Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

As the disease progresses the person becomes more distant from those who love them.   Their connection to one another through memories and shared experiences are threatened by loss.  It feels isolating and overwhelming.  Those affected are not alone; the statistics are harsh.  Every 70 seconds another person develops Alzheimer’s Disease.  It is astonishing; but, 35 million people are living with Alzheimer’s disease around the world.   World Alzheimer’s Day is set up to create an awareness of the disease as well as encourage fundraising and research development.  Please spread the word…help raise funds,do a memory walk,  do your part to share an awareness of the disease and it’s devastation…because, unfortunately, it could touch your life through either your own health or the well-being of someone you care about.

If you would like more information please read about the tragedy of Alzheimers through one of my previous posts here: http://www.writewhereyouareblog.com/?p=2127 .  Or go to one of these sites: http://www.alz.org/news_and_events_world_alzheimers_day.asp , http://www.alz.org/index.asp .

         I have listened to news reports that have made a mockery out of the trauma that they are going through by covering each and every mundane thing that they do together and seperately with the children.   It is unfortunate, but this happens to millions of families around the world every day; it isn’t meant for public consumption.   Lately,the media reports was all about suspected infidelity and book tours.  Now in the last week or two, “the announcement” of a life changing decision was used to build up suspense for the weekly show.  For real, people…doesn’t it feel a little like being a spectator for a disaster?  Waiting and wondering how things are going to unfold, who will come out a survivor, and then, what paths each individual will take on their journey if, this all ends badly? 

         What started out as a show of entertainment and a way to support their family has consummed them.  The publicity has to have turned into a kind of sword that now is only causing more pain.   I can’t help it, i wouldnt watch the show….not because they are not interesting, not because i have taken sides with one or the other of the couple…but, merely because I do not consider this to be entertainment…i happen to think that by watch the show we are actually becoming part of the problem and hurting them as a family.  Please, let them heal in their own way…out of the eyes of the viewers.

         Kate’s own brother and sister in law are begging people to stop watching the show out of concern for each of the family  members.  I am sorry, but Jon and Kate Plus Eight is no longer entertainment…it is a family tragedy!  There are people who love and care about what happens to each of them and this is painful to watch.    Are we going to be forced to hear in the media of divisions of their property, custody issues over the children, visitation difficulties and blending of families sometime into the future of this family when and if they decide to move on with other relationships?  Really, can’t we all just stop paying attention in this obsessive way and respect them enough to let them work out family issues in private to minimize damage to one another, the children and the friends and extended family members?    Should people watch or stop watching this show; what is your opinion?

      For whenever a product is sold…there is a give and take; and while it may seem that the money is worth the loss of something that she values less than the money…it doesn’t mean that the trade of her integrity is the right thing to do.  Integrity is a core value in a person.  It is the state of being whole or undiminished; of adherring to moral or ethical principals; of honesty.  While she may be honest in her expectations of the deal…it does deminish the perception of who she is that she could or would sell herself to a person who would basically rent her body.  How will a future mate value her “virtue” if she herself devalues it?

      This 22 year old woman has received a bid for 3.7 million dollars for the one time gift of her virginity.  She allegedly got the idea to sell “it” after her sister allegedly prostituted herself for 3 months to pay for her college education.  Wow…is this like a family tradition or what?  I am sorry but, I am thinking this whole thing is wrong on so many levels.

        First off, the idea of selling your virginity is not my idea of innocence.  Evidently, it isn’t the dictionary’s idea of innocence either.  The definition of innocence is:  the quality or state of being innocent;  freedom from sin or moral wrong;  simplicity or lack of guile;  naivete;  lack of knowledge or understanding; freedom from legal or specific wrong; or, harmlessness.

       This young woman may have a lack of sexual experience…however, she is not innocent or “unknowing”.  She does understand what she is about to do.  She knows that she is selling a “product-herself” for a large sum of money.  She appears to understand that there are some people in this world who are willing to possess that “physical innocence” for a sum of money…even though that innocence is fleeting.  The logic of paying mutiple millions of dollars for something this empty escapes me…I can’t help but to ponder, what type of person would consider something of this nature. 

      She allegedly said that she believes that both herself and the person that she does “it” with will both profit greatly from the deal.  For herself, she plans to use some of the money to pay for an advanced degree in family and marriage therapy.  Hmmmmm…interesting!  Personally, I think it brings a whole new meaning to the idea of a profit/loss statement.   

       I wonder if she may someday have to use some of that money to pay for counseling once she takes that step into a marriage of her own…when both she and her future spouse have to come to terms with the physical and/or, psychological consequences of her actions regarding her virginity.  Money is a poor balm to a mind and a soul that is damaged from selling itself to the highest bidder.  Will she be able to trust that the person she chooses to marry is marrying her for herself and not for her money?  Will she be able to find a person to love her, who can find kernels of a person of value…after she devalues herself, as a person, by selling her body? 

       After all, this isn’t a person who is being forced to sell herself…nor is she selling herself to “survive”; she is making a conscious choice to sell her body for money.  When it is over, will she consider that she traded up?

       Back to the definitions of innocence…freedom from sin or moral wrong (decay)…while some may try to deny that selling your body is wrong morally…the soul knows it’s worth.  That is what a conscience is for.  It gets troubled and disturbed when you do things that go against spiritual purity.  That is a safety valve built within our very beings…it is designed by God to help us turn away from the very choices that have the ability to destroy us for eternity.  That is my opinion.

       Now, most anyone over the age of 10 understands about the exposure to STD’s from having sex with multiple partners.  This woman does not pretend to have a future with the person who will use her for this sexual experience.  That means that someday, she will eventually have other experiences with someone.  She herself admits that she is using this unknown person, in my opinion, by alluding to the fact that she is in it for the money.   I think in her mind, it is a straight up exchange of money for the sexual pleasure of sharing this 1st sexual experience with her.   This decision could have lifelong impact on both her life and, that of this invisible person with excess money; not to mention…her future sexual partners and or, any children that she may have someday.   In my book…exchanging sexual favors for money is prostitution and is illegal in California, last I knew. 

      Not that people don’t get involved in prostitution…however, they do get arrested for it; prostitution is a crime!    What do you think of this situation?

         Many Americans have already started to alter aimless driving habits.  I see nothing wrong with that…we all could do better in planning where we go and what we do while we are out and about.  Some people are in denial about the severity of the situation regarding supply and demand as well as all of the damage to our planet that our carelessness has brought.  

         Would the general population get behind a national drive 55 speed limit?  I think it is going to take some convincing as it will be viewed by many as an inconvience after being legally allowed to drive up to 70 mph on some highways.  After all, it will take longer to get where they are going.  I think more people would be willing to do it if they felt that the automakers were doing more to ensure that we were getting more miles to the gallon by the way that they factory set the computers on our vehicles to use the gasoline we spend our hard earned dollars on.

        Back in the seventies, I remember the drive 55 campaign; it was something like, Stay Alive…Drive 55.  The focus was on safety.  There are studies that show that driving 55mph saves up to 4,000 lives a year from traffic deaths.  That is a serious number of lives that could be saved.  Is it worth the inconvience of driving a slower speed on the highway if it saves families from prematurely loosing loved ones?  I think so.  Do i WANT to be slowed down…not necessarily, however; if i stop and think that maybe one of those loved ones that could be saved could possibly be one of my own family or friends…definately, slowing down is worth the inconvience.

        Senator Warner refers to the previously mentioned studies that show that 167,000 barrels of oil a day could be saved by driving 55 mph.  With the cost over $141.00 a barrel; that could be a significant savings of both oil and money.   Is that reason enough to lower the national speed limit to 55mph?   Driving 55 instead of 70 or 75 ( we all know people drive at least 5 miles over the limit because they get away with it) can save up to 25% of the United States oil consumption.  So, maybe driving 55 will work because the oil supply is not going to last forever; it is already becoming harder to pump out of the ground because of the heavy demand.

        Looking at the impact on the Earth’s atmosphere is another area of concern regarding our usage of gas and oil without regard for long term reprecussions.  Greenhouse gasses have been poo poohed for quite while now; people are in denial about the damage our planet has sustained because of our daily choices in how we conduct our lifestyles.  That denial no longer works.  Scientists, doctors, inventors, engineers and world leaders are now getting on board with many in the general population trying to come up with ways to cut down on the damage; and, coming up with ways to heal the damage that has already been done, by making greener choices.  Coming up with alternative energy sources is a must; in the meantime, we must support ideas of utilizing the resources we have in better ways.

      Today, G-8 or Group of Eight world leaders have decided to set a goal to half the greenhouse gasses in the world by the year 2050.  This is admirable to have the wealthiest industrial countries to set the lead.  Those countries include the US, Italy, Great Britain, Japan, Russia, Germany, Canada, and France; I am happy that they are taking the bull by the horns.  However, of great concern is China which is having a surge in people who are buying and using automobiles rather than public transportation.  In China, the population is growing and the demand for gasoline is growing as well.  China is developing their roadways and highway systems and that is going to enable more people to buy vehicles; which is going to add to the demand for gasoline and oil consumption.  Awareness and cooperation, as well as, education is going to be the key to limiting the demand by consumers.   Is that reason enough for the United States to lower the speed limit to 55 mph; probably not, many will say, why limit ourselves if China won’t or some other country won’t.

        When you stop and start tallying up the reasons to lower the speed limit in the US…you start to see a pretty compelling argument for the call to slow down.  Saving lives, saving money, saving the Earth’s resources of gas and oil, limiting the damage to our environment by limiting the production of greenhouse gasses that can destroy our quality of life…together, those are all pretty darn good reasons to take life a little slower and realize that each person, each city, each state, each country or providence can combine their efforts to change the world for the better. 

         I am going to make a committment to slow down to 55.  I will rewrite my expectations of myself and plan ahead for the sacrifice of speed by leaving a bit earlier instead of driving faster.  I will encourage others to realize that they too can make changes that will benefit us all.  How about you…are you willing to endorse a drive 55 national speed limit?

           Do you not feel nature rebelling, against the inhabitants of the planet earth?  The intensity of these disasters and storms has increased dramatically in the last decade or two.  They are increasing in number as well;  we must listen. 

        Why, what is all of this chaos trying to teach us?  Has the careless actions of generations before us finally reached the peak of what nature can endure without self-destructing. The way we live today is impacting the world; and not for the better.   Are we being taught now that we must be good stewards of the gifts given to us by the Creator?  Yes! 

          Greenhouse gasses are contributing, lack of conservation of trees, farmland,  and bodies of water, and poor utilization of landfills,  are all destroying our environment. 

         Being ignorant, lazy, un-informed or misguided, are no longer acceptable excuses.  Suffering and death, on a regular large scale basis, is going to be a way of life, if we don’t wise up soon.  Making smarter, safer, greener choices can only slow down the effects of the damage we have caused.  But we must start now…if we hope to have any chance of restoring the precious balance that is nature.  It is going to take courage and committment.

       Chaos is ensuing with rail lines broken, running water that is scarce, hospitals with patients who are leaving in a panic, the streets are covered with many people who know not, where to go, or what to do.  The military is trying to get to those in need; but navigating the roadways is difficult at best.

       As China continues to acess the damage the death toll will continue to rise, as will the number of people who are injured and displaced.  It seems that the very bowels of the earth are churning to and fro and we the residents of it’s surface will be tossed around much like kernels of corn.  We must pray for those around the world who are in need and offer assistance where we can be effective.

        Alot of the behaviors that seem common or typical to the disease is very distressing.  There are alot of up and down emotions for both the patient and anyone who cares for them.  Pain and shame seem to be a big part of the picture for both the person and their loved ones.

        It is a disease charaterized by out of control behavior.  There are spending sprees, screaming fits, drama (the likes of which would blow your mind), confusion, confrontations with the law and other authority figures, anti-social behavior; as well as, overly friendly behaviors considered odd or over the top by the people around them, alot of extreme love-hate relationships in the patient’s life.

        It is extremely sad, depressing, frustrating and hard to maintain a relationship with a person who is bi-polar if they are not diagnosed and treated with medication, that they faithfully take combined with therapy. 

       The problem is…when they take their medication , often life is good; and then because life is good, they decide that they no longer need their medication.   Then, the roller coaster of extreme emotions and behaviors start again. 

        A person who is un-diagnosed often will “feel different” and they often will self- medicate by drinking,  sexualizing their behaviors, spending sprees, gamboling, manipulating others,  taking illegal drugs, all of which only lower inhibitions and cause more problems for the individual.  These behaviors only add to the distress that the individual (and their families) experience.

         The disease is so damaging because a person who has it can be so loving and appropriate at times and then extremely destructive the next.  Often, they will have  a low self-esteem as well, because it is hard to feel good about themselves when so much in their lives feels out of control. 

        I remember my daughter often said…”no body likes me”.   As a young child…she would bribe other children to be her friend by giving them things.  As a teen it became more apparent that she was different.   She had difficulty getting along.  It got much worse as she headed into young adulthood.   She couldn’t maintain friendships…they would start out good and progress into dead end relationships.   

        I heard rumblings through news reports that Britney is rumored to have the disease; whether that is fact or not…alot of the reported types of things going on in her life, bring back memories for me as a mother of a person afflicted with a bi-polar illness. 

         I pray it isn’t true for Britney and her family; but, it sure would explain alot of things.  If it is true…she is an adult and therefore has to get to a place in her life where she reaches out for help. 

         Hopefully, her family is reaching out for help as well.  You can’t make someone get well; but, with prayer, medication and lots of love and patience it is possible to have a better life.  Check out this website for information on the illness, as well as, support group info:  http://www.dbsalliance.org/.