The life of a celebrity’s child is often not an easy one. Mix in the fact that both of your parents are well known celebrities in their own way; and throw in a step parent or two, who are also in the entertainment business and, you have a hard time staying out of the media’s spotlight. Now imagine that you have a secret…one that you don’t care to have splashed across the tabloids…you are gay and your parents don’t know.
Your mother is drop dead gorgeous, talented and very feminine. Your father a one time musician who ventured into politics and was known for his conservatism. How do you “come out”? If you are Chastity Bono…you are outed. Over twenty years ago that was the exact scenerio that played out in Chastity’s life and in the media.
If you are age 45 or older, you probably remember a dainty, blonde haired angel who made appearances on the Sonny and Cher entertainment television show. America fell in love with their only child together. When they divorced and Cher began a romance with Greg Allman and had another child…she became a big sister to her brother. Her father later remarried also. How does a parent reconcile their hopes, dreams and expectations for their only child when something this drastic happens in your family?
It got complicated. Her father apparently took the news of Chastity’s sexual orientation better than her mother did when they were both informed. And yet, Sonny was into politics and didn’t support same sex rights. Still, he loved his daughter. Cher had a hard time accepting this part of her child’s life, according to old news stories…in her words…she freaked. Time has gone a long way towards reconciling their relationships. Sonny is gone now…having died in a freak skiing accident in 1998.
Chastity has become a gay activist over the years. But she has not been in the media in an attention seeking way. She has tried to live a quiet life; until now that is.
Today, the news was inundated with the news that Chastity has decided to become transgendered. She, from this point on, chooses to live her life as a man. She will no longer go by the name of Chastity. She will now be known as Chaz. Whether she will actually have a surgery meant to change her physique…is not really being clarified.
I am more interested in the emotional and spiritual transitioning that took place for her/him to arrive at this decision. How unhappy and disoriented does a person have to be in the body they were born with, to decide to cause such upheaval in their life both publically and privately? Chastity’s appearance has changed over the years; does this show her inability to accept herself as she was born? If she/he goes through with this transgendered lifestyle…will the appearance match what he/she feels inside? I mean surgery or no surgery, to go about making an announcement to the world, that you are for the rest of your life; the second half of your life (she is near 40 years old), that you are going to live an identity, totally opposite from the sexual identity with which you were born.
Cher (if she chooses to support and accept it) will now have two sons…instead of a son and a daughter. How does a parent flip the switch in their head when they consider all that this announcement will change? Chastity/Chaz has asked for privacy during this transitioning time. I don’t know if the media will allow it to happen that way. I think that they will chew on this “story” for quite some time…wanting to wring every little detail out of it that they can.
Whether there is surgery or not…trying to change such a major portion of your life is not going to be easy. I am sure this has taken years to get to this place…this decision. Some reports say that many who consider themselves transgendered dont actually have surgery…still they often feel trapped in a body that is in conflict with who they feel, they were meant to be.
I myself am conflicted about my thoughts and feelings. I think that people need to be able to accept themselves to be happy; and yet, my faith says homosexuality is wrong. I’ve been taught that God doesn’t make mistakes; some people in this situation would say that they were born with the wrong body. I have to admit, I don’t know what to believe in this area. I do know that no matter what…those who are in this situation, are created by God. God loves them, just as he loves all of his children. I know too, that many gay/lesbian people struggle in life with their identity and how they fit in our society. Often they struggle with drug/alcohol/food addictions because they dont feel comfortable in their own skins. It is hard to feel and live differently than most of the people around you. I know that my faith says that God loves everyone; but, he also says that homosexuality is wrong.
I think that gay bashing is wrong…and people who choose to harrass anyone for any reason is wrong. People need love and support. Hate crimes are illegal and immoral. Some say that gay/lesbian people are born that way…others say that they have chosen that lifestyle; that they can change it. Others will try to say that some traumatic experience “caused” the homosexual identification. Some say it is a way of life and they do not have to act on those feelings. Personally, I think having a compassionate heart is important in this situation. What do you think?
I would hope that Chastity/Chaz is in, or has been in, counseling to sort through all of the thoughts, feelings and circumstances that will find it’s way into their life. In my heart, I guess that I would wish a path that was less of a variance from what is considered traditional male/female roles. I understand that no matter what…there are those on both sides of the fence pro/con gay and lesbian lifestyle who will use this story to further their cause.
I would caution those who do, to remember that those who struggle with their sexual identity have emotions and feelings just like everyone else…they can be vulnerable to the reactions of those around them. Morally, I leave it between them and God to work out. God considers homosexuality a sin according to my Bible. Yet, even so…he says love the sinner (we all are sinners) and hate the sin.
The first 40 years of her life Chastity lived as a woman; albeit an unconventional woman. The second half of her life she plans to live it as a male. Is this truly possible without self destructing? Spiritually, anyone on this path must search their hearts and minds to try and make sense of their identity in the world and in their relationship with the creator of Heaven and Earth. What are your thoughts on this subject?
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Oh, Rainy, what a complicated story this person’s life is. I do remember the sweet little girl that appeared on television with her parents and it pains me to think of all that whole family has endured.
I find it interesting that Chastity-turned-Chaz chose to come and learn the lessons that have appeared…the question for me becomes: What can I learn from the experiences of this person who must have felt pure torture JUST FOR BEING.
We all have souls to search; I think this person’s search is a lot more complicated than what most of us have. I pray for her, that she might find a peace that passes understanding in her quest.
I’m a bit wider and thicker than I’d like. My shape is not exactly ideal and it would have been helpful to be taller…but I am grateful TO BE and to have a close, supportive network of people who seem to love me just the way I am. Or else they tolerate me…grin…I always tell my kids I love them just the way they ARE. I hope Chastity-turned-Chaz will be able to say that to himself one day soon.
Thank you for writing so thoughtfully about this, Rainy.
Hugs
Connie