When I listen to people talk to each other I am often struck with the thought…Do they know the difference between listening and hearing? Sometimes I get after my children when they are annoyed with one another, and each is trying to get their point across to the other, because they will speak right over the top of one another. Not only is this annoying…but, it hardly ever gets them the results that they are hoping for; which is to sway the other person’s opinion over to their point of view.
Observing one of those sort of exchanges, whether it be children or adults, is similar to an exercise like tennis. If you are into being entertained, then this might just be your cup of tea. It goes back and forth, one to another…each with vigor and annimation. It is loud, it is passionate, it is filled with emotion, the likes of which could teach a thing or two to the greatest actor/actress around. However, the issues never really gets resolved. Want to know why? They are evenly matched in their ability to value only their own opinion!
I think you have probably already figured out what I am trying to say here. While they are loud and proud and they are certainly hearing each other; listening requires an active processing of the information being exchanged. When someone hears you…they are acknowledging that you have spoken; but, when they are really actively listening…they are giving some thought to what you have been saying.
Now, just because they are listening…that does not mean that they will automatically agree with you and side with your viewpoint. However, by using their active listening skills they will have made you feel as if what you have to say, makes a difference. No one is a winner when both parties leave a discussion feeling frustrated, angry, hurt, annoyed, ignored or any combination of those feelings. Everyone wants to feel as if their words are respected and valued…it is a part of the human psyche.
This listening principal can be applied in any kind of relationship, teacher-student, parent-child, husband-wife, employer-employee, friend-acquaintance…it really doesn’t matter. If you want to have conversations with people that are productive, friendly, compassionate, and or, effective in it’s ability to connect one person to another…you need to develop the skill of listening, as well as speaking!
You will be amazed at the number of people who will be responsive in a powerful way once you do; you will discover that more people, than not, are used to being over-run in conversations and made to feel insignificant. Therefore, once they discover your listening ability; look out, random people many who don’t even know you, will bend your ear! It’s an occupational hazard of a good listener! LOL
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Rainy,
Lovely post. I love bloggers who make their readers think.
God gave us two ears and one mouth because listening is often more important than speaking.
Peace,
Evelyn