It seems that two of the children were delivered safely enough by a C-section; but, when the third child was delivered, the Dr. accidently nicked the uterus causing extreme blood loss and her brain was shortchanged of oxygen for a period of time.  She was paralyzed and can’t eat, talk or speak.  Her ex-husband thinks that the children visiting with their mother could be traumatized.  They have only allegedly spent 1 visit with their mother since they were born, from the sounds of it and they will be 5 years old this summer.

Apparently the husband divorced his wife approximately a year after the birth of the triplets.  He is under the impression that she is unaware of her environment.  Therefore, he didn’t believe she would be able to improve so he divorced her and has been raising the children on his own in California.

The grandparents on the mother’s side, who are caregiving, filed for the children’s mother to have a right to visit with her children.  The father has fought it…and now a judge decides.

In my heart, I started to wonder…how does a person who took marriage vows to love, honor, obey; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…how do they then, get to a place where they not only leave the person; but, deny them a right to visit their children that they presumably created together in love?

That is not to say that I don’t understand that the mother’s physical & medical needs weren’t overwhelming at the time of the children’s birth but; still…how do you walk away from the person that you committed yourself to?  I understand that raising triplets and working at the same time is demanding.  It leaves a lot of questions about where exactly a person’s obligations lay.

Do people really understand what those vows mean when they speak them?  What happens if life’s circumstance really do turn out worse than better once you have spoken your vows?  Did or does the husband have a moral obligation to honor his vows?  The judge will decide if he must legally allow visits…but, I am curious about what others think on an emotional level.

At the very least, shouldn’t he allow his ex-wife to see their children?  After all, the young woman who went to that hospital that day to give birth to their three children.  I am sure she had every expectation that their lives were about to change for the better.  They were going to be parents…a family who lived and loved together.  Things did not turn out that way at all…and it begs a person to wonder…when things turn out worse than for the better in a marriage…can the spouses have any level of expectation from the one who professes to love them enough to marry them?  What are your thoughts?

Like those friends that you have in your Twitter or Facebook social media streams that post way too much private information online and embarrass you;  Barbie and Ken have created a bit of a public scene.  Ken took out ads on billboards trying to get Barbie back.  After a bit of to and fro online it seems Barbie could not resist the call of the plastic perfect Ken.  Uggg…do we need drama introduced to our children through their playthings?  I mean really, isn’t the real drama enough, in most children’s circle of influence through their parents, schoolmates family lives and relationships in school enough?  Do we really need to buy into some fabricated dysfunctional drama through our children’s dolls?

As much as I grew up with the make believe work of Barbie and all of her professional unrest…truly the woman just couldn’t decide what she wanted to be when she grew up!  She is like 50 right? Now she is reuniting with her main man Ken after a seven year separation where they each went their own ways supposedly?  What has Ken done as a partner in the relationship?  He is not clearly defined.  He does not have a clear role as a male role model.  What does Ken “do” for a living?  What does he have to offer a partner?  What caused him to decide that he and Barbie could resume a healthy romantic relationship after their previous failure?  Were they in counseling together?  Did they seek to work through individual issues before considering trying to rebuild their relationship?

If I am going to buy into the publicity of this reunited relationship of Ken and Barbie and encourage children to get involved…as an adult who wants stability in my children and grandchildren’s lives; I would want to see a healthy relationship develop.  Today’s families have way too much unhealthy emotional drama in their lives.  I think, the publicity on this thing went in the wrong direction.

Then again, some people don’t often demand healthy relationships of the people in their lives either. Some allow dramas to play out on our social media streams without trying to encourage people to clean up their relationships and get real help for their troubles; instead of temporarily patching things up just to keep repeating unhealthy patterns of behavior.

I, for one, won’t be encouraging this public pandering of Barbie and Ken because I don’t happen to see any socially redeeming benefits.  Have we heard about why Barbie and Ken took a vacation from their relationship only to be wooed back into a surface relationship without benefit of working through their issues?  Are they getting help from a qualified counselor to build up their relationship and repair the troubles that broke them up in the first place? No…we only see that they have decided that they miss one another and still are attracted to one another.  Not good enough.

Kids need healthy boundaries and good role models to encourage strong, healthy relationships in their own real life world.  I understand this is about advertising & marketing…but, if they want the public to go with the flow then the powers that be that came up with this Barbie and Ken drama should have followed up with more than…it is Valentine’s day and I want you back because you are hot, and you sweet talked me into it, kind of script.  Don’t we have a right to expect better from Mattel?

What do you think? Does Mattel have a responsibility to promote their products in a healthier way to children?  Baby boomers are loyal…but, most of us have achieved some semblance of maturity in how we conduct ourselves.  Don’t we have a right as consumers, who helped to build their brand, to expect a better standard of respect for our families than just a gimmicky way to promote sales of their iconic dolls to our children and grandchildren?  Let me know what you think of this controversy!

Many of the comments that I overheard were negative and directed at my daughter.  All three girls have dominant personalities but what I was getting a glimpse of was what you would call verbal bullying.  Early the next day we had activities to go to so I wasn’t hearing much but I didn’t like some of what I did hear.   Even more importantly, when negative comments were made regarding my daughter she did not speak up or against what was being said.

When I would hear the tone of voice or the partial conversations that made me go…ummm what was that you said; all I got for clarification was , “oh nothing, never mind”.  That only made me listen closer.

So it was on the drive delivering the girls to their home that I was in a better position to hear clearly a couple of comments that I felt were so outrageous and disrespect or demeaning that I had to address it.  Now, understand…these girls weren’t purposely trying to be cruel.

I feel that they were more unaware of what they were doing…and yet, it had to be talked about.  I expressed to them that friends did not speak that way to one another.  Friendship I said can last a lifetime if the people involved take the time to care for one another, support and encourage one another.   I said that there are enough people in this world ready, willing and able to tear you down, make fun of you, disrespect you and try to make you feel small.  I said that it was unacceptable for them to speak to one another that way.  It had to stop.  That it was unhealthy.

My concern was two fold…one that my daughter’s self-esteem not be damaged by “friends” whose opinions mean a great deal to my daughter and two that her friends understand that this kind of behavior was not only not healthy but would not be tolerated.  Those girls as well as my daughter needed to understand that self esteem and relationships go hand in hand and that they form at a young age how we allow ourselves to be treated in future relationships.

A damaged self esteem sets up individuals for entering into abusive relationships.  An individual who abuses others in a relationship often end up in very unhealthy relationships later in life as well.   I don’t want any of either of those types of relationships for these three young ladies.

People who are involved in dysfunctional relationships are often caught up in depression, drugs/alcohol abuse, violence, pre-marital sex at a young age and even teen pregnancies.  The prison systems are full of abandoned individuals who’ve gotten involved in the wrong things; because they didn’t develop healthy foundations, in their own minds, about who they are and what they deserve in life.  Too often people are told they are no good and they don’t deserve anything but emotional crumbs in their day to day lives; and it isn’t true.  Life is too short to be broken, angry, hurt and miserable.  Everyone has the right to grow up believing that they deserve the best life has to offer.

Today it seems that people just don’t know how to support one another or relate to each other in a positive way.  The world has become very negative and toxic.  Many people only concern themselves with getting their own needs met and often times they do that at the expense of others.  We need to find ways to build people up, support them, encourage them and help them to grow in positive ways.

Parents, teachers, siblings, friends and clergy need to keep tuned into the people involved in relationships with the people that they love.  Listen closely to how they speak to one another, how they treat one another and how they allow others to treat them as well.  Building healthy interactions between those we are in charge over is important.  Do you have any tips to help someone in this type of situation?

However, there are products being labeled as “bath salts” that are powders packed in small tea bag sized envelopes and advertised as legal substitutions; merely to make money.  They are  being sold on the shelves of convience stores, truck stops and head shops all around the country; as well as online.  They are marketed as bath salts, when those who produce these products know full well that they are not being used for that purpose.

Those who produce, market or sell these items should be held accountable for those who have had their lives destroyed by their products. Their intended use is for individuals who are looking for a drug induced high.  Business selling them should be forced to removed them from their stores in my opinion.  In fact, some states & communities are banning their sales…but, we need to increase awareness of this issue; before the use of these products becomes more widespread.

The powders are snorted, smoked or injected.  This product is equal in intensity to meth in it’s effects on the human body and mind.  It can be addictive even when the user experiences terrible effects during usage.  Some people have committed murder, attempted suicide or just gone on a violent, destructive bender while using these products.  Emergency rooms, police and poison control centers are seeing an increase in calls in areas where these products are being sold.

Children and adults can purchase a package of “bath salts” for approximately $20 or so.  Unfortunately these things can be purchased online too.  A parent seeing one of these packages may not realize that it is a drug with very harmful effects.  These products have names like Cosmic blast, Vanilla Sky, Red Dove, White Lightning, Hurricane Charlie, and Bliss or Ivory Wave…they sound like a generic aromatherapy type of product; these packages are anything but.  It is un-believable that this product is allowed to be sold; knowing that lives are being ruined.  These legal substitutes are chemical stimulants designed to achieve a physical/psychological high and are extremely deadly.  They have strong stimulants inside the packages which closely copy the effects on the body like speed or ephedra.

The problem is that these legal substitutes are not something that the DEA regulates.  However, the damage these drugs do is causes dangerous reactions that often produce paranoia, violence and psychological terror that can not only endanger the user (who willingly takes that chance); but also affects anyone who is unfortunate enough to run into someone under the influence of such an un-predictable drug.

Some people abusing these bath salts, have described seeing visions of, aliens, devils or demons and attacking themselves or others because of those visions.  If you see this stuff being sold…report it to the authorities.  If you know someone using these products get them help immediately; report it to a poison control center and get them in to see medical personnel right away before they harm themselves or someone else.  Schools should be prepared for the influence of these products as well by having drug counselors on speed dial.  Educating individuals who are susceptible to the influence of using drugs to escape reality is going to be very important as this trend becomes more commonly known.   Becoming aware of this trend of abusing bath salts could help you spot the danger and help to save  lives.

          Those things are very important;  however, there are even more precautions to take to keep your kids safe in this environment.   Many people aren’t even aware of this particular danger that we are going to discuss today.   The danger I am talking about is the vacuum or suction that allows for the water in the pool, or hot tub to circulate.

         A child or even some adults are in danger because of the design of those drains, in some pools.   The power of these drains  can drastically alter or cause the loss of life.  Pools that aren’t up to date, or equipped, with various layers of protection, regarding the force of the suction in these drains, can kill or permanently harm human lives.  

         It is important to note that people on vacation may not be aware of the quality or level of protection that a hotel/campground/waterpark may or may not have.  It’s even possible for people to take for granted that the neighbor’s or grandma/grandpa’s pool is “safe” for their children’s use this summer. 

        Using large drain covers  that are considered to be blockage free; and, that are firmly attached with screws are the first step towards protecting lives.   Equally important to the issue of safety and well-being is to have back up systems that help to restrict, or reduce the amount of suction through these drains. 

        There are safety shut off valves, that can save lives too; those safety shut off valves can sense when a drain becomes blocked and the force increases on the surface of the drain cover.    This powerful suction can occur when the skin of a person covers the drain and pulls with a large force trapping a person underwater; so a shut off valve is critical for saving lives.  

        Precious time is often lost because people believe that they can just pull a small person off of the drain cover…but, it just isn’t so.   Even with adult men pulling on the victims, that have lost their lives, they could not be freed from the force of that suction and they drowned or had their intestines pulled from their bodies because of that force.   No one should die such a senseless death when it is possible to avoid such a tragedy.   It is a horrible situation that can be prevented if only all pools and hot tubs were equipped with these safety measures.

        Imagine the helplessness of those survivors of such incidents…watching an innocent swimmer suffer and needlessly die because they could not be freed from a pool or hot tub drain.  It is a vision that would be hard to live with.  There are safety advocates that are trying to enforce legislation to protect us all; if you would write to your representatives in Congress and express your desire for layers of safety measures to be implemented and enforced, all around the nation, it would help.

          Swimming is a great summer activity and there is no reason to avoid taking part in it as long as you are aware of  the risks and take appropriate precautions.  Check out those pools that you “visit”…make sure that they are equipped with large safe drain covers.   Don’t be afraid to ask question and don’t be willing to be pacified with answers that don’t address the issues of safety for your family.   See for yourself  if there is a shut off valve available that is quick to reach (we’ve been in hotels where those are behind a locked door). 

          If a public pool does not appear to be safe; report it to authorities outside of the organization or facility where the pool/hot tub is housed; you could be saving lives.   Don’t take chances.  Teach children and teens to avoid the drain areas of pools and hot tubs or better yet; teach them not to get into an unknown pool without checking it’s safety features.  

           It doesn’t take a genius to realize that by the time a hotel employee could be located with a key…someone could drown before help could arrive.  Protect your loved ones by being safe…being aware, and sharing this information with those who may not know of this danger!

       Everyone at one time or another has felt the need for more energy.  People everywhere will indulge in a cup of coffee, tea, soda pop, or candy bar to give their energy level an occasional boost.  There are better ways to gain energy such as proper diet, rest, and exercise; but, we are all guilty of taking short cuts, at one time or another.  

          Kids need energy just like adults; but, between poor role models and a sedentary lifestyle that many young people have grown accustomed to; they are even more easily persuaded to get their energy out of a can.  Many marketing images are over the top and come across as radical, or illegal with the names of the products; which can be enticing to a teen who is open to the idea of coming across as rebellious.   Some who are easily influenced are vulnerable to the idea of an easy fix for low energy reserves.   A whole new thriving industry has emerged centered around these energy drinks, and their counter parts; anti-energy drinks, for those times when too much energy is a problem>insert sarcasm here! 

         There are several problems that I see when it comes to marketing these products to teens and children.  Adults should take care to monitor their own use of such products; because your kids will pattern their behavior after the adults in their lives.  The problem is, that kids don’t always have the maturity, or the knowledge, that they need to make wise choices in this area of life.  Creative advertising for these energy drink products has made these products sound not only benign; but, good for you.

          However, not all of these products have the same ingredients as one of their competitors products; nor do they have the same effects, on every person’s body.   There are some good products out there and some not so good products.   The idea behind energy drinks is to increase the energy level of the consumer.  This is done through a variety of ingredients; the main ones being caffeine and some form of sugar.  The levels of those two main ingredients varies from brand to brand…and, it is important to read the labels and compare the results.   You can’t assume that just because they are on the market for purchase that they are all safe to use for every person; because that may not be the case.

        The much sought after goal of gaining more energy is underscored by many consumers who believe that higher levels of caffeine is good.  In fact, it can be rather harmful.  Adding too much caffeine to a person’s body can raise blood pressure levels, put stress on the heart and it’s ability to regulate it’s rhythm; as well as other organs.  They can cause headaches and nausea.  The long term effects of this roller coaster ride can be very harmful to the body. 

        There is a huge dependence on these energy drinks in the daily diet, by many teens and preteens.  Parents may or may not be aware of their child’s use of these drinks.  It is critical that parents are made aware of the physical, social, and even the mood- altering impact, on their children, of the energy drinks; and, even the so called anti-energy drinks.  Side effects from some of the ingredients can be made worse if there are extra strains on the body such as extreme physical exertion from participating in a sport or an underlying health complication.

          Many young people are taking prescription medications for various conditions such as ADHD, ADD, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders, Autism, Depression and many other chronic medical conditions.  Mixing these drinks and the ingredients they contain with legal, and or illegal substances can harm, or even cause death for some individuals with underlying health conditions. 

          Only a doctor or pharmacist can determine whether any specific individual can safely consume these products along with the medications they are taking.  However, I don’t think that message gets communicated properly to the consumer.  Talk to your family doctor; discuss the issue with your kid’s school nurse and make sure that they are aware of  the effects of energy drinks on the health of minor’s bodies which are growing and changing at a rapid rate.

          Advertising for many of these drinks can appear to promote health because one or two of their ingredients may have positive health benefits like vitamins, minerals, or herbs.  Again, some of those ingredients can be harmful…some herbs can have stimulant or depressant properties.    Wisdom demands that you be aware of mixing any kind of substance that has the power to affect how the body operates or functions.  Care must be taken because you could be, in effect…mixing medications by drinking these drinks along with taking legal, prescription medications.   The average person or teen may not be aware that drinking  these drinks can cause a harmful interaction.

           The availability of these drinks is as easy as the nearest vending machine, convience store/gas station or grocery store.  They can be a bit pricey, generally around $3.00 a piece.   The products often appear as a can of soda in an aluminum container…sometimes they are bottled in glass.  Do you know if your child has had access to these drinks today? 

            Adults use these products as well.  However, if you are going to purchase these drinks for your teen or preteen; or, allow them to be used by your children; at least teach them to read the labels.  Teach them to understand that the numbers are often doctored by dividing the calories, sugar levels, caffiene numbers according to servings; not by listing the total amounts in the can.  The consumer has to understand that there may be MORE than one serving per can.  This makes all the difference in how the person’s body handles the drink; consuming a serving or the whole container in one sitting can be the difference between a positive or a negative after effect.

         Whether the consumer is an adult, or teen, or pre-teen; it is a good idea to communicate that too much caffeine (whether it be in coffee, tea, soda, hot chocolate energy drinks) can dehydrate the body and damage the kidneys, heart, or other organs.   Encourage them to drink plain old water to re-hydrate the body when they drink these kinds of energy or anti-energy drinks.

           As a side note, please be aware that some of the anti- energy drinks can have just as damaging effects on the body.  They are just like they sound….the opposite of energy drinks.  They have substances such as herbs and hormones in them that produce a slowing down of energy levels.  Some of them even add melatonin, a hormone that is naturally produced in the brain to promote sleep.   However, when this hormone is added into these anti-energy drinks it is not being naturally produced.  How much is too much for your or your loved one?

          Some users of these anti-energy drinks are using them to self -medicate either physical or emotional conditions.  If a person struggles with mental illness, depression or any other type of mood disorder…could these drinks cause them to experience mood swings of a harmful nature?  It would makes sense to me that it could.    There are also conflicting reports on the internet about these drinks ability to produce a positive result on drug tests.   For those individuals who are on probation or under a courts jurisdiction, this could impact them legally as well, if it is true that the drinks can affect a drug tests results. 

          I have even read that there are people who combine these drinks with alcohol.  Whenever people start using substances to alter their physical or emotional state of being you have to be careful.  These can become not only physically; but, psychologically addicting.  Teens who are wanting to “escape” painful emotional or physical situations can find themselves on a roller coaster of dependence…affecting not only their health; but, their relationships with their parents and their peers.  If they already struggle with addictive behaviors or choices…using these drinks to self-medicate can cause additional problems.

       Parents, many of you will not even be aware of this culture with your teens or their circle of influence…but, teens using these drinks is common.  If you purchase these energy drinks, or anti-energy drinks for your home…at least control how often these products are used.  But also be aware, they may be consuming them when you are not around to monitor their actions. 

        In my opinion, it is better to prohibit the use of these drinks altogether.  I don’t see the potential benefits outweighing the risks, to the health and well-being of the person drinking them.   However, if you are going to allow it…at least educate yourself about your child’s views on these drinks and how they and their friends see these products in their daily lives.  You may be shocked at what you hear.  Many young people see them as non-harmful; and use them as commonly as they drink soda pop.  Do some research for yourself.  What are your thoughts on this subject?

       For once in recent months, she is not at the mercy of someone else out to make news headlines from standing on top of her tragic connection to the negative headlines concerning her husband’s alleged infidelities.   I am sure this is not how she originally planned to announce her son’s birth; however,  it is good to have a bright light in this situation…Sandra’s celebration of her new life with her son.

        Sandra who is known for her clean and loving image and reputation has been dealt a raw deal by those alleged mistresses and their stories that they’ve shared in the media.  Their public claims of “sorry for the mess” carries little weight, I am sure.  Their requests for one- on- one time with her to discuss their “relationships” with Sandra’s husband…should not be given the time of day.  Sandra owes them no such gesture.  

       All along, Sandra has kept her peace and her dignity.  Not easy to do with some of the muck that was published.  However, Sandra is now voicing the fact that she is divorcing her husband, and also sharing the joy of her leap into single motherhood.  She has the finances and the support systems to be able to parent quite well as a single mother.  She will not face many of the challenges that many other single mothers face and that is a blessing.   The dissolution of her marriage is a tragedy…leave her alone to heal on that.   Allow her to celebrate and enjoy the things that bring happiness to her and her loved ones; for once, don’t pick at what should be a private family event.

        The People article speaks of the fact that Sandra and Jesse were adopting her son Louis together in January.  Then came the Oscars…they were waiting until that event was over to announce the adoption of their son.  We all know that a week after the Oscars the headlines gleefully announced the assault on Sandra’s marriage.  Women came out of the wood-work to share the gory details of their encounters with Jesse James.  Sandra moved out of the home she shared with her husband and his children from former relationships.   The tabloids took joy in following up one lurid headline after another…and it is unfortunate that there is a huge market for selling such newspapers on the backs of other people’s pain and misery.  It doesn’t speak well of our culture to have such an environment for our children to grow up in, in my opinion.

          She kept quiet in the media, except to declare the fact that an alleged sex tape did not exist.  That had to be painful enough to have to address something related to the horror of those stories; still, now it is easy to understand why she made the statement.  It was to distance herself from being tainted with the poor choices of those who brought down her marriage.  She was not reponsibile for making such personally devastating choices with her own behavior; even though allegedly her husband and those who had physical relationships with him are.  Sandra should not be held accountable for their actions nor should she suffer the loss of her son because of them.  By stating that there was no sex tape with her in it…she was standing tall and distancing herself from the immoral activity that was affecting her because of her association with it just by being married to Jesse. 

        I can imagine the fear and despair she felt as a new adoptive parent.   She had to have been fearful that the agencies that approved her adoption process would rightfully question whether that adoption should be finalized.  It is every adoptive parents concern that “something” will happen to derail an adoption and tear apart a parent-child relationship that has formed.  

        The headlines screamed all kinds of concern about the stability of Sandra and Jesse’s relationship at this point.  It would only be right of those concerned about the welfare of a child to want to know how that would impact Sandra’s son.  Remember, courts have to insure the best interests of the child; that is a big responsibility.   But, for most adoptive parents, any concerns an agency or court would have would normally be addressed privately…not in the media.   No adoptive parent wants something to come into play that would jepardize their blossoming relationship with their child or perhaps end their quest to come together as parent and child.

          For those who have no relationship with adoption, you should know that adoptive parents often live with others putting their parenting under the microscope.   People in general feel that it is ok to voice their input about an adoptive parent should or should not do in regards to parenting their child.  In Sandra’s case, she was a victim of circumstance and timing.  Jesse made those choices and Jesse has to address those issues within himself.  

        Jesse went off to rehab…and allegedly left rehab…only to return.  In the meantime, I am sure the behind the scenes details continued to be worked out in regards to the adoption.   Strength and courage in the face of challenges comes from a person’s internal character.  It doesn’t make the devastation any less with the dissolution of a marriage…however, I am sure that Sandra’s relationship with her friends and family will help her to heal. 

          I would caution readers to remember that there are many “innocent” people in these situations from in-laws to friends and neighbors.  They all suffer when these things happen; that is both the beauty and the pain of having deep personal relationships with others.   With the announcement that Sandra is now adopting her son as a single parent and stating that the adoption is no longer including Jesse, the concerns about stability and appropriateness should now be eliminated.   Louis will be loved, protected, and cared for and that is the goal of adoption.  It is all life changing news that Sandra “chose” to share with People magazine. 

        Congratulations Sandra Bullock on the adoption of your son.  May you have a long, healthy & happy life together as mother and son.  No matter what happens with your marriage, I hope that you are able to continue having a loving and supportive relationship with Jesse’s children.   They will need that and so will you. 

         Life gets so complicated sometimes and the innocent are often caught up in the ripples of negativity from the actions of others.  Sandra has been a constant in Jesse’s children’s life for quite a few years now…hopefully that can continue.  I am sure that the older children have begun to bond with Louis as well…may peace and love be yours once again.  Oh and by the way, let me be the first to say, Happy Mother’s Day in a couple weeks!

        This was illustrated very clearly to many this past month when a young 13 old girl was given in marriage to a 23 year old Yemeni man.  He and his in-laws allegedly arranged a sort of deal for him to be given the 13 yr old bride and for his brother in law to be given HIS sister in marriage to avoid the high cost of a bride price.  According to the new pieces i have seen, it appears that the 13 year old bride was not only a reluctant bride when it came to sexual relations…the groom supposedly took her to a clinic to allegedly get medicated to render her helpless to resist his advances. 

        When the clinic denied him…he supposedly took her home and somehow was able to get himself a type of male enhancement drug to help him perform the sexual act because he was having trouble having intercourse.  The young girls mother says that her daughter told her in the hospital shortly before she died that her husband tied her up and raped and sodomized her.  This after he had already allegedly forced her to have sex and caused her internal injuries that required a trip back to that clinic.

       The news pieces said that they adviced the husband to avoid having relations with his wife for approximately 10 days.  He had carried her into the clinic because she could not walk.  The injuries evidently became more life threatening after he allegedly returned home and continued having sex.   The young girl was admitted to the hospital days after the wedding, where she died from ruptured reproductive organs.  Her mother says she appeared as if she had been butchered.  How do you look your child in the eye and know that what had been done to them will result in their death and you were powerless to change the outcome? 

         It is hard to think of a human being abusing someone so callously, as to think of their sexual needs exclusively to the well-being of the other person, outside of a predator or rapist who attacks another person purely for this purpose.    I am sure that the young brides family had no idea that her husband could be capable of such treatment of their daughter or they may not have agreed to the marriage arrangement…yet, this is what happened.  It is a tragedy.

        Not only was her body and spirit abused…but she was not protected in any way from a further sexual assault on her body once she was brought into the clinic the first time.   She was a 13 year old girl and she had to have been fearful.   She suffered greatly and lost her life simply because she was female and vulnerable to her situation because of where she was born and  into a culture which allows such things to happen to those unfortunate enough to be in her position. 

         Just today, there was another news piece about another girl; an 11 year old child.  She was also allegedly hospitalized with damage to her genitals.  She too was a child bride; this is unacceptable. 

          It is a human rights issue.  Poverty and ignorance are no excuse for these situations to continue.  Families have to protect their children from the potential of this kind of treatment by not giving children in marriage.  It is wrong to subject them to the sexual torture of their bodies and possible pregnancies… to protect them even from a potential death from young bodies that strain to give birth when they are yet barely matured to the point of conceiving a child in the first place; and truly, some of them are not even that physically mature.

         There are some people and cultures that believe marrying children off before they are considered adults will help to avoid premature sexual activity.  While it might prevent them from having sex before they are married…it in no way guarantees that they will not have sex until they are an adult; willingly or by force.   Because, there is no way to insure that once a child is legally, morally, or spiritually entered into a marriage that the adult partner won’t try to enforce a sexual relationship with that child. 

         Empoverished nations must be given alternatives to joining children in marriage to adults as a means of relieving financial burdens upon their families.  Educating people to the use of birth control to help reduce the number of children born to impoverished parents would be helpful.  Creating an awareness program about the dangers of forced sexual activity upon the bodies of children.  Holding offenders legally responsible for death or for damage caused to the children that this happens to; making it a crime to harm a child in this way.  

          Creating a means of earning a higher wage for families in those areas where these kind of arrangements take place;  so that they don’t see the need to marry off their children while they are still yet children.  How horrible to have such a situation within your own family or circle of acquaintance.   No caring parent would want to have to live with such an outcome on their conscience.  I hope that those who have a voice and have power will find the courage to change the way things are so that no family has to live with the knowledge that they have failed to protect their child from such a tragedy.  

            It makes me angry, and it makes me sad that people who are in the position of stopping this abuse of children do not; we must demand accountability and responsibility of our leaders, our religious counselors, law makers and our own family members!

       It was said that Michael left a note saying that he planned to kill himself because of his depression.  He said it made him feel like he had no friends and didn’t fit in.   This is so tragic; he was only 18.  Michael is one of Marie and her ex-husband Brian Blonsil’s eight children.  He was adopted as well as several of the other children.  It has not been revealed to the public what sort of issues that Michael had been dealing with over the years…and maybe it should never be information for the public to know.  Those issues were private…and even though some of the Osmonds are very public people…they have a right to privacy as they grieve.

       I do know that when you are an adoptive family, you often live under a microscope.  People feel free to judge or to freely give advice on raising those children to the parents who have chosen to add them to their family.   It adds a level of interferrence in the raising of adopted children who are being grafted or blended into an existing family.  This is sometimes no easy feat; especially if the children happen to be a bit older when the adoption takes place.  I can only imagine how much more difficult the situation is when there is fame involved with the adoptive family.

        Depression is a big challenge and unless you have some personal relationship with the issue…it can be hard to understand.   However, Marie herself struggled with post partum depression after giving birth to one of her children.  It can severely affect not only the individual who struggles with it…but anyone who loves them.   It is important to get help if you are dealing with depression.  Many people don’t realize how serious it can be.  Sometimes depression is a chemical imbalance and medication can help; other times, other therapies can be helpful.  Talk to a health professional right away if you or someone you care about is struggling with depression.

        I can only hope that the media will respect this family as they try to deal with the loss of Michael.  Suicide leaves a lot of damage for the survivors left behind.   There will need to be some major healing time for this family.   May God help them all.

       Please, if you are someone who struggles with depression or suicidal thoughts; or, you know someone who is…please seek immediate help by checking out this site:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  or by contacting a health care professional.

Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!