Allegedly there are even more sound bites from these audio recordings that have equally disturbing comments from Mel Gibson. In the past, he has been accused by some as having made disturbing comments about Jews when he was arrested.  It was said in reference to those statements, that he was under the influence.  Others would argue that what is in the heart bubbles to the surface when that person’s inhibitions are loosened up from drugs/alcohol.

This past year has seen Mr. Gibson separate from his wife of 30 years, Robyn only to publically engage in his relationship with Ms. Oksana Grigorieva.   They had a female child, Lucia, together and it is alleged by Oksana that Mel Gibson physically assaulted her by hitting her in the face, while she was holding their daughter, causing physical harm to Oksana; as well as threatening to burn down her residence. 

 Mel is now being investigated for domestic violence by law enforcement.  A tallent agency has stopped representing him in the last week as well after Mel supposedly made disparaging remarks about hispanics whom he allegedly called “wetbacks”.  His personal reputation is going through some rapid changes.   He has been a successful actor in the box office for years earning kudos from the entertainment world and from fans alike. 

These audio tapes, if proven to be his voice, are not going to help Mel Gibson dispell the impression that he is guilty of domestic violence when the tone of voice, that is alleged to be him, states the Oksana looks like a whore, has fake breasts and that she dresses in a provocative way; the male voice goes on to say that if she is attacked and raped by a pack of (N-word insulting name for African Americans) then she DESERVES that. 

No-one deserves to be raped EVER by ANYONE; and I think, if he did make those statesment that it will be hard to regain any semblance of respect from people who believe as I do that it is wrong to say such things as well as to believe it.   Also, the voice on the tape seems to dismiss Oksana by saying things such as I do not trust you, I don’t love you and I don’t want you; these are meant to tear down and diminish the context of their relationship.  It was a relationship that would not be condoned by the church because it was outside of a marriage situation; still, he chose to indulge in a relationship with her so to talk in such a way about her is insulting on many levels.   Whoa, talk about offensive!

I mean, obviously she was a good enough woman to have sex with; as evidenced by the birth of their child.  He was attracted to her enough for that.   He stepped outside of his marriage to have the relationship with Oksana.   Yet, in the same vein, she is a whore; beneath contempt evidenced by his alleged words.   These are the mixed up thoughts of a man who has not come to the understanding of the wholeness of an intimate relationship.  I mean, you can’t have sex with a person outside of marriage and condem them without also condeming yourself.  If she is a whore…then what makes him any different than her?  Is this self hate that he is directing at her because he can’t sort it out in his own head?  You have to wonder if his relationship with Oksana is the only illicit relationship that he has indulged in; maybe guilt is eating him alive.

How do you go from being in a marriage of over 30 years; to starting a new relationship with a woman who is not your wife, while still married and with whom you create a child; and then espouse your intense dislike and disrespect for that same person in such a way as to try to demean them as a person and as a woman.   Inflicting alleged verbal, emotional and physical abuse upon them for the very acts that you willingly engaged in; when you yourself are a willing participant in the relationship, is a difficult concept for people to understand.  If one is at fault, then both is at fault in the eyes of God, unless it is a forced sexual contact.

Emotions are very convoluted…mixed up with lust, anger, resentment, sadness and loathing not to mention guilt and embarassment.   The conscious is a complicated thing; when people go against their own moral or religious values to give in to sin or temptation…the spirit rebels.  Words and actions start to conflict with one another and it causes breakdowns in interpersonal relationships.   The conscious is inside each of us to keep us from wrongdoing…it is a tool.  When we disregard the very core of our beings and choose to step outside of what we believe is right/wrong we end up punishing ourselves and others in ways that we don’t understand.

This is one loaded audio recording: if indeed Mr. Gibson said, let alone thought any of these things.   Then, it is indicative of a man eaten alive by a corrosive hate for not only those who are different from him by race or by being born female, as well.  Let’s remember, Oksana is the MOTHER of his child as much as Robyn is; although Robyn had every moral and legal right as his wife to have the fullness of marriage by having intimate relations with him and giving birth to his children.   Eventually Mel and Oksana’s young daughter Lucia will grow up and read of his rantings and judgements.   On the other side of things, Mel already has children, from his marriage, old enough to read and understand his words and deeds.   These kinds of words and actions are destructive to family relationships.   What must Robyn or his adult children think of his behavior…his thoughts, his words and his mindset?   Mel is still their father but they too must be trying to sort out this confusing circumstances.

Mel appears to be a man of conflicting images.  He is on one hand professionally praised by other actors and actresses and co-workers.  But, don’t you have to wonder how they feel, hearing of his feelings about women, race relations and appearances?  He was known for years as a family man to the public.   He was known for his Catholic beliefs.   He was a benefactor for children and agencies that helped them.  Yet, in the last few years he has had issues that have festered to the surface in public and in private.  Who is the real Mel Gibson?

It is just my observation but, Mel comes across to me as a man who is embroiled in inner conflicts that he does not know how to resolve.  A husband, father, family man/a man who was allegedly involved in a romantic relationship outside of his marriage vows, a good Catholic/yet a man who openly hates Jews (Jesus was a Jew), An actor and director who works with women in the entertainment industry who often dress provocatively for movie roles and for publicity; and, people of all skin colors and various religious beliefs, both behind the scenes and in film roles on the screen. 

People who are tormented with hatred of others, simply because of their own intolerence for people who are different from them, are the most miserable people.  Their intense dislike of others is caustic and hard to rally support for except from like-minded people who are also filled with judgement and hatred.  Usually there is also a large supply of self- hatred underneath it all which is masked by self-medicating behavior with drugs, alcohol, cutting or self maiming physical behavior, suicidal thoughts or actions, or promiscuity; all of which are self destructive.  

What is needed is a healing of the physical, emotional and spiritual person.  Someone who fills up on hate or self destructive behaviors is someone who is trying to fill up empty spots or voids in their lives.  They don’t know how to heal and often will need professional help; such as legal intervention, sometimes medical help such as medication, psychological evaluations and treatment, and spiritual guidance which focuses on positive guidelines for building up an attitude of love, encouragement and peace.  Someone who has been indoctrinated since childhood with hate may require long term intervention before they are able to accept not only themselves but others on an equal footing or at least in an unconfrontational way of life.

A person’s legacy is a very important thing.  It doesn’t matter if you are a celebrity or not;  we alone determine the kind of legacy that we leave this earth with; by our thoughts, our actions, and by the way we make others feel.    We live such a short time on this earth so why spend it in turmoil, unhappiness, anger and violence.  Life is so much more rewarding when people find ways to live in peace, harmony, and love.  If you or someone you know is imploding from hatred in their heart and mind…please find help before you destroy yourself or others.

        These things can be overcome.  Set your mind to helping to heal, correct, comfort, console and bring peace to those around you who are hurting.   Taking that action doesn’t have to cost alot of money, it can be a simple thing like a wordless hug…a small gift… a card sent with personal words of love and support…or clearing your schedule to listen to them vent…offering to share their load if you can. 

         If you know them well enough, you probably know what brings them comfort and peace.   Whatever action you chose to take, do it with love, kindness, and patience…it will be greatly appreciated and eventually rewarded by seeing them overcome whatever obstacle or challenge has come before them.    After all, you never know when your actions might cause a pay it forward kind of moment that blesses others.

        Giving another person hope and encouragement is a wonderful thing.   It can be contagious and become a light in the dark world that sometimes surrounds us.

I think when people are being honest with themselves…through word, thought or action…they know when they are operating with integrity, either in their personal or business relationships.  There is no regret, no shame or guilt, no need to stretch the truth or exaggerate a situation, no need for lies…no need to over-hype how something is presented when someone is operating with a responsible personal integrity.    People who choose to operate without integrity know it in their hearts.  They don’t feel good about their thoughts, their words, or their actions when they make choices that violate their own standards of integrity.  It may manifest itself in feelings of shame or regret, or with a general sense of feeling unworthy of accolades/rewards or, even financial success; it is possible that they will have unexplained health problems.

Inner conflict happens when we are at odds with our understanding of what is right and what is wrong.  Most of us have a keen sense of what is right and what is wrong in how others treat us, correct?  I know I do.  Even young children have a strong sense of justice/injustice; they are quick to point out when something is not fair or right.

So, my question is…do we present integrity in our relationships in the same way that we expect others to show us integrity of high value?

I have been reading a book discussing people and their internal conflict about what they should do with their time on earth; as far as, a job or a purpose in life.  One particular story troubled me.  It was about a man who lived in a financially depressed area of the world.  He had difficulty finding and maintaining a job.  He took a job with a casino.  At first, he was just a little uncomfortable with the idea of it…gambling.  As he worked and collected his pay check…he became desensitized to the environment that encouraged people to bet/gamble money that they didn’t really have to waste.  He comforted himself with the idea that there were no other jobs where he lived so he continued working there.

As time went on, he faced his inner conflict about the integrity of working for a place that disregarded the fact that gambling went against what he believed to be ok; until he heard his co-workers making fun of an elderly man who was weeping at one of the gaming tables, having lost thousands of dollars that he did not have to lose.  He was disqusted with them and told them to stop making fun of this man and his tears of desperation.  They then chose to make fun of him.  Rather than stand up for what he believed, he ran away…doing nothing, changing nothing.  He went to a spiritual counselor, (a poor one in my opinion), who told him not to make any rash decisons, basically, to just hang in there until something different came along.  Now this man was telling his spiritual advisor that he didn’t feel like he deserved God’s love or anyone else’s love either; he was wounding himself by not acting on his personal sense of integrity.  Was the spiritual advisor acting with personal/spiritual integrity?  I don’t think so personally.

Some time passed and the man became ill and went to his doctor…the doctor correctly told him he was depressed and prescribed a pill.  Instead of sending the man to a counselor/therapist…he gave him a pill.  Was the doctor acting with integrity…maybe/maybe not.  Maybe we don’t have all of the facts here…maybe he prescribed him the pill and requested he seek counseling; I dont know.  If not…should he have done so to fulfill his personal/professional integrity?  In my opinion, yes, he should have sought the source of the man’s depression…not just treat the symptoms with a pill.

What would options look like, to someone in this working man’s position?  Stay in the job and hate what you do…and possibly yourself, for what you are doing to earn a living when it goes against your personal beliefs?  Quit the job and hope another one comes along?  Stay in the job; but, actively look for new employment?  Leave the area and find a job in another environment that is more in line with his sense of personal integrity; one that honors what he believes to be true and right? Commute back and forth for an hour or more a day to an area where jobs were more plentiful? Maybe work online to provide financial income for himself?  What would be the choice that would fulfill his need for income as well as allow him to honor his beliefs about what is right and wrong?

It could very well be the choice that causes him to sacrifice his personal comfort zone…leading him to leave his home area and move to an area where his choices for jobs were not limited to something that violated his sense of  right and wrong.  Or, put extra burdeon on his time by requiring him to commute, back and forth, each day to get employment that he could live happily with.   He could have chosen to work at home on the computer…or gone to school to increase his ability to get hired by learning new skills.  Only this man knows what would have worked best for him and his physical and spiritual well-being.

What did this man do?  He stayed working where he felt it was wrong to work and took his pill to make it acceptable to himself.  Was that employing the best level of integrity that he possessed?  Or did it just allow him to numb himself to the inner voice that was encouraging him to make changes that would allow him to take pride in what he did for a living?

There is nothing sadder than a person who knows to do right and chooses to do wrong because you know that it is not only harming himself/herself; but, possibly others as well.  Every choice we make or avoid affects other people.  Scripture gives us all kinds of instruction on this area of life.  Isaiah 1:17 says, Stop doing wrong, learn to do right, seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.   Exodus 23: 2 says, Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong.  When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd.  Making decisions in our lives is important because those decisions affect how we see ourselves and our place in the world; if we want to live with peace in our hearts and minds we must make those decisions that uphold who we are based on our own personal integrity; no matter how difficult those decisions may seem at the time.

         Now to be fair…some people are more in tune with those around them, and their feelings, than some others are.  However, self-awareness isn’t a skill that is available only to those who have the money to pay for it.   Also, being aware of others and learning to take their feelings into account, when we are interacting with them, is something that anyone can learn to do better. 

          Whether it is in business, school, families or just in our personal relationships in general…we can all improve how we treat others.  It is important to do so because having healthy relationships is a two way street.  Whenever a relationship begins to get “unbalanced”, meaning one person doing all of the work and one person reaping all of the benefits, that’s when resentment starts to creep in.  Relationships can be turned around on a dime when this situation starts to occur, if it is rectified by opening the lines of honest communication about the perceived imbalance of the relationship.

         Everyone wants to feel valued and be considered deserving of equal respect.   Being self-aware of how your thoughts, actions, and words make others feel,  is  a big part of learning how to be more sensitve to the normal, natural give and take required to make a relationship work well.  Learning to listen to others is equally important.  If someone becomes short with you, makes snide comments, or uses their body language in a way that shows you walls are being put up when they speak with you; that is a good indication that they are feeling put upon ,  or  feeling like you are taking them or their feelings for granted. 

          When that happens…don’t just walk away thinking that they are just in a bad mood and it will pass.  Dig a little deeper into the issue;  and,  you will find that if you are really willing to listen to the undercurrents of the situation…you will find that they are feeling used and abused.    Often these issues are simply a result of miscommunication or a lack of communicating clearly about what one or the other is thinking.   Opening that door with clear, caring communication can begin the healing and strengthening of the relationship.  

           This advice will improve your business relationships, your friendships, your love life and your family life; becoming aware of your ability to recognize when you are struggling with validating others in your relationships is part of your personal development as a caring human being.   Have you ever been on one side, or the other, of this experience?  How was it resolved; or if it wasn’t resolved, how did it make you feel?

       Your mother is drop dead gorgeous, talented and very feminine.  Your father a one time musician who ventured into politics and was known for his conservatism.  How do you “come out”?  If you are Chastity Bono…you are outed.  Over twenty years ago that was the exact scenerio that played out in Chastity’s life and in the media.

         If you are age 45 or older, you probably remember a dainty, blonde haired angel who made appearances on the Sonny and Cher entertainment television show.  America fell in love with their only child together.  When they divorced and Cher began a romance with Greg Allman and had another child…she became a big sister to her brother.  Her father later remarried also.   How does a parent reconcile their hopes, dreams and expectations for their only child when something this drastic happens in your family?

         It got complicated.  Her father apparently took the news of Chastity’s sexual orientation better than her mother did when they were both informed.  And yet, Sonny was into politics and didn’t support same sex rights.  Still, he loved his daughter.  Cher had a hard time accepting this part of her child’s life, according to old news stories…in her words…she freaked.  Time has gone a long way towards reconciling their relationships.  Sonny is gone now…having died in a freak skiing accident in 1998. 

          Chastity has become a gay activist over the years.  But she has not been in the media in an attention seeking way.  She has tried to live a quiet life; until now that is.

           Today, the news was inundated with the news that Chastity has decided to become transgendered.  She, from this point on, chooses to live her life as a man.  She will no longer go by the name of Chastity.  She will now be known as Chaz.  Whether she will actually have a surgery meant to change her physique…is not really being clarified.

            I am more interested in the emotional and spiritual transitioning that took place for her/him to arrive at this decision.  How unhappy and disoriented does a person have to be in the body they were born with, to decide to cause such upheaval in their life both publically and privately?  Chastity’s appearance has changed over the years; does this show her inability to accept herself as she was born?  If she/he goes through with this transgendered lifestyle…will the appearance match what he/she feels inside?     I mean surgery or no surgery, to go about making an announcement to the world, that you are for the rest of your life; the second half of your life (she is near 40 years old), that you are going to live  an identity, totally opposite from the  sexual identity with which you were born.

          Cher (if she chooses to support and accept it) will now have two sons…instead of a son and a daughter.   How does a parent flip the switch in their head when they consider all that this announcement will change?   Chastity/Chaz has asked for privacy during this transitioning time.  I don’t know if the media will allow it to happen that way.    I think that they will chew on this “story” for quite some time…wanting to wring every little detail out of it that they can.

            Whether there is surgery or not…trying to change such a major portion of your life is not going to be easy.  I am sure this has taken years to get to this place…this decision.  Some reports say that many who consider themselves transgendered dont actually have surgery…still they often feel trapped in a body that is in conflict with who they feel, they were meant to be. 

              I myself am conflicted about my thoughts and feelings.  I think that people need to be able to accept themselves to be happy; and yet, my faith says homosexuality is wrong.   I’ve been taught that God doesn’t make mistakes; some people in this situation would say that they were born with the wrong body.  I have to admit, I don’t know what to believe in this area.  I do know that no matter what…those who are in this situation, are created by God.  God loves them, just as he loves all of his children.   I know too, that many gay/lesbian people struggle in life with their identity and how they fit in our society.    Often they struggle with drug/alcohol/food addictions because they dont feel comfortable in their own skins.   It is hard to feel and live differently than most of the people around you.   I know that my faith says that God loves everyone; but, he  also says that homosexuality is wrong.  

            I think that gay bashing is wrong…and people who choose to harrass anyone for any reason is wrong.  People need love and support.  Hate crimes are illegal and immoral.   Some say that gay/lesbian people are born that way…others say that they have chosen that lifestyle; that they can change it.  Others will try to say that some traumatic experience “caused” the homosexual identification.  Some say it is a way of life and they do not have to act on those feelings.   Personally, I think having a compassionate heart is important in this situation.   What do you think?

           I would hope that Chastity/Chaz is in, or has been in, counseling to sort through all of the thoughts, feelings and circumstances that will find it’s way into their life.  In my heart, I guess that I would wish a path that was less of a variance from what is considered traditional male/female roles.  I understand that no matter what…there are those on both sides of the fence pro/con gay and lesbian lifestyle who will use this story to further their cause. 

         I would caution those who do, to remember that those who struggle with their sexual identity have emotions and feelings just like everyone else…they can be vulnerable to the reactions of those around them.  Morally, I leave it between them and God to work out.   God considers homosexuality a sin according to my Bible.  Yet, even so…he says love the sinner (we all are sinners) and hate the sin. 

            The first 40 years of her life Chastity lived as a woman; albeit an unconventional woman.  The second half of her life she plans to live it as a male.  Is this truly possible without self destructing?  Spiritually, anyone on this path must search their hearts and minds to try and make sense of their identity in the world and in their relationship with the creator of Heaven and Earth.    What are your thoughts on this subject?

          Finding ways to help people be successful in life is a wonderful thing.  Children (or adults) who are affected by Autism are at a disadvantage, in life, if they can’t read the expressions and body language of those with whom they work and spend time with. 

         The face on the engine of Thomas and his pals will show different emotions.  This game is being designed to help children, who often struggle with social cues and body language issues, to understand and relate better to the people in their lives in a more appropriate way.  Human interaction is a complex thing; and, if you can’t see differences in how others are interpeting circumstances, then your own responses may not be appropriate. 

          Autism is not just a specific disease with a certain, rigid set of symptoms.  Understanding Autism and it’s effects is complex.  The medical profession, and educators, are always looking for ways to help.  If this game can open doors for those affected; then, i see no downside to using it.  To learn more about Autism check out these websites: http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/# or http://www.emedicinehealth.com/autism/article_em.htm or http://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/brain/autism.html

         Oh to be sure, there is excitement, a sense of accomplishment, joy, happiness, a burst of energy, a need to tell the world; but the flip side of that is fear, an intense worry about failure, bittersweet sadness/joy, unhappiness, lethargy/laziness, and a need to keep things a secret, in case it doesn’t work out.   After all, what if the thing I worked so hard for, so longed for, waited until i came of age for…doesn’t measure up…or worse, what if I blow it?  What if people find out that the very thing that i went after; I wasn’t equipped to do?

          Geez, Louise, somebody could expect something from me…such as success, accomplishment, and or an ability to change the world with my achievement.  Then what?  Oh the agony of getting there only to be frozen in the moment.  Hmmm what to do?

           This is the gift of living with purpose, with goals, with expectation…this is what many graduates are now experiencing.  Whether it be high school, college, or a milestone at work, or personal relationships; this big bowl of mixed emotions is served on a silver platter.   Here’s the thing, try to remember that not everything rests upon your achievement or failure…joy can be found on the journey as well.  You just never know where your journey is going to take you; and, some of the best things in life can be found on the little side trips that you dare to risk taking.

             I know it is hard; push through it anyway…you will be rewarded.  Your goal is in sight…and your path will be made clear from both the successes and the “failures” (I call them u-turns).  The trick is to just keep going…keep putting one foot in front of the other, look for things to enjoy along the way!   Continue learning, continue growing, continue exploring until you find your passion…that alone, will push you through any obstacle that plops itself down in your pathway!  Oh by the way, congratulations on whatever milestone you have hit…what’s next?  Whatever it is, go for it, enjoy it…learn from it and share it with the world!

         The pastor, David Jones and his wife Mary, were allegedly told that they were conducting an unlawful use of land as they were having a religious assembly that was a violation of code.  They were told to stop violating the code or to apply for a major use permit.  This permit can cost many thousands of dollars; of course it would allow for them to continue having their small group of 15 friends or less over to study the bible.  Remember, this was in their own home.

           Is this code, that the pastor and his wife were allegedly violating, enforced when someone has a baby shower in their home with more than 15 guests?  Or when people gather together with friends to watch the Super Bowl or American Idol?  Will those people be forced to obtain a major use permit? 

        What about you; where you live could this happen to you?  Should government officials be allowed to ban such gatherings in regards to religious freedom, in private residences,, unless people pay them large sums of money?   What are your thoughts?