Fashion Eyeglasses Charms Even The Most Self Conscious

Let’s be honest, most children who are told that they must wear glasses will often not be thrilled with the idea of having to wear eyeglasses.  For many children, it is the idea that others will make fun of them or, cause them to be viewed as being different from other children their own age.  Being bullied because you are visually impaired and have to wear glasses can cause a child to refuse to wear them, out of fear of being made fun of.

No one want to be made to feel self conscious about themselves, especially at certain ages when it is most important to fit in with their peers.  We’ve come along way since the days of having  a choice between wearing heavy black plastic frames or  wire frames that were basically your only choices.

Still, everyone likes to look their best and there are many fashion frames from which someone can choose to fit the shape of their face and their sense of style.   On the other hand, if you are looking to change things up so that you don’t get bored with a certain look once you’ve purchased your eyeglass frames; there wasn’t much you could do except buy multiple sets of glasses…until now.

Ros Guerrero is the owner of a company that has solved this problem.  She invented eyeglass charms that add a bit of decorator style to your eye wear frames.  Some of these charms are classic styles that are a great way to dress up your lenses for a night out…others are kind of funky colorful and fun charms.  There are charms for adults, for girls and for boys too.  I like the fact that there are charms that a child can choose from in their area of interest of art or sports.

There are also seasonal charms, pets/animals, colorful flowers, or charms that create awareness of issues such as breast cancer.  Ros has created a variety of charms for you to choose from.   These make great gifts too for just about any occasion!  They are easy to attach and the fun is in the conversations that take place when others notice the charms attached to the glasses.  It is a wonderful way to break the ice for children who may have trouble initiating conversations with others.

The really neat thing about Ros’ company is that her daughter Gem was her inspiration.   One day, Ros designed and attached her first set of charms to Gem’s glasses and sent her to school.  Gem received so many compliments, in her special needs class, that the idea of Ficklets was born.  Getting noticed wearing glasses, for a child, is not always a positive experience.   Ficklets charms can positively influence how a child perceives wearing their eye wear.  After all, if a child won’t wear their glasses how can they possibly help their eyesight?  Much of a person’s education is learned visually.   If a persons vision is impaired in any way, it is only logical that getting them to commit to wearing their glasses is important, right?

Ros & Gem ~*~The designer & The inspiration

As you know, children aren’t the only ones who wear glasses.  What’s really great about eye wear today is the fact that there are so many choices.  Still, it is the same for adults…who wants to wear the same old- same old look, day after day.  There are classic charms for female adults as well.  The added touch of these charms can dress up your look at work or, for a night out making you feel stylish and attractive.  Everyone is at their best when they feel confident and assured about their appearance.  Changing your look can be costly.   It’s a lot more affordable to change up the look of your present glasses by purchasing Ficklets than it is to go out and purchase an extra set of frames.

Do you know someone who refuses to wear their glasses because they are self conscious about the way they look?  Have you ever known someone whose life was changed because their vision was improved by wearing glasses?  If so, then you understand the importance that Ficklets can play when it comes to self esteem and wearing prescription glasses.  Are you thinking of someone in your life who would appreciate a pair of Ficklets?  If so…what are you waiting for?  Thanks Ros & Gem for helping us to see things more beautifully!

Check out this young girls reaction to her Ficklets: http://www.youtube.com/user/Ficklets?feature=mhum

Many of the comments that I overheard were negative and directed at my daughter.  All three girls have dominant personalities but what I was getting a glimpse of was what you would call verbal bullying.  Early the next day we had activities to go to so I wasn’t hearing much but I didn’t like some of what I did hear.   Even more importantly, when negative comments were made regarding my daughter she did not speak up or against what was being said.

When I would hear the tone of voice or the partial conversations that made me go…ummm what was that you said; all I got for clarification was , “oh nothing, never mind”.  That only made me listen closer.

So it was on the drive delivering the girls to their home that I was in a better position to hear clearly a couple of comments that I felt were so outrageous and disrespect or demeaning that I had to address it.  Now, understand…these girls weren’t purposely trying to be cruel.

I feel that they were more unaware of what they were doing…and yet, it had to be talked about.  I expressed to them that friends did not speak that way to one another.  Friendship I said can last a lifetime if the people involved take the time to care for one another, support and encourage one another.   I said that there are enough people in this world ready, willing and able to tear you down, make fun of you, disrespect you and try to make you feel small.  I said that it was unacceptable for them to speak to one another that way.  It had to stop.  That it was unhealthy.

My concern was two fold…one that my daughter’s self-esteem not be damaged by “friends” whose opinions mean a great deal to my daughter and two that her friends understand that this kind of behavior was not only not healthy but would not be tolerated.  Those girls as well as my daughter needed to understand that self esteem and relationships go hand in hand and that they form at a young age how we allow ourselves to be treated in future relationships.

A damaged self esteem sets up individuals for entering into abusive relationships.  An individual who abuses others in a relationship often end up in very unhealthy relationships later in life as well.   I don’t want any of either of those types of relationships for these three young ladies.

People who are involved in dysfunctional relationships are often caught up in depression, drugs/alcohol abuse, violence, pre-marital sex at a young age and even teen pregnancies.  The prison systems are full of abandoned individuals who’ve gotten involved in the wrong things; because they didn’t develop healthy foundations, in their own minds, about who they are and what they deserve in life.  Too often people are told they are no good and they don’t deserve anything but emotional crumbs in their day to day lives; and it isn’t true.  Life is too short to be broken, angry, hurt and miserable.  Everyone has the right to grow up believing that they deserve the best life has to offer.

Today it seems that people just don’t know how to support one another or relate to each other in a positive way.  The world has become very negative and toxic.  Many people only concern themselves with getting their own needs met and often times they do that at the expense of others.  We need to find ways to build people up, support them, encourage them and help them to grow in positive ways.

Parents, teachers, siblings, friends and clergy need to keep tuned into the people involved in relationships with the people that they love.  Listen closely to how they speak to one another, how they treat one another and how they allow others to treat them as well.  Building healthy interactions between those we are in charge over is important.  Do you have any tips to help someone in this type of situation?

       In any case, Jessica Angelique who is on Twitter as @DefinitveVoices and as @Jesicaangelique is a person who shines a light on organizations and non-profits that help people better the world through better living conditions, better self-esteem, and through building people up, one person at a time.  She is a strong voice for cancer-livestrong organization, for children, clean water, self-esteem & empowerment, and for foster care.  She is an author and a speaker; and, she is not afraid to connect to people who are in the position to effectively make changes that open the doorway to a better life for thousands of people everyday.   She puts her money where her mouth is and donates money to help children in foster care.

        She needs your help to win this grant.  Pepsi is running a voting contest and you can go here to register and vote to help her to implement her vision in a large way; should she win the vote.  http://www.refresheverything.com/definitivevoices  Once you arrive there, at the bottom of the screen there will be a sign in spot.  Sign in by entering an email and create a password.   She is entered to win the $250,000 category to educate.  Please help.  Lives will be changed and improved and children will especially be blessed. 

        Jessica has connections with people from all over the globe who are like minded; it will be a powerful television show.  Again I say, why can’t television be used to build people up instead of tearing them down?  Be a vessel of empowerment…please register and vote daily until the 28th of February, 2010.  It is very important to do this; you won’t be sorry that you took the time to do so!

       While I think everyone started out with the best of intentions…somewhere along the line…things became unbalanced and in doing so, became enabling to some pretty negative behaviors.    I think that I have come to the decision that a person must be vigiliant about their personal boundaries, with regards to expectations with the relationships in your life.   Taking control again of your life and resetting your boundaries, or expectations, feels good.  

         At some point, you must let go of your expectations and allow that person to either move on and fly on their own power…or, get used to feeling like you are not being respected or treated appropriately.   The last option is not healthy for anyone on either side of the coin.

          Lowering your standards or expectations to “help” another individual even temporarily; can have ill effect on your relationships, your job performance, your emotions, your health, and even your self-esteem.    I am not advocating someone to be rigid or inflexible towards others; but, only to say, do not compromise your own personal belief system or values while trying to help them. 

          The reason for this is that people will not necessarily conform to your values even if you are “helping” them.    If they feel pressured to change then they will feel controlled.  If their negative choices or behaviors start to affect your quality of life…then resentment sets in.  It is best at this point to step back, and re-evaluate whether that person really wanted help at all; or simply, wanted a safety net.  

           How much better would it be to communicate openly and honestly about expectations and boundaries before commitments are made?   Not everyone operates under the same rules of engagement when it comes to levels of honesty and communication.  You must for your own well-being, live with your boundaries firmly in place; there is nothing wrong with having boundaries in relationships, it is what keeps things healthy.  People must have some sense of balance in their relationships for them to work in a healthy way.    Be aware, be well, be healthy in your relationships!

         David “joked” about Sarah going to Bloomingdales to pick up makeup to update her “slutty flight attendant” look.  First off, that is disrespect not only to Sarah but also, to flight attendants who have struggled over the years to fight for respect for the job that they do.  I can’t imagine that this statement has made him very popular with the aviation industry.  I know from the news stories flying back and forth…he isn’t very popular with the Palin family.  That previous statement about the flight attendant wasn’t the worst of his “jokes” I am afraid to say.

          The most offensive “joke” that he made had to do with Sarah and Todd Palin’s daughter.  David said, An awkward moment at the Yankee’s game, during the 7th inning, her daughter was “knocked up” by Alex Rodriquez.  Whoa!  Say what?  How not funny is that?  That implies that her daughter was having sex or was forced to have sex by Alex Rodriquez.  Now, number 1, Sarah’s daughter is 14 years old.  She should not have been made the subject of a sexual joke…in any way!  #2 i doubt that Alex Rodriquez was thrilled to be included in such an insensitive remark.  #3 I am sure that the management and ownership of the Yankee’s was definately not happy about that particular “joke”.  After all, baseball is associated with a family imagine…all American, mom and apple pie….not sex on the field with a minor and one of their ball players. 

         The thing about comedians is that sometimes a joke “works” and sometimes it does not; however, there should be some guidelines that a comedian doesn’t cross; no matter how “big” you are in the industry.  I personally think it is reprehensible that David Letterman would say such a thing.  It wasn’t long ago when a comment was made by another celebrity that included sexual references about Miley Cyrus….that too was not appropriate or funny.   There was a big backlash of public opinion about those comments as well.   Come on entertainers….let’s have some sensitivity training about what is and what is not appropriate to say about young girls and women in general.   Every day on the news we have stories partaining to the fact that some “adult” somewhere has “victimized” a child in a sexual way…these kinds of comments and jokes do not help people to understand what is appropriate behavior between adults and children.  The line is becoming blurred and that is not acceptable. 

         There has to be a call to action for our culture to demand that those in the public eye hold themselves to a high standard of values when it comes to these issues.  It should be a matter of common sense…but, as the bar gets lowered and things happen…the next incident desensitizes the public to tolerate even more degrading things to be said and done all in the guise of entertainment; because…really; we know the intent behind them…it was all in fun…right?  Wrong!   It is a matter of accountability.

        It is no wonder that some females of this generation are struggling with self-esteem issues and body consciousness.   It is no wonder that some males of this generation are confused about what is appropriate conduct at work, at school, at home and on the streets.   Truly, have we NOT gotten past the idea that it is ok to belittle women and girls by defining them in a sexualized manner?  We all have daughters, mothers, sisters, or female friends or co-workers that we care about…try to imagine them in these situations and conduct ourselves accordingly.

         The Palins have made known their extreme displeasure and frustration over the matter regarding their daughter Willow.  David made a half hearted attempt to gloss the issue over by inviting them to his show to work it out.  The Palins have appropriately refused to do so.  Today, in an attempt to apologize, David said that he wasn’t referring to Willow the Palin’s 14 year old minor…he was referring to Bristol their 18 daughter. 

           Does that make his “joke” ok, because she is an adult who did in fact become an unwed mother?  No, I think not.  Not only that…but, from what i have been able to glean out of the news reports…Sarah was with her daughter Willow at that game…not Bristol; not that it should matter!   Making comments about sexual activity involving the Palin’s daughters (or anyone’s sons or daughters) is a bit over the top, in my opinion.   Dave admits that he was guilty of poor taste…but, he doesn’t come across as truly feeling sorry for these comments that he made.

          I myself , have a problem with comedy when it chooses to go in the mean-spirited direction, or in a way that puts someone else down to get a laugh.  Life is funny enough…we dont have to look for ways to humiliate anyone to be funny.  Self deprecating humor is usually the way to go if you are going to try to underscore someone looking like a fool or to show them with egg on their face to get a laugh.  Cruelty in the guise of humor doesn’t work for me personally, just my opinion.

          Hello Dave, here is a clue….the joke wasn’t funny!  It was not only rude, insensitive, and demeaning to women; but also to the baseball industry, professional ball players, flight attendants and to parents because it goes against everything that parents try to instill in their (sons) & daughters in this world.   Our society has become highly over-focussed on sexualizing our daughters from the time they come out of the womb.  You are definately old enough to know better…and, I would hope that you would truly and sincerely be ashamed of your words and your actions for trying to justify the situation.   After all, you have a child…would use want someone to use him in such a way, publically or privately?  I know you pride yourself on playing things close to the vest on a personal level…but for real, let your human side show on this subject. 

            How do you feel about these types of “jokes”?  Does Dave have carte blanche to say such things?  If he chooses to say them…will it influence whether you watch his show or not?   Do you think that his sponsors or powerful people in New York should express their displeasure?   Do you think that it hurts him professionally to go to this level when performing on stage?  I know that the late night entertainment shows have been going through some changes recently with Conan O’Brien, and Jay Leno changing things up…but, will Dave’s viewership be affected by incidents such as this?  What is your opinion?

On the other hand, some women have children that they do not wish to have; or, do not deserve to have because they lack the ability or desire to properly care for them.  For them,  Mother’s Day is basically just another day; they fail to understand the importance of their role, as a mother.  Some women are abusive to their children or neglect them…those are  mothers who are incapable of meeting the needs of their children; of providing a loving and safe environment to grow up in.  Those kind of mothers do great harm; affecting not only their children, but future generations by making their children feel poorly about themselves and mothering in general.  It is hard to honor mothers, on Mother’s Day, who abuse; if the relationship is toxic or dangerous then of course, distance must be maintained.  Mother’s Day can be a mixed bag of emotions for many people…try to be sensitive to the emotional temperature of those in your life when you say something innocent like “Happy Mother’s day”.  It may not be a happy day for them at all. 

The special day of recognition for mothers is sometimes a painful one for those who have suffered loss.  Perhaps they have lost a mother, daughter, grandmother or granddaughter.  Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of all that has been taken away.    Throw into the mix those who have lost a child before it was born…they were mothers, but often people dont mention that, because they wish to avoid bringing up a painful subject.  The avoidance of the subject of that lost pregnancy/child is hard because some people feel that because the child was not born that the woman is not a mother…not true.  If a child was conceived, she was a mother and she should be recognized as one.

A woman who has aborted a child; and regrets it, lives with a special kind of pain.  A pain that comes from a loss of their own choosing; sometimes the pain is one of guilt, other times, one of regret.  There is no going back after an abortion; no undo moment.  The emotional cost is high and must be addressed; often with professional help to cope with this holiday that is a reminder of a child that never actually lived outside of the womb.  Even women who say that they are ok with the decision of having had an abortion, have the knowledge that a child existed, inside their body for a time.

For the infertile woman, mother’s day is a constant reminder of the emptiness of their womb…their grieving of the lost opportunity of motherhood is a pain that I can relate to…it is a relentless pain.  The hope every month that it will be different this month or that one is measured by each passing mother’s day that does not get celebrated with a child of their own in their arms.  If that infertile mother should choose to adopt…her arms may be filled; but, her heart  and mind shares mother’s day with a woman who experienced the first 9 months of life with her child.  Her mother’s day is one that began as the result of a gift of motherhood…a bittersweet gift of giving and receiving!

Think about women who have given a child up for adoption; even if they go on to have more children…there is sadness and a sense of loss, even if they still feel it was the right decision to place that child for adoption at the time.  It is a grieving of sorts.  There is sadness for the lost moments, the worry about the well being of the child that they brought into the world…and wonder about what could have been; and, if the will ever have the opportunity to know each other.

Lastly, think of the child who has lost their mother; that child can be a minor or it can be an adult child.  When it comes to loss of a parent…we often still feel like a child when it comes to grieving.  Children who lose a parent suffer a lifetime of lost moments.  It affects all of their future relationships.  Adult children who lose a parent also suffer…hopefully they will have experienced many years with their parent; to have a lifetime of memories to draw from when they need to.

No matter who you are, Mother’s Day will stir up memories and emotions based on past experiences.  Mothers are our first go- to- person when it comes to forging a relationship.  Mothers shape who we become.  It is a priviledge and an honor to become a mother; one with many responsibilities and rewards.  If a birth/adopted/foster mother is missing in your life, for any reason…all is not lost.  You can find someone special to fill that mother role in your life.   Dont compare one person to another…accept their role in your life as a person of value to you.   Reach out to a nurturer…share your hearts hurts, desires, wishes and expectations…never hold back love and affection from someone who can return it in a healthy, sharing way.

I wish you joy, love, acceptance, peace, hope and respect on this Mother’s Day…may you be blessed with a giving/receiving relationship with a loving mother figure!  If mother’s day has been a source of pain for you in the past; I hope that you can find a way to heal and to create something good to celebrate about Mother’s day.

     In years past, families lived in a multi-generational home or environment.  People at different stages of life who could teach and role model life experiences to the younger generation.  That doesn’t happen for many people growing up today.  Often, youth are left to raise themselves because of cultural changes that force both parents to work outside of the home during their children’s most formative years.  They dont get the nurturing or encouragement for positive emotional and educational growth that they need; when they need it.  Instead, they often grow up without much experience with success because there isn’t a go to person on a daily basis to follow up with their scholastic challenges or social interactions.

       Working with the youth of today, it never fails to amaze me at their low levels of expectations of success.  They have hopes and dreams like everyone else; and yet, they do not believe in their ability to make those hopes and dreams come true.  Many of them are failing their classes in school; others do not have the emotional, physical, or financial support of their families.  Some don’t expect more out of life than to get a minimum wage job and some place to live.  They are discouraged, distrustful, and frustrated; in other words, they are feeling defeated even before they attempt something new.

         Finding an attitude of overcoming obstacles appears to overwhelm or paralyze many youth.  When talking to a young person that is on track and appears to have set some goals, as well as having a plan to achieve their goals; it is exciting.  That is  because they appear to know how to channel opportunities, resources, experiences, and support, to help them reach their goals.

         People would do well to remember that the youth of today are our leaders tomorrow.  They are worth an investment of our time, our energy, and our resources.  Please, find someone who can use a little encouragement and support; and be a mentor, be a friend, or become a role model that they can look up to.  You won’t regret it, they will  benefit from a little focussed, positive energy coming their way.  You will also benefit from the experience, because it helps you to view life and experiences from a different point of view…one of a compassionate nature.  You can pay it forward from someone in your past who took the time to teach you how to build up your self esteem, your knowledge, and maybe even a career/educational pathway.   How can you help?

        Get involved with the youth in a local church, agency, charity, non-profit, or organization.   Offer up an opportunity to share some of your skills, education, or financial resources to those with a solid track record of community involvement.  You know you have something of value to offer…even if it is just your time…go ahead…what are you waiting for?

         Try some of these organizations on for size:  

http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.diJKKYPLJvH/b.1539751/k.BDB6/Home.htm,

 http://www.habitat.org/youthprograms/int/default.aspx   ,    

http://www.specialolympics.org/,

http://www.americorps.gov/about/programs/state.asp,

http://www.littleleague.org/Little_League_Online.htm

       Domestic abuse is like cancer…it is constantly trying to destroy the people involved.  It is a pattern of behavior that affect both the abuser and the person being abused.  Many who are being abused do not recognize that what is happening in their lives is actually domestic abuse.  The reasons for their lack of understanding, or denial are many. 

        It may be that their self-esteem has been worn down by the abuser or others in their life; before their relationship with the person doing the abusing.  It may be embarassment of their situation; it could be fear of what happens next; if they admit that they are being abused.  It could simply be, that they do not understand that the things that are hurting them or making them feel badly about themselves, is abuse.  Another part of the equasion is that often those who are suffering domestic abuse are dependent either emotionally, physically, or financially on the person who is abusing them.  They may feel trapped or feel that they dont deserve any better treatment in their lives.

         Getting help for those who are in a domestic abuse situation is not always simple.  There is often danger involved for the person being abused, or that person’s children or loved ones.  Sometimes, there is a lack of education or an inability to financially support themselves.  There are many organizations that are willing to help…but, even just reaching out to the victims of domestic abuse can be difficult or dangerous. 

           You see, something as simple as what i did today, to write this blog post on domestic abuse, can get someone hurt.  I did a little research on my personal computer.  Computer histories can be checked by an abuser…leaving the person on the receiving end of the abuse in danger of more violence.  Often times, those who are suffering are isolated from their friends and family.  

         That isolation is no accident.   This is done so that the person being abused has to depend on the abuser; also, so that they do not have anywhere else to turn when they are in need.   They are not left alone very much.  There is not much opportunity to share with others that they are in trouble.  Shame is a big part of what happens because they are sometimes warned that they won’t be believed; that they deserve what happens to them because of something that they did or did not do to the abusers way of thinking.  Control issues are really at the core of the relationship…the abuser must feel in control of the relationship; because, when they feel threatened, that is when the violence escalates.

        Many times without meaning to enable the abuser who abuses them…the victim will cover for them or make excuses about visible injuries.  An abuser will blame the victim, or apologize profusely in the beginning…until the patterns of abuse increase in frequency or intensity.  The beatings, the verbal abuse, the sexual abuse, the strict controls of freedom get worse with each incident that they “get away” with.  Ending an unhealthy relationship with an abuser is often when the person being abused (or those they care about) are in the most danger.  That is because the person doing the abusing feels like things are getting out of his/her control.  This is an important thing to remember…there must be a safety plan in place if and when someone is ready to leave a dangerous relationship.  This involves consulting with the police, shelters, counselors, friends and family. 

        The nature of these relationships is sometimes rooted in denial…the person promises to get help to get the person back into the relationship and the patterns of abusive behaviors begin all over again; only they are often more intense.  Children who are raised in the midst of these relationships will probably struggle to have healthy relationships themselves as they grow up.  The cycle continues to affect the next generation until in some families…it becomes normal or acceptable.

         These are all reasons why we must start with our children; we must teach them about domestic abuse and how to recognize it; and, how to avoid it.  Early on in the dating years, there must be open communication between parent and child about what to watch out for.  They must feel safe in dating relationships; and, feel comfortable enough with their parents to confide if something doesn’t feel right with the person that they are dating.  Don’t allow unhealthy relationships to continue without seeking help or intervention by experienced professionals.

         Abuse starts in secret, it grows in secret and it kills & destroys in secrecy; if  the patterns of abuse are not understood, confronted, treated with counseling and by changing behaviors of triggers and responses.  Recognizing the seeds of domestic abuse in an early relationship can very well save the life of someone you love.  Breaking the cycle of abuse can be done…but it will require many things such as honesty, help, education, counseling and compassion. 

          Stress caused by financial difficulties, drug/alcohol use and abuse, job loss, previous issues with abuse/violence, low self-esteem issues, controlling behaviors, emotional, physical, or financial dependency that is out of balance can all contribute to situations of domestic abuse. 

           Some people will say…why should I care…domestic abuse doesn’t affect me…I will say to that person you are wrong.  It affects us all.   How many people in prison are there, because of domestic violence or it’s aftermath; your tax dollars pay for that.  How many children of domestic abuse end up in foster care; your tax dollars pay for that.   What if your sibling, parent or child enters into an abusive relationship; or your grandchildren are born into it?  Does this not affect you?

           You may or may not have an up-close-and-personal experience with domestic abuse…however, you may have a friend, a child, a parent, a neighbor…a teacher of your child….maybe the bus driver that drives you across town may be affected by domestic abuse; these situations spill over often onto innocent by-standers.  Sometimes the victim will protect the abuser out of a mis-guided sense of loyalty, love, respect or trust; to keep them from getting into trouble; the problem is…protecting them from consequences also keeps them from getting help!

          How would you react in a situation where things get out of control around you?  Would you know what to do if someone confided in you that they were experiencing domestic abuse?  What if the violence, emotional cruelty/verbal abuse took place in your presence…would you know how to react appropriately?  What if domestic abuse is happening to someone you care about?  We must awaken to the many ways that domestic abuse affects us all; and learn how to be a part of the solution!  What can you do to be a part of the solution?

        Want to learn more?  See: http://www.ndvh.org/get-educated/what-is-domestic-violence/ or http://www.nicolebrown.org/index.html or check out your local shelters for victims of domestic abuse to see how you can help by donating your time, old cell phones,  your skills, money or by helping to educate others to the dangers of domestic abuse!

        You see this all of the time in the world of celebrities…but everyday people often fall into that trap as well.  Beauty, youth, and popularity all pass away in time…what’s left is the spirit, the mind, and their purpose in life.  If those aren’t developed along the way…the search for meaning is sometimes mis-directed onto meaningless relationships, trendy pseudo-religions, drugs/alcohol abuse, and endless dramatic attempts to seek attention. 

         As a society we need to devalue the attention that the media puts on empty pursuits by public role models.  We need to encourage those sports figures, politicians, and celebrities who are doing positive…purposeful things in life.  Quite giving time and attention to those who are living on the edge and doing nothing more with the gifts in their lives than pursuing selfish and destructive behaviors.  In raising our children, we need to develop character building, self esteem, and goals of reaching out to others. 

          We do this by teaching them to discover how to connect to others, give back to those who are less fortunate in life, teach them spiritual fulfillment, and to value their bodies by encouraging modesty and healthy self- esteem building techniques. 

           I dont like seeing young guys or gals flaunting their bodies or their finances to gain attention; I like it even less when i see a 40-60 year old who talks, acts, spends, and dresses like a teenager…because that is the only way they know to attract members of the opposite sex.   Let’s encourage an attitude of growth, respect, confidence, and personal development as a way of life!

        Have you ever known someone who has gotten stuck in life?  You know…the the type of person who just can’t seem to be able to get past a certain event, challenge or obstacle?  It is a person who dwells on all of the lost opportunities in life; any negative situations they have encountered, the after-effects or consequences from a trauma or difficulty that they have faced; events that have been a cross road in their life.  We all have them; so what determines who overcomes and who seems to be buried under a load of defeat? 

          There are situations where people have been in the same set of circumstances and yet, their ability to cope with the outcome is vastly different.  Therefore, it can’t be something as simple as being removed from the circumstances; the ability to overcome has to come from the inside of the individual.  People are a mixture of physical, spiritual and emotional layers.  Our experiences are varied.  When we are faced with difficulty…we each react in different ways based on those experiences. 

         Our attitudes are often formed from our past experiences, our family values, our spiritual beliefs and the internal voice that runs through our heads as far as our self esteem goes.  That is not to say that we can’t reprogram our attitudes if we find that we are lacking in any one area.  Life is a constant journey and we can stop, start, back up, make a u-turn, fast forward or re-route ourselves when needed.

          Part of accomplishing a re-routing or a change of direction is in how we approach a challenge in life, is doing some self-evaluation.  Knowing yourself and your typical responses is important.  Do you often find yourself discouraged or encouraged?  Do you avoid challenges because of feelings of defeat?  Are you willing to try looking at solutions or a different approach to a problem or challenge? 

        If so, you are well on your way to overcoming …whatever your obstacles…find ways to build yourself up; motivate yourself with positive self-talk in those moments of depression or defeat, look at the obstacle from a new perspective, allow yourself moments of self-reflection to take stock of the pros and cons of the situation.  Prepare yourself to be on the side of triumph and success.  If you lack knowledge or information…find a way to get it.  If you are surrounded by people who are negative…find others who are positive and supportive.   Seek out professionals who are helpful and knowledgeable. 

           Are you short of the tools you need to overcome?  How can you get them?  Negotiate, borrow, barter with others, trade skills or knowledge to get what you need…it doesn’t have to put you in the poor house to acquire the tools you need.  Surrounding yourself with like minded people who are focussed on the same goals as you will help to insure a positive outcome in your goals.

         In truth, we are often conditioned by well meaning people to accept negativity or defeat.  It is easier to be negative because, more often than not…we have not been taught to expect a positive outcome.  Focussing on overcoming is going to require some work at changing your perspective…but you can do it; if you truly want to.  Take steps to prepare yourself for success in overcoming whatever is coming between you and a purposeful life!