This is not ok.  The reason that it is not ok is because our country is increasingly finding out that our kids are in trouble.  They often have relationship issues, drug/alcohol abuse issues, eating disorders, trust issues and more.   Many of their role models have not been good ones; and finding good leadership for them to learn from is difficult.  Teen years are challenging at best when it is natural for them to try to discover who they are and what freedoms they can enjoy.

       They are in trouble in school, at home, out with their friends, in trouble with the law, they are isolated, angry, hurt, sad, frustrated, fearful and many are finding it hard to trust anyone or anything to be there for them.  Yet at the same time, there is resistence or open rebellion when it comes to accepting advice or rules meant to help them, keep them safe and meant to guide or direct them.  This not only creates difficulty in having a healthy, loving and respectful relationship between parent and child it also puts the child/teen at risk of being influenced by others who have no real vested interest in making sure that the child/teen is happy, healthy, productive and well-balanced in their life.

       One of the situations that came to my attention was a situation in which a school in the US runs a health clinic.  At the beginning of the year, a parent signed a consent form allowing the child/teen to go to the clinic if the need arose for treatment.  This would have allowed that student to receive care for a headache, a physical, birth control, and a multi-tude of other services.  One of those other services appears to be pregnancy counseling and get this…the facilatation of setting up and transporting the student off school grounds to receive an abortion-without informing or getting the consent of the legal parent of said student.   This did in fact happen, a student was put in a taxi from my understanding of the news report and sent off to receive an abortion.  Evidently by signing that generic consent form this “allowed” the high school student to receive such services.   This is outrageous; it is not like that student had a hangnail removed…this student made a life altering decision; one that will impact her physically, spiritually and emotionally…without parental involvement.

       That is or should be unacceptable to most families.  It is as if the school assumed a superior level of authority over the parents in an area of life that should have been left up to the student, her parents, the student’s boyfriend and his parents and if they could not handle the situation then, and only then, maybe the court system.  

        Parental rights and parental authority are under attack in this country.  We see it at every level of society from commercials on television and radio, to the internet, to entertainment such as music videos, movies, and television shows…the parents are made out to be interferring, control freaks, laughable buffoons to be made fun of, and if at all necessary someone to distance themselves from.   Yet when kids get out of control behaviorally, emotionally or physically…many other venues from the schools, to law enforcement to businesses want the parents to “handle or correct” the situation with their children/teens.   You can’t expect parents to be an authority figure to their kids if you are putting down, reducing the effects of parental authority/control, or are in some way ridiculing parental involvement in their kids lives.  

       It is hard when parents are often told how they can and cannot discipline or correct their children.  The respect for parental authority is challenged in court and in the classroom.  It doesn’t help when many families are broken or in fact have never formed legally in the first place.  Kids get conflicting sets of rules and expectations and often in those situations are told by whatever person in authority over them at the time tears down or directly tells the child/teen that they do not have to listen to or respect the other parent’s rules or expectations if they differ from their own.

       In the news also is the case of a father who took his child to church against the wishes of the mother.  When the mother and father were together they agreed to raise the child in the Jewish faith.  When the parents were no longer together…the father decided to go back to his Christian faith and take his child to court.  Now the court says he can not expose the child to his faith.  Who has more authority with the child; the mother, the father, or the court.  Evidently the court does.  

        This is why in previous generations there were warnings about “mixed marriages” when it came to beliefs or what the old timers called being unequally yolked or joined together.  It is hard to have a respectful blending of beliefs and raise children in those kind of relationships.  Can it be done?  It seems only if the couple agrees to expose them to differing viewpoints…because in this particular case, the court says no, the father may not take his child to his church to educate the child about his beliefs.   Is this right or wrong?

        I have a friend who has a special needs child who is in his 30′s who lives in an assisted living type of home.  That individual developed some complications with his health years ago and almost died.  The parent in that situation had to fight tooth and nail to keep authority over the medical treatment of her son.  Again this past week, her parental authority was challenged.  

        The doctor in charge wanted to medicate her child to battle some health issues that a lifestyle change would also help to fascilitate his return to health.  It looked as if the powers that be would escalate the struggle to the next level and would have even gone beyond harsh words and a pushy agenda in gaining the upper hand in who was in control over the medical decisions regarding the young man.   The parent had to push to “temporarily” removed him from the environment and stressed that the same goal of reducing the health risk to her son could be achieved by changes to his diet and exercise plan on a daily basis.   This is going to come down to what they can achieve and the documentation of her approach.  If it doesn’t work the way that the parent knows to be true; then the facility will try to enforce their plan of medication which in his case can have an extremely dire affect upon his health because of the side effects.

         All of these situations and more every day are jeparodizing the importance of the role that parents play in shaping the lives of their children.  We who have children have to step up to the plate and demand that we be given the opportunity to raise our children to the best of our ability with full legal, moral, physical and spiritual authority; unless we prove that we are not capable of handling that authority.  Parental authority/parental rights should only be challenged or threatened in cases of abuse/neglect/or endangerment.

        What are your thoughts on this subject?  Do you have an experience that you would like to share?

Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

           There were no promises with this treatment…in fact, the doctors didn’t know if it would help her or not.  Every few days the medication had to be increased.  There were side effects, there was apprehension because of the responsibility burden.  You see, this pump- like device has complicated programming.   It has to be inserted through the stomach wall and be moved around every few days.  Very few doctors or hospitals in the country are trained to have knowledge on treating patients with this device.    My parents live in an extremely rural environment…the concern was valid; what if there was a medical emergency?

        The miracle you say, what is the miracle?  With a medical review this week after some testing last week has reveal the pulmonary blood pressure that was abornomally high, (115) when the normal, average person has a level of (20), has been miraculously reduced.  People had been praying for my mother all around the country.  She had gone from being a basically healthy person, to having to have oxygen 24 hours a day.  She was told that this rare pulmonary hypertension disease was progressive and that she would never get any better; in fact, she would only get worse and it would kill her. 

        Here’s the thing, the doctors were positively amazed.  In fact, the one doctor had to go back and verify her identity because as he said; if he were going strictly by the testing…he could not even comprehend how this was the same patient.  He made her verify her identity because the testing revealed an almost impossible improvement.  My mother went from a previous lung pressure of 115 down to an eye popping 18.   That is back in the realm of what a healthy person without the disease of pulmonary hypertension has for pressure in their lungs.   

          We got this news yesterday….just in time for Christmas.  God gave hope to a family who previously  had hoped to only improve her situation because that was the best that we were allowed to hope for from the doctor’s prognosis. 

           What does that mean for her prognosis NOW?  No one seems to know; as the doctors said, they have never had any patient respond to this medication in this way.  They don’t know what will happen.  She could get off of the oxygen completely, in the future, or at least, she may be reduced in her need for it.  The doctors kept calling in other medical professionals yesterday to show them the results; and, to introduce them to a real live miracle…even the doctors called her that.  That is powerful!

       Switching gears,  it’s not on the same level to some people…however, about a week ago one of our black labs became seriously ill.  No one knew why.  He was dehydrated, he was listless, he would not eat, nor play with his black lab brother…he was dying.  We were devatated at the idea of loosing him; he is precious to us.   We had people praying for him.  He got to come inside and live in the basement while we fed him Gatorade with an eye dropper, while we were trying to rehydrate him and give him some nutrients.  After a week, and many prayers by many people (including friends on the internet around the country); our dog is once again well enough to eat, to drink, to wrestle with his brother and to move back into his pen in the barn with his fluffy bed of straw and his pet CAT.

     LOL, yes , I said his pet cat.  A few weeks ago, my two dogs adopted a stray cat.  The cat comes to the barn and their pen when there are no people around.  The cat does not like people.  This cat will lay down in the straw with the two dogs and they do not hurt each other.  In fact, they are great companions.   If we humans go out to play with the dogs, or to feed the animals…the cat scrambles to run away and hide.  It only comes back when we are gone.  The cat was homeless until my dogs adopted it.  These animals are a community to one another; if animals can do this, take care of one another…why can’t human beings be more loving and giving?  God commands us to care for those who are poor or in need…I am amazed that my animals have more compassion towards others than many people do for one another!

        While my dog Chance was sick…this cat would go to their pen and look for my dogs.  It appeared to be upset that they were not there.  Now they are reunited.  A homeless cat, a formerly ill dog, his brother and they are a healthy happy family once again…just in time for Christmas.

         You know, for each person who is filled with joy, laughter and hope…there are hurting people who are struggling with sadness, pain, depression or loss.  I am asking you to be a light…in whatever capacity you can be this season and every day of your life.  Don’t just think on these things at the holiday season…make it a year round way of living.

           This may require some sacrifice on your part.  Share some of what you have, whether it  be joy, a listening ear, time or money.  Give a little of what you have been blessed with…even if it hurts a little or costs you something; you will be blessed for it.  Live in gratitude that you have things to give and share with others, many others do not.

             I read a story on the internet today that both saddened me and filled me with many uplifting emotions as well.  A church in Vermont has been struggling with their finances so much that they can’t keep up the repairs on their church.  While some may see that as a lack of ability to be good stewards of their finances…others with more wisdom, know that there is more to the story.  You see this church also runs a homeless shelter.  They feed and house many people who are without the basic things that many of us take for granted.  Their finances are running low and they had to find a way to add to their finances or close down their homeless shelter.

          That would be a horrible thing…so they decided to do something that will sacrifice a material, Earthly thing that they cherish…a Tiffany, stained- glass window that is 100 years old.  This window has added much to this church and they value it.  Here is the important lesson, they value those people in the homeless shelter even more than they do the Tiffany window!  They have an offer right now, to sell this window for $75,000 dollars. 

           Do they want to sell it?  No!  Will they sell it if they have to?   Yes!  So, if you know someone who has money to spare…and they want to buy it…send them this link.  Maybe the church can get more for the window; or, maybe they will get a Christmas miracle and someone will take mercy on them and just donate enough money to keep the shelter open, allowing them to fix up their church building, and keep the 100 year old Tiffany window that tells a biblical story.  Here is the link to the story on ABC news…feel free to share it!  http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=9404724  Spread the word of the situation; and, spread the hope and joy of the season…maybe they too will have a story to share of faith and another Christmas miracle!   Be a light people.

       For those of you who aren’t aware of this trend…there are groups of people who chose to go to the funeral of a person who is involved in an organization, an activity, a cause or a belief that they do not agree with and cause a scene by protesting.  This is disruptive, disrespectful and destructive to the families of the person who has passed away.  I personally am disgusted by those who would chose this particular moment in time to draw attention to their opinion or stance, in such a way; even if that group of protestors were to remotely resemble some of my own beliefs.

         Another incident of protesting at a funeral happened today, in fact.   A doctor by the name of  George Tiller, a late term abortionist, was gunned down in his own church, allegedly  by someone who passionately opposed abortion, a week or so ago.   All people who oppose abortion don’t go out and kill.   Today, his funeral drew a large amount of mourners who were there to remember this doctor’s life; they came to give respect to his family.  Approximately 20 people or less, also came to his funeral, to protest.   The protesters were there to express their opinion that God sent the shooter; believing that abortion is murder, they were expressing their belief that God sent the shooter to kill Dr. Tiller.   They were kept outside of the church, but their chants and calls could be heard by those who came and went to the funeral.   Now, I personally don’t agree with abortion…however; it is wrong, in my opinion, to use this moment to try to make a point about an opposing opinion on abortion, at someone’s funeral.  The friends and family are grieving…they aren’t gathering to make a political or ethical statement. 

           There are those who strongly supported Dr. Tiller, as a doctor who performed abortions for women who encountered medical emergencies during their pregnancies which endangered their lives or impacted the health and well-being of the baby.   Some people feel that late term abortion is ok in a situation where the mother’s life is in danger, others do not.    This is a red hot discussion because everyone has their own personal, moral, and legal stance on this subject; but, is it really appropriate to protest at a funeral?  Isn’t this something that should be discussed between a woman, her spouse, her family, God, and the family physician?

          I mean really, a life was taken also by the shooter who shot the doctor.   The life of that doctor was still valuable to God.   That murder was wrong in my opinion, as well as those abortions; killing is killing.    Even many of those who vigilantly oppose abortion stood up and said that killing the doctor was wrong.  If a debate is to take place, it should be in a different arena…a town hall meeting, a debate venue such as a college campus, or some such other place…not at a  funeral.

           Another huge black mark against these protesters, is those protesters who invade the funerals of our military men and women who have gone overseas and lost their lives, representing our country…fighting and performing their obligation to their particular branch of armed services that they signed up for.   There is a church in Kansas, i wont mention their names as i dont want to give them any more attention than is necessary, who goes to funerals of soldiers to protest.  Their reason; they believe that God is punnishing America because of it tolerates homosexuals in the military.  Whether the protesters believe in war or not, in homosexuality or not,  it is not only disrespectful to the military personel but to their grieving families!   There are better ways of getting their beliefs heard and accepted than doing what they are doing.  For those who believe homosexuality is wrong…it is hard to justify what the protesters are doing by going to these funerals and heaping hatred and anger on those who are grieving.  For those who believe that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, these protest only reinforce their belief that the religious people (not all of course) are offensive and wrong. 

           As far as any of us know, none of those soldiers who were killed were homosexuals to begin with; they served our country with honor and deserved the same treatment during their funerals.  Those who believe they need to express their reasons for their beliefs to one and all, they need to examine their real motivation and purpose.  If you want to be heard in a way that changes people’s opinion then you must meet with them to openly exchange ideas and opinions.   You have to hear and listen as well as speak your mind.    What purpose does it accomplish to stand at their funeral and make a public spectacle of themselves shouting and waving signs?  It is wrong.  It should be banned.  Many states are trying to ban these types of protests.  I hope they are successful in their attempt to ban such protests during funerals.

     In years past, families lived in a multi-generational home or environment.  People at different stages of life who could teach and role model life experiences to the younger generation.  That doesn’t happen for many people growing up today.  Often, youth are left to raise themselves because of cultural changes that force both parents to work outside of the home during their children’s most formative years.  They dont get the nurturing or encouragement for positive emotional and educational growth that they need; when they need it.  Instead, they often grow up without much experience with success because there isn’t a go to person on a daily basis to follow up with their scholastic challenges or social interactions.

       Working with the youth of today, it never fails to amaze me at their low levels of expectations of success.  They have hopes and dreams like everyone else; and yet, they do not believe in their ability to make those hopes and dreams come true.  Many of them are failing their classes in school; others do not have the emotional, physical, or financial support of their families.  Some don’t expect more out of life than to get a minimum wage job and some place to live.  They are discouraged, distrustful, and frustrated; in other words, they are feeling defeated even before they attempt something new.

         Finding an attitude of overcoming obstacles appears to overwhelm or paralyze many youth.  When talking to a young person that is on track and appears to have set some goals, as well as having a plan to achieve their goals; it is exciting.  That is  because they appear to know how to channel opportunities, resources, experiences, and support, to help them reach their goals.

         People would do well to remember that the youth of today are our leaders tomorrow.  They are worth an investment of our time, our energy, and our resources.  Please, find someone who can use a little encouragement and support; and be a mentor, be a friend, or become a role model that they can look up to.  You won’t regret it, they will  benefit from a little focussed, positive energy coming their way.  You will also benefit from the experience, because it helps you to view life and experiences from a different point of view…one of a compassionate nature.  You can pay it forward from someone in your past who took the time to teach you how to build up your self esteem, your knowledge, and maybe even a career/educational pathway.   How can you help?

        Get involved with the youth in a local church, agency, charity, non-profit, or organization.   Offer up an opportunity to share some of your skills, education, or financial resources to those with a solid track record of community involvement.  You know you have something of value to offer…even if it is just your time…go ahead…what are you waiting for?

         Try some of these organizations on for size:  

http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.diJKKYPLJvH/b.1539751/k.BDB6/Home.htm,

 http://www.habitat.org/youthprograms/int/default.aspx   ,    

http://www.specialolympics.org/,

http://www.americorps.gov/about/programs/state.asp,

http://www.littleleague.org/Little_League_Online.htm

        Most everyone has something that they have been blessed with that they no longer use.  Those things that you have been blessed with and no longer use just might be terribly useful to someone else.  Have extra blankets (or sleeping bags) in the closet or attic that you have no use for?  Someone else has need for them; donate it to a shelter, a church, or an agency that gives to those in need.  Don’t forget places like the Salvation Army or Goodwill.  Let’s challenge ourselves to find ways to have a positive impact on those around us.

         What about checking out deals, when you grocery shop, that make use of buy one get one free…then, donating that extra item to a food pantry?  In fact, things people often run out of and have a hard time replacing are necessities such as laundry soap, shampoos/conditioners, toothpaste, dish soap, toilette paper; when money is limited…having those things donated to a food pantry can really be a big help.  Maybe you have a baby or toddler that has outgrown their diapers or pullups…and you have a partial package left; donate it, don’t let it set on a shelf somewhere unused.  What good are those items doing sitting there collecting dust?

          Do you have warm clothes that either don’t fit, things that aren’t your style; or, perhaps you just have an extra set of clothes that you could pass along?  What about coats or boots, mittens or hats/scarves?  Items such as these are desperately needed in colder temperatures and climates.  The fall and winter weather is unforgiving if a person is not sheltered and dressed appropriately for cold temperatures.  Children and adults are both in need; so, please check your closets and storage areas for things that you are not using.

          Here is another idea; have you had a tree fall on your property that you would like removed?  Offer it to those who heat their homes with wood for free…just for the taking.  Wow…how wonderful to get it removed and bless someone else with the wood who could use it to heat their homes. 

          So you say…you don’t have anything physical to give.  How about donating your time or possibly a service like raking leaves/shoveling snow for an elderly person who you know isn’t able to do it for themselves?  Maybe you could offer to get their mail so they don’t slip on the snow and ice or offer to run some errands for them.  There really are so very many ways to help another person who is in need. 

          Think about the homeless who are living on the streets.  Do you perhaps have a shelter or tent that is not going to be used in the near future?  Can you live without it?  Find an agency or charity that will use it to house those folks who cannot or will not live in a shelter.  We have many veterans and run-aways who live under bridges and tunnels all around this nation.  Is a tent or a shelter from your basement or garage an ideal place to live?  No but, it may just keep someone safer from the extreme elements, temporarily, until they can get back on their feet.

           Are any of these suggestions going to cure the ills our nation is facing; probably not…but, it may just help communicate caring to someone who is feeling desperate and alone.  Think about what you can do to help someone who has it a bit worse than you and yours.  Your donations could mean the difference between life and death for someone; and it doesn’t have to cost you more than a bit of compassion for others!

       Jennifer and her sister Julia have lost their mother, Darnell Donerson and their brother, Jason Hudson; and, Julia’s son Julian is missing.  This home that the murders took place in was Jennifer’s refuge from the crush of the world that she stepped into as a celebrity when her star began to rise from her singing and her acting over the last several years.

       The Hudson family was and is a family of faith.  Jennifer has said that she grew up in that home, that neighborhood and her home church.  It is an integral part of her support system.   It is part of who she is.  Her mother did not want to move when her daughter became famous…they didn’t want that celebrity to change who they were as a family.  Their home was the center of their family.  It was where all things sprouted for them.  Where they came to; to be together.  It was a safe place.  A place of nurturing.

        What happens now; other than trying desperately to get answers to where Julian is….and what happened to their mother and their brother?  Julia and Jennifer are on automatic pilot i am sure at the moment.  Trying to make sense of things…hoping and praying for the safe return of Julian.  But, their safe place has been invaded.

        How will they ever be able to look at that home and feel what they once felt.  Will it ever feel like home again?  Or will they always feel loss and hurt when they look upon the face of the place that has so many memories for their family.  What about Julian when he comes home…did that poor baby witness the murder of his beloved grandmother and uncle?  Will he ever feel safe there again?  Will he ever feel “at home” somewhere else?  What does this kind of trauma do to a human mind and soul? 

         Many people experience such traumas in their lives…it is something that can be overcome…but, it does shake the foundation of a person/family to rebuild that sense of trust and safety.  Please pray for the Hudson family…as well as, anyone else who has had to go through something so violent and traumatic.  Their faith in God will help them through this time.  However, they are human…and will go through much before they are able to recover and overcome.  Have you ever gone through a trauma that has made your safe place feel violated or unsafe to you?  How did you handle it?

          The Groom also looked young and full of love and pride in the bride of his choosing.  There were awkward moments in the ceremony…such as a very loud train rumbling by the church…just as the bride was speaking her vows. Then, they did some wonderfully, unique things in their ceremony.  They took communion during the ceremony which was lovely.  The poor bride got a larger piece of the bread put into her mouth by her groom; which took her several minutes to chew and swallow…which caused her to be somewhat embarassed and caused some good natured laughter in the crowd.

          Part of the unique ceremony took place when the bride was given in marriage by her father to her groom; at that point…the bride and groom took the elevated platform in the front of the church; and the minister then, came out into the congregation and stood with his back towards the back of the church…he faced the bride and groom; who stood facing the spectators.  This viewpoint gave the advantage of watching the bride and groom as they spoke their vows, lit the candles, and smiled into each other’s eyes as they whispered affectionetly to one another.  Then, the groom played the guitar while one of his groomsmen sang a tribute to their love for one another.

           All in all, it was a trusting, loving, innocent step into the future as husband and wife…not knowing what the future holds for them…just knowing that they were taking the beginning step forward, together!  Hopeful for a lifetime journey.

       In any case, this week kicks off bible school.  Our goal is to teach the children and create the same kinds of memories that most of us grew up with.  God loves children and children love him…so, it will be several days of good times…and hopefully opening doors for the children in the community who don’t already have a church to go to; and for the ones that do….it will be a nice time for them to visit another church program. 

          It is about this time in the summer, when children are starting to get bored with summer vacation; and are either vegging out in front of the television; or they are bored, and getting into trouble because they don’t have something positive to do. 

         So, we will break out the puppets, the music, the gospel illusions…praise and worship…great bible lessons with life applications for kids who have to live in today’s world and hopefully, we will create another generation of children who love the Lord and serve him into their adult years.  Hopefully, they have fun, as well, while they are enjoying their time together.

           The future of the churches today are in jeparody because the world tells the children and their families that they are in control of their lives and they don’t need to have faith in God to have a good life.  A spirit-filled life has so many benefits for families struggling to make sense of our upside down world today.  Hope is something valuable; God has an un-ending supply… and we need to find ways to deliver that hope to our children on a regular basis; starting with vacation bible school for those who have never had the experience!

        Adam’s priest by the name of Daniel Walz has filed a restraining order against the 13 year old’s parents; which the mother has violated.  Understand that Adam is only 13; however, he is six feet tall and weighs somewhere around 225 pounds.  The sheer size of the young man is definately something to consider. 

       The priest alledges that Adam has struck another child during services and that in his zeal to leave the building, has at times almost knocked over elderly parishioners.  Adam has also run out of the building and, started a couple of vehicles to hear the “calming roar of the engines”.  This is another danger concern.   Adam sometimes has a problem holding his urine; and, if he needs to be restrained during difficult behaviors, he fights it.  The mother and father, do at times, have to restrain him.  This can all be quite disruptive; and that, plus the concerns for safety, has led the priest to file the restraining order.  The priest felt they had no other choice.

        It seems that before that filing, the priest and a church trustee attempted to discuss their concerns with Adam’s parents.  They offered the family other options and accomodations to deal with the behavioral issues.  The family refused.  It hasn’t been revealed what those other accomodations were.  The family has defied the restraining order and continued to attend church with their son.  By the way, this is a family of seven.

       I have special needs children as i said before.  I have also been a foster parent to many special needs children who were behaviorally challenged.  I know the stress of that.  I know the need of sitting in church to receive peace and a strengthening of my faith.  I also, am well aware that most of the time…it is much more stressful trying to achieve that goal of peace and strength in a very public setting with others who have no idea of the daily struggles living and providing for special needs young people requires.

        You see, you need special training to deal with some of the behaviors and special requirements.  So you can’t just happily send a special needs child off to a sunday school classroom with people who are unprepared or untrained in those skills. 

        My husband and I have been teachers in several church settings.  We know what it is like to be the teachers or instructors in charge .  We have had to teach and sometimes handle special needs children or teens in that environment as well. 

          One time, we did have a young man who was also very large for his age and autistic.  It was a child that did not attend regularily, this program was a vaction bible school event.  The platform was a raised one.  All of the children were encouraged to stand in front of the platform during praise and worship.  Then, when that was done, they were encouraged to sit down in the rows of pews.  The young man in question, at one point, ran to the front while the puppets were performing.  My brother- in- law, who was a weight lifter, was operating a large puppet that included having his arm encased in a fur lined sleeve.

       The young man ran up on stage and grabbed my brother-in-laws arm and pulled it down over the front of the puppet stage and almost broke my brother-in-laws arm.  It took several people to disengage him.  It was something we were un-prepared for.  The parents had dropped him off during the services and left.  This was unusual…because the other days of that week, they had stayed with him and helped to keep him under control when he would get overly excited.  Communication is key in these situations.  Educate the workers or volunteers to the special skill sets that they will need to work with special needs youths successfully!

        Most of the time, having special needs children in church is workable.  You discuss with the family members or care givers what works for each child as an individual.   Maybe you can even get the parents to help volunteer in the children’s program to help out. You do your best so that the caregiver can get a couple of hours of peace and “down time” from the strains of 24/7 caregiving, if possible.   Raising awareness about those who live with special needs children and providing support is the goal of this website:  http://www.growingupspecial.com/ 

        What you can’t do, is jeapordize the well-being of others around violent or unpredictable special needs.  In the case of Adam, if the accomodations that the priest was offering would have allowed for maybe a private room with closed circuit television or something equivocable, i don’t see why the family would not jump at the opportunity, not to be the center of attention during services.  It seems to me that if they wanted themselves and their other children to get the most out of services they would have tried other options.

        Understand, we do not know all of the circumstances.  I am only operating with the information that i was able to glean from reports.  However, I can’t imagine trying to attend a church where my very presence was considered to be intrusive.  How can this environment be considered to be uplifting spiritually?  I would hope that if the church truly tried to find a way to allow Adam’s family to continue to be a part of the congregation; and, allow for his special needs without causing dangerous situations; Adam’s family would respond in kind.  I hope that they can find some sort of middle ground.

        If there is more behind the scenes details that explain their need to defy the restraining order…it has not been presented publically.  Church is supposed to be a refuge from the everyday world.  We are supposed to leave the building lifted up and renewed…i hope that there can be healing and well-being for all concerned.

         Update:  June 02, 2008   Carol Race, Adam’s mother, pleaded not guilty to violating the restraining order that kept her and her son from attending mass.  She says that she will continue to fight for disabled people to attend church services.  She says she believes that thousands of families around our country have not felt welcome in their churches and is asking that churches set aside a pew for families, in their church, in similar circumstances.