neighbors, the children’s school mates, church members, community members and so on.  This kind of thing leaves a big scar.

I want to share with you information about awareness and the prevention of suicide by printing a link to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Organization.

We live in a time of great stress.  We have wars going on, natural disasters, man-made disasters, terrorism, accidents, financial losses and domestic violence…you get the idea.  Update:  Last night the news shared even more devastating news about the New York mom who drove into the Hudson River with her children in the car.  It seems that after she drove in she realized what she had done was a mistake.  Her 10 year old child said, She kept saying “I made a mistake, I made a mistake”.  This is so sad…but it does illustrate my earlier point…the person in distress doesn’t really want to die or in this case cause others to die…they just want the pain to end.

A touch of Spring

Where I live in Michigan, winter weather gets to be a little overdrawn.  Winter seems like it is never going to end.  My way of coping is to dive into seed catalogs and gardening magazines.  It is like feasting on dessert after you have been on a starvation diet.  All of those plants with their lovely greenery and colorful blooms just lights up the soul and lifts the spirit.  Not only that, but when you are trying to buy fresh produce you quickly realize the high cost of fresh fruits and vegetables during the winter.  Cold frame gardening can help relieve the burden on your wallet if you build a couple of frames to supplement your produce needs.

I have discovered a way to try to get around that next winter.  You may find the idea of cold frame gardening interesting as well if you also live in a colder environment.  Some vegetables and herbs can be grown even in zones 5 where it gets cold and stays cold for months on end.

The summer season is relatively short for growing garden fresh produce; so anything that extends my growing period is a welcome thought.  Cold frame gardening may just be the answer.  People from baby boomer age may already be familiar with cold frame gardening but for those who are not; permit me to tell you a bit about growing produce this way.

I have not yet tried it however, I am assured from reading up on the idea that many items can be grown this way.  The idea is to use old window frames as a lid, or the top, of the box that you will construct to grow your vegetables in.  The window is positioned facing south, on a slant, on the top of the four walls of your box and attached by a heavy duty hinge.

Preparing the area where the cold frame will be placed is important.  The area must be dug out deeply into the ground.  Gravel or sand can be put on the bottom layer with composted or rich soil layered deeply over the top of the gravel/sand.  Then you need to either purchase a pre-built, manufactured cold frame or build one.  If you are going to build one you can start by considering these instructions or come up with your own design.

The back of the box of your frame should be slightly higher (18 inches x 14 inches in the front) so that snow and moisture can run off.   Now as for the width of the box, three feet seems to be what most people suggest because you want to be able to reach the plants & vegetables with ease without damaging other plants while you are reaching in to harvest them.  It might be warm in the box; but, you will be on the outside so you will want to limit your exposure to the cold temperatures by being able to get in and harvest quickly.

It is suggested that using the foundation of your home is one way to protect your cold frame from the wind and it may also provide a bit of additional warmth.  People who have greenhouses have also been known to build them on the south side of the structure to harness the warmth and protection from the wind.  If these are not possible, then you can actually insulate the walls of the cold frame with stiff styro-foam board.    When you build the cold frame there are some things to keep in mind.

* use untreated plywood (no chemicals) or use cedar lumber which lasts a long time

* put a layer of gravel deep under the soil for drainage

* in areas of extreme cold, heat tapes or pads can be put under the gravel underneath your planting soil (care must be                taken though when using electricity where you will be digging & watering  to avoid getting electrocuted.

* you will need to prop something under the window to let off steam so as to not “burn” your plants

* a hook latch and a heavy duty hinge in the back to keep the window in place during high winds

If you are interested in a visual example of a cold frame you can go here to look at this version of a cold frame: http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/how-to-build-a-cold-frame-for-your-garden.html  That illustration shows clearly the idea of a cold frame and how it should work.  Of course, you can come up with your own design that works with the supplies you have.

Weather can be unpredictable and you will need to check on your growing plants daily to ensure that they aren’t getting too cold or too hot.  If you are expecting extremely cold temps you can cover your cold frame with old blankets or rugs.  However, should you choose to cover them…it is important to remember to uncover them again once the danger of the extreme weather has passed so that they can continue to get sun to grow your plants.

Now as to what types of vegetable or plants that is up to you.  But, how wonderful would it be to be able to go out and harvest a salad for your supper from your cold frame?  Or perhaps some herbs, or rutabagas, carrots, beets, cabbage…etc.  You get the idea.  Maybe some fresh garlic or onions would be fun to try to grow.

Or if you get cabin fever and are tired of looking at pure white snow everywhere you look…why not plant some lovely pansies or hardy type flower that has some color and can restore your winter worn soul to joy; just be reminding you that life is ready to burst forth once that snow melts.

Your cold frame garden could also be a great science project to include your children on.  Generations ago, our friends and relatives had to be creative to make their store houses of food last.  They couldn’t just run to the grocery store as easily as we do today.  I am for anything that helps us to be a bit more self sufficient these days and this is something that I really would like to try.  There are health benefits to doing your own gardening as well, getting up and moving is good for the body.  Gardening is emotionally satisfying; and, controlling how your vegetables or herbs have been grown is good too.  You can grow them without the use of pesticides or other chemicals which is a healthier way to grow your food.

Planting your seedlings in your cold frame in the Spring can also speed along your garden plants that you will put in your garden instead of having to wait until the commercial greenhouses open on Mother’s Day in May. The cold frame can be used to harden off your seedlings before they make the transition from the hothouse to your garden once the possibility of frost has passed in your gardening zone.

If you could build a cold frame and could plant anything your heart desires…what would it be?  Or maybe you have already tried this…write in and tell us about your experience.  We would love to hear from some of you seasoned gardeners.

There must be an answer to help hurting hearts to understand, that what is happening to cause them pain, isn’t happening because they are a bad person, or for no apparent reason at all.  The mind and the soul just needs to make some kind of sense of it all.  Understanding tragedy is no easy task.  People have differing opinions on why bad things happen.

Some people believe that the tragedy is a punishment from God.  Others believe it is a situation that is meant to teach a life lesson to those left standing.  Others still are of the understanding that bad stuff happens for no reason at all; other than being in the wrong place, at the wrong time.  After all, why does a bad situation happen to good people?  Do Christians suffer more than non-believers?  Do non-believers suffer more than Christians? Does faith play a part in human suffering at all?

It all depends on who you talk to about the idea of suffering and faith.  Everyone has their own opinion based upon their personal experiences.  However, when someone is suffering and searching for answers, it is natural to turn to those who we are closest to for answers.

For a Christian that could be their spiritual leader, a fellow believer, friend or even a family member who is grounded in their faith.  For an unbeliever, the lack of a foundation of faith can still lead to a pathway about God.  I say that, because God will often get the blame for bad circumstances, even when a suffering person doesn’t believe in God.  Often, you will hear people say, IF there is a God, why did he let this terrible thing happen?

I  believe that is because the human soul knows for certain, deep inside that person’s mind, that God not only exists; but, he is the only one who has the answers that they seek.  A person who is committed to an unbelief in God seems to struggle more when dealing with grief or suffering, in my opinion.  I believe that is because to me, God and having a faith in eternity means having hope of moving from this life of challenges and struggles to a place called Heaven.

It is important to recognize that God can handle the unbelief, the anger, and the questions.  But for those seeking answers; it is not just about asking the questions, but more importantly, it is about getting answers.  If you ask and you seem to be going without answers; you must ask yourself the hard question; are you ready to listen, really listen and accept the answer that God has for you?

No one truly can tell you why God does what he does, why he allows the bad things to happen in life?  Only God knows all of the pieces of the puzzle that make up our life circumstances.  He alone can bring peace to your heart and mind about such things.

So how do you communicate with God.  First you must pray, ask him the question that troubles your soul.  Sometimes answers do not come immediately and that can be frustrating.  There are times when you must fast (with a dr’s approval) and pray while waiting.  Read the word of God and allow the scriptures to speak to you, words of wisdom.  Take time to meditate on the word, peacefully & quietly.  Don’t do all of the talking; listen for God’s answer.  There are times when God will use another person to speak to your heart. He will speak to you through the Bible, other people and sometimes through dreams.  He will confirm his answer to you so that you know it is of him and not just another person’s opinion or your own.

Grief at a time of loss can add to a person’s sense of suffering.  It can confuse the heart and mind of a person with anger, disbelief, anxiousness and denial.  Those things can be worked through as long as a person doesn’t get stuck in any one of those phases of grieving.  Grief is a challenging time and everyone copes with grief differently.  That is ok, as long as you ARE coping and moving forward by healing.

It is my understanding that there is nothing against the law about this agreement.  If an employee doesn’t willingly agree to this…they may not be hired; or if they’ve already been hired and refuse to sign this agreement, they can be fired or scheduled for work so little, that an employee is compelled to start looking for a new job.

I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t sit right with me.  I understand that many businesses are now 24 hours a day, seven days a week in their operations.  However, what is wrong with hiring & regularly scheduling a staff to work those separate shifts?  If someone is willing to be a floater, meaning working any shift as needed, then I see nothing wrong with that.  On the other hand, forcing employees to be available at any time, or basically being on call, to come into work, just doesn’t seem fair nor does it seem like a good way to keep up company morale.

I mean think about it, people have lives outside of their work environment.  Those employees often have other responsibilities outside of their jobs; such as those towards a spouse, a parent or maybe even to children.  I am thinking off of the top of my head here; but, how many child care places are going to be as flexible as an employee needs if they are obligated to work at all hours of the day or night?

Many baby boomers are what they call the sandwich generation meaning they are taking care of their parents while they are at the same time working and raising their own children.  Schedules have to be somewhat co-ordinated with a spouse or significant other to meet all of those requirements.  I wonder too about people who have more than one job.  Many people can’t earn enough money to support themselves & their families one the income from a job, especially if it is part time.  How could they agree to come in at any time if they are holding a second job…having a concrete schedule is the only way to balance two jobs.  Also what about college students who are trying to get an education as well as work to pay for that education; how are they to be expected to come into work at any given moment when they must be in class on a set schedule?  These issues impact a lot of people.  It is important to the quality of life that people need to enjoy life.

I read about one employee who was asked to sign one of these agreements.   She had a personal conflict regarding her religious beliefs.  The young woman expressed concerns about possibly being forced to work on a Sunday; when she felt very strongly that Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest according to scripture in the Bible.  Once the media became aware of this woman’s conflict about signing the agreement… she was allegedly told by her employer that she would not be required to sign it.  She was worried that if she signed it she would find herself in the position of having to choose between her job and her faith or possibly loose her job altogether if she refused to sign it.  I wonder how that particular company will enforce this worker agreement with other employees if they allow some to sign it and others to refuse?  It gets complicated in my opinion.

What are your thoughts on this subject?  Is this an abuse of power?   Should employers get dibs on an employees time twenty four hours a day, seven days a week?  Who should have priority over decision making regarding the employees time…an employer, family members or the employee themselves?

Players are standing in long lines to purchase their tickets.  Even the “odds of winning” aren’t a deterrent to the most loyal of players…the 1 in 176 millionth of a chance of winning.  Really?  I wonder how someone convinces themselves that THEY are the one who WILL win the jackpot with those kind of odds.  It really is gambling to spend money in the HOPES of taking the jackpot.

Although, there are those who spend serious money to try to even up the odds of winning to their benefit; by purchasing more than one ticket.  Still, when you stop and think about it…doesn’t it really mean when they lose that they will just take a harder hit than the person to spends the bare minimum to purchase one chance to win?

I don’t play the lottery.  First of all, people with my kind of luck just don’t win these things.  Second of all, you hear about some of the winners of these huge lotteries who turn around and say, within a short period of time, I wish that I would have just torn up that ticket at the very beginning.   That is not a high recommendation for praying for “good luck” when playing the lottery.

Those people have either lost their winnings, had the funds mis-managed, or been hit up with one kind of disaster after another, once they did win.  Not to mention, because of winning the lottery; they were subjected to people coming out of the woodwork trying to get a portion of the money; thereby jeopardizing their relationships with many of the people in their lives and their communities.  One of the winners I remember reading about lost a granddaughter to death, was sued by multiple people; and, seemed to have gained more problems than anyone would ever think possible.   Often criminal, emotional, marital, or legal problems persist for winners of lotteries.   Others become addicted to gambling or other high risk behaviors.  For those who believe that winning will solve all of their problems in life; disappointment and disillusionment become a way of life.

Those issues are not an endorsement for wanting to win, right?

Winners are often told that 25% of the winnings go to the federal government.  Forty one states are in on this particular jackpot…and of course, the states will have their own taxes that must be deducted from the winner’s take.  It is highly recommended for people who are not already well blessed with finances and well versed in the world of high finance to seek out and (pay for) financial counselors, lawyers, accountants and investment bankers to advise them.  (There would go another substantial amount of the winnings).   I’ve always been taught that gambling is wrong…sinful, leads to all kinds of trouble.

It would be just my bad luck; if I violated what I’ve always been taught…I would WIN and suffer unbearably!  

Those are all reasons why I am not buying a ticket.  Even though it is tempting to think that all of a person’s financial problems could be wiped away in one moment…I won’t buy a ticket.  I mean, geez; if you won that kind of money, you would always be worrying about losing it somehow.  If you’ve never had it, you don’t have to worry about losing it, right?   > So, it’s official; I’ve decided that no way am I going to risk winning the Mega Millions Lottery Jackpot this evening.  LoL   How about you, are you going to risk it?

        The solution was the wonderful hospitality house that is connected to Spectrum Hospital downtown Grand Rapids, Michigan called the Renucci Hospitality House.   I can’t tell you what a wonderful service this Renucci House offers.  It was built in 1999 and helps to house family members of the hospital’s patients that are in need of having a place close by to sleep and rest.  It was designed to provide comfort and rest for the weary soul.  There is a small healing garden that is darling.  There is a playroom for young siblings or children of the hospital patient.  The staff is wonderful and caring, from the hosts to the cleaning crew.   There is a computer for the patient’s family members to use, a laundry facility, an exercise room…and quiet rooms for relaxing.  The dinning room is open 24-7 and the kitchen is stocked with non-perishable food items for those moments when food or drink is needed.

        The Renucci House was founded by Peter P. Renucci and his wife Patricia Renucci.  Back in 1968 one of their children was born through a premature situation and had to stay in the hospital’s neonatal unit.  This was the basis of their awareness of the need to be close to your loved one who is in crisis.   They helped to fund the Renucci House with a gift of $1.6 million because they wanted to thank the community for what had been done for their family.  This is a gift that keeps on giving with a pay it forward theme that I love.

       The atmosphere is one of love, support and healing.  You feel very comforted if you find yourself in need of the Renucci House.  It goes beyond the staff or the comfortable rooms.  There is a very wonderful program of volunteerism that happens here.  Organizations, churches, families and individuals are encouraged to give of their time, talents, and blessings.  You can volunteer to donate and prepare meals for the families who are staying there.   This is normally a great expense for families who must stay nearby their family members during a hospital stay; it may be an expense the family cannot afford.   Truly, this is a huge blessing and one that shows an important part of caretaking and nurturing of families in crisis. 

         Our family benefitted from several meals that had been prepared and served by some of these volunteers.  It was a service that was provided with joy by the volunteers; and that was a wonderful blessing.  The meals were wonderful from the main dish to the salads, drinks and desserts.  One evening, a church had their youth providing community service help to serve the families of the Renucci House.  It was a group of fifth graders and their mentors.  These people went out of their way to be of service to those who stayed there that evening.  They mingled and interacted with the families and showed great care.   I think it is great that young people are being taught the importance of giving back to a community through volunteering their time, skills and willingness to be of service.  Kudos to those involved.

         Volunteers are encouraged to come and bake in the kitchen homemade baked goods or some other treat.  Put together snacks or care bags for the families.  This also opens the door to have conversations with family members who may need someone to talk to.  Comfort and peace are evident throughout the Renucci House because of the volunteer programs.

        The Renucci House actually operates quite a bit through their volunteer programs…from donated non-perishable food items which stock the kitchen for family members to use when they need it; to volunteers to help pay for the family members stay who can not afford to pay, to help cover the cost of staying in the Renucci House.   This is a big deal if a hospital stay goes on for very long.  Family members may have a hard time paying for their rooms, or much needed items to be able to stay close to their loved ones.   Some volunteers give gift cards to be used at local stores or restaurants in the area.    Perhaps donating a telephone calling card would benefit families who are staying at the Renucci House but have long distance calls to make.   Talk to the manager of the house to see if current magazines can be donated or perhaps you have a nurturing spirit and have time to greet guests or maybe volunteer to help in the library.  Empty nesters  or retirees who find themselves with time on their hands may wish to do something meaningful with all of their spare time.   The Renucci House volunteers provide breakfast and dinners daily…they need a large number of volunteers who are willing to provide this needed service.

       You know, the Renucci House is near to the Lemmen -Holton Cancer Pavilion, the Devos Children’s Hospital, and the Lena Meijer Heart Center; all of these facilities have patients and families.   There is a huge need to support those patients and their families at a time when they are facing some of the biggest battles of their lives.   Often there are so many emotions to deal with such as fear, anxiety, depression, sadness and hope.  The Renucci House provides the basics to allow people to cope with their emotions.   Please, spread the word, volunteer and give help when and where you can.  Having compassion and opening your hearts to opportunities to help is an important part of life…please get involved.   You never know when you or someone you care about may need some of those same things.

        If someone has time or talent to give or just feels moved to donate monitarily to the Renucci House you can contact their house manager at (616) 391-1790.  

 You can view their website here: http://www.spectrum-health.org/renucci .  My family is going to volunteer soon…we may even take our youth group down and prepare a meal for the family members in the near future.  As a family who has benefitted from a stay at the Renucci House recently, I want to say thank you to all of the volunteers, to the staff of the Renucci House and to the Renucci Family themselves for impacting the Grand Rapids community and it’s surrounding area with love, compassion and support.  You are appreciated greatly!

        That should be a comfort in itself; so then why do we fight it?   Whenever we try to take control and steer our lives in the path that we think it should go…we are operating blindly; it is good to remind ourselves of that.  For we only see our small portion of the jigsaw puzzle or road map.  God, you DESIGNED the jigsaw puzzle and the map; you know where every single piece of the puzzle fits; you know which road to take to avoid additional hazzards. 

        God, you alone know how each piece of our lives are supposed to fit together to create something beautiful and whole.  While we sometimes struggle to MAKE the pieces fit, and  occasionally they may even appear to fit together for a time…in the end; we often discover our mistake in trying to force something to work that does not belong there at all. 

        We need you God to make sense of it all, to guide us in our decisions, our reactions, our ACCEPTANCE, of what is supposed to be.  We need you to guide us in the areas of our lives to avoid and reject…to put our feet on the path that they belong on; even if it is dark and scary.  For you are the light, by which we can be sure, to follow to the correct destination.   Is it the obedience that you are looking for from us?  Why is that so hard to remember to do?

       Why do we worry, wonder and fret?  It is the unknown that terrifies us.   Imagination is usually a friendly companion in our daily lives, but in times of stress it can become the enemy towards building and strengthening our faith.  We want to trust and be a pillar of strength and encouragement…but, there is still the uncertainty of how things will turn out.   Do we feel worthy of a miracle in our lives when we desperately need it?  Do we KNOW  without a doubt that you love us ENOUGH to take care of our difficulties?   

           In the end, it doesn’t matter how we got where we are, nor does it matter if we like where we find ourselves…what does matter is how we choose to proceed; how we conduct ourselves in the midst of the challenges we face.  In other words…

          It is in our BEST INTEREST then to give up control,  remove doubt and fear from the equasion, find courage,  and expect miracles…trusting that even through the challenges…good will come.  Knowing with certainty that lives will be changed, improved, and blessed.   Thank you then God, for always being there; for loving us, and for helping us even when we are being problem children!

Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

       Today, we send our kids to school and don’t know if they are going to be safe; shot, bullied, knifed, or sexually assaulted.  Children can no longer play outdoors without being supervised, even into the teen years because of kidnapping, sexual assaults, or driveby shootings.  Gang activity has become surrogate family for some youths who either can’t avoid getting pulled in or are forced into it by not having a way to get out of it.

         Shopping centers and banks are prone to violence.  Churches have to have guards because of threats of violence or unrest.  Pastors/Priests/Rabbi’s/or other Spiritual Advisors can’t meet with anyone alone for fear of being accused of wrongdoing or out of fear for their safety.  God forbid that they seek the quiet of the church to pray alone or work…because, someone could come in and do them bodily harm.  The sanctity of the church or God’s house is no longer given the respect it deserves as a place of refuge and spiritual nurturing. 

           Driving along the road you can be injured or killed because someone else may have a road rage problem.  Walking to your vehicle from any business can cause you to be kidnapped, mowed over by another vehicle, chased down and raped or beaten.  It is a randomness that can happen to anyone, no matter their training if they happen to be distracted long enough to be vulnerable.

             You can’t get through a year without hearing of someone shooting at vehicles on the highway or dropping items off of an overpass onto unsuspecting travelors.  Office place or work related violence is becoming the norm.  If someone is fired or is not getting along with their co-workers they hatch a plan to kill, maim and destroy.

            Daycares are under attack, children are being killed, tortured or brutalized by the very people who are supposed to love them and protect them…. or by their very own family members.   We have kids killing neighbors, friends…and enemies; young child or elderly, male/female, it does not seem to matter.  They do not care about the well-being of their fellow human beings.  

          Could it be that they have been “desensitized” towards the feelings or safety of others by years of abuse & neglect role modeled in their own families, or on their choice of entertainment-ie: movies, videos, video games, books and magazines?  Some of those entertainments use violence and sexual assault as part of their entertainment.   Do these offenders understand the line between make believe (acting) and real life?  Clearly, I don’t think they do; or if they do, they do not equate their actions with the consequences that are sure to follow!

               Now, as of yesterday…we have our own military personel firing on their own fellow soldiers with the intent to kill, maim and destroy.    Now the analyzers go into action mode trying to understand such an attack…and yes, that is important.  However, I don’t know about you…but, it gets very frustrating to me to hear of any kind of news item of this nature which then turns into a litany of “EXCUSES” for why the event took place.  Whether it was childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect, religious beliefs, terrorism, fear, anxiety, anger issues or control issues, or an inability to connect with others…underneath it all, it doesn’t change the outcome. 

 There has to be common sense used in how we handle these things; otherwise:

            Being raised to be careful will no longer good enough…we will have to raise our children, our teens and instruct our elders to no longer trust, to no longer give the benefit of the doubt about someone’s intentions.  We will have to teach them to be paranoid about being hurt, taken advantage of …of expecting someone to take out their rage from their childhood on the innocent people in their path on the wrong day.  It is a sick way of thinking…but, to survive the violent society that we have allowed the United States of America to become….we will have to always be looking for things to not be right around us.  Don’t just look over your shoulder, don’t just observe the stranger in your neighborhood…you’ll have to watch your neighbor…make sure he or she is “safe” to be around.   This is not a natural way to live our lives!

         Families, communities, schools, businesses, churches and the armed forces have characters from all walks of life.  People with good intentions, good will, and a willingness to treat others with respect, reponsibility, trust, safety and honor are becoming the minority.  Oh there are plenty of good people out there; but, they are starting to feel outnumbered.  We must build people up, encourage them and reward those who do the right things by recognizing them and their deed…simply for the idea that it IS the right thing to do!!!  

          If we don’t get a handle on how we are heading as a society we are going to be living in a war zone…everywhere we go; just like alot of places around the globe.    It is a sad observation of where we have been, where we are now, and where we are on our way to becoming as an American society, in the future, if we don’t attempt to make some p0sitive changes.