In any case, Jessica Angelique who is on Twitter as @DefinitveVoices and as @Jesicaangelique is a person who shines a light on organizations and non-profits that help people better the world through better living conditions, better self-esteem, and through building people up, one person at a time.  She is a strong voice for cancer-livestrong organization, for children, clean water, self-esteem & empowerment, and for foster care.  She is an author and a speaker; and, she is not afraid to connect to people who are in the position to effectively make changes that open the doorway to a better life for thousands of people everyday.   She puts her money where her mouth is and donates money to help children in foster care.

        She needs your help to win this grant.  Pepsi is running a voting contest and you can go here to register and vote to help her to implement her vision in a large way; should she win the vote.  http://www.refresheverything.com/definitivevoices  Once you arrive there, at the bottom of the screen there will be a sign in spot.  Sign in by entering an email and create a password.   She is entered to win the $250,000 category to educate.  Please help.  Lives will be changed and improved and children will especially be blessed. 

        Jessica has connections with people from all over the globe who are like minded; it will be a powerful television show.  Again I say, why can’t television be used to build people up instead of tearing them down?  Be a vessel of empowerment…please register and vote daily until the 28th of February, 2010.  It is very important to do this; you won’t be sorry that you took the time to do so!

It is no secret that human beings need security and stability.  We all like to know that we will have enough food to eat, a place to sleep and people who care about us in our daily lives; a place to come home to…a place to belong.  It keeps us connected, protected and stops us from feeling rejected.  Children who are in foster care, no matter their age, have issues with security and stability; mostly through no fault of their own.   Most children, in care, have suffered through abuse or neglect or they wouldn’t be in the foster care system.   Their lives are in a constant state of chaos; a condition that they have little, or no control over.  That does not feel good on any level.  After all, they are the ones who have to live with the results of any decisions that are made about their future.

For teens who are in the foster care system; the effects are even more pronounced.  You see the chances of finding a permanent adoptive placement, if their parents rights are terminated, are slim.   It can happen and for those that do find a permanent adoptive placement that is stable and healthy…they often are able to find a certain level of peace, after a period of adjustment;  sometimes they do not.  Conflicting emotions can’t be avoided about leaving the tangled web of a biological family to join another family; even if the biological family dynamics are not ideal, from which they came.  It can be heartbreaking,  all children need and deserve love and protection.

For those teens in foster care, who do not find a permanent adoptive placement, even their status as a foster child can be chaotic.  Some placements are broken over, and over again, due to behavior issues, personality conflicts, demands of the court, death, violence, legal issues that can arise out of acting out behaviors…school placement needs and yes, even financial reasons.   Sometimes, as a child nears the “magical” age of 17 or 18 years of age…the system begins it’s process of moving the child out of the court’s jourisdiction.  In other words, they begin to weigh the cost of “caring and providing” services to that teen against the age of the child and conditions surrounding their placement; they start to plan for the release of that foster child into society.

This is where things can become more complicated.  Some agencies don’t want the legal or financial burden that continued care  can place on an agency when a teen is so close to “legal adult status”.  Especially, if the cost of that care includes, expensive psychological/psychiatric care, rehab or institutionalization, services of the juvenile delinquency system, respite care, high medical costs, or specialized placement due to violence or run-away issues.   Still other situations include those such as a teen that is getting close to adult status…but, he or she may not, have any biological family that can or will, stand up and be willing to parent the child/teen.   That is emotionally difficult…and can add much hurt and damage to the young person.

All of that tends to affect their self-esteem, confidence, and the desire for stability in the teen.  Some teens get so anxious that they act out, even more, in school or within the foster home; which only deepens the difficulty in maintaining their placement.   Foster parents are often caught in the middle of the situation because they “work” for the agency through which they are licensed and are obligated to uphold whatever decisions are made when it comes to the placement.

So, if an agency or a court system decides to “release” a teen to live on their own…even though they may not have completed their high school education, have a job, or an appropriate place to live…the foster family is often forbidden to continue to provide a home for them.  Once they are no longer a ward of the court, and the foster parent has other children in the home…it then could violate their agreement with the agency who licenses them to “allow” a person who is not a “family” member to stay there; even though that child may have lived there for months or years with the same “family” members.   It makes little sense to me.

If you know an individual or foster family who is struggling with such a situation…you can be a conduit for finding a place for that older child or teen to belong.   It is hard enough for anyone starting out in life…but, if you come from a place of dysfunction because of family issues in the birth family and spend time in foster care because of it…it can affect that person for life.

Everyone needs to feel good about themselves and what they are trying to achieve.   Spread the word to people who would be appropriate to help this young person to transition to adulthood; by allowing them to finish their education or continue it, providing a job, emotional support, maybe even some financial help to getting established, help them to find a church to support them in their efforts to start out on their own.    All of those pieces of the puzzle are needed to allow this young person to grow into an individual who is a productive, happy, well educated and on a positive path instead of perpetuating patterns of negative behaviors and actions that they may have picked up along the way.  Any ideas on how you can help someone to find a permanent place to belong that is condusive to living a long and healthy, productive and happy life as a young adult?

I met Louise through an online contest, believe it or not.  It was run on Twitter.  I happen to have won a poetry contest; and the prize, that I chose, was a DVD that was made by Louise Sattler.   Louise has a site called:  http://www.signingfamilies.com/ .  There you will find all kinds of information about Louise and what she does; but, I didn’t know all of that, when I won the DVD.

I chose that DVD because of the title and what I could potentially use it for.  The title is, “Baby, Toddler, and Preschool Sign Language”.   I work with children in several capacities and I liked the idea of learning some sign language just in case I needed to know it in the future.  I was so excited when i got the DVD because, just watching it I could see the passion and the commitment that Louise had for teaching sign language to children and their families.

Bravery came over me and I approached Louise about doing an interview with me so that I could blog about what she does through her workshops, her speaking engagements and through her DVD’s.   Louise agreed to do that and I thought that I would share the news of what she does because it helps so many people.  By teaching sign language as a way of communicating it allows families to be more effective in advocating for their special needs loved ones.

http://www.signingfamilies.com/  caters to those who live and work with individuals with special education needs.  Signing isn’t just for the deaf communities…people who struggle with many issues of disability can benefit from communicating through sign language.   So if you work in education, in health- care, daycare, foster care, adoption, or you have a business or a family member who is impacted…this is a great way to brush up your communication skills so that you can strengthen your ability to communicate effectively in your relationships.

If you would like to contact Louise Sattler about her programs & her work she can be reached at Louise@SigningFamilies.com; or, you can contact her to do a workshop, give an interview or a presentation by calling her business line at: 410-715-9647.    Louise is also on Twitter: http://twitter.com/Louiseasl . She is very down to earth and she also teaches in Spanish-she is bi-lingual.  Ask her about her programs….tell her that Writewhereyouare sent you and you will get a discount.    You can purchase her DVD’s at her site:  http://www.SigningFamilies.com/  or here on Amazon. com: http://bit.ly/913i5 .

         Most states in the US have some sort of a safe haven law which is designed to protect children who are either unwanted; or, in unsafe environments regarding living conditions, or in situations of neglect or abuse.  The safe haven laws are meant to allow a safe place for children to be left such as a hospital or a fire station.  What is unique about the new law in Nebraska is that it doesn’t clarify who has the authority to drop off said children…it could be a baby sitter, grandparent, parent, neighbor or what have you.  Another important point, most of the states that implement safe haven laws usually are set up to protect infants.  Nebraska made headlines by not limiting the reach of the safe haven laws to infant only drop offs…it basically says “minors”…leaving the new law open to interpetation.

         The courts will have to clarify the definition of the safe haven law so that the protection of the children and the people who abandon them is more clear.  At the moment, anyone under the age of 19 is allowed to be dropped off in a safe haven.  There will be no legal repercussions as long as abuse or neglect is not involved.  In some ways, this may help those situations where we read about newborn infants born to teen mothers who are dumped in a garbage can or left outside alone.  Maybe in those cases, some children will be saved…but, this new law opens up a whole new set of issues regarding children and their families.

         I know that the law was set up in good faith…to protect the children.  However, you have to wonder about the psychological damage to those same children who are old enough to understand that they have been abandoned by the people most trusted in their lives.  An infant does not comprehend the abandonment until they are older and the information is presented to them…an older child certainly does understand the idea of abandoment and there certainly will ensue emotional and psychological damage.  However, i will say an infant may not understand the full scope of abandonment; but, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t affected by it; when they are affected, it is often called an attachment disorder…where the baby has trouble bonding with their caregivers, either giving or receiving love…sometimes, it is even turned into a failure to thrive.  All human beings deserve to be loved and wanted.

         Studies have been done on babies or infants who have been abandoned in other countries and left in orphanages…if they do not get enough human interaction that shows love or caring…those children can actually die from the lack of human, loving touch.  Don’t think that when an infant is dropped off, even at a safe haven…that they won’t know the difference between being wanted and unwanted.

         People who find themselves in desperate circumstances may be tempted to go the route of the safe haven in a moment of extreme duress.  However, the long term consequences make me wonder whether this is a viable option.  People who abuse or neglect their children willingly or freely are not going to be so very concerned about making sure that the place they abandon their child is considered a safe place.  It would be better to put into place programs that facilitate helping families who are in danger of imploding. 

         Not to mention, those parents or caregivers who are feeling desperate…say…in a financial crisis…they can’t afford to feed or house their children…may think that this safe haven is an option for them.  The consequences of such an action could be considered permanent…even if their circumstances change in time.  Their custody could be forever impacted by that one moment of temptation to abandon the children in a safe place. 

         I wonder if other options are being given as much media & legal attention, such as making a short term placement with social services; for short term foster care in cases where, say a housing or financial need is threatening the ability to keep a family together? 

          Children aren’t like litters of animals…not that animals should be abandoned either!  Being a pet owner or a parent is a huge responsiblity…the demands are serious.  People should not enter into the role of a pet owner or parenting without alot of thought!  Parents need to take their commitment to parenting seriously. 

          If a parent is considering abandoning their children…wouldn’t it be better to work with an agency and make a permanency plan such as adoption?  Definately, if that were the case, doing it in infancy is better than waiting until a child is old enough to be scarred by an emotional and physical abandonment by their parents or caregivers.  At least by making sure that the child/children were placed in a safe and loving home…a child would have a chance to grow up and to be nutured in a loving environment. 

          No one should ever be made to feel unwanted, unloved or unprotected.  Abandonment leaves permanent scares that impact their young lives and often, other generations of lives as well.  What are your feelings on the safe haven laws?

          This is a victory for the 41 mothers who brought the suit against the state for removing their children.  Initially, the state had said that 31 of the mothers were under the age of 18.  It has since been determined that 15 of that 31 are OVER the age of 18.  What that means, for the other mothers, isn’t clear.

        Does this mean that the children will be returned back to their families?  No one seems to know for sure.  The ruling is being reviewed.  It is possible that the 450 children who were removed; could be removed from temporary foster care and returned to their families. 

          No one really seems to mention the fathers.  It is almost as if by accusing some of the fathers of sexually abusing young women…they all are guilty by association.  This is wrong.  Damage has been done to “whole” families…some of them may even be “INNOCENT”. 

          Part of the problem here is that in America, we are supposed to be considered innocent until proven guilty.  That didn’t really happen here.  Truthfully, children need to be protected.  However, in “protecting” them…the system damaged others.  This whole case is disturbing.  Allegations that can be proven true, of abuse, are horrendous…and should be prosecuted.  Those who were under suspicion and are proven to be innocent have been done a great injustice.

          The mothers had been represented by the Texas Rio Grande Legal Aid.  TRLA is a non-profit organization.  They help people, in southwestern Texas, with low income to receive legal services.  http://www.trla.org/   TRLA has been instrumental in helping these mothers to find a pathway to once again regain custody.  Update 5-23-08  Today it was announced that the state of Texas child welfare officials will appeal this landmark decision.  In a notification to the court the state says that a motion will be filed later today!   Keep watching to see what happens….as the outcome will surely define the limits or lack of limits on the department of child welfare that the courts will enforce.  This affects us all!!! 

       In theory, CPS is in the business of keeping kids safe from abuse and neglect.  In it’s worst form….they cause irreparable damage.  I read an article today referring to a case of a father who went to a Tiger’s ballgame at the CoAmerica ballfield in Detroit.  He had his 7 year old son with him.

       The father bought them some Mike’s Hard Lemonade.  For those of you who don’t know…it has alcohol in it.  The father did not know this.  The father works out of the country alot.  A security guard spotted the boy holding his bottle and confiscated it…and then, had the boy taken to an ER to be checked out.  From there it only gets worse.  CPS was called and the child was taken to foster care; this, all because of a lack of knowledge that the lemonade had liquor in it. 

       The child was checked out at the ER…and there was no measurable amount of liquor in his system.  Still the child was placed in foster care.  There was an aunt who is a social worker and foster parent, who lived in new england; she drove all night to get to Michigan to take custody of the boy.  When she got here…they told her she had to have a hotel room which she promptly went to get.

       By the time she got back to CPS they had placed the child into a foster home which they would not disclose to the family.   A CPS worker, and a police officer said that placing the child into foster care was not necessary in their opinion; but, the supervisors insisted. The police officer at the hospital after interviewing the parties involved believed it was an honest mistake.  I am all for balancing safety and well being for children…but, it must be balanced with common sense.

        Eventually, after the department forced the father to leave his own home for a week…the child was returned to his mother after two days of foster care.  

        The 27 chosen children are actually teenaged boys.  They are being moved over 7 hours away from the area to a ranch for troubled boys and girls.  What????  How does this even make sense.  They will be over 7 hours away from their families, from the court, from Child Protective Services that will have jurisdiction over them.  How in the world is does this make sense?  Services will have to be coordinated between counties hours away from each other…this is costly and adds extra complications for the kids involved.

        Why wouldn’t they keep them close; so that those who are in the foster care system can maintain contact with appropriate family members?  How will they have regular contact with the lawyers, investigators, social workers, educators, counselors, and so on?  This will put even more of a financial strain on the system.

          I have worked in the foster care system as a foster parent..i know what seperation from family can do to those kids; even when they are allowed visitation with family.   in this case, i wonder if they will even allow visitation…and if they do…how long will it before family relationships are deemed safe or unsafe for the kids?

        Even if the worst is found to be true and mothers and fathers have allowed/condoned/or abused these kids…there are other family members, i am sure, who would be willing to do a family placement to maintain some kind of healthy bonding for the kids.  The system has to be alert to inflicting more emotional damage to these kids while trying to protect them from other abuses they may have suffered; otherwise, they are guilty of damaging the children also.

       There must be Aunts, Uncles, Adult Sisters or Brothers, or Grandparents who want to protect these children and maintain contact so that the children are not further damaged.  It doesn’t compute.  I think we dont have all of the facts…but, because this investigation is so large and they cant investigate it all quickly…this is one way to seperate and divide until they understand the complexities of the cases…who is a family member to whom…and who abused who.

      At the same time, I wonder how much more damaged, some of these kids will be…when all is said and done.  At this point, no one knows who has been abused and who hasn’t but they are all being treated the same.  They need to be healthy, safe, shown appropriate love and affection and feel secure.  Those things are in short supply when you are thrust into a whole new world from what you are used to.

      Feelings of trust, bonding, and abandonment are all at risk in these kinds of situations.  Trauma is a given…the trick is to do the least amount of damage possible.  It is a horrible situation all of the way around.   The poor kids who are innocent in all of this…poor parents who Could be innocent in the area of abuse/neglect…those are the ones I feel sorry for.  They are all being traumatized.  The ones who are guilty…i don’t have too much sympathy for.

         The children are feeling scared,abandoned,lonely,sad,confused, traumatized, exposed, unsafe and uncertain of what comes next like all foster children.  Of course, those who were abused were also feeling those same emotions during the time they endured the alledged abuse.

         I would wish for a speedy resolution of the investigation; but, i know better…and that is why i say…there is more damage to come…just from the length of the time away from the things that the children know as safety and security!

           *This is an update to the blog post i did on the 12th of April.

         In Texas, more than 400 children were removed.  This group practices polygamy..having more than one mate.  The problem is with this particular group is that it is alledged that the adult men forced or coerced young female child brides to get married and to have marital relations.  This is illegal.  In almost all cultures in the United States this is considered sexual child abuse.  What is worse is that these men used God to validate their right to abuse these children; making them feel like they were sinful for not wanting these marriages.  They found a bed in the church where the female children were “spiritually married” and then traumatized.

        Some of the young mothers went with their children to the place where the protective services placed the children.  Some of the other mothers did not.  However, some of them are saying that they are being denied access to their children.  They all have to be fearful and  anxious about what happens next.

         Foster care for this large of a number of children is going to be overwhelming to the foster care system.  The thing of it is…in my mind, the young mothers are also considered  to be of an age to be placed into foster care themselves, if the prosecutors deem that indeed they have been abused.   They are going to need counseling for years to come.   I don’t think that there is much doubt that they have been abused in all kinds of ways. The children and mothers will need lots of support. 

         This investigation is going to be huge.  It is going to take many hours and lots of investigative staff to wade through the evidence and organize it into some sort of legal presentation for the court system.  I worry about the children, who will almost certainly be placed into the foster care system, becoming more damaged from the long process.

         Living this type of different lifestyle is one thing; but, being thrust into another whole world is going to be even more traumatic.  They will be seperated from their mothers and siblings in some cases.  If this investigation and eventual prosecution of their fathers is not done in some sort of speedy fashion the “help” can cause additional, emotional damage.

        The news said that the investigators had an informant in the “religious compound” for four years gathering evidence.  Just think how much horror and abuse was done in that amount of time.  I understand that they had to get ”enough” evidence to be able to prosecute without allowing charges to be dismissed for “lack of evidence”; but really, four years?  How many female children were raped and forced to produce children every 10 months or so?

       One  story was released that there was a young 16 year old girl who had given birth four times already.  That is horrible.  Surely, some of that had to have taken place during the informants time in the compound. 

       These child brides were the victims; they were often forced to marry middle-aged men who already had other wives as well.  I have heard some comments online from people holding these women just as accountable as the men who were in control of daily life.  I beg to differ.  I think when it comes down to it…these women were forced…they were brainwashed, and they were conditioned or raised up to believe that this was acceptable.  I think it is going to take the wisdom of Solomon to figure out legal accountability.