A lot has been said about Jack Kevorkian in the media over the years.  For many years he used the media to get his message across to people around the world; he felt that people should be allowed to take their own lives.  He allegedly thought physicians should be allowed to assist them by providing the means (medicine) to accomplish that goal.  Many individuals (allegedly over 100 people) with chronic illness or disease, who were suffering, sought him out to help them end their lives.   He was eventually convicted of murder by prosecutors and served approximately 8 years in prison; but, he was released early because of his own medical conditions.

His battle with public perceptions and the public’s moral and legal viewpoint, on his stance towards assisted suicide, opened up many conversations around the world.  If nothing else, I do believe that the media attention helped people to examine their own beliefs about the idea of assisted suicide and the concept of whether people should have end of life choices when faced with chronic illnesses or diseases.

My own personal feelings aside, I can’t help but wonder as Jack was stripped of his medical license after being in prison for assisting suicides in the past; if he could have, would he have taken his own life at the end?

I mean, Jack’s life and career appeared to revolve around death and dying.  He didn’t have access to his machine, that he invented to assist those who wanted to commit suicide, while he struggle with his illness in the hospital.  Still, he has had health problems for years…which was part of the reason he was released early from prison.

One wonders, why didn’t he commit suicide himself during that time.  Could it be that he realized the value in living even while chronically ill?  Did he ever regret helping others to commit suicide?  Publicly he remained defiant…but, when released from prison he agreed to no longer assist people with their suicides.  Still, if he would have taken his own life…there is nothing that the legal system could have done to him after his death.   He chose not to do that…and I am glad.

It is said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.  There are reports of people who have attempted suicide and somehow survived who report being glad that their attempt failed. Suicide leaves many victims…the survivors or loved ones of people who are successful at taking their own lives struggle with many issues.

Suicide prevention is important because people are in distress when they consider taking such an extreme action.  Those stresses are intense…but often they are fleeting situations and if a person has an intervention that helps preserve their life than can go on and live a rewarding life (even if it is hindered by disease or illness).  For those of us who have moral convictions about the idea of suicide, it is with sadness to hear of someone losing their life to suicide whether it is assisted or not. The subject is emotionally charged for most people…those who believe in the right to take their own life and those who believe it is wrong to do so.

Having lost a loved one myself, this week, after a long battle against a chronic disease; I can only imagine how much more complex the loss would have been, had that person chosen to take his own life.  He suffered greatly, and yet he struggled to live; was he ever tempted to take his own life?  I am sure there were moments when the pain became too much to bear…and yet, he fought for every moment he was allowed to have with his friends and family.

What are your thoughts on death and dying…Jack Kevorkian or assisted suicides?  Our condolences to his friends and family at their loss.

The thing is, death is permanent.  Suicide is a false solution to their problem.   Problems, even problems that seem overwhelming and beyond a person’s ability to see past it…problems come and go.  Life is full of them…big, small, and in-between problems.   There is hope…but they may need help in seeing it and believing in getting beyond what is troubling them.   However, if a person’s coping skills are influenced by depression, abuse, post traumatic stress, neglect or drug/alcohol abuse then, they may mistakenly think that suicide is a way out.

There is no way around it…destruction is close at hand when a person is to the point of thinking about suicide IF they do not seek professional help to deal with whatever is driving them to this point.  Sometimes, an individual is beyond seeking help on their own power; and a family member, friend or acquaintance is forced to intervene by contacting either a health care professional, a member of clergy or spiritual adviser, or the police in some cases to force a person to seek help.  This is not easy and the laws regarding forcing someone to seek help are different in each state.

It is a hard decision to even consider stepping in.  Most of us don’t want to be put in the position of interfering in another person’s personal life.   In fact, most people will err on the side of caution and allow desperate situations to go on too long.  Out of respect for that person’s privacy we might tip toe around the subject hoping not to offend.  I say it is better to possibly offend a person than to lose them to suicide; if you are wrong and they are not suicidal, you can always let them know that you cared enough about them to risk their upset, rather than risk losing them to suicide.

Still, I bring all of this up because recently it seems that there have been a rash of suicides.  Some of them made the news, some of them were in local communities and some of them affected people that I know.  It makes me sad because there is always a high cost when a person takes their own life; it isn’t only the person who dies who suffers either.

Suicide can affect anyone.  Shock is the most obvious reaction when someone takes their life.  The people who knew them will often say…I had no idea that they were thinking about it.  Suicide can be in the mind of your parent, child, spouse, clergy/spiritual leader, teacher, friend, an isolated elder, neighbor, a member of our military personnel…or, just about anyone who is living or breathing.  Just so you know, it doesn’t matter how much money they have, where they live or who they know…suicide can be lurking in the mind of a person who is having a difficult time in their life.

You see, friends, acquaintances, and loved ones of people who commit suicide suffer terribly in their grief.  They chase their thoughts round in round about what they missed, how they could have helped, what could have been done differently, why they still live when the person who died is gone.  Some even need counseling to deal with their emotions for a very long time.  Many even get to the point where they, too, struggle with finding joy in life because they feel guilty for having moments of joy, laughter, successes or celebrations.

The person who has died does not know this.  They no longer are capable of seeing how their death affects people who are left behind.   Even people in their community who barely knew them.  You see, we all have an impact in this life whether you realize how many lives you touch or not…every life has value.

People struggle in life…we can help those at risk of suicide by trying to be aware of what they are going through.  Most of us are not qualified to help someone through severe depression or feelings of ending it all by committing suicide…but, we can all be more aware of the signs of when someone is in trouble.  We can urge someone to seek medical/emotional/spiritual professional help.  We can be encouragers, listeners and friends.  Get the phone numbers and addresses of counselors, organizations and mental health care providers in your area.  In an emergency, call 911 if you feel someone is in danger.  You might not only save their life…but you might save an innocent bystander as well.

There was a tragic story yesterday of a woman who was involved in an alleged domestic situation where there was great emotional turmoil.  Her Aunt called the authorities after the woman called a family member and said they would all have to forgive her because she was about to do something crazy.  Her children’s father was allegedly cheating on her.  This distraught New York woman, allegedly put her four children into her vehicle and drove two minutes from her home off of a ramp into some water…killing herself and three of her children.  Her fourth child, a ten year old, managed to roll down a window and by a miracle got out of the vehicle alive.  Her very young children never had a chance.  It sounds like law enforcement was there within 17 minutes…but, it only took her two to drive into the water.   What horrible consequences to a temporary situation.

In her apparent desperation, this was her solution to the problem of a cheating spouse.  It made sense to her at the time.  To those of us outside of her situation; we can see how desperate and out of control she had to be to endanger not only herself, but her children’s life.  Whether he really was cheating or not, it doesn’t matter (well it does…but, that is between him and God); but, her belief that he was cheating triggered her suicidal and homicidal response.  This is a tragedy all the way around.

There are survivors…not only the ten year old child who will struggle to have a normal life since he survived and his siblings did not…but there are other relatives, the spouse, the neighbors, the children’s school mates, church members, community members and so on.  This kind of thing leaves a big scar.

I want to share with you information about awareness and the prevention of suicide by printing a link to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Organization.

We live in a time of great stress.  We have wars going on, natural disasters, man-made disasters, terrorism, accidents, financial losses and domestic violence…you get the idea.  Update:  Last night the news shared even more devastating news about the New York mom who drove into the Hudson River with her children in the car.  It seems that after she drove in she realized what she had done was a mistake.  Her 10 year old child said, She kept saying “I made a mistake, I made a mistake”.  This is so sad…but it does illustrate my earlier point…the person in distress doesn’t really want to die or in this case cause others to die…they just want the pain to end.

       If you grew up during the 70′s like I did…you remember him from his television days.  He  was on Gunsmoke.     Most noteworthy to a kid growing up during that time; he was a wise man on the show.  He was seeking wisdom to grow and learn.   Kids all around the nation wanted to be like “young grasshopper” with an adult who took the time to mentor him in life lessons.

         Kung Fu made a huge impression on a whole generation of young Americans.  It opened the door to learning martial arts for many.  David, and his show, made it cool to study the various forms of martial arts.   The show put David in a bit of a leadership position with his fans.   Today, we  sadly, learned that David Carradine was found dead of a suspected suicide in Bankok, Thailand.   His body was discovered nude, hanging with a hotel curtain cord around his neck. 

          Some people who know him say, he would not have taken his life, at this time; even though, he struggled with suicidal thoughts in his past years.  Those who do not believe he committed suicide say that his career was in an upswing and so was his personal life.   A few years ago, his career took on a new life with the movie, Kill Bill.  He had pretty much been out of the entertainment industry, until then.   David had made statements to others about his suspicion that, not many industry leaders were willing to give him roles as he aged .  After appearing in Kill Bill, he began working again; in fact, he was in Bankok, Thailand to film a new movie.  He had only been at the hotel for a few days when he was found dead.   

        At this point, suicide is only suspected; but, David’s death appears suspicious, at least to his personal co-manager, Tiffany Smith.  David was found in a sitting position in the closet with the cord wrapped around his neck, penis, and the closet rod.   The authorities have said there doesn’t appear to be any assault, no forced entrance to his room, no obvious crime; so, I guess that means the authorities don’t suspect that he was murdered.   No news has been released about whether there was a suicide note or not.  In fact, some say it had to be an accident, those who know him say he would never commit suicide. 

        If it’s true that he didn’t commit suicide and he wasn’t murdered…then what, an accident?  That seems a bit difficult to understand.  I mean, how does a curtain cord  accidently get taken down and wrapped around the throat of a nude person; unless it is something called the ”choking game”.   Sometimes there is a sexual component to the choking game; there are those who use the lack of oxygen to “enhance” their sexual pleasure.   The choking game is an accident waiting to happen.   It is a serious and dangerous activity; one that has become a threat around the world.    http://www.stop-the-choking-game.com/en/choking.html    It is  dangerous because, there is always the danger that the person could lose consciousness and die without meaning to.  

      In that kind of situation, I guess it could be considered an accident when someone waits too long to loosen the cord or binding around their neck.   That is not to say that, this is what happened to David Carradine…but, there are definately alot of questions surrounding David’s death.    His family is asking for privacy at this time, they respected him, loved him and were apparently close to him.  They are shocked and grieving the loss of a loved one.  It is hard enough to lose a loved one, let alone to have to do it in the eye of the public and in mysterious circumstances to boot.

           There is an autopsy being performed; hopefully, it will help to put some of the questions surrounding his death to rest.  Whether it was suicide or something else…there is still pain and grief for his family, friends, co-stars, and fans.   It is a sad end for a talented man who appeared to try to live his life with dignity.  We wish to extend sympathy to all who knew him; or, to those who felt like they did because of the roles he performed and, the impact on their lives from watching him over the years.  Rest in peace David Carradine.

        If you know someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts…please…please call:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ .  

         This man allegedly already had a record for assault and for driving under the influence in previous years.  His wife was also allegedly arrested in the last couple of months for domestic violence.  This family evidently struggled with these issues.  Was there no intervention?  I am sure that there must have been someone, somewhere who was concerned about these family members and what they were going through.  If measures were taken to help or intervene; then, for whatever reason…it was not successful.   It is a terrible thing when people who supposedly love each other can cause so much hurt and destruction to the people that they claim to love. 

         The 13 year old will be staying with family news reports say.   However, he will need much help to process what happened to his family.  He will need  intervention to overcome the damage that was done to his heart and his soul.  Abuse is a painful merry-go-round; that if not stopped, will continue to destroy.  I pray that this young fellow gets intensive counseling to help him heal, not only the terror that he experienced…but, quite probably the survivor’s guilt that most people who survive such situations experience; so that he can somehow find the strength to go on and live a happy and productive life, free from domestic violence.    After all, how can anyone expect a person who was hunted by his father, a person that most children expect to protect them from violence, to ever find it comfortable to trust another human being?  This will impact the rest of his life in ways too difficult to count.

          The questions that run through a person’s mind about how a father can pick up a weapon and shoot and kill his children and his wife and himself; are questions that really can never be answered, with a satisfying answer.  It is hard for adults to understand, let alone a child.  And yet, for his healing and recovery…there has to be some kind of explanation; whether it be drugs/alcohol addiction, mental illness, or anger management issues that were not treated successfully.   He will need to ask those questions and have some kind of answer that can help him to “understand…the impossible to understand”.

         True love doesn’t intentionally seek to hurt or destroy.   The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5.) It is not rude, it is not sel-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, 6.) Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. 7.) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8.) Love never fails.     If a relationship is filled with regular moments of  violence, control, humiliation, emotional or verbal abuse…then, that is a toxic relationship; it is not a healthy love relationship.   People in that situation need  an intervention by medical and psychological professionals; as well as law enforcement, clergy, and court personnel.  Please, help break the chain of violence. 

www.ndvh.org

www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/dvp.htm

www.ncadv.org/

      Seriously, I have a hard time understanding this phenomenon; barring mental illness; I can’t understand the murder-suicide situations between people who claim to love one another; unless it is put in the perspective of deperate people who feel like they have no other option.  How can someone take the life of the person/persons that they live with, take care of, provide for, protect,  and nurture?  Temporary suffering from financial difficulties, or family problems or divorce or any other reason is better than death.  Doing harm to another human being (especially a family member) is not  saving anyone from anything!  Harming yourself is not going to change anything for the better either.  Revenge is another reason why some people commit murder-suicide. 

        During the holidays, there was the Santa shooter who tried to wipe out his whole former in-laws and ex-wife.  He managed to murder quite a few of them and eventually took his own life; albeit, only because he was injured in the fire that he started and he evidently was in considerable pain.  In that particular case, he was going through a divorce and even though he was not living with those family members….at one time he was part of that family.  How do you take the lives of people that you have lived with, loved, dined with, made love to, taken care of when they were sick and so on?

       People who are mentally disturbed, seriously depressed or have a brain injury usually have caring people or a caseworker/guardian/family member around them who are aware of their issues, are tuned into their well-being or lack of; and they are in touch with their medical/psychological health providers, when they feel that things are not right with that person.    Getting appropriate medical/mental help for someone who is struggling is very important…sometimes it has to be sought against their will; but, still it needs to be done.   Typically, there are clues that all is not well with someone who is struggling with feelings of suicide or murder.

       What amazes me, are those situations when we hear that someone who seemingly appears healthy mentally, suddenly does something so out of the range of normal for their personality and commits  a crime  such as a murder-suicide with their loved ones as victims; whether it be a spouse or their children.  How can someone go from being a loving family member to someone who can do bodily harm to their family?  It escapes my logic. 

       I know in our country we are going through alot of stresses.  People are getting desperate financially, loosing their homes, their jobs, their investments,  retirement benefits, their medical coverage…these types of things can cause undue pressure to build up…causing people to do desperate things.  Help is available out there:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

        What i want to say is…please seek help.  Please find someone to confide in who can support you with ideas or solutions; let them be your sounding board.  Maybe finding help through an agency or foundation can help to lift some of those extra-ordinary pressures on people who are struggling under the weight of the world on their shoulders.   Don’t try to go it alone.  Don’t keep your feelings of frustration, anger, despair, depression or isolation to yourself.  Talk to a member of the clergy, talk to a counselor, seek financial advice from someone who may be able to direct you to a path of healing.

       I hate hearing of the lives that were destroyed.  The husband/father, wife/mother, sister/brother, child/grandchild or in-laws.  These murder-suicide choices cannot be reversed; it can not be undone.  It doesn’t solve anything.  If there are any survivors…they can have long term health issues, mental health issues, disability and much more financial bills due to the violence visited upon them…not to mention…if the person committing the violence lives….prison or a death sentence is in their future. 

       The person committing the violence will have a long lengthy trial to go through, psychological evaluations to endure….and maybe life in prison.    Guilt and depression can become a lifelong companion.  There are friends,family, children, neighbors, and acquaintances who will suffer from the tragedy as well.  Please, if you know someone who is struggling with these feelings…please encourage them to seek help.   Can you make a difference in someone’s life by encouraging them?  Give them a resource such as this National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/