In my little corner of the world, I have a unique view. I admit that for many years I had an insider’s view to foster care. I was a foster parent for close to 20 years. Mostly we had sibling groups and young children. A few teens found their way into our home in special cases. We have not continued to do foster care for quite a few years; however, in my circle of influence…we are still actively connected to those who are in the system. I have to say, I am concerned about the system and how it affects older children; and teens, especially. One of the biggest concerns for older children and teens is; how do they do without a permanent place to belong at such a difficult period of growth in their lives?
It is no secret that human beings need security and stability. We all like to know that we will have enough food to eat, a place to sleep and people who care about us in our daily lives; a place to come home to…a place to belong. It keeps us connected, protected and stops us from feeling rejected. Children who are in foster care, no matter their age, have issues with security and stability; mostly through no fault of their own. Most children, in care, have suffered through abuse or neglect or they wouldn’t be in the foster care system. Their lives are in a constant state of chaos; a condition that they have little, or no control over. That does not feel good on any level. After all, they are the ones who have to live with the results of any decisions that are made about their future.
For teens who are in the foster care system; the effects are even more pronounced. You see the chances of finding a permanent adoptive placement, if their parents rights are terminated, are slim. It can happen and for those that do find a permanent adoptive placement that is stable and healthy…they often are able to find a certain level of peace, after a period of adjustment; sometimes they do not. Conflicting emotions can’t be avoided about leaving the tangled web of a biological family to join another family; even if the biological family dynamics are not ideal, from which they came. It can be heartbreaking, all children need and deserve love and protection.
For those teens in foster care, who do not find a permanent adoptive placement, even their status as a foster child can be chaotic. Some placements are broken over, and over again, due to behavior issues, personality conflicts, demands of the court, death, violence, legal issues that can arise out of acting out behaviors…school placement needs and yes, even financial reasons. Sometimes, as a child nears the “magical” age of 17 or 18 years of age…the system begins it’s process of moving the child out of the court’s jourisdiction. In other words, they begin to weigh the cost of “caring and providing” services to that teen against the age of the child and conditions surrounding their placement; they start to plan for the release of that foster child into society.
This is where things can become more complicated. Some agencies don’t want the legal or financial burden that continued care can place on an agency when a teen is so close to “legal adult status”. Especially, if the cost of that care includes, expensive psychological/psychiatric care, rehab or institutionalization, services of the juvenile delinquency system, respite care, high medical costs, or specialized placement due to violence or run-away issues. Still other situations include those such as a teen that is getting close to adult status…but, he or she may not, have any biological family that can or will, stand up and be willing to parent the child/teen. That is emotionally difficult…and can add much hurt and damage to the young person.
All of that tends to affect their self-esteem, confidence, and the desire for stability in the teen. Some teens get so anxious that they act out, even more, in school or within the foster home; which only deepens the difficulty in maintaining their placement. Foster parents are often caught in the middle of the situation because they “work” for the agency through which they are licensed and are obligated to uphold whatever decisions are made when it comes to the placement.
So, if an agency or a court system decides to “release” a teen to live on their own…even though they may not have completed their high school education, have a job, or an appropriate place to live…the foster family is often forbidden to continue to provide a home for them. Once they are no longer a ward of the court, and the foster parent has other children in the home…it then could violate their agreement with the agency who licenses them to “allow” a person who is not a “family” member to stay there; even though that child may have lived there for months or years with the same “family” members. It makes little sense to me.
If you know an individual or foster family who is struggling with such a situation…you can be a conduit for finding a place for that older child or teen to belong. It is hard enough for anyone starting out in life…but, if you come from a place of dysfunction because of family issues in the birth family and spend time in foster care because of it…it can affect that person for life.
Everyone needs to feel good about themselves and what they are trying to achieve. Spread the word to people who would be appropriate to help this young person to transition to adulthood; by allowing them to finish their education or continue it, providing a job, emotional support, maybe even some financial help to getting established, help them to find a church to support them in their efforts to start out on their own. All of those pieces of the puzzle are needed to allow this young person to grow into an individual who is a productive, happy, well educated and on a positive path instead of perpetuating patterns of negative behaviors and actions that they may have picked up along the way. Any ideas on how you can help someone to find a permanent place to belong that is condusive to living a long and healthy, productive and happy life as a young adult?
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I so admire your dedication to this topic and situation that continues to be unresolved in our nation.
I don’t have any additional answers but do know that these kids, who are our future, are treated as throw aways and it is so sad.
Thank you for your continued dedication!
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Thanks again!
Christine
Oh, Rainy, am am so grateful for your keeping this topic in front of us. As a volunteer in a state prison I hear many stories of how the foster care system has failed its charges and I realize so clearly that every kid who ages out of the system is no different from any of the rest of us in this one respect: WE EACH NEED TO KNOW THAT WE MATTER AND THAT WE ARE IMPORTANT TO THE BIG PICTURE.
Man’s inhumanity to man is heinous and we know that the system is broken beyond repair. If only we could each do a little something to make every child’s life better and more secure. Together, we could do so much to improve life on this planet.
Please continue to remind your adoring public of this crucial point and witness the impact that can help kids who are in foster care now and to help all youngsters to remain in healthy, nurturing family relationships.
If people who CARE about this don’t take action, WHO WILL?
Hugs
Mother Connie
http://foodstampscookingclub.com/blog
Here is the comments of another reader…somehow it got posted to a comment section of another blog post: Thank you Kathy for your insight and your comment:
Kathy says:
September 17, 2009 at 1:16 am (Edit)
I really appreciated and connected with your article. Having been a foster parent for 10 years parenting girls between the ages of 16 and 18, I agree with everything you have said plus more. The statistics show that over 80% of our prisoners were ex-foster children. Not to mention how many girls have become mothers and and now living on welfare. It is people like you that can help raise awareness of the problems so many kids face when they are emancipated at the age of 18 and do not have the schooling, training or skills to make it in a very tough world. Our birth children our not ready to be on their own at 18, yet our system emancipate foster children at 18 with no support. They are set up to fail. Keep up the good work Rainy.
Kathy
http://www.ganoexcelcoffeecafe.com