With the economic disasters of the last decade, there are more people out on the street because they have been uprooted by a sudden change in their finances.  Military veterans often struggle with a return to civilian life and end up homeless.   Runaways also can end up homeless after they have run through the willingness of their friends and family to allow them to couch surf for a period of time.  Sometimes a runaway situation is by choice and sometimes it is out of a need for survival that they leave home.   Again, people become homeless for a variety of reasons; and, it doesn’t have to be a permanent situation.  People living on the street can also become a victim of violence, crime, or intimidation.   Homelessness can be a reaction to a temporary situation in a person’s life.   It does not have to mean a hopeless situation.

Ted Williams says that for the better part of 15 years he was homeless and living on the streets because of his addictions.  Turning his life around and getting sober allowed him to have  a dream.   Growing up he had a desire to get into broadcasting for a career.  The addictions took him on another path.  Recently, he stood along the roadway with a handwritten sign proclaiming that he had a God given voice.  A video was made of him by a reporter as he panhandled alongside the road; that video of him using his God given voice went viral.  Since that time, he has had a whirlwind couple of days with job offers inundating him.  He has the potential of seeing his aging mother who lives in Brooklyn, New York while he is doing all of these interviews with the major news networks.  This opportunity to reconnect mother and son is an answer to both of their prayers.  They both have said that they prayed to see him doing well again in life before she passed away. Their faith was rewarded by this reaction to the viral video.

I am sure that there are families all around the country with that same desire; to see their sons/daughters/fathers/mothers restored to a good place in life.  This feel good story of Ted Williams could be true for many more people who are homeless.  Ted has had an offer to work for the Cleveland Cavaliers and have a home again.  How many other people that are presently homeless have hopes and dreams that could come true if someone took notice of them on the street and didn’t dismiss them as hopeless?  it would be great if all of these opportunities being offered to Ted could be spread around to help others in the same situation.

Don’t get me wrong…I love this story about Ted Williams.  I am happy for him and his family.  I just can’t help thinking about the countless others who are still stuck on the street; caught up in drugs, alcohol, prostitution/human trafficking, or in an emotional/physical prison.   Illegal activities often become a way of life when there is no steady income from a job.   We need to focus some solutions to the problem on helping people to turn their lives around and become happy, healthy and productive individuals again.  Look at what a little positive attention has done for Ted Williams and imagine the same effect on those that you pass on the street in the same predicament any other day of the week.   How can you help?  Donate time, food, blankets, money or your skills to those who work with the homeless.  Employ them or help to educate someone; direct them to a safe shelter or to a counseling program which may be able to help them get back on their feet.  Try to shed a little light into the dark corners of the world where people don’t often feel worthy of a better life!

When a young person, no matter how troubled, crosses your path and you have the chance to positively impact their life…take it from me..you need to be bold, by doing or saying what needs to be said or done.  What you think may annoy them or offend is not as important as avoiding a potential event if that person has time to think through the things that they are doing with their life.

Not so long ago, such an opportunity came and went.  Several of us tried to touch the lives of the young men who momentarily passed through our youth group.  They had varying degrees of response to the spiritual teachings and to the adults trying to make a connection with them.  One young man was a rubber ball; oh he came back a few times…but he wasn’t there for spiritual guidance.  He appeared to be there for social reasons. 

That isn’t terribly unusual.  What is unusual is that there seemed to be little to no positive impact on his life; his heart was not about to let anyone in deep enough to touch him spiritually or emotionally.  Everything was funny to him or made him angry.  He did not respect authority nor did he appear to have a good relationship with any of the other teens in attendance, even though he went to school with them.

In fact, he seemed to flaunt his defiance and rebellion.   He instilled fear in some of the kids because of his actions and his attitude.  He threatened some, he disobeyed requests to respect bare minimum requests for appropriate behavior.  Mostly, he just put in a couple of  appearances and left the place “untouched or unchanged”.

One of the other two that came was a bit older.   This young man knew scripture and could quote it.  I had no knowledge of this person before he came to visit, the one and only time that he came to the youth group.  However, others knew of him.  He freely admitted that he was not living right (even though his family had taught him about God and living according to his guidelines).  This made me sad; yet, I was hopeful because he seemed to have a foot on both sides of the fence.  He was young, intelligent and had the capability of making the right choice.

Do not be fooled…people can’t live that way indefinitely; eventually, you must get off of the fence and make a choice on how you conduct yourself in life.   It comes down to a choice of living in a Godly way or choosing to do whatever you want regardless of the consequences.   Of course the news story has not yet been tried in court; so we do not know if what is being charged to these young people, is in fact what happened beyond a shadow of a doubt.   However, these young men that visited our youth group are now being charged with a murder.

Initially, as I said the younger man was totally defiant and the first one seemed to be trying to choose which way he was going to go.  I had hoped that he would choose the correct path.  His family I am sure was praying for the same outcome.  They both had been in trouble with the law before and were on probation, they said.  Drugs & alcohol appeared to be a part of the problem.  The older one seemed to be trying to come to terms with how he was going to go forward while on probation; while the other was mocking the system and made light of all of the wrongs they had done previously.  That never bodes well for anyone…to have an experience that is meant to teach us a lesson and to laugh in the face of it. 

While I know that everyone make mistakes; some people turn their lives around and others do not.  What makes the difference???  I don’t know, I wish that I did.   Many lives could be kept from making tragic mistakes that have huge and horrific consequences, if only someone had the answer to that question.

We always tell our teens that God is there; and he is.  He knocks and waits for a person to answer the door.  He patiently and lovingly keeps an eye on you and keeps trying to call your name so that your life is one of purpose and value.  One that is full of promise and hope.  He forgives mistakes and he wants for you to turn to him before life gets out of control; as long as the person truly is sorry for their mistakes and makes an effort to learn from it, when they ask God to forgive he does.  

Even when we make mistakes God never leaves us; he will be there when we need to pick up the tattered remains of our lives.  It is not too late for these young men (or anyone) to ask God to be the ruler of their lives.  It won’t undo the loss of  life, if they were indeed responsible for this person’s death.  However, God can make good come from any evil act or darkness in a person’s life.

Still, let’s not forget that justice will be served.  Forgiveness does not entitle anyone to be exempt from punishment.  There are c0nsequences to our actions…both good and bad.  It is hard to hear but it is a fact of life.

A life was lost and it cannot be returned.   That person’s family and friends will want justice…some will even want revenge.  Things do not have to be this way, a person’s future if you are convicted, is not one of freedom of choice.  It seems such a waste to have a whole life before you, only to throw it away; and for what reason?  A party, a moment of rebellion, a reckless decision, a fleeting moment of pleasure?  A choice that sometimes has a high price for the decision maker; care must be taken not to make choices that will waste the time we have here with our friends and family. 

 The victim had friends and family too, and they will be grieving.   Young men did you take this person’s life?  I don’t know.  But still i wonder, why didn’t you hear him when God called your name?  Or if you heard him, why didn’t you respond in a way that allowed God to be present in your daily life?  If you did, then the murder victim would still be alive, your family would not be facing a life without you in it on a daily basis, you would not be sitting in prison, when instead, you could be having a life full of all of the good things that God intended for you.

Why was your rebellion (of choosing drugs and violence) so much more important than choosing a life of right?  Why is it that the things God meant for you to hear fell away from you like water off of a ducks back?  Having rules and guidelines in life helps keep us accountable and out of situations that can destroy us.  Having parents, teachers, law enforcement, bus drivers etc who give you boundaries to follow aren’t doing it to make your life miserable; in fact, it is just the opposite, they care enough to tell you when you have crossed a line of inappropriate behavior, to help you do what is right.  It really is for your own good and the good of others.

Even though you were not a part of our youth group, on a permanent basis, I grieve that you have been accused of this murder.  I am sad that it is even a possibility that it could be true.  I am heartbroken for the victim’s friends and family.  I am horrified that the victim died a needless death full of pain, only to be discarded like something left behind that had no value.

Our world is becoming too full of these kinds of stories.   Stories filled with a lack of respect for others, violence, lack of accountability, a sense of entitlement, drugs/alcohol, low self-esteem, death, rape, anger, loneliness, sadness, abuse, lack of education, jail/prison, isolation, and so many other negative things that are harmful to our society.  There are too many lives that are destroyed by those who can’t or won’t respect authority and the rules of society; at home, in school, at church, on the streets or in any other environment.  There are too many innocent people who have to suffer from the negative choices that others make.   If we all tried to follow the rules that God set before us then there would be so much less suffering in the world.

My heart wonders if you have had time yet to wish that you had heard God when he called your name.  How many others will find themselves in situations of their own making because they have chosen to rebel and ignore the concerns of their loved ones?  How can we keep those we care about from making choices that harm themselves or others when they are living outside of God’s protection?  What can we learn from these horrible stories?

Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

         It got me to wondering what it is about heros that attracts us to them; what are they made of.   Why do heros do the things that they do?  Most of the time heros are fighting for justice, in other words fighting against the bad guys/gals, trying to protect other everyday non-heros from harm.  I think as we grow up, our understanding of what a hero is changes a bit.  I think we are attracted to the goodness in a hero or their ability to protect and to serve.  It is admirable and desirable to be capable of doing the right thing, for the right reason.

          In my mind, a hero is someone who does something unexpected in a challenging way that helps/protects/inspires/encourages another person who is not in a position to do it for themselves at the time.   A hero is someone who makes a split second decision to reach out and make a difference even if the cost is high-such as a stranger who rushes to protect another person from a crime, a threat, a bad decision, or a moment of danger.

           Sometimes a hero is a person who is “just doing their job” in their own words; but to another ordinary person their commitment to the deed is extra-ordinary because of the level of commitment to performing the deed comes with high risk or a high cost to the person choosing to take action.  A police officer, a fireman/woman, a postal worker, a teacher, a store clerk, military men and women…the list goes on and on; these people are heros in my book. 

           What about the volunteer or caregiver who takes extra measure to seek a solution to another person in need?  Are they a hero?   What about people who put themselves out on the front line to fight for what they believe in even when it is not popular; are they heros?  I believe that they are.

            I think about those people who fight for the poor, aged, disabled, ill, those who wage a war against cancer, domestic violence, drug & alcohol addictions, human trafficking, homelessness, abortion, abuse/neglect, children without families or without basic needs being met.  The people who champion for an awareness or for changes to existing circumstances just because it is the right thing to do…I believe these people are heros.  They are an inspiration!

           Miep Gies died yesterday at age 100.  She was a hero but she didn’t like to think of herself that way.  She was an office worker in the employ of Anne Frank’s father Otto Frank; she hid Anne Frank and her family and friends in a secret room in a warehouse during the years that Hitler was rounding up Jews to kill them, during the Holocaust.  She is the woman who bicycled around the city finding food to feed them, and who eventually found the pages of Anne Frank’s diary when they were arrested.  She risked her own life to do what was the right thing to do to protect other human beings in extra-ordinary difficult circumstances.

             There are so many different kinds of heros in our every day lives if only we stop to think about it.  I think the act of a hero is a call from God to step outside of ourselves to be the hands and feet of Jesus…to be the best person that we can be.

           Do you know someone like this?  Write me a comment and give them a little plug.  Most heros are unsung heros because they don’t believe that they deserve attention for doing what they consider the right thing to do.  And, maybe in one sense they don’t…because we should all be doing these things…but the truth of the matter is, that without examples how will others learn to be heros in their own right?  We must hold up examples of special people who do acts of heroism…because in doing that we are encouraging more of that kind of behavior. 

So is there a hero that you know of doing something wonderful?   What is your hero made of…tell us all about them.  Please comment here and let us know about this person and what they are doing to make the world a better place!  Thanks for being a light!

        Women need to be aware of the danger of taking any over the counter medication during pregnancy; without the advice of their doctor.  Often there are label warnings on packages…but sometimes, they are writting in small print.   They must avoid high stress (pregnant or not…that is good advice).  Pregnancy can put stress on relationships as well.  If the woman is involved in a relationship that is unstable or prone to emotional or physical abuse…she needs to be aware of her vulnerability in that situation. 

       Consulting with those in her community who are trained professionals is important in those situations for their safety and well-being.   Seeking the advice of those who work with abused women is also good.  You can do this on a local level, or you can do it online here: http://www.ndvh.org/ but beware, a woman who is being intimidated or abused at home may have her computer monitored.  If it is discovered that she is reaching out to others…she could be at risk for more violence…so use a computer that is safe to use. 

          It is unfortunate that we live in a world where violence directed towards women happens every day.  We hear, on the news, scary reports of women being killed, by strangers, for their unborn children.  Not only do women have to be aware that such dangers exist;  they must also take precautions when they go out in their communities during their daily routines.  It is sad but true…there are people who live and breathe, who care only about their own wants and desires…some of them are mentally unstable and dangerous.  A pregnant woman has to be very aware of her surroundings at all times.

          If that isn’t enough, women often worry about things like miscarriage, or birth defects.  It is normal to have those thoughts and concerns…but, outside of avoiding drugs/alcohol/smoking and taking care to eat a healthy, well balanced diet rich in folic acid and maintaining a healthy weight; there isn’t much that a woman can do to control things like a miscarriage or birth defect risks.  Well, that is not exactly true…in my opinion, because I believe in the power of prayer in all situations.  God is good and is the giver of life.

        Everyday there is some kind of new discovery about what is, and what is not, safe for a pregnant woman.  Alot of it is common sense when it comes to making choices and decisions. 

         When it comes to exercising during pregnancy…most of the time, medical professionals will tell a woman that whatever she was doing before becoming pregnant is probably safe.  However each woman, with every pregnancy, must see her doctor and decide what is right for her and her baby, at that moment in time; because, situations can change from day to day.  Getting regular checkups while pregnant is always the best advice.  Your doctor or nurse can answer any questions about what you should or should not be doing.

         Which brings me to my next topic, which is a news article on the upcoming flu season; and, women getting flu shots.  It is being recommended by many doctors, according to a news report that I read on the ABC news website, that women who are pregnant, or expecting to be pregnant, get the flu shot when it is released; to help protect them from the swine flu.  The media keeps talking about a possible pandemic regarding the flu.  They say that pregnant women are more vulnerable to the swine flu because their immune systems are lower during pregnancy and it could complicate their health, as well as the health of the baby that they carry. 

           While some advocate getting the flu vaccination…others would caution a woman to be very careful in making that decision.  Again, the best source of information is going to be your health care provider. 

          Now, I know that a woman can’t help but worry about all the things that could go wrong with a pregnancy; but, it seems to me that if you spend all of your time worrying…you won’t have any time to enjoy the pregnancy.  This is the time that she, as a mother, spends bonding with her child as it grows in her womb.   Are there worries; sure there are.  However, those worries do not have to dominate the pregnancy.  Taking some simple precautions during the time that others in her circle of influence are ill, should help to keep a pregnant woman healthy.

           Keeping her opportunities of exposure down to a bare minimum is important; cutting down on some social activities during peak flu season is advisable.  Washing her hands often and well is one of the best ways to avoid becoming sick.  Keeping hand sanitizer in her purse , office, or her vehicle and using it often is a good thing.  Using antibacterial sprays on surfaces that are used in community type environments is good; such as in bathrooms and kitchens.    Avoid large gatherings where exposure to sickness of any kind is greatly increased due to the numbers of people.  

           Of course, the best things that you can do for your baby; you should also, already, be doing for yourself.  Those things are to be involved in a loving & healthy relationship with the co-parent of your child.  Eat balanced meals and get plenty of rest.  Make sure that meats  and eggs are cooked long enough to kill any contaminants.  Wash fresh fruits and vegetables well to get rid of pesticides.   Drink lots of water and milk (preferrably milk that is pasteurized, and without any additives).  Avoid alcohol, smoking, stress and dangerous activities.  If your doctor advises it; take prenatal vitamins.  Exercise under the advice of your physician.   Pregnancy doesn’t last forever and this time is precious.  Worrying about everything under the sun doesn’t change a thing; but, taking steps to ensure a healthy and happy pregnancy does.

        You see this all of the time in the world of celebrities…but everyday people often fall into that trap as well.  Beauty, youth, and popularity all pass away in time…what’s left is the spirit, the mind, and their purpose in life.  If those aren’t developed along the way…the search for meaning is sometimes mis-directed onto meaningless relationships, trendy pseudo-religions, drugs/alcohol abuse, and endless dramatic attempts to seek attention. 

         As a society we need to devalue the attention that the media puts on empty pursuits by public role models.  We need to encourage those sports figures, politicians, and celebrities who are doing positive…purposeful things in life.  Quite giving time and attention to those who are living on the edge and doing nothing more with the gifts in their lives than pursuing selfish and destructive behaviors.  In raising our children, we need to develop character building, self esteem, and goals of reaching out to others. 

          We do this by teaching them to discover how to connect to others, give back to those who are less fortunate in life, teach them spiritual fulfillment, and to value their bodies by encouraging modesty and healthy self- esteem building techniques. 

           I dont like seeing young guys or gals flaunting their bodies or their finances to gain attention; I like it even less when i see a 40-60 year old who talks, acts, spends, and dresses like a teenager…because that is the only way they know to attract members of the opposite sex.   Let’s encourage an attitude of growth, respect, confidence, and personal development as a way of life!

       So, not only do we understand the damage that can come from the abuse of drugs…such as death, brain damage, broken relationships, jail/prison, rotted teeth, damaged health, addiction, prostitution, theft, and many other physical ailments…but we begin to see a moral decay as well.  People appear to have very little value to the drug addicts; and or, the people who supply them with the drugs.

      This week a very disturbing story made the news about a young boy, from Las Vegas-Nevada, who was forcibly taken from his home by people posing as police officers.  They  tied up the young boy’s mother and her boyfriend, ransacked the home, and took the six year old boy named, Cole Puffinburger.  The reports are that the boy was kidnapped out of some kind of retailiation; allegedly involving, (unknown to us), relatives of the boy and a drug deal.   Parents lose custody of their children everyday because of their relationships with drugs or alcohol.  But in this case, the people removing young Cole were NOT protective services…it is probably, people involved in the drug trade.  No one appears to know whether Cole is safe or not at this time.  If you have any information please call the Las Vegas Metro Police at:  702-828-5678.  Update:  Cole’s grandfather has been arrested on Friday night by U.S. Marshalls.  It is believed that he has been laundering money for Mexican Nationals involved in the drug trade.  The Grandfather has been hiding out.  It is being alledged that he owes the Mexican drug cartel, between 8-20 million dollars.  Pray for Cole’s safe return…hopefully, the grandfather will have information that will lead to finding Cole (alive and well).  Abductions are taking place more often near the Mexican boarder.  This is a national problem that we need to address…pray for the DEA who try to fight the good fight…pray that those who are tempted to go to the other side, stay strong!

       It is frightening and sad how little value is placed on human life anymore.  This poor young boy was put in harms way because of drugs; and or the buying/selling drug lifestyle.  Is this little boy going to be alright?  His playmate chums in the neighborhood and in school are worried about him…they are frightened.  Whether it was the relatives that Cole lived with or others that were involved in his life…this child has been placed in danger due to the direct actions of people who he trusted; if the news reports we are hearing are true.

        Children all around the world are impacted by the choices their caregivers make.  Those caregivers (parents) who use illegal drugs or alcohol aren’t making rational decisions, oftentimes, because their thought processes are impared by the drugs/alcohol. 

        Please say a prayer for Cole, his friends and family (i am sure there are other family members who weren’t involved in the drug deal who care for Cole); as well as all children who’s lives have been impacted by the destruction that comes from the relationship of drugs/alcohol in their environment.  Have you or someone that you cared deeply about been affected by destruction associated with this kind of lifestyle?

        You’ve heard the saying that people who abuse drugs or alcohol say to back off…because it is their life; the thing is…that drug abuse affects us all.  It starts with each individual choice to use or not to use.  They often think that they are in control of the drugs or alcohol…but, it doesn’t take long for that to shift…and the drugs or alcohol are controlling them…and affecting everyone around them.  It is a big business with high stakes…people get involved in things that they can not control.  www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/drugs/  

Update on Saturday October 18th, 2008…it appears that the authorities have suddenly pulled the amber alert that was put out for young Cole.  There has been no further information.  There is supposed to be a news conference this afternoon.  As soon as there is updated information released…i will add it to this page. 

New update:  Cole has been found walking alone on the streets while detectives were handing out flyers about him.  Thank you God…thank you to the volunteers…and thank you to those who prayed for his safe return.  There were no further details given.

         The reason some people have been upset with Helen, over that interview, is that she seemed to down play the experiences.  She said there was no extreme violence, she was not hit…but rather, was locked in a room and made to have sex.  She did not file charges in those incidents.  She also said that if a man and a woman were about to get intimate and the woman changed her mind, and the man continued; that was indeed rape.  However, in that circumstance; she didn’t feel that a woman could then turn around and take that man to court for it.  Those are highly controversial remarks when taken individually or out of context.  To some people…those comments smack of judgementalism…that those situations aren’t worthy of prosecution of a person who sexually assaults another.  Those comments appear inflammatory to many folks.

         Most people are clear that if a stranger attacks another person and forces sexual relations…then that is rape.  It is true enough…it is.  But there are other forms of rape as well that aren’t as clearly defined for some people.

        If however, you apply Helen Mirren’s comments to the times, in which those assaults in her life took place; then, you need to understand the culture of that time as well.  Helen is 63 now…go back to when she would have been in her late teens/early adulthood…and that puts the alledged assaults in the early to mid 60′s when, she would have been a student. 

           What was happening during those years…there was a little something called the “sexual revolution” taking place…not to mention a whole sub culture of drug use and transient behaviors. That revolution turned upside down what was acceptable and what was unacceptable behavior.   Being held accountable by traditional guidelines of behavior for those involved in the subculture around the world…of drugs, sex, and rock & roll was not an easy thing to do.  Many people functioned in a haze.  Still, does that make rape…or “date rape” ok?  No it does not, not by any stretch of the imagination…all i am saying is that it added to the mixed messages young people were living with at the time.  Helen also goes on to say that she ”loved” coke (cocaine) but gave it up.  Was she implying that she was using drugs when these experiences happened?  I don’t know.

         There are cases of assault that even the victim questions whether it was rape or not because they may have been drugs or alcohol involved or the situation is unclear.  Here are some great ways to evaluate the situation: http://www.4woman.gov/FAQ/sexualassault.htm

        Filing police reports and following through with legal prosecution even when a person could identify his/her attacker has never been easy; because of fear of not being believed, fear of further abuse, fear of the stigma of having been raped, fear of being BLAMED for the attack.  What we need to remember is that no, means no.  We need to teach it to our young people as they grow up.  We need to reinforce it in our relationships.  We need to be clear about the messages that we transmit to people that we are in relationships with…friendships, acquaintances, romances, or just dating in general.

        Our media is plastered with sexual images, sexual innuendo, and sexualized music, fashion, and even our family entertainment; whether it be television, magazines, beauty pagents or other forms.   Our culture is sending messages to children that start sexualizing them from the very beginnings of life…and yet, we are not equipping them with emotional, behavioral or interpersonal skills to be sensitive to the nuances of changes in their relationships.  We are sending mixed messages; that is to say,  that everyone has a different hand book of rules for.  Most of us cannot read another person’s mind…so the only sure way to know what they are thinking and feeling is to ask.

         Now that school is starting back up…teenagers, pre-teens, elementary students as well as young adults in college need to know how to interact with one another…what is that other person’s body language saying?  Does their body language match their words?  Does it match their actions?  Do they know how to communicate verbally with others in a way that can be clear, and upfront about defining the expectations in their relationship?

          Know your son or daughter’s personality strengths and weaknesses.  Teach them to respect the emotions and the decisions of others.  Teach them not to bully or coerce others into doing what they want from a young age…you can even start with sharing toys.   There have to be consequences for infractions from early on in life or they won’t understand that as they mature.

           As our young people grow; we need to make them aware of sensitivity to the emotional ups and downs in relationships.  Both young men and women need to be taught to communicate clearly their feelings; and, to respect those of others.  They need to be watched closely in the early dating years for any changes that would indicate physical abuse, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse or coercion in their relationships with the opposite sex.  Parents must be willing to step in and help to intervene in relationships that are unhealthy.

         Each of us grows up with different family values and different levels of interactions in relationships with others.  What someone might consider pushing or manipulating others; another person might mearly consider their behavior as just being assertive.  Personalities play a huge part in how words or actions are interpeted. 

          If your son or daughter is meek and mild…they may or may not be pushed into a deeper relationship than they are ready for.  Someone who is outspoken or direct may not realize that the other person is feeling cornered and without choices.  This is where being sensitive to the needs and wants of others is important.  It is never ok to make someone feel that their wants or needs do not count.  When it comes to intimacy between people…they need to be of legal age of consent, they need to want the same level of intimacy as their partner, and, it is important to have verbal consent to the intimate relationship as well.  Otherwise, the sexual intimacy could be considered as rape/date rape/acquaintance rape. 

         It is often said that those conversations are uncomfortable…and they are.  So are conversations about safe sex, birth control, and pregnancy!  Still, they are conversations that human beings must be comfortable in having with one another if they are going to begin a sexually intimate relationship with another person.  Otherwise they are not ready to have a sexual relationship at all.

          Mixed signals of communication; verbal communication, body language, and emotional interactions are what allows people to be confused when sexual interactions take place that one of the partners feels was against their will.  That is when things go from having a relationship… to being raped, in a dating or acquaintance relationship. 

        How many news stories do we hear during the year of, he said/she said, in regards to a disputed sexual incident?  Too often is the answer.  We need to be more clear when in those situations.  It doesn’t even matter whether the people involved are 18 or 81… clear communication has to take place to prevent unwanted sexual activity. 

         Now, when clear communication has taken place and sexual activity has been forced on a person…that is very clearly rape.  The victim of sexual assault may or may not file charges…that is very definately, a personal choice.  But, when and if, a victim reports the abuse…it has to be taken seriously.  That is why; when we hear about false allegations on the news…it damages people who truly have been victimized.  Each time a false claim is brought to the attention of the public…it creates a perception of doubt, anger and fear.  That is not ok…we need to be supportive of the victim.

        When a legitimate victim of rape is going through the “legal system” and or healing process…they are dealing with so much more than the trauma of the assault itself.  They deal with their own perceptions of the attacker, the support systems in their own lives, and the public’s perceptions if the assault happens to make the evening news.  It is a very difficult situation all the way around.  Many victims of sexual assault just don’t want to deal with it.  No one can tell them what to do…they have to make that decision; because, they are the ones who will be dealing with everything that goes along with the follow through process.

         Rape is wrong whether it be stranger, acquaintance, or date rape.  There is help available for those affected by rape.     National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)   or visit out this site:   http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/help/rape.htm or even your local woman’s shelter for help.

         Geez, I just bet I can’t count that high, LOL.   I think about this blog in particular…when I was moved in my soul to start disciplining myself and write on a regular basis; I knew it was something that I needed to do.  Yet, can you believe I almost talked myself out of it? 

           If I had allowed myself to continue to doubt…then, I would not have had the pleasure of helping supply information to so many people about triple negative breast cancer and have had the impact on lives that had not heard about the disease.  There were people who contacted me on that subject who were going through scary times and needed support.  There were other readers who had experience with TNBC and were able to be a support to others, through my blog.  Then, a subject i hold near and dear to my heart which is fetal alcohol spectrum disorders has had an impact on lives because of the information in that post.  I consider it an honor to have the priviledge to  possibly steer someone away from picking up an alcoholic beverage while pregnant; and maybe, preventing someone’s child from having a lifetime of disabilities that could have been avoided.  That is the power of positive impact.

           That very first post was so very intimidating that I sat and worked on it for hours…hours I tell you!    Finally, i confessed that it was intimidating and just jumped in with both feet and did it.  Scary, yes…am I glad that I took the chance and have since been blessed by the experience…YES!

            Tonight, I did something else that I wasn’t sure I could do.  I got on a live tele-seminar and spoke with businessman Michael Penland.  He had more than 100 people on that call, listening to his guests speak.  You can hear a replay of that call here:  http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=3926631   The listeners on that call were hungry for information on how to build their businesses and their websites; so that their dreams can come true.  Sometimes, it just takes a little encouragement for people to believe in themselves.  

            Michael is a special person who goes out of his way to help others succeed in their own businesses.  He helped my husband get started in marketing over a year and a half ago.  He helped to build my husband’s confidence and opened new doors for him.  Now my husband is a respected marketer who has helped to encourage and mentor so very many others in ways that have changed their lives for the better.   It is like a chain reaction when people set out to make a positive impact on the lives of others.

            Michael has a live seminar coming up in Orlando, Florida on Sept 19th-21st.  Check him out and see what he can do for you!  http://www.instantcashmarketing.com/jeff.html   The speakers at this event are powerful and have the skill to teach you how to achieve your dreams in a way that will open your eyes to the talents and skills you already own inside of yourself.  You may recognize some of the marketers by name, there is Willie Crawford, Matt Bacak, Brad Fallon, Dr. Mike Woo Ming, Howie Schwartz, Joe Sugarman, Debra Thompson, Jason Pearson, Frank Garon, Keith Wellman, Jeff Wellman, Dale Calvert, Alan Bechtold, Drew Miles, and Jeff Herring and of course, Michael Penland.  

            The title of the seminar is Magic 17-Billion Dollar Marketing Dream Team.  You will learn things at this live event that you may never have another opportunity to experience.  Do yourself a favor and click on this link and see how you can get yourself going in the right direction.  Empower yourself to do what you have always wanted to do; you can do it if you only dare, to not be intimidated or doubt yourself; I know you can!  http://www.instantcashmarketing.com/jeff.html

           What is your opinion about this issue?  Should owners of their own business be allowed to decide what they want to sell to the public?  Should customers complain, patronize the competitor, or sue to get what they want, where they want to get it?  What do you think about this subject.  Should a business owner be forced to sell something that goes against their religious beliefs just because the customer demands it?