Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

        For children, pets provide companionship, responsibility, compassion and they encourage physical activity.  For adults…surprisingly they provide the same thing.  The bond that can develop between human and animal is an amazing thing.  Pets have been shown to reduce blood pressure, cholesterol, a sense of loneliness or emptyness…as well as lowering a person’s triglyceride level.  Pets need to be walked and groomed…this encourages exercise for both the pet and the owner.

         People who are struggling with chronic illness/disease such as cancer or diabeties; or are isolated from an active social life really tend to bond with their pets.   In some nursing homes, there is a resident cat or dog who can provide an emotional connection for the elderly, or terminally ill, who are not able to bring in their own pets to the facility.   These pet/human relationships are healthy and supplies them both with a mutual nurturing relationship providing comfort and care.

         In some cases, pets can serve a dual purpose in that they also function as a service provider for the disabled when properly trained.  There is a great organization called Paws With A Cause that is celebrating 30 years of  positive impact.  I applaud them and the work that they do.   You can learn more about them and the work that they do here:  http://www.pawswithacause.org/history.asp .  If you can provide them some support please do.  You wont be disappointed because the work that they do gives back to the community and the individuals in it.  Do you know of a special relationship between a person and their pet that you could share with the readers?

       We have some pretty awesome troops who need support.  I have heard about a wonderful program that does just that.  It is a program that would be a wonderful project for school children or teen youth groups across the nation.   Activity directors in nursing homes would also be a great source for this project.  Even former Veterans can continue to serve their country by reaching out to those who presently serve our great country in the Army, Navy, Coast Guard, Air Force and the Marines. 

       The idea behind http://www.make2tell2.com is to make 2 cards of love and tell 2 others about the project.  They can be holiday cards or just cards that express respect and caring.  This is a great way to lift the spirits of those serving our country when they need an emotional pick me up.  These cards can express patriotism, faith, gratitude, caring, support, encouragement, and communicate comfort to those who need it!

         Please spread the word…get involved…support our troops today.  It doesn’t take much effort and it can mean so very much to the individual who receives it.  After you make the cards…please send them to:  Make 2 Tell 2, 991 Road
325, Harvard, NE 68944  This is also a great way to teach young people about service and about community.  We all need encouragement at times…this is a wonderful way to do that for our troops overseas; it can have a tremendous impact on our military personel.  Thank you!

            The national weather service has given warnings in 15 counties in Indiana because flooding is becoming a major obstacle for both residents and travelors alike.  In fact, residents in central Indiana have been being evacuated because of fear of dams failing.  This is massive flooding that endangers many people.

             In fact, major highways are being closed down because of flooding.  Highways, I-65, US- 31, and I-70,  all have portions of their roadways closed.  In Terre Haute, US-41 was the only option available and only one lane was open at that.  This is scary…where will that amount of people go for safety?  If in doubt contact the authorities if you are affected by flooding.

             To add to the confusion and difficulty, thousands upon thousands are without power in Indiana, Ohio and Michigan due to the storms that have been assaulting the area.  Businesses, hospitals, homes, nursing homes, and school buildings are all affected.

              This time of year it is wise to remind people of emergency safety precautions.  If possible prepare ahead of time.  Have available bottled water, blankets, extra clothing and non-perishable food items.  Keep medications and important documents in a handy place to make a quick exit if need be. 

             Also it is important to remind people not to go near downed wires.  Report any gas leaks immediately.  Never, never try to drive through areas where water covers the roadways; too many people end up stranded or dead from flash flooded roadways.  It doesn’t take much water to make a vehicle uncontrollable in these types of conditions.  Safety first.   Keep a cell phone handy to report any emergencies to the authorities.  Keep up to date on the latest weather conditions in your area.  www.nws.noaa.gov/.   Be safe everyone!

          Whether the resident plays the game or is just an observer it may help to aleviate some of the loneliness that some residents experience in a nursing home environment.

         I think this is great.  It promotes a community type competition…a way of socializing and encouraging physical activity within the group of residents in a nursing home.

             Not only that…but, i can’t help but think of all of the families who have to normally drag little Johnny or little Susie to visit grandma or grandpa in a nursing home where there is little for the children to do.  It would be more fun for the children to go to their grandparent’s nursing home if they could enjoy an entertaining activity together.

          I can just see Grandpa or Grandma challenging  the youngsters to a video game.   Maybe even asking for tips on effective game playing…or maybe even winning against the youngsters.     Anything that brings families together in a healthy way is a good thing. 

         Since we no longer live in our homes with several generations of relatives …we have lost  some of  the ability to connect with one another in many ways.  Could something as simple as a video game help to draw family members towards one another?

         Most nursing homes are good ones.  They care for their patients and they do it lovingly.  Family members are encouraged to be part of the environment.  They are included in the treatment, care and decision making regarding their loved one.  Most nursing homes treat family with respect.  Most people who get into the medical profession do it with pride and passion; they care deeply for those who come to them in need.

          There are, unfortunately, some care facilities or individuals that don’t provide that same level of care; it is hard to know the difference until you have a loved one involved.  No one wants to find out that the home their loved one is in, is one of the homes with a poor record of safety.

         From the fall at the first nursing home her arm was broken.  She died within days.  The second nursing home took very good care of her.  The first nursing home denied any wrong doing.  They said that she got injured when she got out of her “electric hospital bed”.  This supposedly happened with a broken hip.  It was a falsehood because her bed was a crank bed.  The mother told her daughter that she was afraid.  She didn’t want to stay because “she didn’t want them to drop her like they did before”.  This was a quote from the patient.  The staff denied any such incident happened.

       Luckily, my friend didn’t believe the staff that told her the falsehoods.  She tried to get answers to her questions.

       From the fall she had at the nursing home…my friend’s mother was covered in bruises so bad that she had them all over her back and her front; plus the broken arm.  When her mother died…my friend followed her instincts and had a medical examiner check her mother out.  They took pictures.  Documentation is always very important in these situations.

         The medical examiner told the family that there was no way that she could have gotten out of a bed with that broken hip.  She couldn’t have broken her arm by getting out of bed because, she wouldn’t have been able to put any weight on that hip.  He said that her injuries were not caused by a mere fall. 

           It was just a matter of days between her fall at home; and then, the injuries that she incurred at the nursing home.  The medical examiner wrote a letter with his findings.

        Adult protective services were contacted but they said that the charts were up to date at the alleged negligent nursing home and therefore, there was no documentation that there was any dropping incident.  No, they said that my friends suspicions were wrong.  They said that was the end of it.

         My friend grieved the loss of her mother.  Still, she was feeling that things were not right.  So she contacted a lawyer and got an investigation going.  It has now come to light, that the nursing home has finally admitted that my friend’s mother was indeed dropped.  By following her instincts, she proved that her suspicions were correct. 

         So, it was a terrible thing that this happened.  My friend lost her mother needlessly.  However, her instincts told her that even though her mother had some dementia…her fear was justified. 

         Her mother had been improperly cared for.  The records may have been doctored.  The family was told falsehoods.  Responsibility had not been taken.  What’s more…how often was this happening to others in their facility?  No one was believing that there were problems until this happened.

         The first nursing home is now being required to make changes in their facility(within 30 days) that will help to prevent this from happening to another family.  They will have to notify my friend of their reports and of the changes.  It won’t bring my friend’s mother back…but, it may help to prevent another family from having to go through a similar experience. 

         God gave us instincts for a reason; we have to learn to listen to them and follow up.  I am proud of my friend and her dedication to her mother.

          If you have a loved one in a nursing home and you have had incidents/accidents that aren’t explained fully; you can contact an ombudsman at the administration on aging.  Their website is:  http://www.aoa.gov/