Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

         Put yourself in the position of a person who is hearing impaired, or a person who lives with special needs; and, consider some environments they they may experience differently than you; such as a trip to the hospital or emergency room.  How different would the experience be for you if you were the one who had difficulty making your needs known to the health care professionals.  Or say you are an elderly person who is experiencing hearing loss…how are you going to communicate with other residents or say the staff?   How about shopping or getting educational services at college or in elementary school?   How about ordering a meal in a restaurant?   Do you see how the quality of life can be improved for people impacted in this way?   Can you see how sign language could open doors for people if others in the community took the opportunity to learn it from someone like Louise or through her DVD’s?

Click on Image to listen to Interview

        If you are interested in learning more about Louise and her educational services please listen to the interview here:  http://www.rapidcashmarketing.com/lorrainesinterview/signingfamilies.htm

         Keith Wellman is well known for many ground breaking internet marketing programs.  He actually started his father Jeff Wellman new career in internet marketing a couple of years back when he was laid off from a well known baby food factory job.  Jeff made a name for himself quickly by creating his first Lay Off Your Boss program.  It was successful and fueled his desire to learn and conquer a business that seemed so overwhelming in the beginning because of information overload.  Jeff had to break it down and learn it from the ground up.  He surprised many by his rapid understanding of how the internet marketing business worked; soon, he was instructing others and then he took on the challene of coaching his students on a more intense level.   The groundwork was laid for the merger:  http://bit.ly/srhVX

         As time went on, Jeff learned that he couldn’t do it all himself; he gained momentum when he took on partners Dixie Brown and eventually Paul Counts.  Jeff will flat out tell you that he is no techno genius…that is where Dixie comes in…she happens to be brilliant in this area.  She added a dimension to the Lay Off Your Boss program that was desperately needed.  When Paul Counts came on board, he brought with him years of expertise in the SEO and traffic generation areas.  The tremendous trio, as they were branded by one of their shinning star clients Connie Baum, soon were building up a success rate among their clients.  In the meantime, Keith Wellman had launched the Autopilot Wealth Institute with modules for learning that set a new college like atmosphere for learning Internet Marketing. 

         This merger blends a skill set that is hard to beat with it follow through.   They each have a real desire to help others achieve their goals.  They are committed to communicating online skills in a way that make sense to their clients.   Questions get answered, support desk issues are handled within a day or two…not weeks like some other programs…people are finding success where previously they were left feeling like they had to buy another program, attend another marketing guru’s seminar to learn the missing pieces of the online marketing puzzle.  This all leads to happy customers who themselves often become affiliates for the program…that is how much they believe in its effectiveness.  It is all here.   http://bit.ly/srhVX

          This merger is now looking for JV partners to get the word out so that others who are desperately seeking knowledge in how to build their online presence or business can access a program that helps them to gain profitability when before they only spent more money on the latest and greatest program to come out, leaving them with more questions than answers.    A smart JV is going to get connected to this program as quickly as possible because not only is it going to make them money, it is going to make them a hero in the eyes of their customers because of the content that this merger is going to give them; enabling them to achieve their goals.  These partners are committed to helping people achieve their online goals in a way that doesn’t stop until they have achieved success.  They dont stop answering questions until every person in the supportive weekly Q & A calls.  These calls have been known to go for hours without dropping a listening participant.  That is pretty amazing in itself…it tells you that people are hungry for answers and they know that they are going to get what they came for!

       If you are interested in learning more…click here:   http://bit.ly/srhVX  Success to YOU!

         Oh to be sure, there is excitement, a sense of accomplishment, joy, happiness, a burst of energy, a need to tell the world; but the flip side of that is fear, an intense worry about failure, bittersweet sadness/joy, unhappiness, lethargy/laziness, and a need to keep things a secret, in case it doesn’t work out.   After all, what if the thing I worked so hard for, so longed for, waited until i came of age for…doesn’t measure up…or worse, what if I blow it?  What if people find out that the very thing that i went after; I wasn’t equipped to do?

          Geez, Louise, somebody could expect something from me…such as success, accomplishment, and or an ability to change the world with my achievement.  Then what?  Oh the agony of getting there only to be frozen in the moment.  Hmmm what to do?

           This is the gift of living with purpose, with goals, with expectation…this is what many graduates are now experiencing.  Whether it be high school, college, or a milestone at work, or personal relationships; this big bowl of mixed emotions is served on a silver platter.   Here’s the thing, try to remember that not everything rests upon your achievement or failure…joy can be found on the journey as well.  You just never know where your journey is going to take you; and, some of the best things in life can be found on the little side trips that you dare to risk taking.

             I know it is hard; push through it anyway…you will be rewarded.  Your goal is in sight…and your path will be made clear from both the successes and the “failures” (I call them u-turns).  The trick is to just keep going…keep putting one foot in front of the other, look for things to enjoy along the way!   Continue learning, continue growing, continue exploring until you find your passion…that alone, will push you through any obstacle that plops itself down in your pathway!  Oh by the way, congratulations on whatever milestone you have hit…what’s next?  Whatever it is, go for it, enjoy it…learn from it and share it with the world!

         It is an event that is being protested because many believe that by having President Obama speak it is somehow endorsing his position on both abortion and stem cell research.  These graduates will be starting off their adult lives in a world that is about to be influenced by the direct result of who President Obama puts on the Supreme Court of the United States…the person that he chooses, will be making decisions that will impact every citizen in the country; so, some of the concerns of the protestors are valid, in my opinion.

         While it is true that colleges are a place for differing opinions to be discussed and shared; I am not sure that having a speaker address the graduates, who has such a position of authority over our country, was the right thing to do.   He is and should be respected as the leader of our country.  Just by speaking at a university that opposes his stance on these two issues it opens him up for criticism, as it does the leadership at the university.  Those that are graduating are there to celebrate their achievement…their graduation.  This day for them will forever be associated with this debate.   He has not made his speach yet as I write this…it remains to be seen on what he will say in his address.  However, he must mention the differences in belief to some degree or it would be a little like ignoring the elephant in the middle of the room.  Let’s see how he approaches the subject.   Congratulations to all of those who have reached their goal by graduating!

        I have a friend who runs a website for people who get their food from foodstamps or food commodities/food pantries.  She is on a mission to help educate people, and their families, who get their food supply this way to prepare and eat healthy foods.  This is important people because, as most of us know…food that is cheap and filling is most often not healthy for our bodies.  However, it can be done with a little know how; and boy, does my friend Mother Connie know how; she is impacting alot of lives!!!  http://www.foodstampscookingclub.com/blog

        Well the other day, Mother Connie got a letter from a high ranking government official that acknowledged the mission that my friend is on to help people get food to eat and to make it healthy.  I will now post a copy of that letter…you will see what I mean about getting food for hungry people being a SNAP!  Please read…it could change someone’s life in a big way.

I am delighted to share with you that I have had a message from Alice Lockett, MS, RD, LD and Senior Nutritionist with the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP).  If you are new to this blog or if you don’t recall, Alice is one of my new best friends.  She found us on the ‘net and shared some phenomenal resources.  I’ll tell her you send your thanks when we chat again…

Here’s what Alice Lockett was kind enough to tell us:

“SNAP Puts Healthy Food Within Reach

No one in America should go hungry. But every day, hard-working and retired individuals and families face the choice between buying enough food and paying for basic life necessities like rent, heat and electricity. In addition, unexpected day-to-day circumstances like a trip to the emergency room or the loss of a job can easily push a household into food insecurity.

USDA’s Food and Nutrition Service administers 15 nutrition assistance programs that serve as the nation’s first line of defense against hunger. Its largest program the Food Stamp Program (FSP) currently helps 32 million participants and growing each month put healthy food on the table. Half of those recipients are children.  

As of October 1, 2008, SNAP is the new name for the Food Stamp Program.  SNAP stands for the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, and reflects the changes we’ve made to meet the needs of our clients, including a focus on nutrition and an increase in benefit amounts.  While SNAP is the federal name for the program, State programs may have different names.  Current clients will not lose benefits as a result of the name change. Current clients and recent applicants do not need to re-apply.

Studies show that families who do not have access to healthy foods and nutritional education suffer from higher rates of obesity. Children without access to healthy eating can experience behavioral and social problems that they otherwise wouldn’t if they were simply not hungry.

But there is an opportunity to increase the number of participants in SNAP.  Recent Program improvements include an increase in the minimum benefit amount (from $10 to $14) and standard deduction, elimination of the limit on child or dependent care deduction and the exclusion of education and retirement accounts from countable resources.  Through nutrition education partners, SNAP helps clients learn to make healthy eating and active lifestyle choices.  Research shows that every $5.00 of new benefits generates $9.20 in total community spending.

Please spread the word about the SNAP name change and program improvements.  With SNAP, healthy food is within reach for low-income Americans.

For more information about SNAP or one of the USDA’s Food and Nutrition Services fifteen programs, please visit:  http://www.fns.usda.gov. “

        With the way that the economy has been taking a nose dive over the last year or two, this is all good news…please, dont let anyone

go hungry….if they need help..point them in the direction of SNAP!  Talk to your elderly neighbor, young families with young children

struggling to make ends meet, middle aged people who are struggling to put their kids through college, take care of their aging parents

and saving for retirement as well…the sandwhich generation will often do without just to help their loved ones…it doesn’t have to mean

going without food in their own cupboards.

        Then again, some people have two or three jobs; not because they want two or three jobs…but, because they are just trying to survive in a world where everything costs so much.    A recession prevents many from accomplishing their dreams.  The thing is, there aren’t many people who don’t wish to live the American dream.  They want to have a family,  a home, a vehicle, a job; they want to retire and enjoy the fruits of their hard work.  Maybe they desire to throw in a few pleasurable vacations…maybe educate  a child or two beyond high school; you know…live the American dream.  Do you know anyone like that?  What you say?  Is that you that I am talking about?  Can’t afford those things?  You are not alone! 

         The American dream has turned into a nightmare.  Many people are forced to take a job, not because it satisfys their soul; but, because they need to survive.  Some of those same people are more educated and over-qualified than the job they do requires.  This is frustrating.  They have scrimped and saved to get a college education and or specialized training ; but, they can’t find a job in their area of expertise.  So what do they do…they accept a job that doesn’t inspire them; but, maybe it helps to pay the bills.  Maybe it doesn’t even cover all of the bills; maybe it only covers part of them.

         It is becoming increasingly difficult to tell a child to go to college and get a proper education because it will help them get a better job…when the whole normal way of earning a living is being turned upside down.  Many people have to move away from their family and friends to get a job in the field of their choosing.  While some are ok with that…others are not.

          There is help.  To get that help a person must re-evaluate their thinking.  They must find a way to add to their ability to provide income.  How does a person do that?  How do you get to a place to adjust to the changing work force?  No job is safe and secure anymore. 

           Why, it used to be that you graduated from high school, either found a job or you went off to college…graduated…and then, found a good paying job; a job that you stayed with until you got your 20-25 years in, and then you retired and lived a life filled with hobbies and vacations; basically a life of leisure.  That was the plan.  The company that you choose to work for REWARDED your hard work and was loyal to you; providing you with a wonderful retirement package. 

          Remember those good old days?  They are unfortunately a thing of the past.  People have had to use jobs as if they were stepping stones navigating a very dangerous river; one full of white water rapids that threatened to drown you if you take a wrong step onto a slippery stone.  The consequences of that can feel life threatening…loosing your home to foreclosure, failing to be able to provide an education for your children,  loosing your job or EVEN WORSE, working until you DIE!   That is what i call, drastic consequences.

          Companies are all about the bottom line; they always have been, but they used to have heart.  That heart was determined by the integrity of the business owner and his loyalty to his respected employees. 

            Today that has all but become a rarity.  Business has to make a profit…that is common sense…but, with the cost of medical insurance, retirement benefits, 401K’s, and rising costs of shipping and production; companies look for ways to cut corners to save money and make more of a profit.  They must if they want to stay IN business.   That is the same in any family situation as well…you look for ways to save more, spend less,  and earn more.

             A worker now has to look to their own future, in a big way.  You must go about educating yourself to alternative ways of earning income to supplement the money coming in from the JOB that you ,may or may not, love.  You know the JOB that hangs in the balance day in and day out!

            There is a man who knows a little about that.  His name is Jeff Wellman and he has partnered up with Dixie Brown.   Together they have come up with a plan to Lay Off Your Boss.  If you even suspect that your job is not as secure as you would like and you have an interest in earning money online; you should check them out.   So that you can say…See you later alligator (to your boss); and, after awhile crocodile…you could be earning income that isn’t dependent on the profit or loss of some corporation that doesn’t even know who you are!

        You won’t be sorry if you are willing to put a little work into learning how to insulate yourself (by earning money that you are responsible for creating)  from all of the craziness of the world financial markets, the housing roller coaster ride, businesses that move their companies overseas, or the rising cost of living.  You have an opportunity to create alternative streams of income to improve your quality of life.   It is limited only by your willingness to learn and to put into practice all that you learn from Jeff and Dixie.  Are you ready to quit being a victim of life’s circumstances?  Give them a look and see what Jeff and Dixie have to offer.  They are great coaches!

         The reason some people have been upset with Helen, over that interview, is that she seemed to down play the experiences.  She said there was no extreme violence, she was not hit…but rather, was locked in a room and made to have sex.  She did not file charges in those incidents.  She also said that if a man and a woman were about to get intimate and the woman changed her mind, and the man continued; that was indeed rape.  However, in that circumstance; she didn’t feel that a woman could then turn around and take that man to court for it.  Those are highly controversial remarks when taken individually or out of context.  To some people…those comments smack of judgementalism…that those situations aren’t worthy of prosecution of a person who sexually assaults another.  Those comments appear inflammatory to many folks.

         Most people are clear that if a stranger attacks another person and forces sexual relations…then that is rape.  It is true enough…it is.  But there are other forms of rape as well that aren’t as clearly defined for some people.

        If however, you apply Helen Mirren’s comments to the times, in which those assaults in her life took place; then, you need to understand the culture of that time as well.  Helen is 63 now…go back to when she would have been in her late teens/early adulthood…and that puts the alledged assaults in the early to mid 60′s when, she would have been a student. 

           What was happening during those years…there was a little something called the “sexual revolution” taking place…not to mention a whole sub culture of drug use and transient behaviors. That revolution turned upside down what was acceptable and what was unacceptable behavior.   Being held accountable by traditional guidelines of behavior for those involved in the subculture around the world…of drugs, sex, and rock & roll was not an easy thing to do.  Many people functioned in a haze.  Still, does that make rape…or “date rape” ok?  No it does not, not by any stretch of the imagination…all i am saying is that it added to the mixed messages young people were living with at the time.  Helen also goes on to say that she ”loved” coke (cocaine) but gave it up.  Was she implying that she was using drugs when these experiences happened?  I don’t know.

         There are cases of assault that even the victim questions whether it was rape or not because they may have been drugs or alcohol involved or the situation is unclear.  Here are some great ways to evaluate the situation: http://www.4woman.gov/FAQ/sexualassault.htm

        Filing police reports and following through with legal prosecution even when a person could identify his/her attacker has never been easy; because of fear of not being believed, fear of further abuse, fear of the stigma of having been raped, fear of being BLAMED for the attack.  What we need to remember is that no, means no.  We need to teach it to our young people as they grow up.  We need to reinforce it in our relationships.  We need to be clear about the messages that we transmit to people that we are in relationships with…friendships, acquaintances, romances, or just dating in general.

        Our media is plastered with sexual images, sexual innuendo, and sexualized music, fashion, and even our family entertainment; whether it be television, magazines, beauty pagents or other forms.   Our culture is sending messages to children that start sexualizing them from the very beginnings of life…and yet, we are not equipping them with emotional, behavioral or interpersonal skills to be sensitive to the nuances of changes in their relationships.  We are sending mixed messages; that is to say,  that everyone has a different hand book of rules for.  Most of us cannot read another person’s mind…so the only sure way to know what they are thinking and feeling is to ask.

         Now that school is starting back up…teenagers, pre-teens, elementary students as well as young adults in college need to know how to interact with one another…what is that other person’s body language saying?  Does their body language match their words?  Does it match their actions?  Do they know how to communicate verbally with others in a way that can be clear, and upfront about defining the expectations in their relationship?

          Know your son or daughter’s personality strengths and weaknesses.  Teach them to respect the emotions and the decisions of others.  Teach them not to bully or coerce others into doing what they want from a young age…you can even start with sharing toys.   There have to be consequences for infractions from early on in life or they won’t understand that as they mature.

           As our young people grow; we need to make them aware of sensitivity to the emotional ups and downs in relationships.  Both young men and women need to be taught to communicate clearly their feelings; and, to respect those of others.  They need to be watched closely in the early dating years for any changes that would indicate physical abuse, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse or coercion in their relationships with the opposite sex.  Parents must be willing to step in and help to intervene in relationships that are unhealthy.

         Each of us grows up with different family values and different levels of interactions in relationships with others.  What someone might consider pushing or manipulating others; another person might mearly consider their behavior as just being assertive.  Personalities play a huge part in how words or actions are interpeted. 

          If your son or daughter is meek and mild…they may or may not be pushed into a deeper relationship than they are ready for.  Someone who is outspoken or direct may not realize that the other person is feeling cornered and without choices.  This is where being sensitive to the needs and wants of others is important.  It is never ok to make someone feel that their wants or needs do not count.  When it comes to intimacy between people…they need to be of legal age of consent, they need to want the same level of intimacy as their partner, and, it is important to have verbal consent to the intimate relationship as well.  Otherwise, the sexual intimacy could be considered as rape/date rape/acquaintance rape. 

         It is often said that those conversations are uncomfortable…and they are.  So are conversations about safe sex, birth control, and pregnancy!  Still, they are conversations that human beings must be comfortable in having with one another if they are going to begin a sexually intimate relationship with another person.  Otherwise they are not ready to have a sexual relationship at all.

          Mixed signals of communication; verbal communication, body language, and emotional interactions are what allows people to be confused when sexual interactions take place that one of the partners feels was against their will.  That is when things go from having a relationship… to being raped, in a dating or acquaintance relationship. 

        How many news stories do we hear during the year of, he said/she said, in regards to a disputed sexual incident?  Too often is the answer.  We need to be more clear when in those situations.  It doesn’t even matter whether the people involved are 18 or 81… clear communication has to take place to prevent unwanted sexual activity. 

         Now, when clear communication has taken place and sexual activity has been forced on a person…that is very clearly rape.  The victim of sexual assault may or may not file charges…that is very definately, a personal choice.  But, when and if, a victim reports the abuse…it has to be taken seriously.  That is why; when we hear about false allegations on the news…it damages people who truly have been victimized.  Each time a false claim is brought to the attention of the public…it creates a perception of doubt, anger and fear.  That is not ok…we need to be supportive of the victim.

        When a legitimate victim of rape is going through the “legal system” and or healing process…they are dealing with so much more than the trauma of the assault itself.  They deal with their own perceptions of the attacker, the support systems in their own lives, and the public’s perceptions if the assault happens to make the evening news.  It is a very difficult situation all the way around.  Many victims of sexual assault just don’t want to deal with it.  No one can tell them what to do…they have to make that decision; because, they are the ones who will be dealing with everything that goes along with the follow through process.

         Rape is wrong whether it be stranger, acquaintance, or date rape.  There is help available for those affected by rape.     National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)   or visit out this site:   http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/help/rape.htm or even your local woman’s shelter for help.

        The boys mother, Cindi Cook, forged a note saying she was the girls mother and gave consent for the abortion.  A judge said she was guilty of interferring with child custody and of breaking the parental notification law regarding abortion.  She will be in jail for a year now because of the guilty verdict.  There may be repercussions for the clinic involved as well; since they allegedly didn’t follow through and verify Cindi Cook’s claim of parentage of the teenaged girl. 

         She allegedly did all of this so that her son’s life wouldn’t be ruined… so that he could still go to college.  Ms. Cook persuaded the young girl to have the abortion; she allegedly was against the idea.  Without the young girls parental input…the baby was aborted a year ago in May.  The teenaged girl told her parents within the next month.  It is too bad that she couldn’t resist the pressure and the fear that Ms. Cook put on the young lady; but, she was only 16 and wasn’t allowed to confide in her parents.  It seems that she and her parents opposed the abortion…they are allegedly holding Ms. Cook responsible for pressuring her into it.  If the parents and the young lady opposed the abortion due to religious reasons…i can only imagine the devastation they must be feeling.  What a horrible position to be in.

       Now, I can understand the mother’s concern about her son’s future…however, why should  his future take precedence over the young lady or the unborn child?  It shouldn’t have taken precedence over them…every life is valuable.   She was wrong in every way possible to pressure a young, fearful girl; she was wrong to sign that form saying she was the young girls mother, she was wrong to put the young girl in a dangerous medical procedure without her parents permission, and she was wrong to dismiss the life of the child; much the way someone would swat an inconvient fly hovering over a Fourth of July potato salad.

         She was wrong by protecting her son’s future at the cost of a innocent baby’s life, or, by inflicting the physical and emotional devastation put on two young people who hurried into adult activities that resulted in real life adult consequences that they should have been encouraged to face.  Sure, she is going to have some time behind bars to think on her actions…but, the teens will have a lifetime of regrets and guilt to deal with…not to mention the grieving of their choices. 

       Does wanting to protect your child’s future of a college degree by encouraging a quick abortion make Cindi Cook mom of the year?  In my opinion, it doesn’t make her mother of the year and it certainly does not make her grandmother of the year.  That baby’s life, that was thrown away, would have progressed by this point to walking, talking and exploring the world.  That child would have celebrated it’s first birthday already!   If things were different, it might have even included hugs for a woman, called grandma, a woman who couldn’t let a little thing like a teen pregnancy come before her child’s chance at a college education!

         This past week, we have heard about a couple of high profile people, Evander Holyfield and Ed McMahon, who are possibly loosing their homes to foreclosure.  One of them, Ed McMahon seems an unlikely candidate to loose his home to foreclosure…however, Ed explains his situation.  He says that he wasn’t paying attention to how his money was managed by business people.  He also says some personal difficulties such as divorce and a broken neck decreased his finances and his ability to work.  He says that he worked hard all of his life.  Alot of people are in the same situation…maybe they can’t even retire or pay for their child’s college because of their financial situation and the possible loss of their home.

           Ed McMahon talks about the million, or so, people in the United States that are now facing foreclosure and says that he understands how people are working hard and due to their personal circumstances they could lose their homes.  Many of them, Ed says, didn’t do anything wrong…maybe they lost their jobs or face medical, financial difficulties…but because of those situations…they are being forced out of their homes that they worked so hard to have.  He says he would like to tell them to find the best help available and to not give up. 

         Those explanations are real life for alot of people.  It has been recently estimated that 1percent of home mortgages have gone into foreclosure from January- March of this year alone; that is around 447,723 families.  Divorce, job downsizing, health issues and the economy are putting more and more people in jeparody of loosing their homes.  For most people, their home is one of their biggest assests or investments.  How does this concern you?   Let’s take a look… 

          The problem is…as the economy worsens…more people loose their homes and that means that more homes are on the market.  Say you want to sell your home…how are you going to do that with all of the houses sitting empty on your street, in your neighborhood, or your town or state?  And if you are lucky enough to find someone who wants YOUR house….will they give you what you have to have financially for it?   Housing that is devalued further complicates the issue.  Propety values plummet in areas where there are many foreclosures.   When people owe more on their house then it is worth, because of the devaluing of it…they can’t sell it without taking a huge financial loss; not to mention coming up with the money to move somewhere else.  The stress and the emotional toll it takes is devastating.  It is a bit like a chain reaction…because then their credit is damaged…and finding another place to live is difficult, relationships take a beating in times of financial crisis too.  Other people can be quite judgmental and often people feel ashamed of what they are going through.  The changes that a family has to go through in a foreclosure has a far reaching impact on schools, jobs, relationships, health and emotional well-being.  I heard a random number tossed about in a news report of between 7-8,000 people enter into foreclosure procedures a DAY!  Those numbers are staggering…and devastating to our economy.

         There are those who say…well, those people shouldn’t have tried to live outside of their means.  That may be true in some circumstances; but, many of those in foreclosure had good paying jobs when they bought that home in good faith, they may have been in perfect health when they bought their home, the economy might have been healthier at the time of the home purchase.  Life is full of changes; foreclosure can happen to anyone!