It is my understanding that there is nothing against the law about this agreement.  If an employee doesn’t willingly agree to this…they may not be hired; or if they’ve already been hired and refuse to sign this agreement, they can be fired or scheduled for work so little, that an employee is compelled to start looking for a new job.

I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t sit right with me.  I understand that many businesses are now 24 hours a day, seven days a week in their operations.  However, what is wrong with hiring & regularly scheduling a staff to work those separate shifts?  If someone is willing to be a floater, meaning working any shift as needed, then I see nothing wrong with that.  On the other hand, forcing employees to be available at any time, or basically being on call, to come into work, just doesn’t seem fair nor does it seem like a good way to keep up company morale.

I mean think about it, people have lives outside of their work environment.  Those employees often have other responsibilities outside of their jobs; such as those towards a spouse, a parent or maybe even to children.  I am thinking off of the top of my head here; but, how many child care places are going to be as flexible as an employee needs if they are obligated to work at all hours of the day or night?

Many baby boomers are what they call the sandwich generation meaning they are taking care of their parents while they are at the same time working and raising their own children.  Schedules have to be somewhat co-ordinated with a spouse or significant other to meet all of those requirements.  I wonder too about people who have more than one job.  Many people can’t earn enough money to support themselves & their families one the income from a job, especially if it is part time.  How could they agree to come in at any time if they are holding a second job…having a concrete schedule is the only way to balance two jobs.  Also what about college students who are trying to get an education as well as work to pay for that education; how are they to be expected to come into work at any given moment when they must be in class on a set schedule?  These issues impact a lot of people.  It is important to the quality of life that people need to enjoy life.

I read about one employee who was asked to sign one of these agreements.   She had a personal conflict regarding her religious beliefs.  The young woman expressed concerns about possibly being forced to work on a Sunday; when she felt very strongly that Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest according to scripture in the Bible.  Once the media became aware of this woman’s conflict about signing the agreement… she was allegedly told by her employer that she would not be required to sign it.  She was worried that if she signed it she would find herself in the position of having to choose between her job and her faith or possibly loose her job altogether if she refused to sign it.  I wonder how that particular company will enforce this worker agreement with other employees if they allow some to sign it and others to refuse?  It gets complicated in my opinion.

What are your thoughts on this subject?  Is this an abuse of power?   Should employers get dibs on an employees time twenty four hours a day, seven days a week?  Who should have priority over decision making regarding the employees time…an employer, family members or the employee themselves?

The push, the pull…the unseen force that threatens to destroy the will of the person
who has done everything in their power
to avoid that choice which they can not, or will not, give into

The mental strain continues until the system overloads
and weakness takes control, for the barest sliver of a moment;
long enough for that decision which has successfully been avoided; until that moment, becomes accomplished!

So what was achieved in the end?
Acceptance of the fact that; what had previously been avoided,
could have been accomplished sooner;  averting the stress of it all…but, would that be in their best interest?

What was the struggle all about; why was it so important to resist, if you eventually gave in anyway?
that is the lesson…hidden in between the push and the pull
A rough gem of knowledge, polished bright by the friction

knowledge which will allow you to understand what will
be revealed to you in another life lesson moment… at a future date;                                                                                                        it will become an opportunity for in-depth growth once you understand the layers of the lesson

Was the avoided topic destructive to you or another? Why was the pull so strong? Was the experience beneficial in the end? Why did you resist it and push against the experience from the beginning? Could the choice be unhealthy or unsafe for you, or another person? Are you capable of making good choices without guidance or professional help?

Use that knowledge to grow and positively affect others…
that is the real reason you suffered in the process;
so that you would remember; and, not waste all that was gained in the struggle.

So, what are you avoiding and why; have you begun to figure it out?

Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

         It is a little bit like the song my husband was taught as a child, “You can’t ride in my little red wagon, the backseat’s broke and the axel’s draggin, chug, chug, chug-a-luga-lug,Second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a whole lot worse, You can’t ride in my little red wagon, the backseat’s broke and the axel’s draggin, chug, chug, chug-a-luga-lug, Third verse same as the first, a little bit louder and a whole lot worse”…you get the idea!   Nothing changes…it just keeps on keeping on.   The sameness just takes on a life of it’s own.

          Or…the children’s song: 

         This is the song that never ends…it could go on and on my friend, some people starting singing it not knowing what to do, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because, This is the song that never ends…it could go on and on my friend, Some people starting singing it not knowing what to do, and they’ll continue singing it forever….just because…This is the song that NEVER ENDS…………..etc.

          Those examples might be catchy at first…exciting in fact when beginning but by the third time around…you get bored, you want to move on…and yet…you feel trapped into the rhythm of it all.   You can’t seem to get it out of your head.  It is the same in life…whatever you are doing seems great for a time…but, when you feel like moving on and nothing happens to break the rhythm…you feel trapped…you get bored and frustrated.   Nothing satisfys you anymore…everything feels like deja vu….been there before and done that.   Disappointments and broken dreams seem to pile up in the corner.   How do you break out of  these patterns?  How do you set the wheels of change into motion?  How do you restart the passion and the joy in your step…build excitement about what you are doing, where you are going, and how you are getting there during the process?

         I think you must start with some brainstorming.  Grab a piece of paper and your favorite writing utensil.  Open up your mind and your heart.  Start a Wish list or a List of Dreams…these are ideas without limits.  As soon as a negative thought pops into your head…squash it like a bug.  For example…if you have ever had a desire to be something like a window washer on a high rise building (but you immediately throw that idea out because you are afraid of heights…that right there is a negative thought…put the dream down in writing…a high rise window washer) …Whatever your dream or wish is…list it.   Maybe it is a desire to be a concert pianist (and you can’t even play chopsticks yet)…list the dream/or skill.   No matter how far fetched it may seem…no matter how problematic it could be to make it happen.  Put it on the list.

         Write down every desire you’ve ever had, or still have, for your life.  Then on another piece of paper, write all of the roles, jobs, responsibilities, or tasks that you would love to get rid of in your life.  Doesn’t matter whether you really think that you can get rid of those things or expectations…or how inconvienced someone else would be if you were to get rid of those particular items…Write it down.   Matter of a fact, write down whatever it is that you feel is holding you back from reaching out and grabbing those dream items from the starry heavens. 

           Next, put the two lists side- by- side.  Do you notice any connections?  Do you see any relatable ideas, themes or items?  Can you see any connections at all?  Is there patterns to the things that hold you back…do they all go back to one area of your life that brings you unhappiness, dissatifaction, anxiety, anger, resentment or fear? 

           Next you need to grab another sheet of paper and write down any kind of practical solutions that would resolve your inability to build upon your dreams or your wish list…laying a foundation for achieving your goals in those areas.  Find ways both big and small that will start removing the obstacles from your path to regaining joy in forward and productive movement again…to feeling excitement in getting out of bed and putting your hands, your heart and your mind to work on the things that make a difference in your life.   Can you hear a melody yet, feel the rhythm, or sense a tempo beginning to come together…when you hear the harmony…it all starts to sound beautiful again.  Maybe you want to sing along…sway to the music, grab ahold of the emotion of the music and enjoy it just because it makes you smile again.

         The biggest joy stealers in life are resentment and bitterness at giving up on your goals and dreams because you don’t feel like you have permission to have them in your life.  Give yourself permission.  You may just find out that the situations and the people in your life that you feel would not support you in your quest/journey could very well find your bravery, in the pursuit of happiness and joy, inspiring.  

          Finally, seek God’s guidance from the beginning to the end of your seeking.  Ask him to remove obstacles, clear your pathway…and hit you over the head about which direction you should go.  Sometimes, we don’t ask him the right questions about his plans for our lives; we are more concerned about our own wants and desires, than we are about fulfilling our assignments or purpose.  When we are the most frustrated about our lives it is when he is readying us for change.  He has allowed us to feel dissatisfied about where we are…so that we are motivated to go through the struggle in changing our circumstances.   When we are in alignment with his purpose for us we will achieve things more easily, they will practically reveal themselves to us in a way that seems almost magical or surreal.

         Think about it; when we are comfortable, content or accepting of our lot in life…what reason under the sun do we have to change our course?  There is none.  So he allows us to feel the discomfort, the prompting in our spirit for something more…something different…something challenging…so that we feel the need to make changes.  Look to his leading…listen with all of your mind, your heart and your soul.  Don’t just look for the answers you want to hear…listen to his answer, even if it seems farfetched.   He goes before us and clears the way when we are seeking his guidance.  Our human minds often see no sensible way to make things happen, but if it is his desire for us, he makes things happen in an awe inspiring way.  Your  true satisfaction could be right around the corner from where you are standing!

         If God gave us all of the answers to our questions immediately, and, answered them the way we wanted him to…we would be right back in the same boat that we find ourselves in, day in and day out.  We have to feel stimulated, challenged, excited about the future so that we are encouraged to move forward; sometimes against difficult situations.   So the next time you feel in limbo, out of sorts and boxed in…think about when you feel that way; what is happening at that time…what would you like to see happen in your life that would open doorways to your true purpose?   Now, is there something that you want or need changed in your life?  What are you going to chose to do about it?

         I think it is no co-incidence that this past 4th of July was also the day that Lady Liberty’s crown was open once again to tourists for the first time since 9/11.   The video also expressed phrases such as “Death to America” as well as, “We don’t want your freedom”.    Now in America we do have the right to say what we think or feel; however, if this is more than that…such as a real and true attempt to create terror in the hearts and minds of Americans…those who are responsible will be caught and they will be punnished.

         There is a reward being offered for the return of the statue.  After all, it is stolen property.  An investigation is being done to find those who posted the video.  After the last few years, I don’t know why anyone would want to pull a prank that is this insensitive to those who have experienced true terrorism; and, if this is actual terrorism, whether it is foreign or domestic terrorism…it will be taken seriously.    There are serious consequences for these kinds of things because they can truly inflame hatred around the world!

        Communicating comfort, love and caring towards others is easy.  All you have to do is reach out to them, for them to feel that love and caring.  Will they talk about their pain; it depends on whether they are ready or not.  Some people internalize what they are going through…they can’t share it until they have processed what they are struggling with.  Others unload their challenges at the drop of a hat. 

       The key to staying connected and being helpful to another person; is knowing that person well enough to know how they handle painful situations.  If they need someone to talk to when dealing with difficulties, try to be there for them.  If they need time to process what they are going through…make sure they know they can call on you when they are ready to talk it out. 

       Lately, it seems like there are too many news reports of people who have broken under stress or pain and have become desperate…hurting themselves or someone else that they professed to love.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  If everyone tried to be more aware of those around them…this world would be a better place.  Do you know someone who is hurting; or, is it you who is going through a hard time?

      You see, guilt is simply a tool.  One that our subconscious mind uses to help us make good choices in our lives; it is like an early warning detection system.   Guilt tells us we are making a wrong choice.   But like anything, guilt can be misplaced.  Instead of building us up and helping us to build a strong positive character; sometimes guilt runs amok, and instead creates self-doubt, tearing down our self-esteem and helps to destroy the foundation , of who we are as a person. 

        This must be dealt with or a person who struggles with needless guilt, or a disporportionate amount of guilt to any given situation, begins to devalue their own opinions and strengths and begins to give more weight and credibility to those around them.

       I told her she needed to value herself as much as she valued the opinions of others.  It was a simple statement.  She simply needed to worry as much about what she thought of herself as she did about what others thought of her.  You see, when you look in the mirror (or examine your own heart and mind) you have to like who you see; you have to respect yourself.    Later, she said she was better.  I was glad…because she is a person who comes across as a very caring person…a person who does alot for others…and who reaches out.

      Why is it that we are so quick to judge ourselves harshly and so quick to give the benefit of doubt to others?  Each of us does this to some degree.  We have negative thought patterns that we fall victim to…that little negative voice inside our heads; our own personal form of self-doubt.    We must learn to appreciate ourselves in ways that matter.  After all, if we dont value ourselves enough…no one else will either!

         I was annoyed this morning as I viewed my twitter feed.  There was a person who was bemoaning the fact that they were anticipating another day when the news of Orlando would be overshadowed by more news about the Anthony family; as they hold the memorial service for Caylee.  At first, i was very put out by their 140 character statement on Twitter.  Then i stopped and thought about it…I guess to some degree i can understand that there is much going on in that area that is good and newsworthy as well.  The Orlando has much positive news to report as well as this terribly sad news…so i decided to ignore the momentary bluntness of that person’s comment.

        I dont live in the area which is probably a good thing.  I would most likely want to be at that service for the beautiful child Caylee; just as a sign of respect for her as an innocent life that was taken.  It is amazing the  connection that some people have to this young child, myself included.  She has touched so many lives just because of how she lived and died.  It is unfair how she passed.  It is heartbreaking that her body can’t even be at her memorial.  It is unspeakable what was done to her.  So many questions about who, what , where, when and why; but not for today. 

       Today is about remembering her and sharing her short life with those who were/are close to her.  Their hearts are sad and grieving.  Those who have been touched in an emotional way who did not know her will also be sad.  But that two year old life deserves to have the good and happy memories talked about and shared.  She is more than a victim.  She was a real, live breathing child who played, sang, danced and learned. 

         Please, reporters, media, mourners and observers…don’t focus on things that don’t matter today.  Don’t harrass the family, dont speculate, dont focus on negativity or superficial things.  Remember Caylee and remember that she had a life before she became the victim of her killer; dont turn this into a media event , or a free for all.  She had friends, relatives, neighbors and people who cared about her and loved her; let’s show some respect and support.  Don’t sully her memorial service with all the ugliness…let her have some dignity!

      Seriously, I have a hard time understanding this phenomenon; barring mental illness; I can’t understand the murder-suicide situations between people who claim to love one another; unless it is put in the perspective of deperate people who feel like they have no other option.  How can someone take the life of the person/persons that they live with, take care of, provide for, protect,  and nurture?  Temporary suffering from financial difficulties, or family problems or divorce or any other reason is better than death.  Doing harm to another human being (especially a family member) is not  saving anyone from anything!  Harming yourself is not going to change anything for the better either.  Revenge is another reason why some people commit murder-suicide. 

        During the holidays, there was the Santa shooter who tried to wipe out his whole former in-laws and ex-wife.  He managed to murder quite a few of them and eventually took his own life; albeit, only because he was injured in the fire that he started and he evidently was in considerable pain.  In that particular case, he was going through a divorce and even though he was not living with those family members….at one time he was part of that family.  How do you take the lives of people that you have lived with, loved, dined with, made love to, taken care of when they were sick and so on?

       People who are mentally disturbed, seriously depressed or have a brain injury usually have caring people or a caseworker/guardian/family member around them who are aware of their issues, are tuned into their well-being or lack of; and they are in touch with their medical/psychological health providers, when they feel that things are not right with that person.    Getting appropriate medical/mental help for someone who is struggling is very important…sometimes it has to be sought against their will; but, still it needs to be done.   Typically, there are clues that all is not well with someone who is struggling with feelings of suicide or murder.

       What amazes me, are those situations when we hear that someone who seemingly appears healthy mentally, suddenly does something so out of the range of normal for their personality and commits  a crime  such as a murder-suicide with their loved ones as victims; whether it be a spouse or their children.  How can someone go from being a loving family member to someone who can do bodily harm to their family?  It escapes my logic. 

       I know in our country we are going through alot of stresses.  People are getting desperate financially, loosing their homes, their jobs, their investments,  retirement benefits, their medical coverage…these types of things can cause undue pressure to build up…causing people to do desperate things.  Help is available out there:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

        What i want to say is…please seek help.  Please find someone to confide in who can support you with ideas or solutions; let them be your sounding board.  Maybe finding help through an agency or foundation can help to lift some of those extra-ordinary pressures on people who are struggling under the weight of the world on their shoulders.   Don’t try to go it alone.  Don’t keep your feelings of frustration, anger, despair, depression or isolation to yourself.  Talk to a member of the clergy, talk to a counselor, seek financial advice from someone who may be able to direct you to a path of healing.

       I hate hearing of the lives that were destroyed.  The husband/father, wife/mother, sister/brother, child/grandchild or in-laws.  These murder-suicide choices cannot be reversed; it can not be undone.  It doesn’t solve anything.  If there are any survivors…they can have long term health issues, mental health issues, disability and much more financial bills due to the violence visited upon them…not to mention…if the person committing the violence lives….prison or a death sentence is in their future. 

       The person committing the violence will have a long lengthy trial to go through, psychological evaluations to endure….and maybe life in prison.    Guilt and depression can become a lifelong companion.  There are friends,family, children, neighbors, and acquaintances who will suffer from the tragedy as well.  Please, if you know someone who is struggling with these feelings…please encourage them to seek help.   Can you make a difference in someone’s life by encouraging them?  Give them a resource such as this National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/