Bullying is more complicated these days because of the way in which it is done; it is psychological, it is persistent, and it can include threats, violence, or even sexual threats.  Most people over the age of 40 remember the school bully…you know the one.  He/She was the person who everyone feared and gave a wide berth to just because he sought out and picked on those he/she knew for a fact that they could take on and win.  We all have had some relationship to that kind of person.   However, now it seems that there is a group mentality when bullying or persistent harassment starts up.

  Back when i was growing up you had one of two options…ignore that person and stay far away from them or “stand up to them” and work up your courage to go toe to toe.  Remember the childhood phrase that we were all taught…sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you?  That couldn’t be farther from the truth; we all know that words have the power to destroy a person’s self-worth and the value of that person in the eyes of others.

Everyday it seems that we hear about another child/teen/college student that has been bullied or cyber stalked and trash talked about.  Many of those cases either end in a suicide or a violent attack or even in some cases of extreme bullying…a retribution plan of attack on a school with a violent outburst.  Lives are ruined, hearts and minds are damaged; many individuals end up in prison because of bullying.

 A real danger is people who think that bullying is a normal part of growing up…it isn’t and it should not ever be allowed.  Making excuses and telling a victim of such behavior to just ignore it is equal to nullifying their experience with bullying…which in effect tells them that they are powerless to change their circumstance in a positive way.

There is a hopelessness about our young people.   Many of them, in a desperate need to feel something, are self mutilating, becoming promiscuous,  developing eating disorders, or diving into the world of drug/alcohol addictions in reaction to their feelings about themselves and their lack of proper treatment by others.   They have been conditioned to think that nothing is going to change for the better; so they feel angry, bitter, broken and depressed.

 Don’t fool yourself into thinking that it doesn’t affect you, your children, your grandchildren, or the children in your church or neighborhood.  It does; and things are getting desperate.  Kids feel threatened, they feel demeaned and they feel powerless…so, many of them will arm themselves and things escalate quickly.   This is good for no one.

Respect for themselves as well as others is important to fight bullying.  Finding mentors for our young people is helpful…getting involved in sports or extra curricular activities that give them an appropriate sense of pride in themselves and their involvement.  Community service that gives them a sense of personal value and connects them to others who recognize their strengths and talents.  Inspiring hope and promise for a future is what kids need.  Instead, we often find that our young people aren’t getting those important messages about themselves.

With all of the new technology, kids are able to be “connected” 24 hours a day to not only their friends; but also, to people who wish them harm.  This connection includes cell phones, cell phone pictures, texts, email, chat lines, websites and forums.   Kids live in the midst of a multi-media blitz in their lives in school and at home.  Pay attention to them closely; watch for any changes in behavior, attitude, relationships and moods.  It could be life and death-for them and anyone who is in their lives, personally and socially.

Don’t think, not my child, not my child’s friend or the kids in my youth group.  I’ve worked with kids most of my adult life; for well over 30 years and things have broken down.  Kids, even good ones have low self esteem, they are depressed, frightened and angry.   Many of them don’t feel loved (even when they are), they don’t feel valued, appreciated or listened to.  They feel trapped and alone or isolated…even when they are surrounded by friends and activities.  It is a recipe for disaster not to recognize the patterns or seeds of destruction.

In truth, it makes you want to build a fortress around them to protect them against those who seek them out to do them harm.  So what can a parent, an educator, a spiritual leader, a friend, or a sibling do to help those caught in the web of persistent bullying/stalking?

First of all, pay attention.  Listen closely, monitor things…set limits of exposure online.  Talk to them and their friends about situations of bullying in their school or social networks.  Document any kind of negative interaction…write it down, talk to the school administration, file a report, alert teachers, bus drivers, neighborhood watches to any kind of bullying or violent situations that may come up.  Create a network of awareness and prevention where you can.  Ask your school to bring in safety experts and relationship experts who are trained in these areas of concern. 

Expect there to be resistence from the powers that be.  Many of them will give lip service to the no tolerance rule of bullying…but never, EVER, let them talk you out of filing official reports or grievances.   Often a school will just expell a student for a short time as a discipline…never following up with corrective action such as counseling or conflict resolution.   Leadership must establish methods of dealing with this type of behavior in a constructive way. 

For the victims of bullying or school violence… it may be helpful to have some self-defense training, some skilled training about paying attention to their surroundings and who is in their direct physical environment; making judgement calls about making decisions about where to go and with whom.   Get restraining orders or personal orders of protection if you feel it is something necessary to the physical and emotional well-being of the victim.     In some cases, change schools or even in extreme cases…it is best to even move or send them to live with a relative temporarily-especially if there is gang involvement.   This is no small thing to overcome and you do not want a victim of bullying/violence to become a prisoner to fear in their everyday life.

Does that sound like an over-reaction?  I can assure you that it is not; don’t believe me?  Watch the news, listen to a mother or a father that has lost a child to school violence or bullying; they would do anything if they could go back and do something different.   Or maybe listen to the child who in reaction to the bullying, who took matters into his/her own hands and tried to retaliate only to end up in prison for years or for life.  That ought to convince you that taking drastic measures to protect your child or your family is a good thing.  You see, persistent bullying often spreads and becomes a contagious thing…affecting other family members or sometimes even others in the neighborhood.   It is serious, but things can be done to improve the situation; get good advice from law enforcement or safety experts on the matter.

Ok, remember that I mentioned that some of you wouldn’t make it this far because you think it doesn’t affect you.  These young people who are traumatized, or trained to protect themselves emotionally by closing off normal pathways of emotion, are going to grow up.  They are going to become doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers and nursing home supervisors, counselors and so on.

If their standards of what is acceptable, in relation to inappropriate levels of behavior have been damaged, are you going to want them caring for your grandchildren in day care, or taking care of one of your loved ones in a hospital or nursing home setting?  If they have learned to accept that kind of treatment in their own life, they surely won’t recognize it as inappropriate behavior in relation to others like yourself.  

Please, love on the youth today build them up and help them to be strong individuals in a healthy way; care for them, listen to them, protect them through legal channels and through school policies.  You won’t regret being proactive in the name of what is right!

          Finding ways to help people be successful in life is a wonderful thing.  Children (or adults) who are affected by Autism are at a disadvantage, in life, if they can’t read the expressions and body language of those with whom they work and spend time with. 

         The face on the engine of Thomas and his pals will show different emotions.  This game is being designed to help children, who often struggle with social cues and body language issues, to understand and relate better to the people in their lives in a more appropriate way.  Human interaction is a complex thing; and, if you can’t see differences in how others are interpeting circumstances, then your own responses may not be appropriate. 

          Autism is not just a specific disease with a certain, rigid set of symptoms.  Understanding Autism and it’s effects is complex.  The medical profession, and educators, are always looking for ways to help.  If this game can open doors for those affected; then, i see no downside to using it.  To learn more about Autism check out these websites: http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/# or http://www.emedicinehealth.com/autism/article_em.htm or http://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/brain/autism.html

         When you think about it…most of the actresses who do highly dramatic roles, who are beautiful, usually do alot of PR about the transformation that they had to do, to perform the role.  I know a few days ago,  whenever I read any entertainment news…the only thing the media could talk about was the new role that Mariah Carey performs in her latest dramatic endeavor, as a social worker, in the movie Precious.  The talk is that she is outstanding in the drama. 

          It is almost as if these beautiful women can not be expected to perform as well as another actress who is less attractive.  It is the same when an overweight actress takes on a dramatic challenge…there are always naysayers.  Isn’t it time to give performers the benefit of the doubt about their abilities?  Let’s focus less on their appearance and more on the level of performance or believability.   Come on, they should not have to tone down who they or, to expect less than an equal opportunity to be taken seriously; if they possess the talent to do the job ! What do you think?

     In years past, families lived in a multi-generational home or environment.  People at different stages of life who could teach and role model life experiences to the younger generation.  That doesn’t happen for many people growing up today.  Often, youth are left to raise themselves because of cultural changes that force both parents to work outside of the home during their children’s most formative years.  They dont get the nurturing or encouragement for positive emotional and educational growth that they need; when they need it.  Instead, they often grow up without much experience with success because there isn’t a go to person on a daily basis to follow up with their scholastic challenges or social interactions.

       Working with the youth of today, it never fails to amaze me at their low levels of expectations of success.  They have hopes and dreams like everyone else; and yet, they do not believe in their ability to make those hopes and dreams come true.  Many of them are failing their classes in school; others do not have the emotional, physical, or financial support of their families.  Some don’t expect more out of life than to get a minimum wage job and some place to live.  They are discouraged, distrustful, and frustrated; in other words, they are feeling defeated even before they attempt something new.

         Finding an attitude of overcoming obstacles appears to overwhelm or paralyze many youth.  When talking to a young person that is on track and appears to have set some goals, as well as having a plan to achieve their goals; it is exciting.  That is  because they appear to know how to channel opportunities, resources, experiences, and support, to help them reach their goals.

         People would do well to remember that the youth of today are our leaders tomorrow.  They are worth an investment of our time, our energy, and our resources.  Please, find someone who can use a little encouragement and support; and be a mentor, be a friend, or become a role model that they can look up to.  You won’t regret it, they will  benefit from a little focussed, positive energy coming their way.  You will also benefit from the experience, because it helps you to view life and experiences from a different point of view…one of a compassionate nature.  You can pay it forward from someone in your past who took the time to teach you how to build up your self esteem, your knowledge, and maybe even a career/educational pathway.   How can you help?

        Get involved with the youth in a local church, agency, charity, non-profit, or organization.   Offer up an opportunity to share some of your skills, education, or financial resources to those with a solid track record of community involvement.  You know you have something of value to offer…even if it is just your time…go ahead…what are you waiting for?

         Try some of these organizations on for size:  

http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.diJKKYPLJvH/b.1539751/k.BDB6/Home.htm,

 http://www.habitat.org/youthprograms/int/default.aspx   ,    

http://www.specialolympics.org/,

http://www.americorps.gov/about/programs/state.asp,

http://www.littleleague.org/Little_League_Online.htm

         Many students have no issues with graduating.  They have been on task and up-to-date with their attendance and with their assignments.  For some students though, being on task with assignments and attendance is a real struggle.  Their grades may keep their diploma hanging in the balance.  This is a make or break moment. 

        Teachers have a name for this condition…it is called Senioritis.  Some seniors promote an i don’t care attitude, others develope an attitude of whatever happens happens, still others who are afraid of success/failure begin to obsess about every decision that they are in charge of making.  Then, there are those who crack under the pressure and panic…instead of pushing through the stress and asking for extra credit or seeking to make up missing work or opportunities…choose to drop out with only weeks left until graduation.  More often than not, they end up regretting that decision.

          Many factors play into how individuals choose to proceed.  People are an interesting mix of emotions and experiences.    We each make decisions and choices based on our emotional reactions to certain situations.  Experience plays into it as well; because, if we have had negative experiences with certain people or situations we make our decisions based on that; as well as, if the experience was positive…we may just let that influence our choice as well.    We take all of this information, that we have within ourselves, and use it to either be a self-starter or self motivator…or, we use it to sabotage ourselves by the choices that we make each and everyday.

        Parents understand the importance of this achievement of graduation.  We want that for our children.  Teachers would like to see their students graduate.  As young adults, there is a great struggle towards freedom and a sense of being in control.  For parents, it is also a struggle…giving up control and responsibility.   We can encourage, we can support and we can poke and prod to see a student follow through; however, no one can do it for the student.  It has to be their own personal responsibility.  That is why, when it is accomplished…there is a great celebration.   It is graduation day for both the parent and the student.

       Of course, both you and I know that being a self-starter or a self-sabotuer can apply to more people than just high school seniors.  However, this is one of the first steps into adulthood that a young person takes.  All parents and teachers can do is to help remove obstacles and create an environment that is supportive.   If seniors discover that they alone are in charge of the direction that their lives take, by the decisions that they make to be self motivated, then,  they will have put their feet on the path of success for any challenges that they may encounter in life.  Have you learned to be a self-starter or self-motivator?  What was your turning point in understanding this concept?

        First off, if you travel alot…you need to be aware that planes, trains, subways and busses (any form of mass transportation)  are filled with people who have traveled from many different locations.  That is a recipe for a germ laden cocktail that can be passed around from person to person.  If you are traveling in confined spaces with many people good sanitation is important.

         Covering your mouth and nose when sneezing or coughing is important.  When around others who are sneezing or coughing, wearing a mask that covers your mouth and nose if you have a compromised immune system is very important.  People who must be very careful about getting a contagious disease are people that are especially vulnerable are those who have chronic diseases like cancer, diabetes, heart and lung diseases, asthma, etc.  Young babies, pregnant women, and the elderly have to be extra careful as well.

           Washing your hands often and well will help to cut down on your expose to contagious diseases.  Using those germicide gels that kill germs on contact is suggested.  Using Lysol or some other spray disinfectant will help keep surfaces that everyone comes in contact with clean.   Staying home  from work or school if you suspect that you are coming down with the flu will help to cut down on those that you expose to the illness.  One of the biggest problems that continues the spread of contagious diseases is that people come to work or school sick or try to come back to work too early…spreading the illness to others.    Taking the time to recover fully is important…because otherwise, you could become reinfected by others who have been exposed. 

         The best thing you can do is to build up your immune system to avoid becoming sick in the first place.  Take your multi-vitamins,  exercise regularily, eat a balanced healthy diet, get plenty of rest… a good 7-8 hours per night and drink plenty of water.  If you can do these things and your immune system is strong, even if you are exposed to the flu…your system will be better able to recover more quickly and with less devasting results.  Be well everyone!

     Here are some links to some great organizations that do their best to educate or inform people about the latest discoveries; they are increasing the awareness of breast cancer and on the front lines of the battle to save lives.  They should be applauded for the work that they do each and every day to help both men and women.  They all do great work and could use your support!

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: http://www.cdc.gov/cancer/breast/basic_info/

Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation: http://www.kajacircle.com/tnbcf/website/tnbcinthenews.htm

Army of Women Love/Avon-going beyond a cure (research): http://www.armyofwomen.org/aboutus

Susan G. Komen-For The Cure: http://ww5.komen.org/

         There is never enough money, too many people are depending on us to keep our heads and not risk too much, health problems, demands on our time, a shortage of support, self doubt, low self esteem, fear, fear of failure, lack of hope, a lack of encouragement from others, a need for security, no experience with stepping out on faith, trust issues & even more amazingly, people are afraid of success, wow !; You get the idea…i could fill up this page with reasons why some people not to enable their dreams into become reality.

         So what is the secret that dream achievers have discovered that allowed them to turn a thought, a wish, a dream into reality?  You would have to ask each person what it was that was the turning point; the part where the light bulb came on and they pushed through and turned a corner from underachiever to dream accomplisher. 

          Each person’s answer would probably surprise you.  Each answer would be correct because the very thing that allowed them to move forward and achieve, I suspect is also the very issue that held them back in the first place.   Get it…i think that is the key, facing the issue that is holding you back and discovering how to use it as a tool to overcome and succeed!  Ahhh ha…the light bulb comes on, the key is placed in your hand, you now have the ability to turn it in the lock and walk through the door to success.

           But a successful dream has a price, for each successful dream there is a cost…a sacrifice.  Nothing that is worth anything of real lasting  value comes without a personal sacrifice.  When we sacrifice to accomplish the things that mean the most to us…we are showing our dedication, our commitment to it, we are acknowledging how valuable the goal is by how much we sacrifice.  Is it scary?  You bet.  Does it work?  Sometimes…but it is important to note that you have to have 100% commitment to achieving your goal…no wishy washy half hearted attempt will get you where you want to be.   Is your sacrifice worth the price?  Only you know the answer to that.  Know what you are giving up to achieve your dream and understand the consequences; and, be ready to accept them as the cost…otherwise…you might achieve your dream and loose something equally important or more imporant, to you than the dream!!!!  Communicate with your loved ones and make sure that your goals are in alignment with your most important relationships…that you have their support!  How much more powerful will your accomplishments be, when those you cherish most are backing you up?

          So what have you sacrificed to achieve your dream?  Are you satisfied?  Did you trade up your sacrifice, for your dream…or, did you make an error in judgement; and, cost yourself your dream and your sacrifice?  It is important to have your priorities in place to have your dream, and be happy with the purchase price.   Tell us what have you sacrificed to achieve your dream!!!

          Did you know that accomplishing your dreams can have a huge impact on others?  Sometimes, achieving your dreams can help lift up others, who don’t even know you.  Think of Michael Phelps the Olympic swimmer who just won 8 Olympic gold medals…he has inspired many, to reach out and try for their goals and dreams.  Most of us don’t collect medals for our dreams; but still, we accomplish milestones which feel like a nice shiny medal to us!  What motivates a person to achieve their goals, hopes and their dreams?

           I know of a group of people who are stepping out on faith…they are sacrificing much, to do so…they are going to walk in scary places…they don’t know all of the risks…but still…their commitment to helping others achieve their dreams is going full throttle…they are called the Impact Boot Camp Action Team.  They are headed to Philadelphia this weekend to learn important skills and techniques that will enable some very special person or organization to achieve their dream of impacting others in a positive uplifting way.  Read all about it here:  http://writeasrain.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/impact-action-team-makes-a-difference-in-the-world-through-boot-camp-training/  

      The Great Depression was a devastating period of time in America that impacted every facet of family life.  Food was in short supply, jobs were scarce, families were large and hope was wanning. 

       The year 1933 began to change that…the Depression had already dumped four years of hardship on families and the country.  Franklin D. Roosevelt became the President and promised the country a New Deal.  He created many agencies that would ultimately turn the country around…but those things took time. 

         When he created the Civilian Conservation Corps it was intended to take young men out of the city who were on the “help” line or what would today be called welfare.  The CCC did in fact help many young city men to leave the city life and got plenty of young men out of an environment of trouble.   When some of the young men/boys didn’t want to leave the city…boys from the country also went.  If the young men couldn’t work during this time, they were a drain on the family food supply; the CCC provided a solution to that by sending the young men to the camps…not only didn’t their families have to feed them…they could in turn, send home money helping to support their family at home. The requirements were such that the young men were supposed to be 18 years of age, collecting help or welfare benefits, and were willing to leave their families to go to the CCC camps.

         The work was hard.  The environment was sometimes empty lands that the “boys” had to clear and build their own shelters that would eventually become the camp barracks.  The discipline was tough because it had to be.  The camps often were blending boys from city life with boys from country life.  The times were tough…and many men and boys came without much clothing.  The camps provided uniforms to wear, food to eat, a place to stay, and a purpose for the young men and boys during a time when left to their own devices, many were prone to get into trouble.  The uniforms helped to instill pride in the work that they performed…for their families, their communities, and their country.

         The work that the CCC did was varied around the country…but, basically, they built roads, dams, installed telephone lines, paved roads, built state and national parks, built dams, constructed fire breaks to help control fire damage, planted forests and so much more.

          In return for the priviledge of being clothed in uniform and taking pride in the work that they were able to accomplish, the young men had to agree to the payment plan.  That payment included three meals a day, housing, clothing, and $30 dollars a month…the men were allowed to keep $5 dollars of that money and the rest was sent home to help their parents; or, if they were married with dependents, then they sent home the $25 to their spouse to help take care of their responsibilities.  Many of the young men had to not only leave their homes but some even had to go to camps out of their home states.

          This program, the CCC was wonderful at rebuilding a sense of pride in young men who did not want to take help from the government…it allowed them to feel as though they were once again restoring their families by the manual labor that they did.  At the same time, the CCC used the young men to construct projects that impacted the country in ways that; to this day, we are able to reap the rewards from.  The work ethic that the men exibited during this time was to set a standard for generations to learn from.  It was run with a military type environment…not quite a boot camp…but strong discipline and lots of physical labor.  Often, the men went on to join the armed forces and used the skills they learned through the CCC to help the military in other areas around the world. 

          Many of the parks and dams still exist and are enjoyed.  The CCC camps lasted 9 years; this year honored the celebration of its 75 anniversity.  The CCC put over 2.5 million young men and boys to work.  They planted over 200 million trees…my own grandfather was a part of that.  In the area where he worked…they planted pine trees that still stand to this day.  In the area where he worked…those trees were instrumental to helping to stop the progression of a 10 acre parcel of desert which turned into over 1000 acres before the trees were able to do their job.  That gave farming families a chance to regain their farm land which provided their families a place to live and plant their food supply.  

          All of the men who joined the CCC did work to be proud of.  They worked hard, they sacrificed time away from their families and they provided for other members of their families by doing so.  Many formed long lasting friendships with their co-workers and all had stories to tell when their time was done.   It is a legacy that should not be forgotten.  All of the work was important and should be honored. Many of the workers are gone now…some are living still and to them all…we owe a big thank you!   Do you know anyone who worked for the CCC?  How did it impact their life?  How does it affect the environment where you live today?  Should we organize something similar today to help our economy, our youth, and our country?  http://writeasrain.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/impact-action-team-makes-a-difference-in-the-world-through-boot-camp-training/

       Many people think that is the job of the defense attorneys of the accused; but that is unrealistic.  Oh, they do their job in court to protect your rights, best way that they can…but, for the most part…once you are convicted…you are there until your time is served. They have so many people to represent…unless your case sticks in their craw and they believe in you; and, they have powerful, political connections to movers and shakers…you will sit in prison until your time is up!

        What if someone dared to believe in your innocence and was willing to investigate until irrefutible proof was found that proved your innocence?  That would be a gift…a miracle.    That type of commitment costs money and lots of time.  Most people don’t have an unending supply of wealth.  By the time they have gone through the court system and paid to defend themselves…they have nothing left.  Often, even family and friends have moved on with their lives…not ALWAYS…but, by the time that the person has sat in prison a few years…family and friends have been forced to go back to work, finish growing up, getting married, having children, going off to college; you get the idea…life keeps moving on. 

        Now imagine a miracle…a group or organization comes along that believes in you…digs to find that nugget of proof, goes to bat for you with the court; and, demands your freedom…and WINS it!  Now what???  You think…well…my life was stolen from me…i should get compensated for that…but guess what…many states don’t have any laws on the books to compensate you.  You are given a pittance of a few dollars and maybe a bus ticket and you are on your own.  Find a job????  That’s not easy..once you put on your resume that you have been serving time during that huge gap on your resume….it is a little difficult to convince a perspective employer that you were INNOCENT!  Finding a decent place to live with no money, no references, and no job; NO LUCK there either!  Where is a support system?

        How does something like this happen to INNOCENT people?  Well, it is actually quite easy (and scary when you think about it).  There is genuinely mistaken ID, there is poor evidence collection, there is a mistake made during the investigation and a cover up happens, there is corruption in the system, lack of proper DNA testing,  there is false allegations, there is a lack of proof for a proper alibi, there is past history that makes you look bad (even if it isn’t true this time), you get the idea.  It starts to stack up; and, put together by a skilled prosecutor who believes you are guilty; and, is under pressure to convict the person who did the crime…you can see how it could happen.  Why should people care about this?  What if it happened to you or someone you cared about; wouldn’t you want someone to fight for YOUR freedom?  What about our over-crowded prison system…how many of them are innocent?  What about all of the tax money that pays to house those who are innocent or the tax money that is spent to prosecute them? 

        When it happens to a GUILTY person…that is, as it should be!  They SHOULD be sitting in prison; doing the time for their crimes against society.  However, when an INNOCENT person is convicted; getting that conviction overturned is no easy feat.  Undoing the damage to the person and their family is even harder.  There is someone who cares about those types of cases and it is their mission statement, “to free the staggering numbers of innocent people who remain incarcerated and to bring substantive reform to the system responsible for their unjust imprisonment”; according to their website.  You can check them out here:  http://www.innocenceproject.org/about/  They need financial donations to do the work that they do…it is important work!