Freedom has been on my mind lately, not only because of the holiday, the Fourth of July; but, also due to several news stories of late and as well as some relationships with people in my circle of influence. When you say the word freedom, people often have a gut reaction to it. That is because freedom is central to all that we, as Americans, hold near and dear.
After all, men and women have fought and died for the privelege that we all enjoy of living free from the will of others being forced upon us regardless of their own values and beliefs. We don’t thank our military men and women enough for that and we should.
Our own country’s Declaration of Independence was based on the idea and principals of freedom. Without that document as the basis of our country, we would still be forced to accept another country’s authority of what we could and could not do as individuals, in America. Human beings still value freedom today, as much as during the formation of the United States of America; we just don’t always talk about what that means in our everyday lives.
Relationships are often broken or strengthened on the basis of the people’s concept of the boundaries and limitations of freedom in their relationship. It does not matter whether that relationship is romantic in nature or whether the relationship is based on friendship, or is a family relationship such as parent to child or, even a working relationship with a co-worker or a boss.
Freedom and it’s limitations are important. If you think I am wrong consider this… if a couple has differing views on what kind of freedoms are going to be allowed in the relationships regarding physical relations, financial spending or saving, discipline issues with regard to raising children…or even freedom to pursue a chosen career…how does one compromise the limits of such freedoms without compromising or destroying one person or the other’s sense of what is acceptable? They must consider the other person’s feelings regarding freedom as being equally important as their own and be willing to find an acceptable solution to both parties. This is not easy…because everyone wants what they want and they want it their own way, if given a choice.
A child who wants freedom, to do what they want at age two, will try to determine the outcome of how much freedom he or she has by acting out behaviorally. It is the same with a teenager who is experiencing conflict between what they consider acceptable limits to their freedom as far as the use of the phone/computer/video games/ romantic relationships or even curfew. When they don’t feel “heard” or at least met half way by a parental authority figure…often teens will rebel; sometimes even risk leaving home and damaging their relationship with parents or their siblings, over their own idea of how much freedom they should be allowed.
Another population of people who understand the value of freedom is someone who is incarcerated or imprisoned. The basic freedom of coming or going from place to place is something that most people enjoy and take for granted. However, a person who is being punished criminally or in a war situation may experience a severe form of limitation of their freedoms. They are not allowed to come and go freely. They eats, sleep, work and interact only when they are allowed to do so. This is meant to be a deterrent to commiting crime against societies. It works for some, but truthfully, most people do not know how much they value these basic freedoms until it is taken away from them. It is frightening to lack control over every aspect of your daily life. Most people will be persuaded to live a life free of crime to avoid loosing their freedom.
In general, the trick to having freedom that works is balancing freedom with responsibility and having a mutual respect for those with which the conflict is occuring. Freedom to make one’s own choices is never free…it comes with a cost. People who offer freedom to another person (from those in whom they are in disagreement with) WILL have strings attached or ulterior motives; even if they aren’t evident at the beginning.
We each must earn our own way in the freedom department…but, ultimately, the rights we enjoy as individuals are fought and won in battle through our military men and women who’ve paid a high costs; our court systems and through legal challenges; and, in our own personal relationships through our communication with others of our needs and expectations; and our willingness to consider the rights and freedoms of those around us as being important as well.
The thing about freedom is also that the person who is expecting it, demanding it needs to consider whether the freedom that they are wanting and seeking is worth the cost. It must be weighed in each circumstance and if meeting in the middle or compromising can’t be done without one or both people feeling like they have given up too much…then relationships can be damaged. It doesn’t matter how those relationships come into being…everyone wants to be valued and considered worthy of having equal say in how they conduct their lives. It is human nature.
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