He’s stated that he has not met them in real life.  His credibility is being called into question because of the lies he initially told regarding the scandal.  His judgment is part of that controversy in regards to his career. Many people are wondering whether someone who would lie to his constituents, his family, his friends, and the media could do his job with honesty and integrity.

Anthony says that he admitted to his wife of 11 months, before they got married, of his inappropriate online relationships that took place before his marriage; but it appears, that she was not aware of his recent interactions.  His wife, Huma Abedin works for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.  Media reports say she is consulting with the Clintons about how to save Anthony’s job in the shadow of the scandal.

Questions abound in our world about the role that social media plays in the lives of everyday people and people who are famous, public figures, or people in roles of leadership.  How people conduct themselves online has a direct affect on their work, their reputations and in their relationships both online and off.

Whether Mr. Weiner is able to retain his position as a lawmaker will depend on what information is garnered through the ethics investigation that Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi has asked for.  If he has violated the rules of conduct or has used government resources in these circumstances…he could lose his standing among his fellow lawmakers not to mention other repercussions if any laws were broken.  His marital relationship has to be addressed as well; counseling would probably be advised for the best possible outcome, if they wish to heal the damage.  The pressure has to be tremendous as many people are calling for him to resign; which at this point, he has refused to do.  One would hope that in his quest to save his job, that he doesn’t sweep the issues under the rug that allowed him to make choices that were so potentially detrimental to his well-being.

It is human nature to try to avoid consequences when we screw up…however, the responsibility of a person in the position that he holds requires that he hold himself to a higher standard than most.  I am sure that he wishes he could go back and undo what he says he has done regarding posting those pictures and writing allegedly sexually charged exchanges with those women.  His actions supposedly goes back a few years…so this is not new behavior.  Yet, it was unchecked because he has continued to reach out through digital means & through the phone to women who are not his spouse to interact with racy exchanges.  It is said that these types of relationships can become addictive.  We know that they can be destructive.  It will take a lot of work to regain trust and respect of those people in his life that he had those things from, before this behavior came to light.

The whole situation goes beyond Democrat/Republican politics…because it doesn’t matter what a person’s political stance…this issue is a human issue.  I hope it doesn’t get turned into that kind of a discussion…because outside of his particular offense… both political parties struggle with individuals who have made serious mistakes in their behavior regarding sexual boundaries and values.  Immoral behavior is immoral behavior…no matter what party you belong to; in my opinion.

In any case, Anthony Weiner will have to show true remorse and take steps to correct the mind-set that allowed him to place himself in such a position as to lose ground as a lawmaker, and as a new husband.  In America we do believe in second chances and the opportunity to turn your life around…whether he will deserve that opportunity to go back and restore his reputation will depend on what they find out from the investigation, how he handles that information; and, whether he reforms how he conducts himself in the future.

Trust, dependability, integrity, honesty = a person’s reputation…the value of those attributes are immeasurable.  A person’s name and reputation is important.  There were so many plays on Anthony Weiner’s name in the last few days in the news headlines…but, truthfully, all that kept running through my mind was a little advertising commercial jingle that Oscar Mayer had on television, years ago, as I grew up.

IF I remember right, it goes like this.  “oh I wish I was an Oscar Mayer wiener, that is what I truly want to be; cause, If I was an Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone would be in love with me”.   Right about now, I would imagine that Anthony Weiner wishes his first name was Oscar, so that he too could have the love and support of all the American people, much like the kind of relationship the company Oscar Mayer has been able to forge over the years with the public.  Then again, to the best of my knowledge, that company has never been involved in any kind of scandalous behavior…

What is your opinion on the situation with Anthony Weiner…should he remain in office?

So, how does someone who has a great product go about letting it be known that they have a great product and get people to buy without all of that ugly over the top hypey advertising.  How does an honest marketer revolt and let others see what they are doing online to make money in an honest and ethical way?  They do it by being genuine…they do it by being real; by creating great products your customers can use, and raising the standards of their own conduct and raising the standards of what their potential customers can expect.

This is what the Real Guys are doing…but their product is only available for the next few days until March 31, 2011.  Watch this and see if there isn’t a part of this message about what they are trying to do with their product and the way that they are getting the word out about how they do business.  They have a great product that teaches targeted traffic methods and list building and includes a private label rights aspect as well.

This video series helps teach people who are looking to make money online at home the best way to do it…and it includes a product that they themselves can market.  It is a product that provides great content and allows them to market online with every confidence that they are providing real value to their customers. They have over-delivered a quality product with which everyday real people can make money in an honest and ethical way.  The people behind the Real Guys are well known internet marketers who themselves have a strong and loyal group of customers who have great things to say about how each of them conducts their online businesses.  Check it out the program here:  Real Guys

*Just so you know…this article includes an affiliate link…and should you purchase anything from the Real Guys I would be compensated.  However, that doesn’t mean that this isn’t a great product…because it is a great product…but it is only available for a few more days.

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This marketing trio, Paul Counts, Jeff Wellman and Eric Holmlund are releasing a product called Real Guys Real Money on Friday, March 25, 2011.  This is your opportunity to get some great information for free from all three marketers who have proven that they know what they are talking about with great launch records.  Get to know them…they always over deliver on content .  All three have excellent reputations regarding their integrity and their ability to teach and inspire.  You couldn’t go wrong if you get on any one of their lists for future trainings regarding internet marketing in the making money online niche.  They aren’t all about hype with no substance…they believe in delivering real content to help real guys (and gals) make real money.

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My own personal belief is that homosexuality is wrong…a sin if you will, however, I do not think that this group or any group has the right to protest at someone’s funeral.  This is a time for a family & friends to grieve and honor their loved ones.    I think that Westboro’s conduct or behavior is shameful for a church and shows a lack of compassion or love for their fellow man/woman; and, that there are better ways to communicate their beliefs or faith.  To me it is now more like a legal sort of bullying that has the stamp approval from the Supreme Court (except for one Supreme Court Justice).

Much of the controversy comes from the fact that most of the protests include signs and words that label individuals as gays, fags or homosexuals…or sinners going to hell because of their ethnicity (Jews-non Christian), race, or religion that Westboro claims are false religions.  Many of these protests have been at funerals for military personnel who have gone to war to protect the freedoms of fellow Americans.  I think it is an outrage that a ceremony of grief for family and friends could be violated by these “protests” that exude hatred and disrespect.  While I think that most Americans would say that they have a right to their opinion…with or without a law to back it up; I believe that what is most upsetting is that their right to say it in whatever form they choose, feels as if they are stepping over the rights of those who they are protesting against.

The Westboro Baptist Church calls themselves Christian…but they do not appear to show the love of God.  Scripture says that homosexual behavior is an abomination/sin.   Yet scripture also says to love the sinner but hate the sin.  What these protests communicate has nothing of love associated with them.  It is all negative words and actions.

My feeling is that since the Supreme Court has upheld their right to protest at the funerals, and in public venues against whomever they decide to protest against; not out of any great love for Westboro’s beliefs and standards, but out of a sense of protecting everyone’s right to freedom of speech; I would like to know where responsibility comes into the discussion.  When people have a freedom of speech…do they not have a responsibility not to cause harm?

Accusing people of being a homosexual, or of belonging to, or promoting a “false” religion…can cause harmful consequences.  Denigrating a person because of their race, or religion appears to come across as an unnecessarily cruel use of words to get their beliefs known.  To me it also seems counterproductive, if their goal is to persuade others to their way of thinking.  These protests can “cost” a community or city a great deal of money to intervene with police protection to prevent violence from breaking out in certain circumstances.  Are there no legal repercussions for a group to take into consideration the harm that they can inflict upon a group or an individual, or even a community by the words that they fling towards others?

Do you think that the Westboro Baptist Church should be allowed to continue doing what they are doing?  Do you think that their actions reflect badly on other Christians?  Now that the Supreme Court has upheld their right to continue these protests, do you think that they will increase their protests around the country?  How do you feel about what they do at these protest?  Is it the American way to allow it to continue…or an outrage?

That show, called Two and a Half Men, has stopped production on their show for the rest of the season; since Charlie has made a public statement on interviews that disparages the producers of the show, television show creator Chuck Lorre, Alcoholic Anonymous, his ex wife, and women in general.   He says horribly vile things about Chuck Lorre and shows nothing but contempt for women, in my opinion, when he says things about women such as he has fame and those women have nothing and that all they will ever have is that night with him and that he will forget about them as soon as they leave.  He says that he is “special” and will never be one of the AA because they are a “bootleg cult”.  Seriously? 

It comes across through many of these examples that he considers himself above everyone else.  He believes that he alone cured his (in his opinion) so called disease with his own mind.  He has made recent statements to the fact that he is in control of his partying.   The truth of the matter is that he couldn’t be more wrong.  He has been in legal trouble for alleged domestic violence, he has had custody issues with his ex-wife who does try to support him in public while at the same time  tries to shield their daughters from the horror of these out of control antics that are harming him physically, emotionally, spiritually,professionally, and financially. His young sons with his second wife are very young…but they will grow up with the legacy of their father’s public displays as well.

People who work with individuals who struggle with addictions will give you all of the facts on how addicts fool themselves into thinking that they are “in control” and the rest of the world is the one with a problem.  Charlie may not live on the streets, he might not be homeless, he might not be stealing to support his habits…but he is in denial about his lifestyle choices and the effect that it is having on those who care about him (meaning his friends and family).

He has children that are growing up; and they are now, and will continue to be affected by his behavior and the choices that he makes.  He has a famous brother Emilio Estevez and then of course, there is his father Martin Sheen they have stepped up and said they continue to love him, support him and pray for him.  He has ex-wives who love him enough to try to work through their issues to maintain some sort of relationship for their children. Who can help an adult who is in a situation such as this? Can he be forced to get help through an emergency order? Is he having some sort of emotional breakdown or is he just acting out because of the damage caused by his partying?  He appears to feel all powerful and that no one has the right to tell him no, or draw a line in the sand regarding his conduct.   He has fans that he asks to support him; even though he is acting in ways that are hard to support.  He wants them to help him fight against the injustice of it all…saying that his fans are his people…not “theirs”.

In response, to the decision of his show stopping production, he slams the powers that be for stopping it…saying that they are keeping money from him, his family, and the crew of the show.   In my opinion however, if they continued to produce the show they would be irresponsible…enablers of a man who seems to be bent on self-destruction.  A week or two ago, there were articles that claimed that Charlie said that he only partied when he was bored and not working.  When he was working, he says, he was fine.   There are consequences to behaviors…and recent pictures of him show him possibly having had his teeth affected by his conduct.

Relationships suffer, professional connections become damaged and finances can become scarce because of a persons addictions.  In his case, this doesn’t just affect Charlie…he has a whole crew that is going to suffer consequences because of this situation.   A professional intervention needs to happen, because even though he says he is clean…that doesn’t mean he is stable.   I say, if he isn’t careful to get medical help, put his rehab knowledge and education to heart, and live addiction free…he is going to be bored to DEATH; and, we will be reading Charlie’s very sad obituary.

That would be a terrible waste of life; how much better to see him find his way to health and wellness and use his experience to help others in the same situation?  People who do not have fame, fortune or money deal with addictions too and the consequences are no less severe for them or their loved ones.

What are your thoughts? Do you love someone who struggles with addictions?  What have you done to survive the ups and downs?  Where did you find help?

When a young person, no matter how troubled, crosses your path and you have the chance to positively impact their life…take it from me..you need to be bold, by doing or saying what needs to be said or done.  What you think may annoy them or offend is not as important as avoiding a potential event if that person has time to think through the things that they are doing with their life.

Not so long ago, such an opportunity came and went.  Several of us tried to touch the lives of the young men who momentarily passed through our youth group.  They had varying degrees of response to the spiritual teachings and to the adults trying to make a connection with them.  One young man was a rubber ball; oh he came back a few times…but he wasn’t there for spiritual guidance.  He appeared to be there for social reasons. 

That isn’t terribly unusual.  What is unusual is that there seemed to be little to no positive impact on his life; his heart was not about to let anyone in deep enough to touch him spiritually or emotionally.  Everything was funny to him or made him angry.  He did not respect authority nor did he appear to have a good relationship with any of the other teens in attendance, even though he went to school with them.

In fact, he seemed to flaunt his defiance and rebellion.   He instilled fear in some of the kids because of his actions and his attitude.  He threatened some, he disobeyed requests to respect bare minimum requests for appropriate behavior.  Mostly, he just put in a couple of  appearances and left the place “untouched or unchanged”.

One of the other two that came was a bit older.   This young man knew scripture and could quote it.  I had no knowledge of this person before he came to visit, the one and only time that he came to the youth group.  However, others knew of him.  He freely admitted that he was not living right (even though his family had taught him about God and living according to his guidelines).  This made me sad; yet, I was hopeful because he seemed to have a foot on both sides of the fence.  He was young, intelligent and had the capability of making the right choice.

Do not be fooled…people can’t live that way indefinitely; eventually, you must get off of the fence and make a choice on how you conduct yourself in life.   It comes down to a choice of living in a Godly way or choosing to do whatever you want regardless of the consequences.   Of course the news story has not yet been tried in court; so we do not know if what is being charged to these young people, is in fact what happened beyond a shadow of a doubt.   However, these young men that visited our youth group are now being charged with a murder.

Initially, as I said the younger man was totally defiant and the first one seemed to be trying to choose which way he was going to go.  I had hoped that he would choose the correct path.  His family I am sure was praying for the same outcome.  They both had been in trouble with the law before and were on probation, they said.  Drugs & alcohol appeared to be a part of the problem.  The older one seemed to be trying to come to terms with how he was going to go forward while on probation; while the other was mocking the system and made light of all of the wrongs they had done previously.  That never bodes well for anyone…to have an experience that is meant to teach us a lesson and to laugh in the face of it. 

While I know that everyone make mistakes; some people turn their lives around and others do not.  What makes the difference???  I don’t know, I wish that I did.   Many lives could be kept from making tragic mistakes that have huge and horrific consequences, if only someone had the answer to that question.

We always tell our teens that God is there; and he is.  He knocks and waits for a person to answer the door.  He patiently and lovingly keeps an eye on you and keeps trying to call your name so that your life is one of purpose and value.  One that is full of promise and hope.  He forgives mistakes and he wants for you to turn to him before life gets out of control; as long as the person truly is sorry for their mistakes and makes an effort to learn from it, when they ask God to forgive he does.  

Even when we make mistakes God never leaves us; he will be there when we need to pick up the tattered remains of our lives.  It is not too late for these young men (or anyone) to ask God to be the ruler of their lives.  It won’t undo the loss of  life, if they were indeed responsible for this person’s death.  However, God can make good come from any evil act or darkness in a person’s life.

Still, let’s not forget that justice will be served.  Forgiveness does not entitle anyone to be exempt from punishment.  There are c0nsequences to our actions…both good and bad.  It is hard to hear but it is a fact of life.

A life was lost and it cannot be returned.   That person’s family and friends will want justice…some will even want revenge.  Things do not have to be this way, a person’s future if you are convicted, is not one of freedom of choice.  It seems such a waste to have a whole life before you, only to throw it away; and for what reason?  A party, a moment of rebellion, a reckless decision, a fleeting moment of pleasure?  A choice that sometimes has a high price for the decision maker; care must be taken not to make choices that will waste the time we have here with our friends and family. 

 The victim had friends and family too, and they will be grieving.   Young men did you take this person’s life?  I don’t know.  But still i wonder, why didn’t you hear him when God called your name?  Or if you heard him, why didn’t you respond in a way that allowed God to be present in your daily life?  If you did, then the murder victim would still be alive, your family would not be facing a life without you in it on a daily basis, you would not be sitting in prison, when instead, you could be having a life full of all of the good things that God intended for you.

Why was your rebellion (of choosing drugs and violence) so much more important than choosing a life of right?  Why is it that the things God meant for you to hear fell away from you like water off of a ducks back?  Having rules and guidelines in life helps keep us accountable and out of situations that can destroy us.  Having parents, teachers, law enforcement, bus drivers etc who give you boundaries to follow aren’t doing it to make your life miserable; in fact, it is just the opposite, they care enough to tell you when you have crossed a line of inappropriate behavior, to help you do what is right.  It really is for your own good and the good of others.

Even though you were not a part of our youth group, on a permanent basis, I grieve that you have been accused of this murder.  I am sad that it is even a possibility that it could be true.  I am heartbroken for the victim’s friends and family.  I am horrified that the victim died a needless death full of pain, only to be discarded like something left behind that had no value.

Our world is becoming too full of these kinds of stories.   Stories filled with a lack of respect for others, violence, lack of accountability, a sense of entitlement, drugs/alcohol, low self-esteem, death, rape, anger, loneliness, sadness, abuse, lack of education, jail/prison, isolation, and so many other negative things that are harmful to our society.  There are too many lives that are destroyed by those who can’t or won’t respect authority and the rules of society; at home, in school, at church, on the streets or in any other environment.  There are too many innocent people who have to suffer from the negative choices that others make.   If we all tried to follow the rules that God set before us then there would be so much less suffering in the world.

My heart wonders if you have had time yet to wish that you had heard God when he called your name.  How many others will find themselves in situations of their own making because they have chosen to rebel and ignore the concerns of their loved ones?  How can we keep those we care about from making choices that harm themselves or others when they are living outside of God’s protection?  What can we learn from these horrible stories?

      This is not ok.  The reason that it is not ok is because our country is increasingly finding out that our kids are in trouble.  They often have relationship issues, drug/alcohol abuse issues, eating disorders, trust issues and more.   Many of their role models have not been good ones; and finding good leadership for them to learn from is difficult.  Teen years are challenging at best when it is natural for them to try to discover who they are and what freedoms they can enjoy.

       They are in trouble in school, at home, out with their friends, in trouble with the law, they are isolated, angry, hurt, sad, frustrated, fearful and many are finding it hard to trust anyone or anything to be there for them.  Yet at the same time, there is resistence or open rebellion when it comes to accepting advice or rules meant to help them, keep them safe and meant to guide or direct them.  This not only creates difficulty in having a healthy, loving and respectful relationship between parent and child it also puts the child/teen at risk of being influenced by others who have no real vested interest in making sure that the child/teen is happy, healthy, productive and well-balanced in their life.

       One of the situations that came to my attention was a situation in which a school in the US runs a health clinic.  At the beginning of the year, a parent signed a consent form allowing the child/teen to go to the clinic if the need arose for treatment.  This would have allowed that student to receive care for a headache, a physical, birth control, and a multi-tude of other services.  One of those other services appears to be pregnancy counseling and get this…the facilatation of setting up and transporting the student off school grounds to receive an abortion-without informing or getting the consent of the legal parent of said student.   This did in fact happen, a student was put in a taxi from my understanding of the news report and sent off to receive an abortion.  Evidently by signing that generic consent form this “allowed” the high school student to receive such services.   This is outrageous; it is not like that student had a hangnail removed…this student made a life altering decision; one that will impact her physically, spiritually and emotionally…without parental involvement.

       That is or should be unacceptable to most families.  It is as if the school assumed a superior level of authority over the parents in an area of life that should have been left up to the student, her parents, the student’s boyfriend and his parents and if they could not handle the situation then, and only then, maybe the court system.  

        Parental rights and parental authority are under attack in this country.  We see it at every level of society from commercials on television and radio, to the internet, to entertainment such as music videos, movies, and television shows…the parents are made out to be interferring, control freaks, laughable buffoons to be made fun of, and if at all necessary someone to distance themselves from.   Yet when kids get out of control behaviorally, emotionally or physically…many other venues from the schools, to law enforcement to businesses want the parents to “handle or correct” the situation with their children/teens.   You can’t expect parents to be an authority figure to their kids if you are putting down, reducing the effects of parental authority/control, or are in some way ridiculing parental involvement in their kids lives.  

       It is hard when parents are often told how they can and cannot discipline or correct their children.  The respect for parental authority is challenged in court and in the classroom.  It doesn’t help when many families are broken or in fact have never formed legally in the first place.  Kids get conflicting sets of rules and expectations and often in those situations are told by whatever person in authority over them at the time tears down or directly tells the child/teen that they do not have to listen to or respect the other parent’s rules or expectations if they differ from their own.

       In the news also is the case of a father who took his child to church against the wishes of the mother.  When the mother and father were together they agreed to raise the child in the Jewish faith.  When the parents were no longer together…the father decided to go back to his Christian faith and take his child to court.  Now the court says he can not expose the child to his faith.  Who has more authority with the child; the mother, the father, or the court.  Evidently the court does.  

        This is why in previous generations there were warnings about “mixed marriages” when it came to beliefs or what the old timers called being unequally yolked or joined together.  It is hard to have a respectful blending of beliefs and raise children in those kind of relationships.  Can it be done?  It seems only if the couple agrees to expose them to differing viewpoints…because in this particular case, the court says no, the father may not take his child to his church to educate the child about his beliefs.   Is this right or wrong?

        I have a friend who has a special needs child who is in his 30′s who lives in an assisted living type of home.  That individual developed some complications with his health years ago and almost died.  The parent in that situation had to fight tooth and nail to keep authority over the medical treatment of her son.  Again this past week, her parental authority was challenged.  

        The doctor in charge wanted to medicate her child to battle some health issues that a lifestyle change would also help to fascilitate his return to health.  It looked as if the powers that be would escalate the struggle to the next level and would have even gone beyond harsh words and a pushy agenda in gaining the upper hand in who was in control over the medical decisions regarding the young man.   The parent had to push to “temporarily” removed him from the environment and stressed that the same goal of reducing the health risk to her son could be achieved by changes to his diet and exercise plan on a daily basis.   This is going to come down to what they can achieve and the documentation of her approach.  If it doesn’t work the way that the parent knows to be true; then the facility will try to enforce their plan of medication which in his case can have an extremely dire affect upon his health because of the side effects.

         All of these situations and more every day are jeparodizing the importance of the role that parents play in shaping the lives of their children.  We who have children have to step up to the plate and demand that we be given the opportunity to raise our children to the best of our ability with full legal, moral, physical and spiritual authority; unless we prove that we are not capable of handling that authority.  Parental authority/parental rights should only be challenged or threatened in cases of abuse/neglect/or endangerment.

        What are your thoughts on this subject?  Do you have an experience that you would like to share?

       It was said that Michael left a note saying that he planned to kill himself because of his depression.  He said it made him feel like he had no friends and didn’t fit in.   This is so tragic; he was only 18.  Michael is one of Marie and her ex-husband Brian Blonsil’s eight children.  He was adopted as well as several of the other children.  It has not been revealed to the public what sort of issues that Michael had been dealing with over the years…and maybe it should never be information for the public to know.  Those issues were private…and even though some of the Osmonds are very public people…they have a right to privacy as they grieve.

       I do know that when you are an adoptive family, you often live under a microscope.  People feel free to judge or to freely give advice on raising those children to the parents who have chosen to add them to their family.   It adds a level of interferrence in the raising of adopted children who are being grafted or blended into an existing family.  This is sometimes no easy feat; especially if the children happen to be a bit older when the adoption takes place.  I can only imagine how much more difficult the situation is when there is fame involved with the adoptive family.

        Depression is a big challenge and unless you have some personal relationship with the issue…it can be hard to understand.   However, Marie herself struggled with post partum depression after giving birth to one of her children.  It can severely affect not only the individual who struggles with it…but anyone who loves them.   It is important to get help if you are dealing with depression.  Many people don’t realize how serious it can be.  Sometimes depression is a chemical imbalance and medication can help; other times, other therapies can be helpful.  Talk to a health professional right away if you or someone you care about is struggling with depression.

        I can only hope that the media will respect this family as they try to deal with the loss of Michael.  Suicide leaves a lot of damage for the survivors left behind.   There will need to be some major healing time for this family.   May God help them all.

       Please, if you are someone who struggles with depression or suicidal thoughts; or, you know someone who is…please seek immediate help by checking out this site:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  or by contacting a health care professional.

Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

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