South Carolina’s Govenor, Mark Sanford, has admitted to an affair with a woman from Argentina. His wife Jenny Sanford has made an impression on many; by the way she handled things. She stayed away from the news conference where the Govenor made his admission. Jenny made as much news by issuing a statement attesting to the fact that she kicked her husband out; as she did, by not standing stoicly by his side while he publicly admitted his affair. We’ve all seen other couples who have done this before…one partner cheats and the other stands by supporting. I’ve often felt that it is terribly unfair of anyone to ask that of another human being. It is demeaning and humiliating for the spouse who has been cheated on. It is also, sometimes something that some spouses are willing to do. It really isn’t about what anyone else thinks…it is for the two people in the relationship to make that decision. Unfortunately, when people are in public positions…their actions do affect others.
Jenny Sanford has said that she asked her husband to leave. She wanted him to stop talking to her for a couple of weeks so that she could find a way to preserve her personal dignity. This is something that she felt that she needed to happen to cope; who is anyone to tell her different. I read somewhere that she said she wanted/needed to be able to look her sons in the eye. She wanted to be able to hold on to her sense of right and wrong as well as, her own self-respect. She appears to have achieved this by asking him to leave during that time; before he made his announcement.
The media was all over the fact that the Govenor couldn’t be found last week. His staff allegedly made statements that the Govenor was hiking…others, said they didn’t know where he was. He was in fact, in Argentina, allegedly.
From the sounds of it, the Govenor and his wife have been dealing with the issue of his affair for months privately; after his wife discovered personal correspondence between her husband and the other woman. Jenny Sanford has said publicly, that she forbade his relationship with this woman. Mrs. Sanford is a woman of faith and as such, she believes in marriage and family. Some news articles say that the Sanfords have been going through what is being termed as a spiritual boot camp along with some other couples. They have worked on the issue in their marriage with their spiritual advisor since January.
I think most women who have a knowledge of an alleged affair in their marriage and have worked with a spouse on repairing that marriage would feel her own self esteem damaged or destroyed. As far as the Govenor’s trip to Argentina this time around, no one is saying whether he was there to continue his affair, or end it. I would suspect it is the latter; as it sounds as if the family is still trying to find some way of going forward, as a unit. Personally, I find it admirable that Jenny Sanford worked privately for these months on her marriage when surely, emotionally she felt betrayed. Trying to heal the marriage after a physical, spiritual, and emotional betrayal was a testament to her faith and her commitment to her marriage vows.
The Bible says, in Proverbs 31 verses 10-12 10) A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11) Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12) She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
For his part, the Govenor says that he wants to reconcile with his wife. No one is super human…we all make mistakes. If his wife somehow finds it humanly possible to forgive him then it is likely to take time. There are always consequences when we sin and make mistakes. Will this cost him his job? Who knows. For her part, Jenny says…that his career is not a concern of mine. She is focussed on her family. She said that by the statement that the Govenor made publically regarding the affair…that he has earned a chance at rebuilding their marriage.
There is a cost for each person’s choices in life. The other woman; what will happen with her? Who knows what the future holds. But, if the Sanfords can somehow find a way to rebuild their marriage…hopefully they can strengthen the area of weakness that allowed this situation to occur. Healing can happen for all of the parties if they truly try to make things right with one another and are sincere in asking for forgiveness and in giving it.
Not to say that in this situation that all of the problems that occured were all one person’s fault and not the other’s…we all know that isn’t how life works. However, I want to continue with part of the scripture passage. These verses pick up in Proverbs 31 at verse 29) Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. 30) Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31) Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
It is hard to be in a position of power or leadership and not be corrupted by it or by those who are lurking in the background to corrupt them. Sometimes to become victorious we must lose that which we think we have earned a right to have…whether it be a job, a reward, a position of power or adulation from others. Let’s hope that this family only had to come close to losing that which is most precious to them…their relationship with one another and with God.
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Well put, Rainy.
It seems to me that the Governor was not living his truth in any area of his life. This is, sadly, becoming something of a new normal in our society. I know we all have our lessons to learn in this life. Some of us, just like the Sanfords, suffer in the process. And in the case of Mark and Jenny, their issues became so public they managed to reach the media hounds in an effort to sell newspapers. I have such heartfelt empathy for their whole family; their children will reap the fallout.
Every day and night I thank God this is not something I have to face. I appreciate your take on the matter. You and your Mr. have a marriage any young couple could emulate. God bless all marriages.
Hugs
Connie Baum