The push, the pull…the unseen force that threatens to destroy the will of the person
who has done everything in their power
to avoid that choice which they can not, or will not, give into

The mental strain continues until the system overloads
and weakness takes control, for the barest sliver of a moment;
long enough for that decision which has successfully been avoided; until that moment, becomes accomplished!

So what was achieved in the end?
Acceptance of the fact that; what had previously been avoided,
could have been accomplished sooner;  averting the stress of it all…but, would that be in their best interest?

What was the struggle all about; why was it so important to resist, if you eventually gave in anyway?
that is the lesson…hidden in between the push and the pull
A rough gem of knowledge, polished bright by the friction

knowledge which will allow you to understand what will
be revealed to you in another life lesson moment… at a future date;                                                                                                        it will become an opportunity for in-depth growth once you understand the layers of the lesson

Was the avoided topic destructive to you or another? Why was the pull so strong? Was the experience beneficial in the end? Why did you resist it and push against the experience from the beginning? Could the choice be unhealthy or unsafe for you, or another person? Are you capable of making good choices without guidance or professional help?

Use that knowledge to grow and positively affect others…
that is the real reason you suffered in the process;
so that you would remember; and, not waste all that was gained in the struggle.

So, what are you avoiding and why; have you begun to figure it out?

When a young person, no matter how troubled, crosses your path and you have the chance to positively impact their life…take it from me..you need to be bold, by doing or saying what needs to be said or done.  What you think may annoy them or offend is not as important as avoiding a potential event if that person has time to think through the things that they are doing with their life.

Not so long ago, such an opportunity came and went.  Several of us tried to touch the lives of the young men who momentarily passed through our youth group.  They had varying degrees of response to the spiritual teachings and to the adults trying to make a connection with them.  One young man was a rubber ball; oh he came back a few times…but he wasn’t there for spiritual guidance.  He appeared to be there for social reasons. 

That isn’t terribly unusual.  What is unusual is that there seemed to be little to no positive impact on his life; his heart was not about to let anyone in deep enough to touch him spiritually or emotionally.  Everything was funny to him or made him angry.  He did not respect authority nor did he appear to have a good relationship with any of the other teens in attendance, even though he went to school with them.

In fact, he seemed to flaunt his defiance and rebellion.   He instilled fear in some of the kids because of his actions and his attitude.  He threatened some, he disobeyed requests to respect bare minimum requests for appropriate behavior.  Mostly, he just put in a couple of  appearances and left the place “untouched or unchanged”.

One of the other two that came was a bit older.   This young man knew scripture and could quote it.  I had no knowledge of this person before he came to visit, the one and only time that he came to the youth group.  However, others knew of him.  He freely admitted that he was not living right (even though his family had taught him about God and living according to his guidelines).  This made me sad; yet, I was hopeful because he seemed to have a foot on both sides of the fence.  He was young, intelligent and had the capability of making the right choice.

Do not be fooled…people can’t live that way indefinitely; eventually, you must get off of the fence and make a choice on how you conduct yourself in life.   It comes down to a choice of living in a Godly way or choosing to do whatever you want regardless of the consequences.   Of course the news story has not yet been tried in court; so we do not know if what is being charged to these young people, is in fact what happened beyond a shadow of a doubt.   However, these young men that visited our youth group are now being charged with a murder.

Initially, as I said the younger man was totally defiant and the first one seemed to be trying to choose which way he was going to go.  I had hoped that he would choose the correct path.  His family I am sure was praying for the same outcome.  They both had been in trouble with the law before and were on probation, they said.  Drugs & alcohol appeared to be a part of the problem.  The older one seemed to be trying to come to terms with how he was going to go forward while on probation; while the other was mocking the system and made light of all of the wrongs they had done previously.  That never bodes well for anyone…to have an experience that is meant to teach us a lesson and to laugh in the face of it. 

While I know that everyone make mistakes; some people turn their lives around and others do not.  What makes the difference???  I don’t know, I wish that I did.   Many lives could be kept from making tragic mistakes that have huge and horrific consequences, if only someone had the answer to that question.

We always tell our teens that God is there; and he is.  He knocks and waits for a person to answer the door.  He patiently and lovingly keeps an eye on you and keeps trying to call your name so that your life is one of purpose and value.  One that is full of promise and hope.  He forgives mistakes and he wants for you to turn to him before life gets out of control; as long as the person truly is sorry for their mistakes and makes an effort to learn from it, when they ask God to forgive he does.  

Even when we make mistakes God never leaves us; he will be there when we need to pick up the tattered remains of our lives.  It is not too late for these young men (or anyone) to ask God to be the ruler of their lives.  It won’t undo the loss of  life, if they were indeed responsible for this person’s death.  However, God can make good come from any evil act or darkness in a person’s life.

Still, let’s not forget that justice will be served.  Forgiveness does not entitle anyone to be exempt from punishment.  There are c0nsequences to our actions…both good and bad.  It is hard to hear but it is a fact of life.

A life was lost and it cannot be returned.   That person’s family and friends will want justice…some will even want revenge.  Things do not have to be this way, a person’s future if you are convicted, is not one of freedom of choice.  It seems such a waste to have a whole life before you, only to throw it away; and for what reason?  A party, a moment of rebellion, a reckless decision, a fleeting moment of pleasure?  A choice that sometimes has a high price for the decision maker; care must be taken not to make choices that will waste the time we have here with our friends and family. 

 The victim had friends and family too, and they will be grieving.   Young men did you take this person’s life?  I don’t know.  But still i wonder, why didn’t you hear him when God called your name?  Or if you heard him, why didn’t you respond in a way that allowed God to be present in your daily life?  If you did, then the murder victim would still be alive, your family would not be facing a life without you in it on a daily basis, you would not be sitting in prison, when instead, you could be having a life full of all of the good things that God intended for you.

Why was your rebellion (of choosing drugs and violence) so much more important than choosing a life of right?  Why is it that the things God meant for you to hear fell away from you like water off of a ducks back?  Having rules and guidelines in life helps keep us accountable and out of situations that can destroy us.  Having parents, teachers, law enforcement, bus drivers etc who give you boundaries to follow aren’t doing it to make your life miserable; in fact, it is just the opposite, they care enough to tell you when you have crossed a line of inappropriate behavior, to help you do what is right.  It really is for your own good and the good of others.

Even though you were not a part of our youth group, on a permanent basis, I grieve that you have been accused of this murder.  I am sad that it is even a possibility that it could be true.  I am heartbroken for the victim’s friends and family.  I am horrified that the victim died a needless death full of pain, only to be discarded like something left behind that had no value.

Our world is becoming too full of these kinds of stories.   Stories filled with a lack of respect for others, violence, lack of accountability, a sense of entitlement, drugs/alcohol, low self-esteem, death, rape, anger, loneliness, sadness, abuse, lack of education, jail/prison, isolation, and so many other negative things that are harmful to our society.  There are too many lives that are destroyed by those who can’t or won’t respect authority and the rules of society; at home, in school, at church, on the streets or in any other environment.  There are too many innocent people who have to suffer from the negative choices that others make.   If we all tried to follow the rules that God set before us then there would be so much less suffering in the world.

My heart wonders if you have had time yet to wish that you had heard God when he called your name.  How many others will find themselves in situations of their own making because they have chosen to rebel and ignore the concerns of their loved ones?  How can we keep those we care about from making choices that harm themselves or others when they are living outside of God’s protection?  What can we learn from these horrible stories?

       First off, I want to say that I did not join in or comment on her Twitter stream because I don’t think that she is looking so much for conversation about her choice to abort a pregnancy, as she is looking for agreement with her right to do so, as well as some notoriety.  She says that she was looking for support from her friends during the abortion. 

        See, the back story is that this woman has a 4 year old special needs son.  She lives with the child and her boyfriend (the father of this child she is trying to abort).  I wonder what he thinks…if he is as much in support of the public abortion as she is?  In her twitter stream she called this child she was carrying a “thing”, a thing that didn’t have sex organs yet; in relationship to another twitter persons tweet for life. 

         I am trying to imagine what a man would think about his child being called a thing?  What about grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins or the woman’s young son when he grows up…how do, or will, any of them feel about this abortion?  Should their opinions count?    How does abortion impact those who are in relationships with people who choose abortion as their path?  Does it create issues between them if they are in disagreement with the choice to have an abortion?

        According to the news articles that I have read, this adult woman had a first pregnancy which was allegedly life threatening to her.  She was “advised” not to get pregnant again because of that first pregnancy and the high risk that she endured.  So, from what I understand from the various articles on the subject…she decided that if she were to get pregnant again she would have an abortion to end it.  Obviously, whatever form of birth control they were using was not effective because she became pregnant.

       When she discovered that she was pregnant she allegedly tweeted that she was pregnant.  She found out early that she was indeed pregnant so that allowed her to use the chemical form of abortion called RU486.  Since she went this route…she has been tweeting the process.  Telling of the cramping, the bleeding, and all of the other gory details.  This process can take days.   This process of abortion can be  dangerous…but, she seems to believe that it is worth the risk. 

         I do not believe in abortion…and it seems to me that it is a gamble with her life either way…either from carrying the pregnancy as far as is humanly possible or, from having the abortion.   I would not wish a high risk pregnancy on anyone; however, I personally would have more respect for her had she tried to carry this baby to term.  Even if she did not want to raise the child…she could attempt to give it life and place the child for adoption.

        Some people have been very supportive of what she is doing…others are not.  After all, abortion is a very polarizing subject.  People react according to their personal beliefs, experiences,  and values.  This woman also says that she is an athiest.   From my visit to her Twitter stream I found her to be not only vocal about the abortion but also about religion and other subjects, such as foster care.  She like anyone in America has a right to voice her opinion.  Yet, she uses language that many would deem vulgar or filled with obsenities; hardly language that one would use to try to educate or pursuade another person towards their way of thinking on a particular subject.    She allegedly says that she is astonished at the level of reaction and attention that her attempt to “educate” people about abortion has attracted.

        I find that hard to believe.  I don’t think that you choose to go against traditional beliefs, values, and lifestyle without expecting others to have a strong reaction to it.  I happen to believe that for whatever reason, the very fact that many other people find her actions (regarding the abortion) and beliefs (religion) so wrong and offensive, gives her a sense of, her against the world… and I think in her mind, it empowers her.   Especially when those who oppose her strongly, wrongly attack her personally in their objection to what she has chosen to do.  Unfortunately, it seems that some people have even threatened her life…not only is that wrong…it is illegal.  The authorities will be involved in those situations appropriately, I am sure. 

       Understand, she is going to do what she wants to do; what we in this country have legally allowed her and any other woman that chooses to; and, that is to be able to legally abort the life of her child.  However, I myself do not wish to be watching her do what I myself find personally wrong.  I do believe in God and I believe in spiritual consequences.  She says that she doesn’t believe in God.  That is probably true…because I dont think it is easy to do what she is doing and have a close relationship with God…who i believe is the author of life. 

         A great number of women who have abortions suffer in later years because of their decision to abort.  They have emotional, physical and spiritual damage to their beings.  Some do not and continue to go on and have repeat abortions according to what their conscience dictates.  Legally this is allowed in the United States; it is unfortunate in my opinion.

        She doesn’t appear to care about my opinion or anyone elses probably.  By giving her more attention, it feeds the flames.  However, in my opinion the taking of the life of her child and throwing it away is wrong.  Once the child was conceived…it should have the right to be born.   What if she gets pregnant again in the future?  Why not pursue a permanent solution to her pregnancy potential?

          What about her life…the one that potentially could be threatened should she try to carry the baby (she calls it cells)?  Calling the baby a clump of cells is an attempt to deny the value of the life she carried.  Well, in my opinion…once she was told that it would be life threatening, in the future, for her to become pregnant; then, if she felt that she needed to protect her life…she either should have avoided sex (not practical) or she should have sought some permanent means of birth control such as having her tubes tied, or having a partial hysterectomy… or by choosing a sexual partner who had also taken drastic means of curbing the possibility of creating a pregnancy.   A combination of those choices would have ensured that she would not have become pregnant. 

         This whole subject opens to the door to a discussion about social media and what is acceptable, what will be allowed…what will people endorse or reject.  What are the socially acceptable standards or limitations?  Will we see someone comitting crimes and tweeting about it?  Or posting it on Facebook, or Myspace?  It is the testing of those limits that creates this drive to be the person that pushes the envelope.  It creates a media sensation or a backwards sort of fame.   It is horribly sad to me that in this case it was at the expense of the life of an unborn child.  What are your thoughts?

I think when people are being honest with themselves…through word, thought or action…they know when they are operating with integrity, either in their personal or business relationships.  There is no regret, no shame or guilt, no need to stretch the truth or exaggerate a situation, no need for lies…no need to over-hype how something is presented when someone is operating with a responsible personal integrity.    People who choose to operate without integrity know it in their hearts.  They don’t feel good about their thoughts, their words, or their actions when they make choices that violate their own standards of integrity.  It may manifest itself in feelings of shame or regret, or with a general sense of feeling unworthy of accolades/rewards or, even financial success; it is possible that they will have unexplained health problems.

Inner conflict happens when we are at odds with our understanding of what is right and what is wrong.  Most of us have a keen sense of what is right and what is wrong in how others treat us, correct?  I know I do.  Even young children have a strong sense of justice/injustice; they are quick to point out when something is not fair or right.

So, my question is…do we present integrity in our relationships in the same way that we expect others to show us integrity of high value?

I have been reading a book discussing people and their internal conflict about what they should do with their time on earth; as far as, a job or a purpose in life.  One particular story troubled me.  It was about a man who lived in a financially depressed area of the world.  He had difficulty finding and maintaining a job.  He took a job with a casino.  At first, he was just a little uncomfortable with the idea of it…gambling.  As he worked and collected his pay check…he became desensitized to the environment that encouraged people to bet/gamble money that they didn’t really have to waste.  He comforted himself with the idea that there were no other jobs where he lived so he continued working there.

As time went on, he faced his inner conflict about the integrity of working for a place that disregarded the fact that gambling went against what he believed to be ok; until he heard his co-workers making fun of an elderly man who was weeping at one of the gaming tables, having lost thousands of dollars that he did not have to lose.  He was disqusted with them and told them to stop making fun of this man and his tears of desperation.  They then chose to make fun of him.  Rather than stand up for what he believed, he ran away…doing nothing, changing nothing.  He went to a spiritual counselor, (a poor one in my opinion), who told him not to make any rash decisons, basically, to just hang in there until something different came along.  Now this man was telling his spiritual advisor that he didn’t feel like he deserved God’s love or anyone else’s love either; he was wounding himself by not acting on his personal sense of integrity.  Was the spiritual advisor acting with personal/spiritual integrity?  I don’t think so personally.

Some time passed and the man became ill and went to his doctor…the doctor correctly told him he was depressed and prescribed a pill.  Instead of sending the man to a counselor/therapist…he gave him a pill.  Was the doctor acting with integrity…maybe/maybe not.  Maybe we don’t have all of the facts here…maybe he prescribed him the pill and requested he seek counseling; I dont know.  If not…should he have done so to fulfill his personal/professional integrity?  In my opinion, yes, he should have sought the source of the man’s depression…not just treat the symptoms with a pill.

What would options look like, to someone in this working man’s position?  Stay in the job and hate what you do…and possibly yourself, for what you are doing to earn a living when it goes against your personal beliefs?  Quit the job and hope another one comes along?  Stay in the job; but, actively look for new employment?  Leave the area and find a job in another environment that is more in line with his sense of personal integrity; one that honors what he believes to be true and right? Commute back and forth for an hour or more a day to an area where jobs were more plentiful? Maybe work online to provide financial income for himself?  What would be the choice that would fulfill his need for income as well as allow him to honor his beliefs about what is right and wrong?

It could very well be the choice that causes him to sacrifice his personal comfort zone…leading him to leave his home area and move to an area where his choices for jobs were not limited to something that violated his sense of  right and wrong.  Or, put extra burdeon on his time by requiring him to commute, back and forth, each day to get employment that he could live happily with.   He could have chosen to work at home on the computer…or gone to school to increase his ability to get hired by learning new skills.  Only this man knows what would have worked best for him and his physical and spiritual well-being.

What did this man do?  He stayed working where he felt it was wrong to work and took his pill to make it acceptable to himself.  Was that employing the best level of integrity that he possessed?  Or did it just allow him to numb himself to the inner voice that was encouraging him to make changes that would allow him to take pride in what he did for a living?

There is nothing sadder than a person who knows to do right and chooses to do wrong because you know that it is not only harming himself/herself; but, possibly others as well.  Every choice we make or avoid affects other people.  Scripture gives us all kinds of instruction on this area of life.  Isaiah 1:17 says, Stop doing wrong, learn to do right, seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.   Exodus 23: 2 says, Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong.  When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd.  Making decisions in our lives is important because those decisions affect how we see ourselves and our place in the world; if we want to live with peace in our hearts and minds we must make those decisions that uphold who we are based on our own personal integrity; no matter how difficult those decisions may seem at the time.

         It is a little bit like the song my husband was taught as a child, “You can’t ride in my little red wagon, the backseat’s broke and the axel’s draggin, chug, chug, chug-a-luga-lug,Second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a whole lot worse, You can’t ride in my little red wagon, the backseat’s broke and the axel’s draggin, chug, chug, chug-a-luga-lug, Third verse same as the first, a little bit louder and a whole lot worse”…you get the idea!   Nothing changes…it just keeps on keeping on.   The sameness just takes on a life of it’s own.

          Or…the children’s song: 

         This is the song that never ends…it could go on and on my friend, some people starting singing it not knowing what to do, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because, This is the song that never ends…it could go on and on my friend, Some people starting singing it not knowing what to do, and they’ll continue singing it forever….just because…This is the song that NEVER ENDS…………..etc.

          Those examples might be catchy at first…exciting in fact when beginning but by the third time around…you get bored, you want to move on…and yet…you feel trapped into the rhythm of it all.   You can’t seem to get it out of your head.  It is the same in life…whatever you are doing seems great for a time…but, when you feel like moving on and nothing happens to break the rhythm…you feel trapped…you get bored and frustrated.   Nothing satisfys you anymore…everything feels like deja vu….been there before and done that.   Disappointments and broken dreams seem to pile up in the corner.   How do you break out of  these patterns?  How do you set the wheels of change into motion?  How do you restart the passion and the joy in your step…build excitement about what you are doing, where you are going, and how you are getting there during the process?

         I think you must start with some brainstorming.  Grab a piece of paper and your favorite writing utensil.  Open up your mind and your heart.  Start a Wish list or a List of Dreams…these are ideas without limits.  As soon as a negative thought pops into your head…squash it like a bug.  For example…if you have ever had a desire to be something like a window washer on a high rise building (but you immediately throw that idea out because you are afraid of heights…that right there is a negative thought…put the dream down in writing…a high rise window washer) …Whatever your dream or wish is…list it.   Maybe it is a desire to be a concert pianist (and you can’t even play chopsticks yet)…list the dream/or skill.   No matter how far fetched it may seem…no matter how problematic it could be to make it happen.  Put it on the list.

         Write down every desire you’ve ever had, or still have, for your life.  Then on another piece of paper, write all of the roles, jobs, responsibilities, or tasks that you would love to get rid of in your life.  Doesn’t matter whether you really think that you can get rid of those things or expectations…or how inconvienced someone else would be if you were to get rid of those particular items…Write it down.   Matter of a fact, write down whatever it is that you feel is holding you back from reaching out and grabbing those dream items from the starry heavens. 

           Next, put the two lists side- by- side.  Do you notice any connections?  Do you see any relatable ideas, themes or items?  Can you see any connections at all?  Is there patterns to the things that hold you back…do they all go back to one area of your life that brings you unhappiness, dissatifaction, anxiety, anger, resentment or fear? 

           Next you need to grab another sheet of paper and write down any kind of practical solutions that would resolve your inability to build upon your dreams or your wish list…laying a foundation for achieving your goals in those areas.  Find ways both big and small that will start removing the obstacles from your path to regaining joy in forward and productive movement again…to feeling excitement in getting out of bed and putting your hands, your heart and your mind to work on the things that make a difference in your life.   Can you hear a melody yet, feel the rhythm, or sense a tempo beginning to come together…when you hear the harmony…it all starts to sound beautiful again.  Maybe you want to sing along…sway to the music, grab ahold of the emotion of the music and enjoy it just because it makes you smile again.

         The biggest joy stealers in life are resentment and bitterness at giving up on your goals and dreams because you don’t feel like you have permission to have them in your life.  Give yourself permission.  You may just find out that the situations and the people in your life that you feel would not support you in your quest/journey could very well find your bravery, in the pursuit of happiness and joy, inspiring.  

          Finally, seek God’s guidance from the beginning to the end of your seeking.  Ask him to remove obstacles, clear your pathway…and hit you over the head about which direction you should go.  Sometimes, we don’t ask him the right questions about his plans for our lives; we are more concerned about our own wants and desires, than we are about fulfilling our assignments or purpose.  When we are the most frustrated about our lives it is when he is readying us for change.  He has allowed us to feel dissatisfied about where we are…so that we are motivated to go through the struggle in changing our circumstances.   When we are in alignment with his purpose for us we will achieve things more easily, they will practically reveal themselves to us in a way that seems almost magical or surreal.

         Think about it; when we are comfortable, content or accepting of our lot in life…what reason under the sun do we have to change our course?  There is none.  So he allows us to feel the discomfort, the prompting in our spirit for something more…something different…something challenging…so that we feel the need to make changes.  Look to his leading…listen with all of your mind, your heart and your soul.  Don’t just look for the answers you want to hear…listen to his answer, even if it seems farfetched.   He goes before us and clears the way when we are seeking his guidance.  Our human minds often see no sensible way to make things happen, but if it is his desire for us, he makes things happen in an awe inspiring way.  Your  true satisfaction could be right around the corner from where you are standing!

         If God gave us all of the answers to our questions immediately, and, answered them the way we wanted him to…we would be right back in the same boat that we find ourselves in, day in and day out.  We have to feel stimulated, challenged, excited about the future so that we are encouraged to move forward; sometimes against difficult situations.   So the next time you feel in limbo, out of sorts and boxed in…think about when you feel that way; what is happening at that time…what would you like to see happen in your life that would open doorways to your true purpose?   Now, is there something that you want or need changed in your life?  What are you going to chose to do about it?

          If you are a person who is self-disciplined, careful, wise and tends to lean towards making good decisions with relatively positive outcomes…Congratulations!  However, if you know yourself to, more often than not,  err on the side of poor choices and impulsive decision making, which results in a negative outcome; then beware…it will destroy you.   It will destroy you;  if, you do not heed the advice, guidance, discipline and boundaries set up for you by people  who  know what they are talking about; and, who love  you & genuinely care about what happens to you!

        I know we all want to be independent.  We all want to be free to choose the path that we find ourselves on, in life; that is just a given.  However, have you ever known someone who was their own worst enemy when it came to decision making?  They may have said all of the right things about their goals, their dreams and their intentions…but, when it came right down to it…their actions did not match up to their talk. 

          Oh I know…someone reading this is thinking that it is all about maturity levels…and yes, that may be true for some.  On the other hand, I know that all too often; people destroy themselves and their goals by their thought patterns or mindset.  Some just can’t seem to help it.  Their past experiences or relationships have set them up to fail; some of them with mindblowing bells and whistles mingled with breathtaking fireworks.  When they fail, they fail big…almost in comparison to their large hopes and dreams.  It is frustrating.  Maybe their intentions were good…but when it came right down to it…they didn’t have the discipline to make it happen, or, they were trying to achieve something that was outside of their ability. 

          Perhaps, their judgement was influenced by an addiction to drugs or alcohol, by negativity, or by a fear of success/failure.  In those cases, it is important to have someone by their side who is invested in them as a person…someone who believes in them and what they are trying to accomplish.  They need to have someone on their side of the fence who is successful, skilled, goal minded…someone who they can trust.   They need an attitude of I am willing to listen and learn; and a desire to practice what I’ve been taught.

           Trust is a big issue.  If the person who is giving advice is someone who has a good track record with decision making, with success, and with their best interest at heart…they are worth listening to.  You can retrain yourself to make good decisions and to have confidence with your choices; with the end goal of achieving success.  You may need to give up a little control for a time…allow yourself to mentor or learn from someone that you admire and respect, in the areas of your life that you are trying to be successful in. 

         It is important to realize that you need to focus on overcoming the obstacles that are in your way.  Rebellion, resistence to proper guidance or instruction is often at the root of failure; people want to do things their own way.  Laziness and a poor work ethic combined with all of those negative qualities that we have already talked about will surely destroy you and your goals.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  You can do what you set out to do.  You can make great decision with wonderful results.  You can start setting new track records by allowing yourself the opportunity to learn and grow; no one is born knowing the right thing to do, all of the time.  It takes time and experience to recognize your strengths and weaknesses.  

           Part of personal development is learning what your strengths and weaknesses are.  Learning to find ways around your weaknesses by teaming up with others who have strengths in those areas where you are lacking…building up and growing your areas of strengths.  This most certainly can be done.  You can learn to trust your decisions once you examine your values, skills and talents and personality gifts and deficets.  This is a life long test of personal courage.  Those in authority above us have to be of the strongest morals and values; and trusted in the areas of leadership.   They must be able to communicate in an encouraging and educational way to inspire and make a positive impact on those around them.  Only put yourself in the hands of someone who you can look in the eye and respect.  Authority figures are not all bad;  be open to those around you who are willing to teach you and  have your best interest at heart!

        Bristol experienced a teen pregnancy, that resulted in the birth of her son Tripp, during Sarah’s campaign.  Bristol has been questioned as  a controversial role model because of her pregnancy.  She has been used as an example for both sides of the issue concerning teen pregnancy.  She is a Christian and of course, having premarital sex goes against traditional teachings.  She did, in fact, become pregnant and has been in the public limelight during that time.   She herself was not a public figure…her mother was; but, the family was put on stage during the campaign.   

           People have felt comfortable commenting on her situation; both pro and con.   Those who have supported Bristol have touted the fact that she chose to give birth to her son, as opposed to an abortion.  I too applaude that fact.  I also think that she is dealing with the reality of being a young, single mother.  She is lucky in the fact that both her parents, Sarah and Todd Palin are willing to help her out by supporting her and her son.  This is part of the equasion for many families who experience an unexpected teen pregnancy. 

          The realities are that not every teenager who finds themselves in the position of becoming a parent, at such a young age, has a stable home life; with parents who are willing to help them out and support them financially, or emotionally…let alone, enabling them to continue pursuing their education.  Many have to drop out of school to work to support their child or having to apply for financial aid through tax payer dollars.  It is a struggle in a variety of ways.   Not only are there educational concerns, financial, health, but also the social consequences; teen miss out on the carefree lifestyles that their friends are able to enjoy in their high school years once a child is born to them.

          Bristol has taken on the responsibility as a teen parent, while trying to complete her education.   During the campaign both she and her son’s father Levi Johnston were planning on getting married; they have since broken up.  In recent weeks, he has been giving interviews about private aspects of their relationship.    Bristol has said in interviews that it is best to abstain from having sex as a teen…however, she also said that it isn’t realistic.  On Good Morning America with Chris Cuomo today, she said that last comment was taken out of context.   While it is difficult to abstain, she said that there is no other way to 100% prevent pregnancy other than waiting to have sex.

        Since Bristol and Levi are no longer together, they are still trying to sort out how their relationship with one another and with their child will work.  Levi has taken his concerns and his complaints about visitation to the media.  Bristol’s family has set some guidelines about how that should happen; such as visiting with Tripp at the Palin’s home.  Levi has allegedly struggled with continuing his education and with employment issues as well as some potential legal issues regarding his mother-allegedly being arrested for drug charges. 

        As tragic as this family drama appears to be in some ways, they will find their way.  People around the world struggle with the same issues of visitation, custody, support, education, living conditions, financial stability…and developing and maintaining relationships. 

        While life conditions continue to change, as is normal in the life of a person coming out of their teen years into adulthood, they will have to adjust their expectations and responsibilities while they attempt to meet their own needs and that of their child.  Sometimes teen parents stay together and form a family that lives and grows together…others seperate and form lives seperate from each other.    New romantic and personal relationships are formed and must be adjusted to as potential parental figures come into the life of a child of teen parents.  These difficulties can be overcome and can be turned into a good solid foundational family system that works…but, it is something that must be continually encouraged for the well- being of everyone involved.  Of course, if teen pregnancy can be prevented this would be better for everyone involved.

          The Candies Foundation was formed back in June 2001.  They have used ambassadors who are popular and in the public eye.  I do think that they should make deliberate choices of people who dont promote sensual or sexualized images in their work outside of the Candies Foundation, since it is working towards preventing teen pregnancies.  To me, using people who have careers in the public eye who use some form of sensual/sexual appeal, such as in the music industry, movies or television, comes across as sending mixed messages.    The persuasive power that celebrity role models have on the teen population has a big impact on the behaviors of teens as they are growing up.

         I am sure there will continue to be controversy surrounding Bristol Palin’s choices, as she puts herself in this platform for public discussion on preventing teen pregnancies.   I hope that people remember not to try to politicize this issue; as the goal to prevent teen pregnancy should be across the board no matter what someone’s political views are.    I do think that it is admirable that she is tying to make something positive happen from her situation.   The real issue is though; whether teens will listen to and respect her viewpoint regarding their own choices about becoming sexually active.   What do you think?

         Many students have no issues with graduating.  They have been on task and up-to-date with their attendance and with their assignments.  For some students though, being on task with assignments and attendance is a real struggle.  Their grades may keep their diploma hanging in the balance.  This is a make or break moment. 

        Teachers have a name for this condition…it is called Senioritis.  Some seniors promote an i don’t care attitude, others develope an attitude of whatever happens happens, still others who are afraid of success/failure begin to obsess about every decision that they are in charge of making.  Then, there are those who crack under the pressure and panic…instead of pushing through the stress and asking for extra credit or seeking to make up missing work or opportunities…choose to drop out with only weeks left until graduation.  More often than not, they end up regretting that decision.

          Many factors play into how individuals choose to proceed.  People are an interesting mix of emotions and experiences.    We each make decisions and choices based on our emotional reactions to certain situations.  Experience plays into it as well; because, if we have had negative experiences with certain people or situations we make our decisions based on that; as well as, if the experience was positive…we may just let that influence our choice as well.    We take all of this information, that we have within ourselves, and use it to either be a self-starter or self motivator…or, we use it to sabotage ourselves by the choices that we make each and everyday.

        Parents understand the importance of this achievement of graduation.  We want that for our children.  Teachers would like to see their students graduate.  As young adults, there is a great struggle towards freedom and a sense of being in control.  For parents, it is also a struggle…giving up control and responsibility.   We can encourage, we can support and we can poke and prod to see a student follow through; however, no one can do it for the student.  It has to be their own personal responsibility.  That is why, when it is accomplished…there is a great celebration.   It is graduation day for both the parent and the student.

       Of course, both you and I know that being a self-starter or a self-sabotuer can apply to more people than just high school seniors.  However, this is one of the first steps into adulthood that a young person takes.  All parents and teachers can do is to help remove obstacles and create an environment that is supportive.   If seniors discover that they alone are in charge of the direction that their lives take, by the decisions that they make to be self motivated, then,  they will have put their feet on the path of success for any challenges that they may encounter in life.  Have you learned to be a self-starter or self-motivator?  What was your turning point in understanding this concept?

       Ernest Raines is extremely worried and concerned that his 24 year old daughter has moved out of the residence that she shared with her previous boyfriend, and moved in with Drew Peterson the former police sergeant from Chicago. 

        Christina and Drew became engaged in December after becoming involved with one another approximately four months previous to that.  Drew has been considered a suspect, by many, in the  suspicious disappearance of his fourth wife Stacy at the end of October 2007.  Drew’s third wife , died under mysterious circumstances, in 2004, and that death has recently been classified as a homicide. 

        It is no wonder that Christina’s father Ernest is seriously concerned about his daughter’s well being considering the fact that 2 of Drew’s 4 wives have either gone missing or died under questionable circumstances.  Not only has Christina moved into Drew’s home; but , so have her very young children, ages 4 and 5. 

        Christina is a legal adult and is free to make her own choices regarding her personal life; even if she doesn’t believe that she is in some kind of danger.  However, she is the parent of two young children and it’s not good parenting to put them in the middle of a situation where they could possibly be in danger. 

          Parents across the nation have had their children removed from their custody for lesser reasons.  There are reports that the two young children’s birth father, Tony Yauk,  has allegedly been asking authorities how he goes about getting custody of those children.  If  I were in his position…I would do the very same thing. 

          If you are a parent who perceives that your children are in danger and you do nothing…that is considered failure to protect.  I would ask Christina if her relationship with Drew Peterson is worth the possible loss of custody of her biological children?  Shouldn’t your own flesh and blood come before any romantic relationship?  If  her relationship with Drew is so important to her …maybe she should consider relinquishing custody to the father of her children; or, maybe even to her own parents or relatives; if they are appropriate people to be caregivers.

         You also have to wonder about a woman who would start a relationship with a man who is 30 years older than her; who has also been the subject of much speculation regarding previous relationships.  How do you put those concerns aside and consider becoming his 5th wife and move your children into that environment?  What needs, of Christina’s, are being met by being romatically involved with Drew Peterson?  Why would Drew Peterson want more attention drawn to him after all of this time of scrutiny from the authorities and the media?

“This is the most comprehensive book on nursing homes I have ever read. As a physician who has visited many facilities (nursing, assisted living, and independent living) I found the information to be thorough and accurate. Aileen correctly identifies the important issues one faces when considering a long term care facility for their family member or themselves. This book is an asset for this type of search.”
–Dr. Bryan F. Walther
Loveland, Ohio

Aileen Avinedo is making a difference in Senior Care. Please look carefully at the sage advice she offers. It can make a difference for you and your loved ones, too!

Thank you Connie…you are a blessing.  Check out Connie here: http://www.motherconniesez.blogspot.com/ or www.foodstampscookingclub.com, www.foodstampcookingclub.com/blog, or www.thehealthyandwealthyyou.com, www.motherconnie.com.