Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

        She joined them and according to some news reports she too began drinking.  At some point, this group found it’s way to a darkened out of the way area on the school grounds where some terrible violence occured.  This young woman was violently gang raped, beaten and robbed; left to lay curled up alongside of some benches.  The story is still evolving, however there are reports that she may have been raped by as many as 10 individuals while other individuals came and watched, possibly taking pictures with their cell phones…and others were involved in physically assaulting her.    All in all, the numbers are still changing…but, at this point…five individuals have been arrested so far; ranging in ages from 15-21 years of age. 

       It is being said that those who viewed the crime but didn’t report it wont be brought up on charges, even though it is against the law for people to view a crime against children and not intervene through law enforcement; but it only applies from my understanding to children under the age of 14.  Still, if it is true that some by standers did in fact capture the attack on their cell phones…that is evidence.  But, if any of those people turn it in to the authorities…i wonder if they wont be charged for filming “sexual images involving a minor”, especially if they published it online.

        Investigators are still interviewing individuals and processing evidence.   A large number of people actually watched this rape and assault take place and did nothing to intervene; nor, did they call authorities or emergency personel.  

        This is a huge disconnect on a compassionate level for human beings; law enforcement, social workers, mental health experts, educators, parents and students will be studying this unfortunate situation for years to come to make sense of it and try to find a way to correct the conditions which allowed it to take place.   This attack allegedly took place over 2 1/2 hours; that is a long time to watch someone being abused and not be moved to act.  Eventually, some young men were discussing the alleged events and someone overheard it and called to report it to the authorities. 

         There are so many levels of horror to discuss here that it begs to be argued over which issue is more important.  However, rape and assault are never ok…and should never be condoned or viewed as entertainment or a spectator sport…that is my first thought that I want to communicate.    Beyond that…certainly we need to understand the reasons why our young people who were involved in this situation could allow themselves to witness and or participate in such dispicable behavior towards another human being.  Those who witnessed it and did not make attempts to stop it, nor to notify law enforcement need to examine why they did not take appropriate, compassionate action! 

         The young woman’s father allegedly tried to reach her by her cell phone and got no response.  I can only imagine the thoughts that ran through his head that evening or even now, knowing what took place and how his child was violated.

           The school where this took place has said that the homecoming dance event was a success with no problems…it was only after the young woman left the building that this assault took place.  While I understand what they were trying to convey…it did come across as somewhat insensitive to read articles that alledge that the school said that the school doesn’t take the students home…meaning that they aren’t responsible once they walk out the door.  Whether that is what the person speaking meant to say, or whether it was in fact what they did say…it does little to reasssure parents or community leaders that minor students are in fact safe in these environments once they are beyond the eyes of those who are supervising.

         Does any of this alleviate personal choices made by any of the individuals involved in the actual assault?  No…certainly we are all responsible for individual choices and actions.  Those who beat, raped or viewed the assault and did nothing have to understand their own responsibility.  The young woman who made the choice to stop and drink alcohol (which can lessen a person’s ability to make clear and responsible decisions in situations that are not safe) will be questioning her own decision making for a long time to come.  She will have a long road towards healing physically and emotionally.

        Let’s be clear…drinking alcohol certainly does not give anyone permission to physically or sexually assault another person.  Was it a wise decision to stop and drink alcohol on school grounds with a group of people when the young woman was only 15 years old?  No, underage drinking is not wise.  Still, no one deserves to be beaten and raped.  She will spend a lifetime trying to overcome this horrible experience and heal from the traumatic memories.

           These questions and more will be asked and pondered over.  In a larger sense, maybe as a society we need to examine the things that go on in our society that desensitize individuals to do these types of things.  We need to look at our cuture for some of these answers.  Everyday we bombard our citizens, both young and old, with images and words in marketing/ advertising aimed at sensualizing and sexualizing everything from soap to clothing, to food, to music, movies and video games.  Extremely troubling is some music videos and video games that seem to highlight treating women and children violently and with disregard for their well-being. 

         There are serious consequences to this kind of behavior in real life.  Rape and violence of any kind are troubling breaches of appropriate behavior and an acceptable personal moral code of conduct.   Some of these images and audios promote violent and uncaring attitudes towards others.  Respect for others is lacking; and things that seemed to be valued are monetary things.   Is it any wonder why some individuals appear to have a lack of control or compassion?

        We must start demanding positive and uplifting changes if we are to combat these types of incidents from becoming common place. 

         My daughter had 3 children in a fairly short period of time.  The youngest is about 5 months old (and teething at present time).  So when she said, the other day, how would you like to take the two older children for a day or two?  I said oh yeah.  She could use some much needed rest…and, I could have some fun.

          So tonight, I added a 2 year old and a 4 year to my already busy household of a 10 year old, a 17 year old, an 18 year old and a 19 year old.  Ahhhhh busy-ness.  So in preparation, I made a double- batch of home-made play dough.  I cooked,  baked and I planned us a time of over- night bliss.  We’re having a campout in the living room with a video marathon.  LOL  I told them, at bedtime, we could all make nests in the living room with our sleeping bags and watch their favorite movies.   His is CARS and hers, is Hannah Montanna.    Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into?  That is a long time to watch movies… I do love CARS though. 

        In the meantime, we have played on the swing set, rode bikes on the driveway…looked in on the baby chicks and the watched the fish in the pond.  A few minutes ago….they were dragging out their sleeping bags, their stuffed toys, and asking when it would be bed time.  Hahahahahah…their mother would be very un-impressed that they are in a hurry to go to bed at grandma’s house.  Not because I have the magic touch; oh no, it is because they can’t wait to watch the movies; now that their bellies are full…and they are anticipating the joy of sleeping on the floor and having fun.  I hate to tell their mother that it is only 7:15 pm.   They never want to go to bed early, just like most kids.  I should suggest a campout to their mom; for the days when they are giving her a hard time.   You know the kind of really loooooooooooong days that every family experiences, at one time or another as the children are growing up. 

        All of this day’s events have been celebrated amongst laughter and giggling.  I love this.  I’ve been a grandma a long time…and, it never gets old.   The only thing better, would be if all of the grandkids were here together!  Woohoo…then we would have a grand time for sure.    So, that had me thinking about a really sad (and angering) news story that I read about yesterday. 

          The story revolved around a 21 year old woman (old enough to know better-old enough to be ashamed of herself) who was caught prank calling her, own 69 year old, grandmother and allegedly threatening to kill her.  The young woman and a “friend” allegedly called the grandmother 45 times in the same day… allegedly saying things like, they were watching her and that she was going to die. 

          When the police got involved…they too, heard the female caller.  The young womans alleged explanation to the investigators was that she was “bored and she wanted to scare the grandmother…not kill her”.    I don’t know if there is any kind of mental illness involved, or any other kind of explanation for such behavior; but, I can never imagine having a relationship, with the children of my children, that would leave room for that kind of treatment.  It is an awful thing to even consider.

          I don’t imagine that grandmother ever considered such a thing happening in her family either.  Imagine standing in a hospital room, looking down at your newborn grandchild and envisioning a future where your grandchild could do such of a thing to you.  It is heartbreaking…where is the natural connection between one generation to another?  Our society is  breaking down in ways that a compassionate heart can not imagine.  We are becoming a nation of selfish and cruel people; when this kind of thing, and worse, happens between people who are supposed to love and support one another.    It begs the question, is time with the grandkids  found to be filled with an attitude of  love, indifference, insensitivity, or is it hate?   What is happening, or not happening, that is allowing some of the younger generation to be insensitive to the needs and feelings of the elders in our society?  Is anyone else shocked by some of the things that are happening in our country, even within our own families?  Elder abuse is becoming more common and it is wrong!

        About a week and a half later he returned, to the bank, wanting to withdraw almost 13 thousand dollars…but, he did not have proper Id.  He made threats and said that if he didn’t get his money someone would die; amazingly, he was allowed to take that money and leave; but, not before he continued to make odd statements.  He allegedly said he had traveled many thousands of miles and that there would be chaos.  He said he was on a mission to kill the president.  He came back the next day and withdrew the rest of his money.  Isn’t it strange that someone would deposit such a large amount of money for such a short amount of time?  What was the purpose?

       My question is, why wasn’t he arrested on the spot when he returned?  You would think that the bank would have been on high alert; and, therefore prepared for his return; knowing that he still had a large amount of money in his account.  It is human nature to be cautious after such an encounter; I would be amazed to know that the staff was not prepared to call 911 the instant that he reappeared.  Maybe they did, and the public  just hasn’t been informed about it.  The whole idea of someone doing this kind of thing is a bit frightening.  Most bank customers take for granted their personal safety when inside of a bank; maybe they should not, it is important to be aware of your own personal safety at all times.  Trusting that your safety is taken care of by others could be risky in this day and age; when people are having financial difficulties and are feeling desperate.  Be aware of your surroundings at all times.    This man, Mr. Murray is probably not the only person to enter a bank with the wrong intentions. 

          Regardless of these issues,  this person is free, somewhere.  The federal authorities are searching high and low for him.  It is believed that he is armed and dangerous.  Last known information, he was driving a vehicle that is blue, with New York license plates with the number ERL 1445.  If he is armed and dangerous, it would be wise not to interfere, but, to contact authorities right away and give as much information as possible to aid in his capture; before someone gets injured or killed.

          There are many questions regarding this situation.  Who was the original check from, in such a large amount of money?  Why was he allowed to make threats and not be arrested the first time?  Did the bank have procedures in place to have him arrested if he came back?  Were other bank customers in danger because of his threats when he showed up without proper ID the first time?  Is this person someone who is struggling with mental illness; or, is it someone who is working with an organization that truly is on a mission to kill the President of the United States?  Either way, he needs to be found and have a conversation with investigators.

         A hunter is someone who prepares for the hunt.  They make arrangements for supplies, they plan ahead for places to stay, they talk about their preparations and their plans with others.  Surely, someone, somewhere knows a little bit about this man, his plans, and his misguided mission. 

        You may only know a small bit of information and you may think it is unimportant; but, the investigators can piece things together with other information and, that could be invaluable to helping them to find this person.    Again, if you know any information that can help lead to his capture then please contact the authorities…you may never know how many lives could be saved by taking the first step and sharing any amount of information you may have.  You could contact your local police, or you could contact the FBI here: http://www.fbi.gov/  or http://www.secretservice.gov/.  Getting this person, and others like him, off of the streets and into a holding facility or a mental health hospital is important to the well-being of us all.   I don’t know if a picture has been released of him or not but, please spread the news.

        It is alledged that Chris Brown and his girlfriend Rihanna were driving and got into an argument and stopped the vehicle.  Allegedly both exited the vehicle and continued the argument.  The argument became heated and someone placed an emergency call to 911.  When the police arrived they found the victim at the scene of the altercation.  Chris Brown had allegedly left the area.  The victim had visible injuries.

         Chris Brown has been booked for making criminal threats and it is alledged that there could be more charges filed in the future.  He posted a large amount of bail and was released.  The spokesperson for Rihanna did not confirm or deny reports…supposedly just expressed Rihanna’s well being, and thanked everyone for their concern.

          I remember for quite some time at the beginning of their relationship, it was kept hush- hush about the rumors of their romance.  Chris is only 19 years old and Rihanna is 20; if this domestic assault did indeed happen between these two, it is going to have long reaching consequences.  Domestic violence is a huge problem; it affects everyone, whether personally or through someone that they know.  It’s an issue that destroys many lives. 

         It doesn’t help that as public figures, both Chris and Rihanna, are viewed as role models.  Because of their fans, many will be watching this situation closely.   Of course there is concern for both party’s well-being; at the same time, how they handle this situation personally and professionlly, will be important. 

         Domestic violence can never be condoned.  Often times, drugs or alcohol play a part, as well as stress, anger issues, and financial strains.  Those are underlying causes for many instances of domestic violence; but, they should never be a justification for harming another person. 

         If this alledged assualt is swept under the rug by the PR machine, it will do a grave disservice to both men and women.   Teens and young adults, who are aware of this situation, will be learning from it.  What they learn will be determined by how it is handled by both Chris Brown and the victim…whoever she is.  The seriousness of it should not be spun by those trying to minimize the professional damage to the entertainers…it is more important to address the issues for both of them; they are so young and they have their whole lives ahead of them.  It would be wrong to allow this alledged incident to be downgraded to a misunderstanding if there truly was domestic violence.  None of us were there and know what really happened…hopefully, there will be healing for everyone involved.

         There are so many layers of emotions involved for family members, friends and the general public as well as those involved in a domestic dispute.  Counseling is helpful, support of family and friends who are informed and not enablers is crucial.  Getting professional help when dealing with these issues is a healthy way to work through them and prevent them from becoming a pattern in personal relationships; it may just save someone’s life.

          Often domestic violence is about power and control.  Those two issues are present in every relationship; how those issues are addressed is important they can be handled in a healthy way or they can be ignored allowing a dangerous situation to get out of control.    Domestic violence is being  abused,  used, overwhelmed,  intimidated, coerced, controlled or humiliated; that is when the balance of the relationship crosses over into dysfunction.   For anyone experiencing an abusive or dyfunctional relationship there is help available:  http://www.ndvh.org/ .  Please reach out for help, because often these thing get worse as time goes on.  No one wants to be in that situation…please get help before it is too late.

       The woman’s name is Arizgul Tursun.  Arizgul is six months pregnant.  She ran from her village to avoid the forced abortion; however, her family received threats; and, she was taken and placed under custody in the hospital.  Human rights organizations are protesting this treatment.  China says publically that it doesn’t endorse such extreme means of controlling the population; however, this case will shine a light onto the Chinese government’s sincerity.

        This is cruel and inhuman treatment to both the mother and the infant.  At six months, this child could live outside of the womb; however, the authorities will give her a shot that will cause her to deliver a child that will not be allowed to survive.  We need to pray for this woman, her “caregivers”, her child and the authorities in charge of enforcing this abortion. 

          Decisions about family growth should be left up to the parents in a family…not outsiders.  Every life has value and it is immoral to force an abortion on a woman who does not want it.  God help her and her child. 

          Is it right to allow this kind of treatment to take place; without protests and sanctions against countries that allow it?  If China allows this abortion to take place…what should other governments around the world do to demand more humane treatment of individual rights in China?

       In my mind, religion is not a laughing matter.  Whenever i have watched Bill Maher perform on television, in years past…i was stunned to hear the barely controlled contempt, whenever he would subject the viewers to his views on religion.  I don’t think anything is so terrible about people having differing viewpoints on the subject of religion…but, i do think it is wrong for someone to mock another for their personal religious beliefs.  I think it comes down to a matter of respect.  At the very least, you can agree to disagree without turning to put downs or insults.

       Out of fairness, Bill Maher did allegedly make an attempt to be an equal opportunity offender to all religions in the movie.  He mocks Christianity, Judaism, and Islam allegedly in the movie.  Other religions would have presumably gotten the same treatment if it had not cost so much to do the additional traveling.  After all, there are many different religions around the world and the world is a very big place.

         I will agree with Bill Maher on one thing…religion can be dangerous for those who mock; or are in some way, regarded as a threat to those who hold radical religious viewpoints.  Religions are made up of many different people.   Those people are a microcosm of all areas of society; and, in each of those areas of humanity, there are people who will brook no difference of viewpoint from their personal value system. 

          Respectful individuals will try to discuss their beliefs with one another when there is a difference of opinion trying to persuade the other person with theological discourse on the subject.    Serious repercussions begin to take shape when you think about someone with a mental illness who feels the need to defend their religion.  In that situation, you could potentially have a recipe for disaster.  There are other individuals who will go to any extreme, including terrorism, to make their religious views known to others.  There are elements in any society, of religious extremism.  One must take care to respect each other’s right to believe differently if that person has hope of being treated with respect themselves…even, their right to not believe at all.

        Quite a few years ago, there was a huge threat directed towards a man named Salman Rushdie.   He is an author that wrote a book that offended some Muslims, called The Satanic Verses in 1988.  Some  protested his book, and there were many threats upon his life because of the content in the book.  He was forced to live in hiding for quite a period of time. 

         In making a film on the subject of mocking multiple religions, i think that Bill Maher has provided an irresponsible and inflammatory situation which could draw radical attention towards his movie.  If and when it causes conflict, then he can stand back as a witness to the “crazy and dangerous” effect of religion upon society.  I wish that Mr. Maher had found a different way to express himself and his viewpoint on religion; instead of, filming a movie which could negatively impact so many people.  It is quite an easy thing to incite people when they feel that their core values are under attack.  It will surprise me greatly if you dont see protests regarding this movie, all over the news.

         I’ve noticed that there are other comedians who often take hostile swipes at things pertaining to religious subjects.  I remember hearing about Kathy Griffen at some awards ceremony or another, saying something to the effect that, Jesus had nothing to do with her success.  Another comedian who comes across as offensive, to me at least, on the subject is Jimmy Kimmel.  I think there is a fine line between love and hate…and religion brings that line into focus.  Part of the dual edged sword of celebrity is that you have a platform to sway public opinion…but you also bear a personal responsibility in what you put out there when you do espouse a certain opinion.

         One has to wonder, where all of the anger and hostility comes from.  I have heard that anger issues are the opposite side of the coin when it comes to comedians…they take their anger and use humor as a tool to get their message across to the audience.  Humor can often take a sour slant on a subject and make it more palatable to the masses because it is put in a way that people find a little easier to listen to.  But, just because something can be made into a punch line, doesn’t mean that it should be.   Anger seems like such a waste of energy.   When you have a talent for making people laugh, it seems that it could be better used for something more positive than spreading hostile rhetoric used to offend others. 

         There have been attacks on buses and on a plastics factory, allegedly by the Turkistan Islamic Party…they have claimed to be responsible for the recent attack of the bus bombings.  They are promising to attack Chinese cities by “means that have never been employed” before.  With the whole world watching, the temptation to use violence and fear, to control large numbers of people who would go to support the Olympic games, appears to be irresistible.  The threats must be taken very seriously.

          In a country that has billions of people, how will the Chinese government protect tourists, spectators, atheletes, and their coaches alike; from this threat of terrorism?  And yet, making a decision to stop the Olympics would be a victory for terrorists around the world.  Peaceful competition between countries around the globe, who take pride in their atheletes and their accomplishments, should be the goal of any Olympic competition. 

           The summer Olympics are set to start on August 8th.  Those planning on attending the Olympics must be vigilant in protecting themselves to the best of their abilities.  Those responsible for hosting the games must be vigilant and work with other governments to keep their surveilance, of terrorist communications, open for the slightest rumblings of activity.

           We must all pray for peace and safety of those who attend the games, those who will compete in the games; and, even pray for those who would try to interfere with the Olympic games…asking God to stop those who are driven to control the world with fear and violence.  So, do you think the Olympics are safe?